Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I hope you all have a VERY Happy and Blessed New Years! Be careful if you go out!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I go back on the 9th for progesterone blood work, I won't know my results until the following Monday though. I feel alot more at peace about this cycle than last! I know God has been with me every step of the way through this journey, but I just feel he has his arms extra tight around me this time.
Monday, December 29, 2008
For those going through the same or similar situation as I am, keep your heads up...God will bring each one of us through this, we just have to have faith! I thank you all for keeping up with my journey, we will all have our blessings in time!!!! God is amazing!!!
For my "fertile mertiles" thank you all for being there for me, even with as hard as it might be for you, you all have been there for me through thick and thin, and I really appriciate all your prayers and support!!!
Thank you all, I really appriciate you all and love you all so very much!!!!
I am really excited about this one, last one I was really nervous, but this one I feel different...I feel more calm...I feel like this one will go smoother...I won't get my hopes up like last time...I just overall feel alot better about this one!!!!
I will be going to work tomorrow after my IUI, however I am going comfortable and will be taking it very easy, but I have alot I have to get done before the end of the month, so I have to be here. WELL...just keep us in your prayers, I would love to be able to start 2009 off as a mommy to be....everything is in God's hands, he is watching over us and guiding us through this.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
What do you think God meant when he gave me infertility???
Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.
These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?
What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the STRENGTH within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special reason. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."
I know our time is coming, I have FAITH. God has his arms wraped so tight around me and my husband...I feel it! WE WILL BE PARENTS!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Well for starters let me say THANKS to you all for being there for Zach and I through the past couple days. Saturday was a very hard day for us…but we survived and now were moving on. There isn’t any time to dwell on the “past” as we are now starting to prepare for our next cycle.
I talked to my Dr. this next cycle will have to be timed just perfectly in order to get the IUI, but we will def. be doing all the fertility meds this go around and hope and pray the IUI will fall right so we can get that too. I go in next Monday (day 10) for my first follicle scan. Since we have been trying to have an IUI my “ovulation time” as fallen different pretty much every cycle, all the other cycles were a bust, either because it fell over the weekend or I just never produced follicles. Well…my Dr. said “IF” my cycle falls like this last cycle, day 12 will be on New Years Eve. Well they are open till noon, so that is good...however, that doesn’t mean I will be ready on day 12…I might not be ready till day 13-14-15 or 16…and well, they are closed those days. So pretty much I have Monday and Tuesday that I need to be ready on and hopefully get the IUI Tuesday or Wednesday…it’s tricky this time, but it can happen if it’s meant to be.
This will be our last cycle before our couple month break off meds. Please continue to keep Zach and I in your prayers during this journey. We wouldn’t be able to get through this so easy if it wasn’t for all your love and strength and support you all give us! God has a PLAN and WE DO know this…this past weekend wasn’t the easiest, but we knew and saw that coming considering so much is invested in these cycles vs. “reg” cycles (if you really want to consider any cycle I have had “regular”.)
I hope you all have a blessed and happy Holiday season…if you travel please be careful and may God be with you! :o)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
As of now, my head just hurts, my throat hurts and my eyes feel like there swollen from crying so much....my heart feels a little better and I know I will be ok. I don't know why God didn't bless us this time, but i do know he had his reasons. I have faith in him and I know that one day Zach and I will have our blessing from above. Today was one of the hardest days ever and it's no where near over. I wish I could go back to sleep...wake up and this all be a dream. God has his reasonings....everything happens for a reason, I just keep telling myself this...
As far as whats next....not sure yet. My Dr. wanted to do one more IUI before our "med break" however leave it up to me and having days fall on holidays...day 12 falls on New Years Eve, so I am not sure how this will work out. I will call them Monday and see, either we will be starting another round of fertilities Monday or we will be starting our few month "med-break".
Thank you for the prayers, just please keep them up!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Dear Santa Claus,
My name is Tiffany. I am 24 years old!! I live in the great city of Waco. Of course, that's in Texas, United States, but I'll bet you knew that!! This year I've been so good that I should be the angel on top of the tree!
