Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Husbands Point of View

Hey everyone!

This is Zachary; Tiffany's husband (the one she probably talks none stop about-HA!). I have never "blogged" before, so forgive me if this doesn't turn out as well as Tiff's posts. This week is very important to my wife and I, so since this is "NIAW" I thought it would be nice of me to "post a blog" and write to all of you and tell you my views on infertility.

First things first-I want to say "THANK YOU" to the many who have kept up and are following our journey throughout this infertility roller coaster. I also appreciate all of ya'll who help my wife stay in high spirits by the many prayers and the kind comments and emails we get daily.

When I first learned of "infertility" I didn't expect it to be so tough to understand. Everyday we learned something new...good things and bad things, but you have to keep moving on and thinking positive. In the beginning I thought it was "no big deal"...something minor that we would would overcome in a few months. I'll never forget the day we heard those dreaded words "Unexplained Infertility", I could not believe it...there was not way, being parents is something we want more than anything! Once I understood what it meant to be "officially infertile" and what it would take to achieve our miracle we longed for, we began to dig in for the long haul. We were (and still are) trying everything--from tons of daily vitamins to "ice packs" (I'm sure some of you know what I am talking about...can I just say "COLD"!!!). Every appointment we thought "this is it"....then we would get the call, month after month again saying "I'm sorry, not this time". It's amazing how fast you go from being so hopeful to so depressed in a matter of 2 seconds...all because of three little words "not this time". Some days are harder than others, when I have those days I just turn and see my bright and shining wife. I am so proud of her and who she has become throughout this journey. She is being so strong throughout this whole ordeal, it's amazing how big of an impact this "roller coaster" as had on us, we have learned so much throughout this and we know we will make it through this journey. God has a plan for us (I'm sure my wife has said this many times on here, this is one thing that keeps us going-knowing that God has a plan for us!)

In closing I want to again say a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who is following our journey and praying for us-there are nights we sit and read all the comments and emails over and over...we are truly grateful. I hope and pray in the end that we "all" are blessed with the wonderful gift of parenthood in one form or another.

Thank you and God Bless you all-

P.S. don't forget to tell Tiffany that I "blog" better than her :) ha!!!

Story Time Again...

I have three more stories for you, 2 are success stories (can I just say I LOVE success stories, it personally gives me so much hope!!!)...and the other is from another friend whom is fertile, however has watched myself as well as another couple battle this journey called “infertility”. As you all know I think it's so important to see (can we all say it together....) "ALL" sides of infertility ;) {I know I've probably said that a million times this week!} there are the goods...the bads...the's important to see how it's changed fertile womens views, how it effects your loved ones and your parents! This is a long post, but I hope you enjoy these 3 sweet ladies stories :)

Ashlee is one of my friends, she is fertile…however she has watched me as well as another friend battle infertility…here are her thoughts:
"I will admit it; I was very lucky & conceived my first-born "without trying". Does that mean infertility doesn’t affect me? Heck no! It affects everyone, whether they know it or not. Of course not in the same way, but still affects them. All my life I feared the thought of not being able to become a Mom. I watched many people at our church struggle with conceiving (and carrying full-term) babies and I knew I could very well be one of them when I got older. Thankfully I wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know the seriousness of it all. I watched close friends of ours try & try & try. After no luck conceiving on their own, they personally decided on adoption to expand their family & that was such a miracle for them! They now have a beautiful little daughter. I also watch other friends still struggling to conceive after several years. I cannot at all say I "know what they're going through" or really "understand" the heartache of it all, but I am aware. That's all I can be is aware & be there for them throughout all this & help others be aware too. My daughter is definitely something I have never & will never take for granted. I wish some other parents would feel the same way. Anytime I get stressed out with my daughter or feel self-conscience about my after-pregnancy body, I never forget some women would truly give anything to have stretch marks or to be up all night with a child of their own."

I went to school with Amanda, we were in different grades and really only knew “who each other were”…she suffered from infertility, but like many she has proven that “miracles DO happen” Here are her thoughts:
Tiffany -I've been reading your blog all week just as I do every day multiple times. I had no idea this week was NIAW! Until I started keeping up with your blog way back when, I had never thought anything about infertility. But then when Justin & I started trying for our first child and ran into infertility problems, I felt so blessed to know there was someone (YOU!) I could talk to who would understand where I was coming from. It felt like God put you in my path to let me know that I wasn't alone and that there were other people suffering from the same thing. I want to share our story with you to share with others, so that they may know it occurs more times than many people realize. I pray everyday for you and Zach (ya'll are also on the prayer list at our church) and know that ya'll will be blessed with your little angel baby very soon!Our Story -Justin and I were married in October 2006. At that time, we both wanted to immediately start our family, but at the same time new that waiting for a few months would be best for us; therefore, I continued on birth control pills until February 2007. At this time, Justin and I decided that we would just let nature take its course and thought that if we were meant to conceive a child at that time, then with God's will it would happen. Just as everyone else, we weren't in our minds trying, but at the same time we weren't preventing either. I wasn't going to what I thought at that time was any extremes: no worrying about cycle days, no checking BBT, no ovulation predictor kits, not even testing at home before my missed period. We honestly thought if it was meant to happen then I would be late for starting my next cycle, and then would do all of the what I thought was normal things.However, after 6 months of what felt like failure to me, I saw my OB/GYN for my regular yearly checkup In August 2007. We discussed the situation and the fact that I had been experiencing variations from just a few days to weeks in the lengths of my cycles, and she said she wanted us to really start trying and concentrating on conceiving if that was what we wanted, and she would see my back in six months if I was not pregnant by that time. During the next six months, I become a freak with writing everything down on the calendar and keeping track of everything including my cycle length, which at its longest was 64 days. We tried everything you could imagine right down to getting ready to stand on my head to let everything soak it.February 2008 rolled around, and I was not yet pregnant, so I made that return trip to my OB/GYN knowing what she was going to say. At this appointment, she diagnosed me with unexplained infertility and wanted to do several tests including an HSG and progesterone count for me and a semen analysis for Justin. It was too late in my cycle at that time to complete all of the tests immediately, so we were to wait until my current cycle ended and have the tests completed in March, and then return to her in April.My appointment in April, was the first time that it actually hit me that there was something wrong with me. I knew it was all my fault, and for the first time felt that we may honestly never be able to have children. I cried the entire day of the appointment, and even made Justin go with me to the doctor. We were both so scared at what she was going to say, but needless to say Justin held up much better than I did. All of the tests came back perfectly fine and above normal including a progesterone level of 28.7. Therefore, I was to start the normal regimen of medicine (Clomid 50mg days 3-7);however, the doctor said she would not have me on the Clomid for more than six months, and if I wasn't pregnant within the next six months, she would refer us to an actual fertility specialist for an IUI or IVF if needed.Needless to say the next several months were a complete roller coaster ride of emotions for me. I went from a 50 mg dose of Clomid to 150 mg dose over the first three months alone. I would be completely fine one moment and then crying my eyes out the next. Justin and I decided to tell very few people about our situation, because I felt like it wasn't something everyone needed to know. We did decide to add our names to the prayer list at church but just for prayers of courage and strength, because we knew that of all things, we needed prayers the most. We also did have to tell his parents since we both worked at the same place, and I would be needing off more than normal for doctor's visits. At this same time is when I began talking to Tiffany about the my situation, because I felt like even though we didn't' know each other, besides the fact that we both went to the same high school, she was the one person who I just knew would understand and be able to help me through the emotional ride the next several months would bring, and she did more for me than I could ever imagine. During this same time, I endured the fact that it seemed every girl I ran into was finding out she was pregnant or close to delivery including my two absolute very best friends. During this time, Justin and I also grew closer as a couple and most importantly closer to God in our faith although I still questioned him many times when month after month I still only saw one line or a low progesterone level one month after a very high one the month before.After four months (September 2008), I finally got tired of being at the point where I was walking around in an emotional grave. I didn't' care about anything or anyone and felt like an absolute failure. Justin and I had finally come to the fact that it basically wasn't meant to be and we had given up all hope; we just knew we were destined for the IUI or steps beyond that. I had prepared myself that the end was coming near in my eyes and that if I wasn't pregnant at the end of November, I was okay with that because there were many children in the world who need a mommy and a daddy instead of a mother and a father.October 2008, rolled around and it was a very busy month for us, but we knew we had to fit everything in our schedule. During that month, we celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary, and were baptized and joined our local church where we had been attending since before we got married and where Justin had attended as a child. Later in the month, Justin was scheduled to go on a weekend fishing trip with all of the guys from work, and I was scheduled to chaperone the local girl scout troop's weekend trip to Houston. The bad thing is both of these trips fell at the beginning and the end of what would be my most fertile days. Upon my return from Houston, I woke up on Sunday, November 8, 2008 (day 26 of my cycle) spotting and thinking oh great here goes another month down the drain, but I decided to take a HPT just to clarify my point, and boy was my point wrong...there were two lines instead of one! I didn't' think it was accurate, so I happened to have another brand as well, so I tried it also and got the same results. I immediately called Justin and told him to get home immediately. We were both in shock and still quite unsure if the results were accurate, so I drove into Waco and bought 4 different brands of HPT with even two of them being digital ones. Over the next two days I took all of the tests and got the same results. I scheduled myself to see my doctor on Wednesday to confirm the results.As, I sit here writing this, I am currently 29 weeks pregnant expecting our first baby girl in July. Still to this day, I do not understand why we had to go through everything we did, and more especially why anyone has to go through it. However, the one thing I do know is that God has a plan for everyone and everything. It is His responsibility to take care of those things, and ours to trust Him (which most of us have a hard time doing.) I do not think I could every be as strong as Zach and Tiff are, and I pray for you guys daily! I know your time is coming soon when I will read those two precious words "We're Pregnant" on your blog! I love you and you will never know how much you have done for me over the past two years!

