Sunday, January 16, 2011

Honesty

I'm scared...

I know it's soon to be scared, and probably silly. But I am!

I've waited for this moment for awhile, I am so ecstatic for this year...so why am I scared?

I don't even know exactly why I'm scared...maybe partially because I fear it won't work, I fear the whole process at times.

But I'm excited....

Can I be both? Scared and excited?

I've talked to the Temple fertility clinic and they do except Cigna; we will have our consultation with them in March, the month that marks 5 years exactly that we have been trying to conceive our blessing, this will be the month that we move forward.

I think I'm scared of reality, I known women who have had to have several IVF's before one worked...I've always know women who only had to have one...so I do know either can happen. I am scared I will get my hopes up. I am scared if it doesn't work insurance won't cover another one due to meeting our limit...but as scared as I am, I'm thrilled that we are finally being able to move forward...

Right now, at this very moment I feel on the verge of tears...happy tears, but a little terrified ones also.

Please tell me I am normal for feeling this way? I feel so blessed to be given this opportunity thanks to my new insurance, I am humbled and so beyond thankful to finally have the chance to move forward! I don't want to be scared!

12 comments:

Carpenters said...

I think it is normal to be scared, especially for an IF. We spend all this time hoping, and have had so many disappointments, we are naturally scared of the unknown and what is going to fail (just like everything else). Don't be hard on yourself, you have all these emotions--but you are doing the right thing and 'getting them out'. I am praying for you, and I hope March is a great month for you!

Kim said...

Its a fear of the unknown, not knowing how this could turn out, even with the possibility of it working, there's the the possibility of it not. I totally understand being scared and excited, not only do I understand it, I expect that you will,

I am very excited for you Tiffany. The possibilities are endless.

xoxo-Kristen said...

praying for you!!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future :)

waiting and wishing said...

Totally normal! I felt that same way before we jumped into treatements. Honestly, I still feel that way everytime we start a new protocol or even a new cycle...
I am so excited that you are now able to seek treatements that may bring you your blessing! Praying for you :)

Mrs. Jenk said...

I have an IVF baby girl and I can totally relate. Knowing that there is always IVF in the future gives you hope and I think the fear comes from closing that door if it doesn't work. The world have infertility has many turns, but you have the amazing One leading the way for you. Be excited!

twondra said...

Totally 100% normal sweetie. :) I'd be worried about you if you weren't scared and excited at the same time. Thinking of you!!

Melody said...

Definitely normal! I am praying so hard for you!

Charla (SHar-la) said...

Oh, girl. It was only August I was in the exact same position you are. I was terrified, full of faith, but terrified. It sounds like the worst oxymoron, but it was true. I spent the month of August, up to our actual transfer, full of anxiety about all of the exact things you are worried about. Everyone tried to convince me to calm down, to just relax, and I wanted to so badly, but it was so hard! I think some of it was hormones, but I think the rest of it was the build up to that moment. We had waited 4 long years for a 15 minute procedure. And then we had to wait a very, very long 10 days to know if it worked. You are so normal, girl! 100% normal. God is so good and faithful and He will sustain you, even in the anxiety.

Veronica said...

I think it's totally normal to be nervous. I will be praying for you and hoping that this will be THE year! The Lord has brought you this far and I know he's not going to leave you!

Praying for you!

Cheers said...

Absolutely it is normal to be scared, it is a nervous time for you. I recall being pasty white with fear the first time I went for IVF, it's easy to read up on how the process works...... not as easy to actually take the steps.
Sending all best wishes and positive energy your way :)

Ashley said...

I remember feeling the exact same way before we started IVF so I would say it's totally normal. Praying for you guys!

Adventures of Squirrel and Bug said...

I am so happy you are able to start this process. I would be scared too. I work with a lady who had to do this 3 times before she conceived a child. She then decided to do it again and it worked the first time and she is now 20 weeks pregnant with her second child! Please know I will be praying for you during this time!! I am also so excited for you!!


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