Santa Claus, some things I might like for Christmas this year are:
- A BLESSING FROM ABOVE....;
- A LITTLE BUDDLE OF JOY; and,
- A MIRACLE FROM GOD....
By the way Santa, did I mention that I would love to be pregnant and have a heathly pregnancy? I know I know...I am 24 years old, and I am asking for something only God can give me, but I figured...asking you only makes sure I have all my bases covered as well...SO Santa, please can you and God together please make mine and my husbands dreams come true!? Our ultimate Christmas wish is to be parents...have a baby...a miracle and a blessing at Christmas that we would never forget. Thank you!
MY LETTER BACK FROM SANTA:
Thank you for sending me your email all the way from Waco! HO!! Ho!! ho!! We get wonderful Christmas emails from boys and girls around the world but everyone at the North Pole sure gets excited when we get one from you Tiffany!
Well tickle my whiskers, Tiffany! Are you fibbing to ol' Santa Claus?!? You can't possibly be 24 years old already! Why it seems like only yesterday that I was leaving presents for a certain little girl and here you are now, practically one of Santa's elves! (*grin*)
Sorry the presents the last little while probably haven't been quite as exciting as they were when you were a little girl but, well, you know how these things go (*wink*). Anyway, Santa's glad to see some of the 'older kids' (not to mention anyone in particular!) still take the time to write. I also hear you've been a REALLY REALLY good girl. (Of course, you won't mind if I do a little checking, will you? HO!! Ho!! ho!!).
Let's see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. a blessing from above....; 2. a little buddle of joy and; 3. a miracle from god.... Not sure the elves can make these, but I sure will try to get you this. Of course, there are a lot of good boys and girls in the world and only so many presents so I hope you won't be too upset with me if you don't get everything you asked for this Christmas, but I think you will get something special you won't ever forget.
Yum! Smells like Mrs. Claus just pulled another batch of cookies out of the oven. HO!! Ho!! ho!! I'll bet she needs help eating them! Take care Tiffany and don't forget to come back and visit me here at EmailSanta.com on Christmas Eve!! And remember... only 13 more sleeps until Christmas!!
Forever and Always Your Friend,
P.S. Why thank you for the wonderful hugs & kisses Tiffany! Here are some extra special hugs and kisses just for you from everyone at the North Pole!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Zach was too cute last night, after he came in with the flowers he unloaded his lunch box and 4 empty bottles of orange juice fell out…(vitamin C is really good for sperm count) So when he found out we were having an IUI today he went to the convenient store and bought some OJ…he already takes vitamin C every morning and night, but he said he wanted all the help he could get…we laughed so hard last night at the way we were talking…if you could have been a fly on the wall in our house. Hear we are talking about the most embarrassing thing for a man, but yet we were having such a “normal” conversation about it…I asked him how long it took him to “do his thing” haha…I had to make sure he was there at 8, and heck if I know how long it takes…then we started talking about how to get his stuff there the BEST way…where it stays “room temp” in this cold weather..He said I will drive with it between my legs on the way there…I know to ya’ll this doesn’t sound funny, but once we stopped talking and heard ourselves we just laughed so hard. I am so glad that God lead us to find humor is such a serious situation :o)
Trying to go to sleep last night was like a kid trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve….I couldn’t sleep for anything…I swear every time I woke up I thought about it, not nervous or scared or stressed thinking, just so excited…Zach wakes up and he goes to get ready for work and gets his work truck and comes home…I was just waking up about this time to get “semi” ready to hopefully go “conceive our child” (I had to look somewhat decent, even if I was just coming home haha). Zach made me breakfast and after his “deed was done” he was putting on his shoes getting ready to walk out the door…I heard him say “come on little guys, ya’ll have to work ya’lls magic” haha…he called me from my Dr. with this worried sound in his voice, his “little guys” fell (the bottle fell in his work truck…not far, but he was concerned they were “shakened up”…I tried to convince him they should be ok…he wished me good luck and off I went…Yes Zach wasn’t able to be there with me, he had to head to work…but it’s ok, I would rather him get home early than stay with me then get home late….