Heather wrote me this week and told me her success story…THANK you Heather! I love hearing these!!
Hi Tiffany~We don't know each other, so I hope you don't mind me writing you (although, you did say contact you!!) Anyway, I was led to your blog through several others & felt the need to comment.While mine is not a "true" infertility story, I hope that it will help, at least to some extent. In high school (which was early to mid-90's), I was told that I had Level 4 endo & would not be able to get pregnant without help of fertility drugs. At that time, I couldn't see myself with kids so it didn't really upset me too much. I married my husband in 1998 and a few months later I started having a terrible time with ovarian cysts. I went in for a sono & honestly, got really irritated with the techs who kept asking me if there was any way I could be pregnant (you would think I would have caught on, right?!). I finally yelled at one & told her it was medically impossible for me to be pregnant so please leave me alone. She looked at me like I was crazy, then pointed to a dot on the screen, saying "You see that? That's your baby's heartbeat". It finally sunk in but I still couldn't really believe it. For that matter, neither could my doctor. I ended up switching dr's, but even the new dr told me to be thankful. Our daughter was born on Thanksgiving of '99.I didn't hold my breath about having another baby, but in 2000 I got pregnant again (without the help of infertility drugs again), but lost that baby. Still, I got pregnant yet again and had a little boy in 2001.Anyway, long story short, we now have FIVE children (and no multiples) and did not need help getting pregnant with any of them. In fact, baby #4 was an IUD baby, so it's yet another miracle that he was born full-term and perfectly healthy. I have had dr's tell me I was misdiagnosed (but yet they go in & still find cysts & endo everywhere); that I was lucky I got pregnant the first time and she "cured" me of the endo - that one I don't believe, but whatever. Basically I baffle most of the dr's I see, because medically speaking, there is absolutely no way I should have had all these babies. I suspect I will never really know how or why this happened.I hope that something works out for you soon.

{ Hopefully these were a little more upbeat vs. the one from my mother that I posted yesterday :) }

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

My Mom's Thoughts on Infertility

My mom called me a couple days ago and asked if she could write something to put on my blog for NIAW—she actually “wrote” it so I had to re-type it, which was hard to do. You all know my mothers heath issues, if you’re new you can read here about them. This letter wasn’t easy for me, but it’s important for everyone to know “ALL” sides of infertility. Like I’ve said many times this week, infertility doesn’t only effect the person going through it…it effects you friends, you family and you spouse…this week has shown me “Even more” that I am NOT alone. My friends are amazing, you all are so amazing, my family is by my side every step of the way and so is my husband.

Here is my mom’s letter to you all in honor of NIAW:

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week; this week is very important to my daughter. I found out she was wanting friends and family to write about there feelings of infertility, how it has effected them and what having an infertile daughter means to me—I immediately called her and asked if I could write something for her “blog”. She agreed only if I “don’t cry and don’t get upset”…that’s hard to do when something stands in the way of your child’s wants and wishes, however I’ll try to do my best.

This journey has defiantly been a test of Faith for my daughter and our family. It’s hard not knowing whether or not the miracle were praying for will ever happen, I want to be a grandmother more and more with every day that passes. I want to see my babies face light up when she tells me she is pregnant, when she feels the first kick or hears the heart beat for the first time. I want to see her expression when she see’s her child for the first time.

I’ve recently discovered some health issues that I’m suffering from and this only scares me more. I may never experience being a grandmother, not being able to watch them grow into a strong happy family that I know they will be. I yearn to be the one she calls with her questions about motherhood. I live for the day she calls and tells me she is “Pregnant”. It’s hard not being able to fix this problem for her, I’m “Momma”…I’ve always been the one with the answers. She comes to me and I solve it; that’s my job and that’s what I do. Why can’t I fix this? Why can’t I fix my daughters problems, why does she have to go through this? I know her heart breaks at times; I’ve wiped her tears away. But she’s far stronger than I am. Whatever comes her way she faces it with her head held high, her husband beside her and momma behind her.

