Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

I hope you and yours have a VERY Merry Christmas!

Bless us Lord this Christmas, with quietness of mind;
Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.

Monday, December 21, 2009

A little bit of this...& a little bit of that..

Saturday night we headed over to my dad's house for Christmas since we will be gone during the holidays... I took a couple pictures with my cell phone (sorry about the blurriness)...

My little brother recently turned 13--it's so crazy to see how much he is physcially growing each day I see him...he gets taller, his voice deeper...before long he will be bigger than me!

Dylan is a HUGE Longhorn fan, well my parents found this book for him, it has copies of old tickets, newspaper articles and all sorts of other really neat things...

We got Dylan the new Cowboy NFL toboggan that he really wanted, and they got Zach the Steelers version..they both loved them---> these are two of my favorite guys!



Saturday morning I woke up early before heading over to their house to clean, I have been so busy getting everything together for our upcoming trip...trying to figure out what exactly I need to pack to survive in snow, real snow! haha!!! My sister in law sent me the below picture yesterday, this is looking out there front door....it's supposed to be like this for the next week and I SOOO HOPE it stays this way...


They are calling for a White Christmas in PA---HOW EXCITING!


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Trip Down 2009...

As I sit here looking back on the past 12 months; I can’t help but think ‘where has this year gone!?’ I really thought I would be sitting here writing about other things…hopefully one that involved a child; however God had other plans for us.

The months have gone by and as this year comes to an end-another one is about to begin. As I sit here is ponder throughout the year I think about our journey…about all the memories that brought us joy…about the moments that brought us laughter with our loved ones and friends…and even the tears that were shed over this year. As I sit here and recall the happy and sad times I am remembering how each has enriched our lives.

We will being 2010 just as we did 2009…we will take one little step…then take one more and let God guide us through the rest… each year we become stronger, each year we are able to carry our heads higher…to hold each other closer and to lean on God even more.

Although our rules will get bent, we will shed more tears…and we will have those arguments that all couples have…but amongst the normality of human life-this is a NEW Year and we will make it to the end. I can’t tell you that in 2010 I will be writing the words I dream of, but I can tell you that no matter what happens in this next year, I will become stronger each day that passes.

I am so grateful for all that 2009 has brought us! I am extremely blessed and thankful for it all!!

However, I am even more grateful for another New Year that I get to spend with my husband, with my family and with my friends!!


The following pictures/links are some of our happenings throughout the year...happy and sad memories, but all has made us stronger!

The Steelers were the 2009 Super Bowl Champions


Infertility Awareness Week—this link will take you to all of the post that week, from my husbands thoughts on infertility, to my friends..my moms and even success stories


We found out about my mom's brain tumor/aneurysm


Zach had knee surgery and we Celebrated our 3 year Anniversary

The Dreaded 'F' word....Fertility Clinic


My first fishing experience...
10 years of friendship and supporting each other through tough times...


1st Fertility Clinic Appt











Monday, December 14, 2009

Catch Up, Picture Overload & Help..

I have been meaning to blog about a couple things, but to be honest I just haven't had the time. Zach and I are getting things together for our upcoming vacation, doing a little last minute Christmas shopping and since we will be gone during the holidays we are celebrating with my family now. I don't think life has really slowed down much for me to even think....

Last weekend Zach and I went over to one of our best friends house, Ashley and James...we made a gingerbread house with there sweet little girl, Avery--we drank Hot co-co and sat by there fire and watched a movie...it was great getting to see them!!



I haven't made a gingerbread house in forever, it was fun---messy but fun!!!

Avery was so adorable, she made this little Christmas tree, with help from Aunt Tiff of course! :)

Ashley and Avery fixing up the roof of the house...

Our finished product....BEAUTIFUL!


We also had a Christmas with the ladies I work with a couple weekends ago- it was so much fun getting together with some of the greatest people I know 'outside' of work!

I love these girls so much, they have been there for me throughout everything this past year...they are some of the bestest friends anyone could ask for...our families are all very close, which makes get togethers even more enjoyable!