OK, so I get in the room finally, I was told to undress waist down then on to the table in the cold cold room…I sat there before my nurse and Dr. walked in and prayed…I prayed that God give me strength, I prayed for this to be our only IUI and that this will successfully work and I will be pregnant and get the best Christmas present ever….I asked God to wrap his arms around me and about that time the cold cold room didn’t seem cold anymore…I know God was with me during my procedure. So the Dr. comes in and gets me prepped, the catheter going in hurt so bad, it felt like someone was cutting into my cervix…he said that was normal though, and once the catheter got in to where it needed to be the pain wasn’t SO bad, it was more like cramps. The actual procedure took about 15 minutes, then I laid on the table for about 20 minutes to insure that the little guys are nice and settled in there “new home”.
They said everything went well, I had a little spotting which they said is perfectly normal, and they said I would cramp some which again is normal…now we just sit back and wait. I should find out right before Christmas, I pray that God gives us the best Christmas present ever!!!
Thank you for all the prayers!!!!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I went in today for my “cyst check up/follicle scan” appt. I get in there and she looking at my cyst, it has gone down to about the size of a golf ball now which is wonderful so surgery is completely out of the question which makes me SO excited…well then as she was scanning all my little follicles trying to see if I had one big enough “I” noticed this mass above my cyst…I asked her what that was…she said “Tiffany, I totally didn’t see that…but that’s a MATURE FOLLICLE”. I am NO expert, but I guess looking at these ultrasounds for about 1 ½ years has FINALLY paid off, hahaha…the mature follicle was so close to my cyst it appeared to be apart of my cyst, however it was a follicle measuring 22mm!!!! AMAZING! My lining was 7.8 which with my meds tonight it will be well over 8mm tomorrow.
SO, she goes out and tells the crew who I can hear inside my little room just a hollering…it’s so nice to know there all rooting for me through all this. My nurse comes in, gives me my trigger shot and gives me all the “Directions”. I have to take Ceotec (sp??) tonight to soften my cervix so that the catheter will make it’s way all the way up to where it needs to be. Zach has to be there at 8am to drop off the “little guys” and I have to be there at 9…I am taking the day off just as I don’t want any stress, I want to be so relaxed and calm through everything.
We are so excited, yes this doesn’t mean I will “get” pregnant by this…sometimes it takes 3-4 IUI’s before one actually conceives, however this was our 5th attempt for an IUI…it took 5 cycles to finally be able to get this done…I just feel like everything is finally falling into place! I know God is with us, I asked him today while waiting in the room before my ultrasound to wrap his arms around me and to please let my cyst shrink and me to be able to have the IUI, but most importantly give me strength through all this…he was there with me, it’s because of him that everything worked out this cycle for the IUI…God is amazing; you just have to have faith in him!
SO please keep us in your prayers during tomorrow, please pray that everything works out the way it should!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Over the weekend I recieved an email from a lady I have never met, she is not in the same situation as me, however she told me I was her inspiration to get through the hard time she is going through; she came across my blog and says she reads it daily...It amazes me the people God has brought us to know, the people who are there for us...ya’ll are angels sent from above to give us strength. We never in a million years thought a journey like this would bring us to so many new and wonderful friendships…some of the people that we thought would be there aren’t, but for everyone that isn’t there we have about 5 more that I never thought would be here for us but IS! I never would have imagine people I didn’t even know would email/message me to let me know “I” am an inspiration or there hero, I still don’t think I am worthy enough to be someone’s hero or an inspiration to them, but I thank you all for saying that or thinking that, whether you mean it or your saying it to make me a stronger person it means a lot and more than words can describe! God has truly blessed us, and for that we are very thankful!
Here is a couple friendship quotes that I really like:
“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it's lost”
“Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.”
“Hold on to family and friends; they are the most important people in your life, and they make the world a better place. They are your roots and the beginnings that you grew from; they are the vine that has grown through time to nourish you, help you on your way, and always remain close by.”