I pray every night that doctors will find away to help her and others in her shoes, so she too can experience her own precious miracle that she deserves so much. God gives everyone a special gift and a special place to use it. Maybe her gift is to help others understand and cope with a life of infertility. I try to keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how long it takes, if it’s God’s plan it will happen. God has a reason for everything! Thank you for praying for my daughter, as well as me :)!

You all are in my prayers!

I love you always and Forever baby girl,

A Success Story

My sweet friend Melody wrote the following success story; I've known her for a while now and she is one of the many women on here who give me hope; she has sent me a couple things through the mail and the thoughtfulness of these items means more than she will ever know...if she can get through infertility; so can we!!!

For infertility awareness week I wanted to post this message:
Infertility SUCKS!
No, it’s not FUN to buy pregnancy tests every month ONLY to see ONE freaking line!
At first, when you’ve only been trying a month or 2, it is very exciting and the anticipation is fun. As the months go by the fun goes with them! My husband and I tried for 17 months before I finally got pregnant.

Here is how the story goes…
July 9, 2005 Zach and I were married. I wanted a baby! I wanted 4 babies! I wanted them to come sooner rather than later! But, with low income there was just no way. So, I continued on BC pills until November 2005. At that point, I was severely depressed, unable to do anything without crying, and completely miserable with my life. I remember the night Zach and I were putting up our Christmas tree for the first time in our married life and I had a huge meltdown. That was the night Zach threw out my pills. I told him that I thought they were the reason for my “hormonal outbreaks.” Turned out, I was right. About a week after being off of them I started feeling normal again. Thus began our journey. For the first couple months we weren’t REALLY trying. But, we also didn’t prevent. I remember, the doctor saying to me… “Are you having sex? Are you using protection?” When I answered no to both questions he said “then, you’re trying.” Then, we started focusing. I used online charts, BBT thermometers, and everything people suggested such as: vitamins, minerals, pre-natals, losing weight, etc… NOTHING! EVERY month I got ONE line! In May, I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS. It was the worst day of my life (to that point). I couldn’t even go to work that evening because I was so upset! And, the doctor said he wouldn’t do anything until November (because that would make it a year since we started trying). So, in November I was put on the normal regiment, Clomid days 3-5 (or 5-8) and Metformin. I prayed EVERY day for my baby. I was so angry with my husband because he couldn’t understand what I was feeling. BROKEN! I was broken! I knew it was me! I just knew I had horrible cysts all over my ovaries and since I had always struggled with my weight I knew that I was just TOO fat to get pregnant. I hated myself. As I type this, I can feel all of those feelings starting to show up again. We tried the medicine, we tried charting and still ONE LINE! But, I knew! I had a VERY tiny amount of “knowing” that God was with me. I KNEW that someday I would be a mommy but most days I couldn’t even find that part of my heart that still believed. I felt God at some point and I knew I was supposed to do this “the old fashioned way” just me and hubby, no meds, no charts, no bbt! But, how could I do that? It hadn’t worked before. How could I trust that God was going to let me get pregnant on my own? So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I called the woman I knew had more faith then any other woman I know. My grandma. I knew she and Grandpa would pray. They had prayed for me to find a husband and then, I found him. I called them and I said, “Grandma, the doctor says I need medicine to get pregnant. I want a baby more than anything. I don’t want to have to take medicine to get pregnant. But, I’m afraid not to take it. God wants me to do this without it, I know he does.” They prayed. They prayed EVERY day! In March, my prescription ran out. I was going to get it refilled so that we could try again in April. But, I decided not to. In April, Bailey was “created.” On May 16th, I took a pregnancy test and instead of one line, there were 2! It still gives me goose bumps to think about!

And, even though I went through all of this, I still wonder… can I conceive again? Can you imagine me feeling like this when God was and is SO good and I get to look at my beautiful daughter EVERY day? But that’s what “infertility” does to you! As much as I believe God will bless us again, it is SO hard to “shake” that “infertile” feeling!

Thank you for reading my story!

***Thank you Melody for sharing!!!!!!!***

Also, to come my mother wrote something; it's a very emotional post and I just can't seem to post it while at work, so check back later for it!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


My friend Ashley called me and ask that I go look at her blog, she has a video she wants me to see. Well if you know Ashley she is always capturing sweet videos of her kidos so I just assumed thats what I was going to see...BOY was I wrong! She made a video for Zach and I in honor of "National Infertility Awareness Week". Zach and I watched in awe, with tears streaming down our's amazing!!! Thank you Ashley--you are so sweet and you will never know how much this video means to me and Zach!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! :)

Here is the video, make sure the volume is up and have some Kleenexes ready :)

Infertilities Heartaches

{I changed the title of this blog from “Infertility Sucks” to “Infertilities Heartaches” I want to post about the “heartache and sadness” that infertility brings upon at times and I want others to see ALL sides of infertility…however I “personally” can’t say infertility sucks as it’s done great things to me and made me who I am today---but it has broken my heart a couple times, so this title seemed more “fitting”.}
Broken heart from Infertility?

"Your not alone..."

Here is a Pop Quiz:
Out of the following, which injury/illness will most insurances cover?
a) $10 worth of ovulation-induction medication
b) Triple heart bypass for a man with high cholesterol and morbid obesity from decades of poor diet consisting of daily cheeseburgers and pizza
c) Surgery to repair a fractured leg following a sky-diving incident
d) Chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation therapy to treat a woman's lung cancer, caused by nearly 30 years of smoking
e) A prescription for Viagra so a man can engage in sexual activity
f) All of the above, except a.

If you chose f, unfortunately, you are correct. Life is full of choices and it is true that recently many people refuse to take responsibility for their actions. However, in the above examples, these people chose to eat poorly, sky dive, smoke, and have sex and yet, insurance helped them fix the consequences for their actions. Very few couples chose to be infertile. They chose to try to conceive, but do not receive help from their insurance.

Most of my blogs are “upbeat”…”positive”…anything but negative or sad. However, lets me be honest, infertility doesn’t just have a “positive” effect on people, there are the “down” moments. Let me rephrase that…there are extremely down moments where you want to crawl in a whole and never come out!

Infertility is one of the number causes of depression…not being able to conceive your own child can be horrible, it can make you feel like a failure…my God, our bodies are supposed to work normal right? Some women have a very hard time with infertility. I have vowed to not be negative, I have vowed to my husband, God and my friends to get through this journey with the upmost Faith, courage and Strength. I to have my down moments, but they are far and few between. But since this is “National Infertility Awareness Week” I want you all to see “every” side of infertility…not just the positive side, not just my friends or family’s side…I want you to see the hurt that infertility can cause…

Below are some very true quotes from people whom have/or are experiencing infertility. Some may be near and dear to you. I know there was a moment in my life that I have thought at least one of these things…

" I feel like a total basket case. I feel SO insecure about myself, like I am defective or something. Its gotten to the point where I don't even like being around people anymore."

"i have been ttc 3 years and after ttc 18 months i felt the same.... i went into depression and wouldn't go out of the house......i hated seeing my friends.... i felt a failure."