Last weekend, Zach and I--along with my mom and her boyfriend went to my cousin's wedding. I unfortunately didn't get a picture of her on my camera, my mom has them... but here are a few that I did get...


My beautiful momma and my MaPerk


Me and Perk


Me and my cousin Wendy


My cousin Thomas and I (he is the brother of the bride..)

She had her reception at an old train depot, it was really neat! The following three pictures were taking outside by an old train...however it was misty outside and as you can see any picture we took turned out really 'spotty'....I know there are some photoshop smart people out there that read my blog...PLEASE help me fix these lovely spotted photos...

I just love this one, but it's all spotty---feel free to play with my pictures and send me what you come up with...I would love to see y'all work some magic on these!!!


Even this one came out spotty....thats it....I'm officially calling all photography people who know what there doing to help me with my pictures :)


If you do play with them and want to email me the picture that you revamped please email it to tapifer@grandecom.net!! I actually have photo shop on my computer but have NO clue as to how to make them go away or even if I can...

By the way---we leave in 9 DAYS...WOW! :)

Monday, December 7, 2009

All I want for Christmas...


I have received several emails asking how I ‘deal with Christmas time’; several of you have reached out to me for help during the holidays, not only for yourself but to help your family understand you’re hurt. I don’t know how helpful I can possibly be…but I’ll do my best…

‘All I want for Christmas is a baby…”

How many of you have prayed for this? I know even to this day I catch myself thinking this. I don’t need presents, I don’t care about fancy items…in fact I’ve asked for absolutely nothing this year for Christmas…


Year after year my heart tells my head, Here’s another Christmas with no children’s stockings to hang on the mantle…

"Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go..." Infertile women hearing this familiar song wonders if she will ever be a mother, let alone a grandmother. Will she ever have a child to whom she can sing holiday songs to?

Society bombards us with messages about families and children: A long line of adorably dressed children line up to see Santa; silver ornaments boast "Baby's First Christmas"; children's Christmas outfits seem to be everywhere; and oh, those sentimental television commercials...Meanwhile, your soul feels like it’s caving in because it’s yet another Christmas that a child’s laughter (specifically, your child’s laughter) won’t reverberate off the walls.

Infertility is an extremely isolating experience; 1 in 6 couples worldwide who would like to have a child but are unable to do so, will spend Christmas yet again, without a child…it can be a very painful experience and one difficult to manage---

Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day—they all can be painful reminders of the fertility and success of other people. Christmas is a time for celebration of a special birth of baby Jesus. It is a time for families – a time for children--The Christmas holiday season can be a stressful time for many reasons; for infertile people this is a painful reminder of their longing for a child.

Christmas, as in holiday, is hard for Zach and I…I unfortuantly don’t have the answer as to how we ‘get through it’. We try to focus on the spiritual meaning of Christmas—when we are having a hard time we express these feelings with each other. I personally believe each spouse needs to allow yourself to express you’re feelings with each other vs. bottling them up…infertility is a battle, and we are entitled to these feelings! In sharing them with each other you will be able to help each other through this difficult time and in return you will build your relationship with not only your spouse, but with our Lord.

Hearing about others buy Christmas presents for there children is a difficult time, how I would love to go and pick out presents and watch our little one's face light up on Christmas morning…this year Zach and I picked an ‘angel’ off our Church’s tree; these are children whose families are in prison and need presents…doing this has truly helped us,, we might not be providing a toy for ‘our’ child, but we are helping a child in need, and doing so has touched a place in our hearts that has yet to be touched

Express your appreciation to your friends and family who have supported you through the year. Stay in touch with other infertile friends who understand your position and may be able to offer support; I still talk to women who I meet online 3 years ago—it’s wonderful being able to share this connection with women who know exactly how your heart feels.

And most importantly, lean on God!!! He will guide you through life, and holidays…if you allow him to. I know first hand that it’s hard to ‘let go’ and ‘let him’…but that’s the only way to enjoy life, you have to hand him your fears for him to hand you his hand...

I really wish I could wiggle my nose and make all of y’alls Christmas the one we have all been dreaming of, I wish I could take each and everyone of y’alls pain away.