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
“If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday, and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for…and I am so thankful for my family and friends!”
SO THANK YOU, you all know who you are…you will never ever know how much Zach and I appreciate you all, all your prayers, all your phone calls, all your messages or texts. You will forever be apart of our hearts, we will never forget you or everything ya’ll have done for us…we love ya’ll!!!!
Friday, December 5, 2008
SO what I am getting at is, not everything will happen as YOU planned, but it will happen as GOD PLANS. HE is the one who is in control, he is the one that you have to have faith in and trust…with God all things are possible, and I know as long as I believe and trust he will grant us our blessing one day.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I have faith that we will still be able to get the IUI and things will be ok…for some reason I just feel like this cycle will fall into place like it should, but we shall see…God may have other plans in mind :o)
Thanks for all the calls, texts and emails I have received today checking on me and some checking on Zach, you all have no idea how much it means to us. I never in a million years would have thought that I would have such amazing people on my side through this all!!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
It's for me...yes yes, I am ok! However we are gearing up to start another cycle of fertilies. This cycle is so much more important than the past cycles, so I am reaching out for as many extra prayers as we can possibly get. Zach and I only have 2 more cycles left before we will have to take a "med" break (that is just a couple month break that gives my body a quick rest from the fertilities); HOWEVER if for some reason this cycle is like last (not ovulating) this will be our last before a break. SO PLEASE pray, pray if not pregnancy to at least have my body work in the way it's supposed to. Zach and I like to be able to get all the cycles we can in the "cycle" (I know it's probably confusing).
I start my fertilies today (they are bumping me up to 150mg instead of 100mg), and my first appt. is Thursday (CD6)...I won't be ready that day, but since we are going to attempt yet another IUI, we have to start monitoring me early on.
OH how I hope God blesses us with the BEST Christmas present EVER; however as long as my body does what it's supposed to I will be happy!!!!
Thank you for all the prayers you have already prayed...we can't express enough how much it means to us, and I will update everyone after every appt.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Then you have the "little" things...but are they actually little? Not really...actually they are huge, but some people never stop and give thanks for these things...I am thankful for so many things in life…things I never thought to "be thankful for"…such as patience (THANK you God for this!!!), understanding, having faith, high progesterone levels, dr. appts, INSURANCE, My Doctor, my nurse, my whole Dr. office and the sweet ladies who work there, My on-line ttc friends whom I have grown so close to over the years, my boss (she never questions an appt...just supports me and lets me go...you don't find that in most jobs), OUR DOGGIES--OH how I am so thankful for my little 4-legged children…
Zach and I have had a crazy year, but every single thing we have endured has made us even more thankful than the last. God is amazing and everything happens for a reason, and I am THANKFUL that I have accepted things in life and I am THANKFUL that I know to put everything in God’s hands!!! As everyone knows the past couple days weren't the easiest for us, however we are so Thankful that God gave us the patience, understanding, strength to get through it and faith to move forward...God doesn't do things to punish us, and we are thankful we understand that...God does stuff to make us stronger people-->which I am so thankful that I know to trust in him.
Be thankful for everything, I mean EVERYTHING, take this Thanksgiving season as a time to reflect what you are most thankful for but also to acknowledge the "little-big" things that you haven't ever "acknowledged"…and always count your blessings…for without them…life is meaningless!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Yesterday we “thought” all of our dreams had been answered. You see my cycle is late, I figured I would be a “cheap” pregnancy test (keep in mind I was told I wouldn’t ovulate, and if I did the chances were slim). Well, I didn’t want to waste money on an expensive pregnancy test for it to just say negative…so my analogy was take the test yesterday morning, see that it’s negative…call my Dr, go in for a beta and then induce my cycle (you have to have a beta before you induce your cycle, and for those who don’t know beta=blood pregnancy test).