"Things that were personal and private and special between my husband and I are no longer. I feel like a failure because I can't give my husband another child and I feel like I'm not as much of a woman because my body can't/won't do the things it is supposed to do."

"I have become numb. It's difficult to sometimes balance trying to stay positive without getting my hopes up. It's almost as If I go around my daily chores on automatic, without thinking, without feeling. Wake up, go to work, come home be depressed, go to bed, wake up and the whole cycle starts again. I don't look forward to anything. I don't care about vacations, promotions. Just numb. I try to put up a front so that i won't be such a drag to be around. I don't think I will ever be the same."

"Being a parent and having a family was always a part of the picture for us. We were going to be parents. That's part of how I understood myself and my wife. And now, it may not happen. I'm a husband but I'm not a father. So who am I now, and who is my wife, and are we really a family--can we be, without kids?"

"I've been on this road for over two years. It's the most stressful thing I've ever dealt with. The insecurities are bleeding into EVERY part of my life. I feel like I'm losing myself piece by piece day by day. I feel left behind as everyone around me has started and some completed their families. I feel broken and defective. I can't find the strength that I've relied on for so many other low points in my life."

"I am just tired. Tired of hurting. Tired of hoping. Tired of that terrible high school feeling of being “dumped" every month when AF rears her ugly face. I was more hopeful than usual this month. You’d think I would have learned better by now. I used to be such a smiley happy person. I don't even feel like me anymore."

"I do believe in God, however, my faith has been rocked. There is no way to say it hasn't. We see so much gloom and doom in what people can do to their own children and we sit here trying and praying desperately for a baby to love and take care of. I cannot pray any more. I have found that when I try to pray I just stop. I ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for me as I am unable to. I hope that God can understand and help me get past these feelings of failure and loss."

"It is unfair. I know life is unfair. I have so many good things in my life, but right now I’m obsessed and TTC has robbed me of the joy and hope of life. In that respect I feel cheated. I feel like the solution is just out of reach. I can see it, I’m trying, stretching and giving it my best, but in the end I’m a failure!"

"We are not alone...God is with us every step of the way and we WILL surive infertility"

{Sorry for the Debbie Downer post, however it's important to see and understand ALL sides of infertility}

Monday, April 27, 2009

"My Friends Thoughts on Infertility"

{Warning long post, but def. a must read!!!}

One of the biggest parts of this journey is the support from friends. I have asked in my below post for friends to please tell me what it's like to either be in this journey or have an infertile friend who is in this journey. I was going to post these all at once but since some are so long I will be posting in sections. Here are three for you to read tonight.

These are NOT my words...these are solely what my friends have wrote about infertility, how they deal with it and what they have learned from infertility. When I asked for their help this week, I never knew exactly how sweet they would be and how they would speak "of me"...this wasn't mean to me an "about me" post, they are "just" that sweet (yes, I am extremely blessed!!)...needless to say I cried during everyone of these.

[I have run all the paragraphs together to shorten the post…]

The first comes from Rosemary (she doesn't have a blog, so I can't link her). I've known her since the 6th grade, she recently has been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Here is her thoughts on infertility:

"Tiffany & I go waaayyy back! We were the careless girls who never really thought about our future other than "boys!" It was so easy back then to not worry about anything or getting pregnant or what your future may hold. I was shocked to find out that Tiffany was having problems conceiving. She just seemed to be so happy & her and Zach seemed so perfect. How come, of all people, THEY couldn't have a baby? I know so many women who get pregnant on a drop of a dime, but people like Tiffany couldn't. It broke my heart for her. In the beginning, I did my research to find out what exactly infertility meant. My husband and I got married not long after them, so I wanted to understand what she was going through & still be able to relate in some ways considering we were both young married women. But when you are a newly-wed you never think "this could be us too." Boy was I wrong! Our first year of marriage, my husband & I didn't "try" but we didn't "not try" to get pregnant. So at my annual checkup, out of concern I asked why I hadn't been pregnant yet. So my OB/GYN gave us a year of trying. After that didn't work, we too were labeled with infertility. It's been a year and a half since we started trying and now Tiffany & I are in the infertility journey together. It is so important that we have someone to talk to about this understands. I know she would have never wished this on me but I think she's glad to have a a close friend going through this with her as well.I can't speak for her, but I know that many of my friends do not understand what we are going through. The meds, the hormones, hotflashes, dissappointment, ruined holidays, showers....I can go on and on. Except Tiffany, every female in my life right now, my best friends, my sister, all my other girl friends are pregnant! So this is a great time to bring awareness to all of those woman about the reality of infertility and what it means to have it. I've had the classic lines from my family members, and even best friends:"Why dont you try invitro fertilization?" "Just adopt" "Just stop stressing" "Maybe it's not your time" "You can borrow my husband's sperm-he keeps getting me pregnant" "Want me to carry it for you since you can't?" And a few more that I can't think of. It is so hard to explain to them the hurt these woman inflict and don't even realize it, but that's what this week is about.

If it weren't for Tiffany, I COULD NOT be going through this journey. I feel like everything I am going through, Tiffany has gone through. She helps me understand things about infertility that I had not ever known. She is there for me & checking on me as soon as I'm on CD 10, 21, & 28 b/c she understands the importance of those days. She prays for me, lifts me up and is just a great friend when I need it. And even through all this pain, we can share our stories and laugh about them together.Tiffany, you are the most deserving person I know & I hope one day, our children can play together b/c we WILL get through this! Thank you and I love you!!"

The second comes from
Ashley, Zach and her went to school together and we recently have become very close, here are her thoughts:

