Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I hope you all have a VERY Happy and Blessed New Years! Be careful if you go out!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I go back on the 9th for progesterone blood work, I won't know my results until the following Monday though. I feel alot more at peace about this cycle than last! I know God has been with me every step of the way through this journey, but I just feel he has his arms extra tight around me this time.
Monday, December 29, 2008
For those going through the same or similar situation as I am, keep your heads up...God will bring each one of us through this, we just have to have faith! I thank you all for keeping up with my journey, we will all have our blessings in time!!!! God is amazing!!!
For my "fertile mertiles" thank you all for being there for me, even with as hard as it might be for you, you all have been there for me through thick and thin, and I really appriciate all your prayers and support!!!
Thank you all, I really appriciate you all and love you all so very much!!!!
I am really excited about this one, last one I was really nervous, but this one I feel different...I feel more calm...I feel like this one will go smoother...I won't get my hopes up like last time...I just overall feel alot better about this one!!!!
I will be going to work tomorrow after my IUI, however I am going comfortable and will be taking it very easy, but I have alot I have to get done before the end of the month, so I have to be here. WELL...just keep us in your prayers, I would love to be able to start 2009 off as a mommy to be....everything is in God's hands, he is watching over us and guiding us through this.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
What do you think God meant when he gave me infertility???
Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.
These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?
What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the STRENGTH within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special reason. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."
I know our time is coming, I have FAITH. God has his arms wraped so tight around me and my husband...I feel it! WE WILL BE PARENTS!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Well for starters let me say THANKS to you all for being there for Zach and I through the past couple days. Saturday was a very hard day for us…but we survived and now were moving on. There isn’t any time to dwell on the “past” as we are now starting to prepare for our next cycle.
I talked to my Dr. this next cycle will have to be timed just perfectly in order to get the IUI, but we will def. be doing all the fertility meds this go around and hope and pray the IUI will fall right so we can get that too. I go in next Monday (day 10) for my first follicle scan. Since we have been trying to have an IUI my “ovulation time” as fallen different pretty much every cycle, all the other cycles were a bust, either because it fell over the weekend or I just never produced follicles. Well…my Dr. said “IF” my cycle falls like this last cycle, day 12 will be on New Years Eve. Well they are open till noon, so that is good...however, that doesn’t mean I will be ready on day 12…I might not be ready till day 13-14-15 or 16…and well, they are closed those days. So pretty much I have Monday and Tuesday that I need to be ready on and hopefully get the IUI Tuesday or Wednesday…it’s tricky this time, but it can happen if it’s meant to be.
This will be our last cycle before our couple month break off meds. Please continue to keep Zach and I in your prayers during this journey. We wouldn’t be able to get through this so easy if it wasn’t for all your love and strength and support you all give us! God has a PLAN and WE DO know this…this past weekend wasn’t the easiest, but we knew and saw that coming considering so much is invested in these cycles vs. “reg” cycles (if you really want to consider any cycle I have had “regular”.)
I hope you all have a blessed and happy Holiday season…if you travel please be careful and may God be with you! :o)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
As of now, my head just hurts, my throat hurts and my eyes feel like there swollen from crying so much....my heart feels a little better and I know I will be ok. I don't know why God didn't bless us this time, but i do know he had his reasons. I have faith in him and I know that one day Zach and I will have our blessing from above. Today was one of the hardest days ever and it's no where near over. I wish I could go back to sleep...wake up and this all be a dream. God has his reasonings....everything happens for a reason, I just keep telling myself this...
As far as whats next....not sure yet. My Dr. wanted to do one more IUI before our "med break" however leave it up to me and having days fall on holidays...day 12 falls on New Years Eve, so I am not sure how this will work out. I will call them Monday and see, either we will be starting another round of fertilities Monday or we will be starting our few month "med-break".
Thank you for the prayers, just please keep them up!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Dear Santa Claus,
My name is Tiffany. I am 24 years old!! I live in the great city of Waco. Of course, that's in Texas, United States, but I'll bet you knew that!! This year I've been so good that I should be the angel on top of the tree!
Santa Claus, some things I might like for Christmas this year are:
- A BLESSING FROM ABOVE....;
- A LITTLE BUDDLE OF JOY; and,
- A MIRACLE FROM GOD....
By the way Santa, did I mention that I would love to be pregnant and have a heathly pregnancy? I know I know...I am 24 years old, and I am asking for something only God can give me, but I figured...asking you only makes sure I have all my bases covered as well...SO Santa, please can you and God together please make mine and my husbands dreams come true!? Our ultimate Christmas wish is to be parents...have a baby...a miracle and a blessing at Christmas that we would never forget. Thank you!
