Our upcoming JUMP

Thank you to everyone regarding my 'honestly scared' post about our upcoming adventure. I received so many sweet emails, calls, texts and comments...I'm glad to hear I am normal.

I did receive one asking why I am so scared, 'isn't this what I've been wanting'.

I honestly don't think anyone wants to go through IVF, or through the other treatments to get pregnant for that matter, however others like myself will do whatever it takes to conceive our miracle blessing from above. No one starts out saying, I want a baby, IVF sounds fun--lets try that.... there is SOOOOO much involved with going down this journey, ours took years! I'm so grateful for this journey, for this insurance, and look forward to this year.

But the unknown can be scary.

The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I pray to be.

After my original post, I'm relieved to know it's normal to be scared of the unknown. You see right now Zach and I still have two options to becoming parents...IVF or adoption. It's nice to have options, it's nice to know there is always another way you can become a parent if you fail in your current treatment.

When I was having my IUI's, although I didn't want to travel down the IVF path, I knew that it was there if I needed to. When I was told that we needed IVF and my RE didn't want to pursue any more IUI's I was a little heartbroken. I felt like my options were running out, as well as getting more and more expensive.

We have been saving for over a year just for IVF; still actively trying...praying that something would happen naturally. Although Zach and I wanted to try invitro so very bad, were also scared it will not work...if it doesn't work it's not God's plan, we understand that. But going down this path is almost our last resort in having our own biological child...I am nervous.

I am trying my hardest to get all of these emotions out before we start down this path, I woke up the other night sat up in bed and just cried....I'm so unbelievably happy to know that we are approaching this journey, I just wish these scared thoughts would exit my body.

I know my fellow infertile's know the pain when you start your cycle, it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. Well after 5 years I don't dread that time of the month anymore, I don't cry when 'she' shows up, I don't scream and ask God why he didn't bless my womb with a child...I have finally accepted his plan for us, and it doesn't hurt 'as bad'. When I had my IUI's, especially the last one, it was awful...I remember the day like it was yesterday-I was SO hopeful, I just KNEW it would work, I was at work and it literally made me sick, I went to a fellow coworkers desk, dropped to my knees and just sobbed. I DON'T want that to happen again. I think I am a strong girlie, but I know for a fact that if this doesn't work I will be so sad, and I don't want to be.

I know thats normal, to be sad that is...and maybe me being scared is me protecting my heart, it's just taking me a long time to get to this point and I don't want to break. I don't want to get my hopes up...I just honestly want this to work, but I'm scared.

I am beyond ready for this jump, this path that I've prayed for....in fact we have actually thought about starting at the end of February, but I still think March will be the month we start...point is, we are excited and can't wait.

I just pray that these scared thoughts will leave me soon; I just want 'only' the happy and excited thoughts. I know, can't have my cake and eat it too....you can't have one without the other, thats part of life :)

I guess theres only one thing left to say....CAN MARCH GET HERE ALREADY!!!!! :)