"This week is National Infertility Week. I never really knew anything about the issue, that is until I met my dear and sweet friend Tiffany Pifer. I knew what infertility was and what it meant, but I never really knew the heartache and everything that these "infertile" women go through to try and conceive a child. Tiffany would probably give her left leg to just hear those words, "you're pregnant". While getting to know Tiff, I would find myself researching online or asking her tons of different questions about her infertility. I just want to know and understand a little more about "why" she has a hard time and others don't. Is this something that runs in the family? Could it really be because of birth control that she was once on? What will be the 1st step at the fertility clinic? Why hasn't an IUI worked? The other night when we went to dinner and then up to Crickets, shortly after she had something weird happen. She felt dizzy, a pain in her lower abdomen and it didn't really last very long; however it bothered her enough to want to sit down for a while. We didn't know what it was and still really don't, but that following Monday, I was watching The Dr.s and a lady called in because she always has a bad pain in her abdomen, she gets really dizzy and kind of feels sick when she ovulates. This doesn't always happen to women, but some women can totally time ovulation by it. Well, I immediately called Tiff and told her what I had just seen and we looked it up on the computer and I read all the symptoms off and they all described what she experienced that night. Normally Tiff is really good with her cycles and knows exactly where she is, when she will ovulate and so forth, however this cycle she has had so much going on that she just hasn't had time to think about it, so we counted off the days on the calendar and it fell perfect for when women normally ovulate. We both just found it to be soo interesting and are hoping that was what it was and maybe a little Pifer Bean will the result of our discovery!! I HOPE, PRAY and WANT SOOOO badly for that to be the end result!! I think that Tiffany and other women that are going through this thought journey called "infertility" are sooo AMAZING and very inspirational! Tiffany is soo strong and maybe, she wasn't always that way in the beginning, but how could you be. It just seems so unfair that a couple that would be the best and most loving parents can't have the baby they deserve, but a woman gets pregnant and ends up brutally hurting or killing their child later on?!?! HOW and WHY?? I think this is something that I will never understand. Tiffany-you are truly AMAZING and so STRONG! You are such an inspiration to other women out there that are going down the same "TTC road". You NEVER give up on your dream of a "Pifer Bean"!! You will be able to write your, "I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!!" Blog one day and I CANNOT wait! I will probably sit there and read it 1,000 times just because I will be bawling from the title and the actual body of the post will be soo blurry from my tears! Haha...I watch you with my girls or with Audree and I know you are going to be a fantastic mom, who won't be bothered by the sleepless night, dirty diapers, vomit, fussiness and all the other fun stuff that motherhood brings! I have learned so much from you in the short amount of time I have known you and I have so much RESPECT for you and the other women that are in your shoes! I hope you don't get annoyed with all the questions or me asking you, "how you are doing or how you are feeling"? I know your 3 year mark was kinda rough and you were dreading it for a while, but you really handled it well and with an upbeat attitude and I applaud you for that because there are not alot of women out there that can continuously look at the positives and not the negatives. You know I am always here for you NO matter what and I love you to death girl!! Love- Ash "

The third is from my A
; Her and Zach also went to school together; this is "Audree's momma"--my amazing God daughter and someone who has experience pregnancy while I've experience are her thoughts:

"If you read my last post then most of you know that this week is National Infertility Week.
I have been asked by my best friend and Audree's Godmother to share my views on being fertile and as well as being so close to someone who struggles with infertility. Some people think that only people who are infertile have a hard time with the diagnosis, but in reality it effects more than that. They have a mother, a father, brothers, sisters, aunt's, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. INFERTILITY AFFECTS ALL OF US. In March of 2007 Brett decided he was ready to start trying for our family. I was excited and was ready to get going. *First month rolled around and I started. *Second month rolled around there was Aunt Flow again. *Third month rolled around TADA Aunt Flow showed her HIDIOUS face once again. *Fourth month we finally were pregnant. Now at this time I thought GOSH 4 months that is a LONG time, but in reality its Nothing compared to what an “infertile” couple goes through. When I saw the + sign on the home pregnancy test I called Tiffany right away. She told me to grab another prego test and come over. Of course I couldn't pee so Tiffany was making me down TONS of water and sticking my hands in cold water. Finally I said okay Tiff I think I have to pee.... So to make sure we didn't miss; Tiffany had me pee in a hairspray cap. I know you all are probably thinking that is weird and gross haha but we wanted to make sure the little bit of pee I did have we could test with. The word “pregnant” came up within seconds andI think we both screamed. This whole time this was going on you have to remember Zach and Tiffany, who have been struggling to get pregnant, are there. They were there for US, and they were so supportive. We are in THEIR home and we are telling them that we are pregnant. I remember Zach telling Brett CONGRATS DAD, and Tiffany & I just hugged. Let me tell you it takes a STRONG woman to be able to do that. The next day Tiffany took me to Barnes & Nobles and bought me a belly book and a book that was called Great Expectations. Tiffany didn’t have to do this, but she did. She wanted to make sure that I had everything I needed to know about being a first time preggers. When my due date drew closer Tiffany was preparing to throw me a baby shower. I remember getting an email from her about 1 month before the shower with something I did not expect. She wrote me a long heartfelt email with so many deep things she was feeling. She did not think that she could go through with the shower. You see Tiffany throwing me a baby shower was so very hard on her. She had to buy "BABY" shower things, she had to buy"BABY" diapers, "BABY" pacifiers, "BABY" bows, "BABY" gifts. Everything was BABY. This was a hard time for her and she didn't think she could go through with it. I couldn’t imagine trying for a child for so long and haven’t been successful, and having to go buy anything “BABY” related. After a long heartfelt chat between the 2 of us Tiffany pulled up enough strength & courage to throw me the baby shower. I can never ever show or share enough of how much that meant to me. She did not have to throw me a baby shower or be involved as she was but she did it for me. 2 days later, my daughter was born @ 32 weeks and was an emergency c-section. I woke up and was bleeding and little did we all know I was having a placenta abruption. This all came about @ 3:30 in the morning. Zach and Tiffany rushed to the hospital to be by our side. They could have stayed home and in bed considering they both had to work that day, but they gave that up to make sure we were all okay. They constantly called, emailed, texted and asked for updates on her and made sure that she was pulling through and being a trooper! They have always been there for Audree and treat her like one of their own. I am so proud to be able to call them not only our best friends but Audree’s Godmother and Godfather. I also wanted to touch basis on what its like for me as a “fertile” woman to have an “infertile” best friend. Some of you might be thinking what is the importance of this? Let me explain a little but from my point of view: I didn’t understand a lot of what was going on, the terms they used like DH, CD, HPT, CM, and all the other “code” words that go along with this. I didn’t understand the important of what cycle day you were on, I didn’t understand how so many things had to be just right in order to conceive, I didn’t understand why they didn’t opt for other options such as IUI and or In-vitro. I didn’t understand A LOT. You see there are so many things that “infertile” women go through and have to learn. Ive googled until I think I can’t google anymore and Ive asked until I think Ive turned blue in the face. Ive read other people’s blogs about infertility and try to learn about their issues and their problems as well. Being a “fertile” woman it was and is still hard for me at times to discuss things with Tiffany. You see I would never EVER want to hurt her in anyway and sometimes I think that if I am constantly talking about my daughter and my child that it will upset her. Im scared at times to talk about how bad I want to be pregnant again. Im scared to tell her things that Audree is doing. Im scared to “brag” about Audree and new things she is accomplishing. Im scared at times to ask her how her ultrasound appointments went, Im scared to ask her how she is feeling, Im scared to ask her if Aunt Flow has shown her face yet. BUT I do want to EMPHASIZE that Tiffany has NEVER EVER made me feel like I was bothering her and hurting her feelings by talking about the above, its just something that I struggle with asking. Im personally scared of asking her anything that would upset her. She has told me over and over that its okay and she wants to me to ask. Im getting there, just slowly! Watching Tiffany struggle through her infertility struggle has been hard. I’ve seen the ups, Ive seen the downs, Ive seen the false +’s, I’ve seen her cry until there were no tears left, Ive seen her so mad that she probably had fire coming out of her ears, Ive seen her question Why me? Why us? God Why? BUT through all of this I’ve seen her grow into the woman she is today. Ive seen her faith grow 150% in the Lord. Ive seen her and Zach become one of the most strongest couples that Ive ever come into contact with. Ive seen her become someone that so many people look up to and adore, including myself. I think the best thing of all that I personally have learned is not to take anything for granted. Appreciate everything that you are given in this life and never ever overlook anything no matter how small it may be. Tiffany, I know you and Zach will get your precious blessing from above. When that day comes I feel like the whole world will be rejoicing with us. I can not wait to see the words IM PREGNANT, I can’t wait to hear the words IM PREGNANT, I can’t wait to see the 1st ultrasound, I can’t wait to see the beautiful baby. We ♥ you guys!!!"