MY LETTER BACK FROM SANTA:
Thank you for sending me your email all the way from Waco! HO!! Ho!! ho!! We get wonderful Christmas emails from boys and girls around the world but everyone at the North Pole sure gets excited when we get one from you Tiffany!
Well tickle my whiskers, Tiffany! Are you fibbing to ol' Santa Claus?!? You can't possibly be 24 years old already! Why it seems like only yesterday that I was leaving presents for a certain little girl and here you are now, practically one of Santa's elves! (*grin*)
Sorry the presents the last little while probably haven't been quite as exciting as they were when you were a little girl but, well, you know how these things go (*wink*). Anyway, Santa's glad to see some of the 'older kids' (not to mention anyone in particular!) still take the time to write. I also hear you've been a REALLY REALLY good girl. (Of course, you won't mind if I do a little checking, will you? HO!! Ho!! ho!!).
Let's see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. a blessing from above....; 2. a little buddle of joy and; 3. a miracle from god.... Not sure the elves can make these, but I sure will try to get you this. Of course, there are a lot of good boys and girls in the world and only so many presents so I hope you won't be too upset with me if you don't get everything you asked for this Christmas, but I think you will get something special you won't ever forget.
Yum! Smells like Mrs. Claus just pulled another batch of cookies out of the oven. HO!! Ho!! ho!! I'll bet she needs help eating them! Take care Tiffany and don't forget to come back and visit me here at EmailSanta.com on Christmas Eve!! And remember... only 13 more sleeps until Christmas!!
Forever and Always Your Friend,
P.S. Why thank you for the wonderful hugs & kisses Tiffany! Here are some extra special hugs and kisses just for you from everyone at the North Pole!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Zach was too cute last night, after he came in with the flowers he unloaded his lunch box and 4 empty bottles of orange juice fell out…(vitamin C is really good for sperm count) So when he found out we were having an IUI today he went to the convenient store and bought some OJ…he already takes vitamin C every morning and night, but he said he wanted all the help he could get…we laughed so hard last night at the way we were talking…if you could have been a fly on the wall in our house. Hear we are talking about the most embarrassing thing for a man, but yet we were having such a “normal” conversation about it…I asked him how long it took him to “do his thing” haha…I had to make sure he was there at 8, and heck if I know how long it takes…then we started talking about how to get his stuff there the BEST way…where it stays “room temp” in this cold weather..He said I will drive with it between my legs on the way there…I know to ya’ll this doesn’t sound funny, but once we stopped talking and heard ourselves we just laughed so hard. I am so glad that God lead us to find humor is such a serious situation :o)
Trying to go to sleep last night was like a kid trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve….I couldn’t sleep for anything…I swear every time I woke up I thought about it, not nervous or scared or stressed thinking, just so excited…Zach wakes up and he goes to get ready for work and gets his work truck and comes home…I was just waking up about this time to get “semi” ready to hopefully go “conceive our child” (I had to look somewhat decent, even if I was just coming home haha). Zach made me breakfast and after his “deed was done” he was putting on his shoes getting ready to walk out the door…I heard him say “come on little guys, ya’ll have to work ya’lls magic” haha…he called me from my Dr. with this worried sound in his voice, his “little guys” fell (the bottle fell in his work truck…not far, but he was concerned they were “shakened up”…I tried to convince him they should be ok…he wished me good luck and off I went…Yes Zach wasn’t able to be there with me, he had to head to work…but it’s ok, I would rather him get home early than stay with me then get home late….
OK, so I get in the room finally, I was told to undress waist down then on to the table in the cold cold room…I sat there before my nurse and Dr. walked in and prayed…I prayed that God give me strength, I prayed for this to be our only IUI and that this will successfully work and I will be pregnant and get the best Christmas present ever….I asked God to wrap his arms around me and about that time the cold cold room didn’t seem cold anymore…I know God was with me during my procedure. So the Dr. comes in and gets me prepped, the catheter going in hurt so bad, it felt like someone was cutting into my cervix…he said that was normal though, and once the catheter got in to where it needed to be the pain wasn’t SO bad, it was more like cramps. The actual procedure took about 15 minutes, then I laid on the table for about 20 minutes to insure that the little guys are nice and settled in there “new home”.
They said everything went well, I had a little spotting which they said is perfectly normal, and they said I would cramp some which again is normal…now we just sit back and wait. I should find out right before Christmas, I pray that God gives us the best Christmas present ever!!!
