Monday, June 30, 2008

5 steps forward.....3 steps back

Todays appt. didn't go as well. My lining of course is right on track so thats something thats on my side, however my follicle isn't growing. It grew .4mm since yesterday. At the beginning it's ok if it grows slow, however now it "should" be growing 2-4mm a day...and were not ever growing 1mm...they are thinking that I might not even ovulate this cycle. BIG BUMMER! I go in on Wednesday morning for THE ultrasound, this u/s will tell me if I will or will not ovulate this cycle....and if or if not we will be getting the IUI done. They talked to me about the "next" step. Which just killed me b/c I haven't even had the chance to finish THIS step more less move to the NEXT step. I go back later on today to talk to my Dr. about the "next" step.

SOOO far, what they are wanting me to do (which might I add, this is completely up to me...I can continue on with what we are doing now and continue taking 5 steps forward and 3 steps back if I want too...there isn't ANY rush for moving on to this next step, they just REALLY think it's needed) soo....the next step is a FERTILITY CLINIC...yes a REAL fertility clinic in Austin. I have soo many mixed emotions about this, I'm excited b/c of course your chances GO UP...but then I am REALLY scared...scared about the finiancl part...scared about the shots...scared about the fact I will be OFFICIALLY diagnosed infertile! Let me explain: this next step would be injectable IUI's ... it's almost the same thing we are trying this time except it has a bigger chance of working (thats the good part)....but it's very expensive in soo many ways, Ins. will not cover a single bit of it (Which really pisses me off, I don't understand why ins. won't pay for anything...it's not my fault I am infertile!!!), and if I go to a fertility clinic that will mean I am officially INFERTILE (which might I add, I already know I am...but it's not in my record yet...it's not official...so not only "Emotionally" do I not want to hear this...but financially this is going to get REALLY expensive....see ins. will ONLY cover all the testing and procedures up to being diagnosed infertile...once they diagnose you, it's over....there go your co-pays...there goes all your money basically. Even though to someone else this may not sound like anything big...to an infertile person, this is a BIGGGG STEEEEPPPP!!!!!! HUGE.....HUGE....HUGE STEP!!!!!!

NOW...I could and I PRAY I go in Wednesday morning for THE u/s and my follicle will be BIG and I will be able to get the IUI...but so far...it's not looking so good! They told me I have that 50/50 chance it will grow, but they don't want me to get my hopes up...b/c there is a chance it might not!

I am ok overall, just really scared and frustrated...I've gone to the Dr. 5 mornings within the last week and if I am not able to get this IUI I will be very upset...and I am extremely scared about the NEXT step....I will talk to my Dr. about the next step and find out more info about it all this afternoon...I just pray Wednesday morning God is on my side and my ovaries are ready!
Please keep us in your prayers...I don't know what will happen this week....or the near future, I don't know what we will do next, if we will stand still for a little while, or take that next step....just please pray that God leads us in the right direction.
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