(Thank you to all three of you wonderful ladies! It's so important for others to hear "others" input on infertility--these letters mean more than you all will ever know!.....stay tuned for many more---and please join in on spreading everything we know about "infertility")

Infertility 101

{My sweet friend Megan posted this on her blog, she is one of my good friends I have meet through the blogger world and she too is going down the infertility path! Please head over to her page and read her story!}

Infertility 101: Get the facts

Myth: Infertility is a women's problem.

Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.

Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won't feel isolated.

Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!

Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.

Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.

Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.

Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant!

Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.

Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!

Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. But choosing how to build your family is a very personal decision. Learning about all the ways to build a family can open your eyes to options you may not have thought of as a possibility. Education is key to finding resolution.

Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!

Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.

Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.

Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.

Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents!

Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.

Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.

Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.

Myth: I shouldn't take a month off from infertility treatment for any reason... I just know that this next month will be THE one!

Fact: It is important periodically to reassess your treatment and your parenting goal. Continuity in treatment is important, but sometimes a break can provide needed rest and renewal for the next steps.

Myth: I'll be labeled a 'trouble maker' if I ask too many questions.

Fact: The physician/patient team is important. You need to be informed about what treatments are available. What is right for one couple may not be right for another, either physically, financially, or emotionally. Don't be afraid to ask questions of your doctor.

A second opinion can be helpful. If needed, discuss this option with your physician.

Myth: I know I'll never be able to stop treatment until I have a pregnancy.

Fact: Pregnancy is not the only pathway to parenthood. You may begin to think more about parenthood than about pregnancy. You may long for your life to get back to normal. You may consider childfree living or begin to think of other ways to build a family.

Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!

Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week)

April 25th - May 2nd 2009

My sweet friend from Stafford Stories posted this, and I am extremely glad she did!!!!!! As another women who is experiencing infertility I to know first hand how many women out there feel and how many women are longing for that moment that there prayers have been answered and they can experience motherhood! So I as well, will be supporting National Infertility week by spending the week sharing little stories and insights about infertility in hopes that it will help many women cope with infertility and mom's out there understand what infertility is and how much it hurts to be faced with infertility. I really hope you can join us on helping to spread the word and help others understand exactly how infertility can effect your life!

I want to devote one day solely to "success stories"; I as you know am not able to share a "success" story (as of yet), however I know MANY of you who can. If you would like (email link is in my sidebar)...I personally know that success stories are the ones that keep me thinking positive, knowing that if it can happen to others it can happen to me!

Infertility has made me into the person I am today, amazingly enough today I am able to say that I am thankful for this journey. Only ones who have experienced this are those who truly understand the emotions we go through.

If you are one of my fertile friends and you would like to post this and talk about the "other" side of infertility and how you personally handle being friends with someone infertile, go for it! This week let us help each other learn more and understand more!!!!

Fun Filled Weekend

The March of Dimes walk was this weekend, it was extra special to me because I was walking in honor of my Goddaughter whom was born 8 weeks early. Here are a few pictures from the walk...

Me and my adorable God Daughter, Audree

"Hey Uncle Zach, Whatcha' doing?"

Aud, Me and Aud's momma
Me and Ashley

Me and Zach

Ash and Audree

Zach and Brett


Saturday night we out to eat with Zach's brother, some of his friends. We sat out on the balcony and enjoyed the wonderful weather. It was extremely relaxing!! After dinner we headed downstairs and hung out for a little bit; Rosie, Mindy and Jenn {some friends I went to highschool with} showed up and it was so great to see them!! Here are a couple pics from the night :)
Me and my honey!
Jennifer, Rosemary, Me and Mindy

{P.S. thank you for all the sweet emails and comments...I am doing ok trying my best to keep my mind off of things and focusing on thinking positive and leaning on God to guide me through this tough time! I just want you all to know I greatly appreciate you all, more than any of you will ever know!!!! You have all touched my heart in MANY ways!!!! thank you!!!!!!!}

Friday, April 24, 2009

It's A New Day

Well, it’s a NEW day! I would LOVE to tell you I feel better…but I can’t right now. I am done crying; at least right now I am done; I can’t really cry anymore…I’m out of tears {did ya’ll know you could run out of tears???? Well you can!!}. My head is pounding from the crying and stress…BUT I keep telling myself… “Tiffany this is a NEW day!”.

If your new, you can click here to read about what we found out yesterday, reagarding my mom.

I didn’t sleep much last night, from constantly thinking about the risk and everything, to praying, to tossing and turning, soaking in the tub hoping it would relax me…I maybe ended up with 2 hours of sleep. So needless to say I was up this morning at 5am when Zach woke up to get ready for work, he said “Get ready…I’m taking you somewhere”… “WHAT?? It’s 5AM…” he said “your not sleeping, get up…get ready!”. SO I did. My sweet husband took me to eat breakfast this morning, mmmm pancakes seem to always put a smile on my face, even if it is only a temporary smile :). After a much needed sugar intake I headed to work…talking to God the whole way.

“Please God keep me strong…please God watch my mom…please God don’t let me fall asleep at my desk…Please God let this wake up and be a dream…God I promise I won’t bug you anymore about a baby, just please heal my mom…God thank you for my husband who bought me much needed pancakes…Please God carry me through this…Please God don’t let my mother stress….”

I think I pretty much talked to God about anything and everything you can talk to him about. I closed my eyes when I pulled into work, asked God to wrap his arms around me. Right now I feel as though I am in a complete daze, I did however find that when someone hugs me the tears somehow have found there way back…strange thing indeed! I want to thank you all for the comments, emails, calls, re-posting for prayers…everything! Your prayers and your kind words mean so much to me. I am sorry if I haven’t wrote you all back to thank you individually. Just know I appreciate it more than you know! My followers have grown overnight, I am amazed and so very thankful to have each one of ya'll praying for my family. THANK YA'LL!

God is amazing indeed and he WILL carry us through this.

I also promise to be back to my happy-go-lucky self soon :) I am by far a sad person, but this has brought me down a bit…I am on my way back up…slowly but surely with prayer and God’s guidance my mother, myself and our family will make it through this journey!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

We have hit a MAJOR Pothole in the Road!

I'm not quite sure where to let me start by introducing you to my mom....

My Lovely Bloggers.....

<~~~This beautiful lady (ok...the other, beautiful lady ha!) is my mom!