Thank you for all the prayers!!!!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I went in today for my “cyst check up/follicle scan” appt. I get in there and she looking at my cyst, it has gone down to about the size of a golf ball now which is wonderful so surgery is completely out of the question which makes me SO excited…well then as she was scanning all my little follicles trying to see if I had one big enough “I” noticed this mass above my cyst…I asked her what that was…she said “Tiffany, I totally didn’t see that…but that’s a MATURE FOLLICLE”. I am NO expert, but I guess looking at these ultrasounds for about 1 ½ years has FINALLY paid off, hahaha…the mature follicle was so close to my cyst it appeared to be apart of my cyst, however it was a follicle measuring 22mm!!!! AMAZING! My lining was 7.8 which with my meds tonight it will be well over 8mm tomorrow.
SO, she goes out and tells the crew who I can hear inside my little room just a hollering…it’s so nice to know there all rooting for me through all this. My nurse comes in, gives me my trigger shot and gives me all the “Directions”. I have to take Ceotec (sp??) tonight to soften my cervix so that the catheter will make it’s way all the way up to where it needs to be. Zach has to be there at 8am to drop off the “little guys” and I have to be there at 9…I am taking the day off just as I don’t want any stress, I want to be so relaxed and calm through everything.
We are so excited, yes this doesn’t mean I will “get” pregnant by this…sometimes it takes 3-4 IUI’s before one actually conceives, however this was our 5th attempt for an IUI…it took 5 cycles to finally be able to get this done…I just feel like everything is finally falling into place! I know God is with us, I asked him today while waiting in the room before my ultrasound to wrap his arms around me and to please let my cyst shrink and me to be able to have the IUI, but most importantly give me strength through all this…he was there with me, it’s because of him that everything worked out this cycle for the IUI…God is amazing; you just have to have faith in him!
SO please keep us in your prayers during tomorrow, please pray that everything works out the way it should!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Over the weekend I recieved an email from a lady I have never met, she is not in the same situation as me, however she told me I was her inspiration to get through the hard time she is going through; she came across my blog and says she reads it daily...It amazes me the people God has brought us to know, the people who are there for us...ya’ll are angels sent from above to give us strength. We never in a million years thought a journey like this would bring us to so many new and wonderful friendships…some of the people that we thought would be there aren’t, but for everyone that isn’t there we have about 5 more that I never thought would be here for us but IS! I never would have imagine people I didn’t even know would email/message me to let me know “I” am an inspiration or there hero, I still don’t think I am worthy enough to be someone’s hero or an inspiration to them, but I thank you all for saying that or thinking that, whether you mean it or your saying it to make me a stronger person it means a lot and more than words can describe! God has truly blessed us, and for that we are very thankful!
Here is a couple friendship quotes that I really like:
“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it's lost”
“Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.”
“Hold on to family and friends; they are the most important people in your life, and they make the world a better place. They are your roots and the beginnings that you grew from; they are the vine that has grown through time to nourish you, help you on your way, and always remain close by.”
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
“If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday, and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for…and I am so thankful for my family and friends!”
SO THANK YOU, you all know who you are…you will never ever know how much Zach and I appreciate you all, all your prayers, all your phone calls, all your messages or texts. You will forever be apart of our hearts, we will never forget you or everything ya’ll have done for us…we love ya’ll!!!!
Friday, December 5, 2008
SO what I am getting at is, not everything will happen as YOU planned, but it will happen as GOD PLANS. HE is the one who is in control, he is the one that you have to have faith in and trust…with God all things are possible, and I know as long as I believe and trust he will grant us our blessing one day.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I have faith that we will still be able to get the IUI and things will be ok…for some reason I just feel like this cycle will fall into place like it should, but we shall see…God may have other plans in mind :o)
Thanks for all the calls, texts and emails I have received today checking on me and some checking on Zach, you all have no idea how much it means to us. I never in a million years would have thought that I would have such amazing people on my side through this all!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
It's for me...yes yes, I am ok! However we are gearing up to start another cycle of fertilies. This cycle is so much more important than the past cycles, so I am reaching out for as many extra prayers as we can possibly get. Zach and I only have 2 more cycles left before we will have to take a "med" break (that is just a couple month break that gives my body a quick rest from the fertilities); HOWEVER if for some reason this cycle is like last (not ovulating) this will be our last before a break. SO PLEASE pray, pray if not pregnancy to at least have my body work in the way it's supposed to. Zach and I like to be able to get all the cycles we can in the "cycle" (I know it's probably confusing).
I start my fertilies today (they are bumping me up to 150mg instead of 100mg), and my first appt. is Thursday (CD6)...I won't be ready that day, but since we are going to attempt yet another IUI, we have to start monitoring me early on.
OH how I hope God blesses us with the BEST Christmas present EVER; however as long as my body does what it's supposed to I will be happy!!!!
Thank you for all the prayers you have already prayed...we can't express enough how much it means to us, and I will update everyone after every appt.