Honesty

I'm scared...

I know it's soon to be scared, and probably silly. But I am!

I've waited for this moment for awhile, I am so ecstatic for this year...so why am I scared?

I don't even know exactly why I'm scared...maybe partially because I fear it won't work, I fear the whole process at times.

But I'm excited....

Can I be both? Scared and excited?

I've talked to the Temple fertility clinic and they do except Cigna; we will have our consultation with them in March, the month that marks 5 years exactly that we have been trying to conceive our blessing, this will be the month that we move forward.

I think I'm scared of reality, I known women who have had to have several IVF's before one worked...I've always know women who only had to have one...so I do know either can happen. I am scared I will get my hopes up. I am scared if it doesn't work insurance won't cover another one due to meeting our limit...but as scared as I am, I'm thrilled that we are finally being able to move forward...

Right now, at this very moment I feel on the verge of tears...happy tears, but a little terrified ones also.

Please tell me I am normal for feeling this way? I feel so blessed to be given this opportunity thanks to my new insurance, I am humbled and so beyond thankful to finally have the chance to move forward! I don't want to be scared!

Dreams

What do dreams mean?! Do they actually really mean anything?!

I have the same ones alot! I often dream that I am losing my teeth, isn't that weird?! Maybe it's because I'm such a teeth person...I don't know?!!?

and...

I often dream of other friends telling me there pregnant over and over? Maybe thats because I'm having problems conceiving?!

These are really the only two dreams that I have over and over and over and over...

Do y'all have any like this?!

A little 'bullet' post...

* I have 'still' been sick...I finally found time to go to the Dr. yesterday, they told me that I most likely had the flu early last week when I was really down and out because it looks like I have a secondary infection right now...(not sinuses, just infection in my chest/throat/nose)... icky-ness! I was given a coratzon shot, z-pak and some pill (I can't think of the name) for my throat. Mornings and nights are the worst for me, I wake up/go to sleep with the scratchiest throat and literally have no voice from 9pm on and don't get it back until about 8am...it's strange! It IS getting better, and I am totally function-able, just have felt crummy...I do feel sooo much better now, still not back to my 100%, but I'm finally starting to feel better!

* We got a much needed new roof on our house, it looks so much better + will help the resale value on our house when we decide to officially put it on the market!!

* Zach is changing positions at work; for those who do not know he works for an environmental company that deposes properly of hazardous waste-he has been in charge of the oil route for about 6 years, Zach wants to eventually move up in the company and the only route he hasn't worked is the parts-washer route, it's a little different. So, although he has amazing customers who will greatly miss him (some he will still see) he is changing positions...his boss told him this is a really smart move because this year they will be looking within to promote within the company...Zach is an excellent employee, very hard worker! He goes in some days as early as 4 and doesn't get off some days as late as 9 (has gotten off later before, but thats not frequent!)...he is very eager to advance within the company, and I hope by making this transition it will lead him down the management path he so deserves!

*I have called a couple infertility clinics in my area, Austin, the one we went to last year defiantly takes my new insurance, so thats really great news. The only disappointing factor here is my 15,000 max coverage could potentially be used with just ONE IVF...I was hoping to get at least 2-3 out of it, but I can't complain too much, one is one more than I've had done, and it may be the one that I need...I had to leave a message for the insurance coordinator to call me back at the other 3 places, maybe they will be a little different...

* My mom had a little procedure done on her throat, they expanded her esophagus (she has problems with this due to where her tumor sits in her brain), it makes it very hard for her to swallow...so that expanded this and took a couple biopsies while in there...we won't get the full reports for about another 7 days...please keep her in your prayers...

*Question for my Illinoisans and Pennsylvanians, can y'all tell me if there is snow on the ground? How long has there been snow on the ground and how long will it last!? Please say another couple weeks :) :) We are planning our roadtrip up north for my birthday to see THE groundhog (can't wait!)...and I am just curious if I will for sure see snow!? :)

New Years Day-Perk Party

One New Years day we had what I'd like to call a 'Perk Party'...

My WHOLE family hasn't been together in Years! We are spread out through Hong Kong, Idaho, Atlanta, New Mexico...ALL over-so you can imagine why it's almost near impossible to get everyone in the same room at the same time.

Well, a few months back my Aunt sent an email out to everyone with a plan, a great plan, A PERK PARTY...we knew the day in advance, and low and behold we were all going to make it!

And we did!!

My grandma stayed in the 'same' hotel as we did (we made sure to hide and watch for her anytime we left the room) as we all gathered in this room to surprise our Perk she we getting ready to head down to meet my uncle for what she thought was 'lunch'.

My Aunt and Uncle opened these doors and here was her reaction...

PRICELESS...

Dad Perk, her dad, would always give her white roses...so those quickly became her favorites...we had a white rose for every person in the room to give her one at a time (with a hug of course)...

Below is a picture of the whole family...

And because it wouldn't be right without our normal 'goofy' picture here it is below!

And here is just the grandkids with their spouses.

It was beyond amazing seeing the joy and excitement in Perks face, not to mention everyone else as well! Plus I got to see some family who I haven't seen in a while which is always nice!! So to say the least, our first day of 2011 was absolutely amazing, would not have wanted to spend it any other way!!! :)

New Years Eve

Our New Years Eve was uneventful, but by far the best New Years Eve we have ever shared together.

We traveled down to Magnolia, Tx for a 'surprise' family reunion for my grandmother (that subject is so special it requires it's very on post...look for that to come next) We opted to stay the night before the party in Magnolia to help my mom be less stressed the day of the party...

We all went to Chili's to eat on New Years Eve, after we came back, my mom came over in our room and I did her nails....it was around about 10 then and my momma went back to her room to sleep. There were fireworks being set off in every direction surrounding the hotel so Zach and I opened the curtains pulled up the couch and watched fireworks...we talked about our year, what it would hold...the excitement, the joy, and the blessings that it will bring us!

Before we knew it the ball was about to drop on the TV...these moments I'll never forget, no matter how this year turns out. Zach knelt my by side, said a quick prayer and as the New Year song played in the back ground we danced around our hotel room listening to fireworks in the background, tears flowing down both of our cheeks, knowing that no matter what is in store for us this year we are going to have a very blessed and happy year.

I can't begin to tell you just how special those moments were, although our night was uneventful-it was absolutely amazing! It couldn't have been sweeter...

God blessed me with a great man, whom I'm very honored and thankful to call my husband; I'm excited to see what this year will bring us!

Sick Start to 2011

Guess who had been sick...that would be ME!! Don't I look miserable!?!!?

Sunday night I started running a low grade fever, started shivering and sweating at the same time...I took some NiQuil and thought I'd be better in the morning...WRONG!!

That night the nausea kicked in, my body started aching so bad...there was no way I'd be making it to work, in fact I missed today as well...

No, I didn't go to the doctor, I know I should of, but in all honesty I just wanted to stay curled up in bed!

I am hoping this isn't a sign of how my year is going to go. It seems like everyone I know is sick or had been sick...must be going around!!

Sooo, although I have ALOT to blog about, I haven't felt well enough to do it!! Our New Years eve and day could not have been more prefect, that post will be coming soon!!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Happy New Year 2011

HAPPPPPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

This year I will celebrate my 27th birthday in Puxatony, PA watching the groundhog come out on my birthday...

Zach will celebrate his 26th birthday...

We will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary...

This year we will travel BACK to the fertility clinic and will hopefully have our very 1st IVF...

This year will be an amazing year!

HAPPY 2011 to you and yours, may God bless you each with a fabulous year!