Sometimes it helps when you have a face to go with who you are praying for. {Plus I wasn't quite sure how to lead into this difficult post, so that seemed like the easiest way possible.....} you all my mom had her angiogram last week, her MRI this week and got the results today...these results weren't exactly "how" we expected they would be...however like my post below God doesn't always lead us down the "easy" roads...we have most def. stepped in a major pothole!!

*For starters...she is suspected to have a ruptured inner ear, this would be the main cause as to why she always falls and can not keep her balance. She will be seeing a specialist for this within the next couple weeks.

*She has 8 bludging and ruptured disks in her back. Her Dr. pretty much said she is walking around with a "broken back"...from the top to the bottom it's pretty bad and surgery wise, he just doesn't know if it's fixable without causing more damage than good. Her Dr. has pain Dr's that work under him and she will start to see them and discuss the options of injections (which she already receives, and they don't help her to much), infusions and implants (the implant would be a little box they would put in her back to release pain meds so that she can function.)

* here comes the hard part! Her brain aneurysm and brain tumor...both are on her left side of the brain. He said he will bring her back in 4 months to do another angiogram and "if" they have grown any, she will undergo immediate surgery (like the same day or next day)

So are you thinking what I was thinking????? "Why not just do it now and get it over with???"

He said if she was healthy he would do the surgery now, however my mom is far from healthy. Since she has already had a brain aneurysm it would only do more harm than good. He is afraid doing surgery now with everything that is wrong it could very possibly leave her brain dead. The surgery is so very risky, and he said right now it's not an option that he wants to do. However; he can not promise that she will be here in 4 months to do the angiogram. A brain aneurysm is serious and you never know what will happen. She could make it years without any growth or any bursting, or she could only have days. One of the main reasons he can't do the back surgery is; #1 it's a very serious surgery in itself, however the stress of the theraphy that she would be enduring after the surgery is far to stressful and painful than her brain needs right now. Her Dr. advised her, NO stress, NO tears, NO getting angry, NO getting sad...absolutely nothing that would trigger her aneurysm to burst. He said at no time is she to forget that she has a brain aneurysm and brain tumor. He does not want her to walk on egg shells through life, HOWEVER this is something she always needs to be aware of, because ANY sign of ANYthing she feels different or if she has a bad headache...anything that isnt "day to day" normal she is to call him ASAP , as that could very possibly save her life.

Personally I'm very numb at the moment (besides my pounding head and swollen eyes from crying). I honestly can't believe it's like this. She had her other aneurysm and it was "ok lets do surgery, wham bam thank you mam', it's all fixed"...(ok, so it was a little more scary than just that....but my point is it was FIXED)...however I don't have that option right now. I could hear her fighting back tears telling me this dreadful news. We both hoped for the same news "I can fix this and I will" we didn't expect for this to be so "difficult". I could hear the fear in her voice when she leads to tell me how she doesn't ever want to be brain dead and how if she ever became that way that she would want me to pull the plug...I immediately stopped her and said thats not an option and I didn't want to talk about that--I can't think about that! That is NOT an option!!!!! Inside though, I am terrified that my mom will fall or get upset and trigger her aneurysm to burst. I sat on the phone while she was telling me this and held my composer. I said, "it's ok mom...we will get through this, no biggie at all...have Faith"....then I hung up the phone and bawled like a big baby; thats my mom...nothing can happen to her.

I don't know what the next few months will hold, I don't know how this will all play out. I personally wish I would wake up from this nightmare. I just keep telling myself, GOD HAS A PLAN! I think I have prayed since the moment I talked to my mom...I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared now, b/c I am beyond scared...however God is amazing and he will guide us through this, some how...some way...we will make it through this. God doesn't give you any more than you can handle, although at times (def. right now!) I wish I could seriously have a one on one with Him and please ask him how much more does he possible think I can handle, b/c I personally think I have enough on my plate...BUT if he knows I can handle it, I guess I can...

SO the plan! My mom goes back in 4 months if not before!!

We need to pray for 2 major things:
1) for the aneurysm to NOT burst
and 2) for the aneurysm and tumor to NOT grow

Also, please pray that she stays calm...somehow, someway, she can not stress!! I also need strength, I've become a pretty tough chick throughout this infertility journey, however bumps like these make me feel extremely weak! I have to be able to remain strong for her to remain calm!

PLEASE keep her in your prayers!!

Thank you and God Bless!

Faith and The Road of Life

Definition of Faith: It is the confident belief in the truth of or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing. It is also used for a belief, without proof. Informal usage of the word "faith" can be quite broad, and may be used standardly in place of "trust", "belief", or "hope". For example, the word "faith" can refer to a religion itself or to religion in general. As with "trust", faith involves a concept of future events or outcomes. Faith is often used in a religious context. It is the belief and the assent of the mind to the truth of what is declared by another, based on his or her authority and truthfulness.
Is it possible to have to much Faith? Nah…it can’t be right? The posture of faith provides a sense of inner peace which gives us the ability to embrace and celebrate the existing opportunities for joy in our life. Will Faith make me pregnant, not so much…but having Faith gets me through the days-good and bad. Having Faith helps me stay positive and not think negative. So surely you can’t have to much Faith! I’ve always been a strong believer of Faith, but hear lately I depend on it…is that a bad thing? I personally don’t think so. I trust in our Lord in Savior. I feel he has a plan so great for Zach and I; I have FAITH! God runs the world from a vantage point of knowing the broader picture and , hence, what ultimately is in our best interest. I just keep telling myself that we need to pray for strength, for the recognition that no matter what, our Heavenly Father is holding our hands and will see us through our life’s journey. In the final analysis, we don't write the script for our lives-he does. There will be the inevitable bumps and potholes along the road we travel.
The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success.
Philippians 4:13—I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A Few Updates

First….THANK YOU all for caring about us, asking about us, praying for us and just being there for us! This blog has come so far since the day I started it. It was simply something to help me keep family updated so that I didn’t have to call everyone after every appt. I never knew so many people would choose to follow us and pray for us…I never knew I would meet such wonderful people! You are so wonderful!!!!

Here are a couple updates:

*I am so sorry to have so many worried with my “weird spell” that I mentioned in the below post. It didn’t last long; I’m not really certain what it was for sure. That night when I got home I was having some ovary pains, so it made me think I had a little cyst forming again or one that maybe burst?? However, I am not for sure. If it happens again I will call the Dr. and go in, but hopefully it doesn’t happen again! :)

*As far as a “cycle update” that ya’ll keep asking about—I really don’t have one to be honest. I couldn’t tell you what cycle day I am on…if I have already ovulated, if I will ovulate if I haven’t yet…when I should be starting…I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing to not know where you are in your cycle. This cycle just really came at bad time to really “try” because of everything that was going on with our unexpected trip to PA, my mom and so forth…maybe a great surprise is in store for us…I sure hope so :)

*Zach’s grandfather is still hanging in there, I don’t believe he is doing any “better”, but he isn’t doing any “worse” so I guess with him being the same as when we saw him is good news :) Thanks for asking and thanks for all the prayers that continue to be prayed for him.