Trust in the Lord! Without Faith nothing is possible; with it-nothing is impossible.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Should I be sad?

I received an email the other day from someone, who reads my blog, asking “Why am I happy, Why am I ok with this journey---shouldn’t I be sad…”

Let me explain a little into my happiness…

First and foremost, I am human—and being that I am human I most defiantly have my moments of sadness. I probably make this journey look ten times easier than it is. Due to my happiness people probably forget how much I long for a child…being a mother is something I’ve dreamed of for a long time, it’s something that crosses my mind daily, it’s something I pray for daily…I long to be able to see two pink lines, I dream of being able to tell my husband we are expecting and I can’t even imagine the day that I get to see my child’s face…I get scared at times, horrified is more like it…will that day ever come? Will I ever be called mommy, or will I always be just ‘Aunt Tiff’ (not that I mind being Aunt Tiff, I love all my little ones dearly!!!!)… so yes, I do get sad; I am only human!

However, a lot of people tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have; it comes from recognizing and appreciating what we do have. I don’t have everything in the world that I want, all my dreams haven’t come true…however despite the fact that my dreams to have a child have yet to come a reality---I am one extremely blessed women, and for that I am thankful, grateful and HAPPY!

You see, happiness is accepting who you are…the good…the bad…and the ugly. I AM INFERTILE, and I accept that! Happiness is doing the best you can, and being content with that…I am living my life, and leaving the rest to God and I proudly accept that.

Happiness is about being in awe for the opportunity to learn something new each day—I learn more about myself as well as become stronger through this journey daily…I don’t know what my life will bring tomorrow, or the next day…so why not enjoy where I am today?! Life is short, we should live it well…don’t think for a minute I back down from the obstacles I face because being a mother is my dream.

I haven’t always been happy…in fact I’ve cried until I didn’t have any more tears and I screamed until my voice went out! I still have my sad moments…again, I am only human! I get a horrible pit in my stomach just thinking of March rolling around—that’s our 4 year mark; the one anniversary in life you are not happy about; the anniversary of the date you began trying for your family. This journey is not an easy one; however I personally reached a point in life where I was tired of being sad and dwelling on something that isn’t in my control…so I gave my fears to God. I still have moments of fear and sadness; however it’s a lot easier with God holding my hand through them!

‘Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.’

I am wanting for my butterfly to come to me—I’ve spent almost four years chasing my butterfly, God has asked that I lean on him and he will guide me where I need to go; so in the mean time I am trusting in the Lord and awaiting the day my butterfly comes to me.

Pifer Life

Countdown With The Pifers

22 days until we leave for our Christmas Vacation

24 days till’ Christmas

31 days till’ 2010!!

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Family Updates

Zach-his knee has been bothering him the past couple days; I think it’s the colder weather. He is very active on his knee daily due to his job, so if you could please pray for some comfort for him that would be great. :)

Me- I’ve been doing great, as far as health wise, as most of you know by reading my blog I did have horrible head cold/sinus infection a couple weeks ago, but other than that I am feel great—Thank the Good Lord!!!

Mom-she hasn't been doing so well. Her blood pressure goes from extremely low to extremely high, her body aches from head to toe and due to the tummor in her brain which is growing it's causing her to have extremely horrible headaches The tumor is in a spot which they can not surgically remove, however since they are unable to remove it it's pushing on nerves which is causing her bad headaches---she goes weekly to get injections in her skull; this doesn't shirink the tumor, this only minimizes the pain---I ask that you please keep her in your prayers.

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News


I wish I had some to share—isn’t there a saying ‘no news is good news’ ??? I don’t know about it being ‘good’ news, but I guess it’s better than bad news!!

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Whats been happening over the month...

We haven’t really been up to much—boring I know! I am saddened to announce there really hasn’t been anything new happening in our lives…however I am excited to say that we have quite enjoyed spending our time together doing ‘nothing’…ha!

I have been on a major ‘organization/cleaning spree’ and wanting my whole house to be spotless and organized…I am happy to say that after having 4 days off for the holidays my house is exactly what I’ve been wanting it to be, now lets just hope it stays that way :)


The Pifer Family
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