Dear My Darling Miles

March 1st 2006 I went into the Dr to get a normal exam....I came out being told that 'getting pregnant wouldn't be easy'...Zachary and I decided to start trying that very day, yes in the beginning we didn't realize the severity of things...and yes by 'trying' we only 'stoped birth control'...but that was the beginning to this journey...this long 7 year journey.

7 years to the date later I am sitting here about to share a letter I have written to my unborn son. YES I am finally pregnant. 29 weeks pregnant with a boy who we have named Miles Thomas. Theres really no words I can give you to explain the gratitude we have in our hearts...we can only give thanks to God above for his timing and this wonderful miracle.


Dear My Darling Miles,
       
    This is the only letter I’ve written to someone who isn’t even alive yet. I dreamed of the day I could write you, I had faith that one day you would be on your way and I would be able to tell you just how much you meant to me. I knew I would love you and would be over the moon, but I could have never been prepared for these type of emotions. I feel like I know you so much already, but I can't wait to know you even more. I am so beyond excited to see your personality. Will you be laid back like your mother, or on the constant go like your father....if your anything like you are in the womb I would guess you would be like your father. You are a busy little guy in my belly. I often wonder when you actually sleep. It makes me laugh to see my belly bounce up and down....I know you will keep us on the go.

    I dream about you a lot. I picture you as handsome as your daddy! Your beautiful—I’m already in love. I knew your daddy was the one who I wanted to spend the rest of my life when I met him. You will complete us sweet Miles. You will be a little of your daddy and a little of your mommy (please get my temper) :)  You are truly our sunshine.

    I look at all we have went through to get you here with us and honestly it was worth every heartache....YOU are worth it all my love!  I have learned in my life not to ask God why certain things happen or don’t happen. I hope there's nothing in life you fear,I pray that you dream BIG, and you love BIG as well. I pray that you always have faith in your heart and a smile on your face. You, my son, ARE A MIRACLE from God. I pray you never forget how special you are. Never be afraid to take a leap in life. You are AMAZING.

I love you my sunshine.
Always-Your mom

Q & A

I had to do a Q&A for a company who wants to publish me on there website regarding the trails of getting pregnant...I just thought I would post the questions and answers here as well. I will be posting the link to that website as soon as they publish me.

- Please give us some background about yourself: What is your age, what do you do

My name is Tiffany Pifer, I just turned 29. My husband and I married May of 2006-he is my best friend. I work as an office manager at a local company in our town and my husband is a customer service manager at an environmental company. We tried for 7 years to get pregnant, several treatments...one pregnancy ending in a loss and now I'm 29 weeks pregnant with our Son.

- Realizing that everything is not ok: When did you realize that you were having trouble conceiving? How did you feel about it? Did you share this with your family or friends? How did they react?

Well, our story is a bit different. March of 2006 (2 months before we got married) I went in for a normal pap smear. It came back abnormal. Long story short, I had severe dysplaysia, which was on the verge of being border line cancer cells. My doctor told me right then that getting pregnant would be hard. Zach and I talked alot about everything. We knew kids (in the future) is something we wanted. We weren't prepared to have them at this time so early in our marriage, but with that said we didn't want to look back years down the road and wonder 'what if we would have tried'...we didn't want to miss our window of opportunity. So I got off of birth control and we immediately used the method of 'not protecting'...the way we looked at it was yea this wasn't our plan to have children so soon...but maybe it was God's plan. We were very open with our family in the beginning...we didn't quite know the severity of things at this moment...Our friends and family from the beginning were very supportive.

- Overcoming the problem: What have you done to improve your chances of getting pregnant? Did you follow a particular treatment?

Over the years we realized it wouldn't be 'so easy' We tried naturally for a year, we did several rounds of clomid and femera which is a pill that helps ovulation. We found out my tubes were blocked and I underwent surgery to unblock them....we finally went to a fertility clinic...had 3 IUI's; none took. We have done 2 IVF'S and one FET (frozen egg transfer)....

- The results: Have you been able to get pregnant? How long did it take? Did you experience any side effects of the treatment?

We got pregnant on my 2nd IVF....we were over the moon excited. After 6 years of trying we were finally pregnant. Sadly it ended in a miscarriage. We jumped right back into a frozen embryo cycle and one of our little babies took...we are now 29 weeks pregnant with our son. I had many side effects from treatments...everyone you could possibly think about. Moody, hot flashes, emotional, gained weight, lost weight....you name it I had it!!

- The "Now": How do you feel after getting pregnant? How do people react (if you shared your troubles with your loved ones)?

I feel so blessed. It still feels so surreal...we are so used to 'NOT' getting pregnant it took us a long time to except we were finally pregnant...and after losing our first baby we didn't get emotionally attached to this baby for quite some time. You stay guarded in fear that something bad will happen...you don't want another broken heart. People are beyond supportive. We have received so much love and support from family, friends and complete strangers. We are truly blessed. We never knew why God had us wait so long for this miracle, but it just makes sense now...I can't wait to see his beautiful face and hold him. He is truly a blessing from above.

- Advice for others: What should others trying to get pregnant do? And do's and dont's?