*My mom didn’t have her MRI yesterday. She has to be put under, due to her body twitching and moving and everyone knows with a MRI you have to be completely still. Well she went in yesterday to have it done, but they weren’t “prepared” to do it with her put to sleep, so it was rescheduled for Wednesday and she will have her appt. with her Dr. to discuss the findings on Thursday. Thank you for the continuous prayers for my mother as well…ya’ll are amazing!

***Please pray for Stellan today as he is in surgery, pray that God be with him, the physicians, MckMama and there family***

Monday, April 20, 2009

Friday Night Fun

Friday night Zach wanted to go out to dinner for his birthday given it was Monday and we weren’t able to celebrate it with friends the weekend before due to coming home from PA the day before…so James and Ashley said they would go and Zach’s other friend Josh and his girlfriend Nikki were going to come; we knew we were going to be eating late, however with the weather as bad as it was Zach didn’t get off till around 8:30; so Josh and Nikki weren’t able to make it to dinner {I don’t blame them, that’s late and my tummy was growling majorly} J and A said that the time didn’t matter to them, so thankfully we were still able to go out. We went to LaFiesta, one of my childhood favorites!! Our waiter was a tad bit...(whats the word I’m looking for???)… “off” to put it nicely. He was a sweet guy, but he talked so fast, and you weren’t able to read his lips b/c they were every such way but the way they should be; I’m sure if you would have taken a picture of all of us trying to figure out what he was asking us our faces would look puzzled and blank!!! If only we were able to pause and rewind him a bit :)

After dinner, Zach and James decided they wanted to go to Crickets for a little while and play some shuffle board, I was all down for shuffle board and hanging out for longer—so off we went! We weren’t there longer than 10 minutes before I started to feel really strange. It hit me really fast, I remember getting really hot and dizzy…I told Zach to take me outside…as we were walking down the long side walk my knees felt as though they were going to cave it and I was going to pass out…I started getting really nauseous. Zach sat me down and I knew I was “done”. He walked me to the car and said he wanted to go close up his tab. Well sweet Ashley and James came out to check on me, Ashley hopped in the car and we told James to go back in and have fun with Zach. Josh and Nikki came out to Cricketts to hang out with all of us, so I told Zach to not rush and have fun with them. After all I was perfectly fine—just feeling weird and Ashley was doing a wonderful job taking care of me and keeping me company. We sat and talked for a whole hour ½ …we looked up through my sunroof and I guess the fact it was getting late…we started losing our minds and getting a bit “goofy”. You know how you look at the clouds and “see objects” well since it was dark, and there weren’t any clouds…we looked up through my sunroof and made objects with the “rain drops” on the glass…we laughed so hard, the more we found the harder we laughed!

Once James and Zach came out it was time to head home and catch some zzz’s before our long day of Jimmy Buffett the next day!

(I realize my weekend post are out of order--I was waitin' for Ash to upload her pics so I could steal them since I forgot my camera :)) Here are a couple of the pics!

James & Ashley---Me & Zachary

Me-Ash and Pete our waiter...he was something else!

Me and Ash (I don't know why we look orange...I promise
that's not how I copied the pic from her!

Smooches for Ash taking care of me and keeping
me company in the car!!

A & J and T & Z

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Jimmy Buffett Concert


Zach and I went to see the amazing Jimmy Buffett in concert yesterday. He was wonderful; as he always is. The weather started off nasty and cold, but ended in a BEAUTIFUL day in Paradise {as Jimmy would say} :)

His concerts are fantastic. I honestly admit, I never knew who Jimmy Buffett was until I met Zach...I went to my first concert in 06' then another in 07'...we sadly missed 08' but hopefully this will be our summer tradition for a couple more years. I would HIGHLY recommend to anyone who wants to have a FULL day of fun from sun up to sun down to go to a Jimmy Buffett concert; the things you see are hilarious...everyone dresses in Hawaiian gear and to see how far some people go with there"costumes" is quite comical. Next year we are going to rent an RV and stay there for the whole weekend vs. going Sat. morning and coming home that night. There is NEVER A dull moment at one of his concerts...they are WONDERFUL...

Here are a couple pictures from our concert!

My honey pie-Zach


Me and my honey watching Jimmy


Another pic of Jimmy

Zach with his "Fins"

Me with my "Fins"

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Check It Out

I got a button...I got a button...I got a button...Hey-Hey-Hey-HEY!

I've had quite a few emails asking if and when I would get a "button" ; well you ask and you shall receive :) ha!!! Here you go for those who want it. It's on my side bar, so all you will have to do is copy the code and paste it.

A BIG thanks to Julie at Julies Blog Designs for helping me get this set up!!! Go check out her wonderful designs!!!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


“There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better in a sense. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.”

Author Unknown

I found this a while back and printed off to read from time to time when I get sad, however I have so many blogger-friends out there that are down right now due to this difficult journey and I HAD to share this with all of ya’ll; this does not mean that my fertile friends are not good parents, b/c I know each one of ya’ll and ya’ll are marvelous parents…I have said it from the beginning, infertile women have a “different” type of appreciation towards pregnancy and there children…it doesn’t mean that fertile women don’t, it’s just a different appreciation that only infertile women feel and experience. I know that God has something WONDERFUL in store for each of us! I know that he is up there creating us our miracles! I have Faith that God is listening to each one of our prayers and with time he will bless us…in HIS time that is. I wish I knew why things like this happened…I wish I could take each one of ya’lls heartache away—however one day you will know why God choose you to go down this path! God has a plan for everyone. I truly believe in him and I have 100% faith in him…as long as were patient and trust in him, he will bless us in more ways then one. I pray for you all each and every night (As well as others that are having different struggles right now)…God will pull us through this—we just need to lean on him.

God Bless you ALL.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Long Day at The Hospital

I am finally home from the hospital!

The actual procedure went fine; they were not able to see the brain tumor so she is scheduled to have an MRI next Monday which will tell us more about that as well as her bulging disks in her back; she will very likely need back surgery also.

The aneurysm is tinier than her last one; they caught it early which is awesome. He said she will need surgery for that one as well, however since it's small it's not a dire emergency, he said 3-4 weeks maybe; if not longer.

I ended up staying at the hospital all day, which was not my goal was to be there for the verdict of the procedure and then go back to work. However shortly after she got back she starting having some bad reactions, such as major headaches, nausea, and shortness of breath (this was due to her not "wanting" to breath b/c her head hurt so bad)...the nurses said she would be perfectly fine, it was just a reaction which happens to some patients, however I did not want to leave her--so I was there all day.

We will know more next week sometime....we'll know for sure if she will have back surgery and when and when she will have the aneurysm surgery as well as how the brain tumor looks.

Thank you ALL for your prayers, calls, texts and means alot to me. I am SO tired and emotionally drained from being at the hospital all day (not to mention my lack of sleep the past couple weeks) I feel as though I could do what bears do and just hibernate for a couple months :) .....ahhh that would be so nice!!

Thanks again, you all are MORE than AMAZING!!!!!!! :)

The Pifer Family
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