Relax (I know easier said than done AND this is the DREADED ONE WORD NO INFERTILE WANTS TO HEAR)...we thankfully were blessed with patience and faith along this bumpy path. Throughout all the heartache I never lost faith in God and his plan for us. Hang onto hope, don't ever give up. I know so many are leery of modern day medicine and infertility treatments...it took us along time to go down that path, not to mention it's pricey. But it's so worth it. The doctors are so intelligent and most of them truly care about you and your desires to be a mother. Have faith...never be afraid to ask to many questions. Find a support group on line, you would be amazed at how many out there are going through the same thing as you. Your fertile friends will say things at times that hurt, they are just trying to be a friend...it does hurt at times, but please know they only mean well...if anyone is putting you down or making you feel stressed let those friends go. You need positive friends and family in your lifes during these moments...people who will always lift you up when you are weak. Don't' focus on the whole staircase, just climb one step at a time and don't forget to have fun. Trying to have a baby doesn't have to be all 'work'...it's important to not forget your partner. NO BLAMING. God choose y'all for a reason. He see's something amazing in you to be able to go down such a difficult path. I know it doesn't seem like rainbows and butterfly's, but the strength that you get out of this journey and the person it molds you into are worth every step.

27 weeks

Happy 27 weeks to my sweet little Valentine!!

Everything is moving fast now...I'm looking into daycares (although I do wish I could stay home, it's just not an option at the time)...interviewing pediatricians...trying to get his nursery together...washing some clothes we have already received. Constantly busy on this little guy :)

Our Babymoon to New Mexico is coming up, and I'm more than trilled to spend a whole week with my husband ❤

Cravings haven't really changed, nothing really new....still fresh fruit...salad...cold drinks.

My back has began to start hurting more and more, nothing I do helps it. I'm hoping to get a prenatal massage when I get home from vacation that will help a little.

I have officially adopted the 'waddle walk'. It's not all the time yet, only when he is kicking or sitting on my bladder; and he likes to sit on another nerve around my side that makes me have a funny waddle walk...haha!

Indigestion is still awful...there's no amount of meds or tums or anything acid indigestion related that has helped me...as much as I crave and want food I absolutely dread having to eat...but I manage, I'm sure I look crazy in public arched back with my chest high in the air (that's about the only thing that helps give me a little relief. Haha)

I'm hoping I get good news on my glucose test...the drink wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be, however the amount of sugar in it gave me a sugar high :) and Miles was bouncing all around, for someone who hasn't ate much sugar he was probably drunk on it :-)

Over all everything's going great, I'm so blessed and can't believe I only have a short 13 weeks left!! ❤

26 weeks

14 weeks left! Everything is moving so fast now!

Sleep is sporadic, it's more so me not being able to get comfy.

Cravings: mostly watermelon. Fresh fruit in general. Cold cold drinks. I love me some milk!!! I'm able I eat a couple sweet things now, but not alot.

I have my next appt this Friday. This will be my glucose test as well as a checkup.

Next Friday Zach and I head off to our mini Babymoon! I'm so excited to get some quality time in with my love before our son arrives. ❤

24 weeks

I've made it to the point of viability. Such an amazing feeling. Miles better stay put for quite a bit longer though :)

Cravings: they have switched from fresh veggies to fresh fruit...ESP watermelon! I can't get enough!!

Sleep: still the same. Some nights it's good and I get 4-5 hours. Some nights maybe like 2 haha...I just take that as a sign Gods preparing me for a newborn :)

I have had some severe acid reflux issues..nothing they are giving me works,and it doesn't matter what I eat or how much or how little I eat it hurts...but again, I'll take the discomforts any day if Miles stays healthy! :)

Exciting events: his nursery is painted and furniture will arrive this Sunday!! I get to spend my first birthday pregnant...such a blessing! We have a small Babymoon to New Mexico scheduled in February. My glucose test is coming up in February! I get a 4D ultrasound of this sweet baby's face in early March. And my baby shower is in the midst of being planned (so surreal)!!! So many fun exciting things.

Miles kicks and moves like crazy!! I call him my little monster because sometimes it looks likes he's trying to escape my belly! He's one active baby-and I think huge too by the looks of me :)

God is so great!!

22 weeks

Two weeks tills viability ❤

I'm finally getting over the flu-so happy that is almost over! I thought the flu was bad but the flu while pregnant was awful!!

My cravings are still the same. The only thing new is fajitas which is awesome since I haven't wanted meat in weeks!

Sleep is still not happening :-(. I have a pregnancy pillow and its just not helping. I'm having horrible hip pains at sleep. My poor hubby goes from the bed to the couch during the week so I can sprawl out. (And so he can actually get some sleep haha!)

We are starting the nursery! I can't wait! I'm so excited that so much is coming together :)

Week 21

Over half way there! I can't believe it! I'm so ready to see this sweet boy!!

I've still been battling the flu/double ear infection. I feel much better but still a journey to me being 100%. It seems like its dragging and I'm sure it's because I can't take strong meds. I'm just beyond thankful I'm ok and so is Miles.

I have been feeling him sooo much lately. I'm even able to see my belly move when he really starts kicking, it's so amazing. I never knew how amazing and how strong this love could be.

As far as cravings it's pretty much the same. I wasn't able to eat much this past week due to being sick; don't worry-I ate enough for Miles but just not as much as I would have ate if I felt better. I'm still loving all veggies and spicy foods. I've been hooked on pickles and lately sour skittles!!

Sleeps been hard lately. I'm not sure if he's sitting on a nerve or what but my back and hip have been killing me!!

I'm so thankful for these 21 weeks and I look forward to the next 19 (hopefully flying by)!!