OK, so I pee on the stick yesterday morning…set it down, walk away…do some things and then I am staring…”could that be a line”…”no way”…when I held it far away you could see it, when I held it up close you couldn’t…everyone who saw it said it looked to be positive…well I just let it go, I blew it off as – or an “evap” line…went home that afternoon, looked at the test and it was clear as day positive…I wanted to freak out so bad, but to tell you the truth I just knew something wasn’t right about it, I had this gut feeling…well Zach gets home, and I asked him what he saw…his face lit up and he confirmed I wasn’t seeing things…we both agreed not to tell anyone or not to get excited until we took another one tomorrow and a Dr. confirmed it. Well I took another one and it looked the exact same as the nights before…so it really didn’t help confirm anything, I was hoping for darker…Zach held them up for minutes just comparing them…I could see the excitement in his eyes, but I still felt it wasn’t true…something was wrong…I called my Dr. as soon as they opened and they told me to get in ASAP, they were all so excited there…(this is the close I have ever come to a “real” +…) they greeted me at the door, walked me through the back way, and everyone I passed told me they were praying for me and good luck…it made me feel good to know they all cared so much. Well on my way back to work I decided to go to HEB and pick up a “digital” test…heck with the lines, all I want to see are those “WORDS….PREGNANT OR NOT PREGNANT”…so I sneak in work, run to the restroom, and pee on yet another stick…praying for it to pop up pregnant, but just knowing it’s not. AND just like I thought, it popped up NOT pregnant. OK…bummer…but then again, maybe I am not “far enough along” for the digital to pick upà you have to have 50mIU of HCG for the digital but only 25mIU of HCG for the equate test, so I still had a little hope, but still could have bet money I wasn’t pregnant…
WELL, my Dr. called, and confirmed what I have been feeling…my beta was negative. I had absolutely NO HCG in my system at all. I am surprisingly ok over the whole thing, maybe because I expected it…maybe because I truly believe it will be ok and God is watching over us. I don’t know why certain things happen, but I do know life goes on…you can’t dwell on the past, you just have to move forward and pray that God guides you the right way. I really suspected that I would be in tears, but I am very blessed that God had his arms around me when I got that call…it made the world of a difference.
So you might be asking how the other 2 were positive??? They were false positives…it’s very rare that it happens, however it does…and out of the many accurate test, Tiffany some how stumbled across a faulty box…go figure…there isn’t anything you can do, but move forward…
SO note to self:
1) Never buy Equate again
2) Never trust a faint positive
3) Never keep the test, always throw it away 5 minutes after use!
I do want to say THANKS for all my friends who have been there with me through all of this all morning long, without ya’ll I don’t know what I would do! Thanks :o)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
So, here are the rules to receiving this award:
1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.
2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.
3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.
Instructions:On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them. When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well. To add the award to your post, simply right-click, save image, then "add image" it in your post as a picture so your winners can save it as well. To add it to your sidebar, add the "picture" gidget.Also, don't forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by emailing them or leaving a comment on their blog.
My 5 addictions that keep me going:
1. My husband- YES he is an addictions, and yes he keeps me going...I would be lost without him and there isn't any way I would be able to get through everything I am going through without him, so he is a MUST HAVE ;o)
2. God- AGAIN, YES he is an addictions...he gives me the strength to keep my positive attitude and to keep motivated through all I am dealt! Without him I would also be lost, so he is a MUST HAVE as well!!!
3. The internet- well there are a few "sites" that are must haves, blogspot so I can keep up with all my friends and it's such a wonderful way of keeping a "journal" as well and all my ttc buddies, I don't know what I would do without all of them, I HAVE to be able to check on them and see where they are ;o)
4. Coach- Yes, I am a little obsessed with Coach, I love it!!!! This is my "bad" addiction, haha!!
5. Shoes- OK OK...this is a "bad" addictions too, but I LOVE shoes...I think I could go to Dillards and buy one of everyone, if only my closet was big enough for that...hmmm, something to def. think about when buying a new house, it must have a big enough closet for LOTS of shoes!!!!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
May/June--we spent a week with them in Williamsburg, VA
Aug--they came here, his mom-sister and neice for 2 weeks, his dad for 1 week
Oct--we went up there for one week
Nov--now his mom is getting to come here for one week
We are so very blessed to have seen them as much as we have this year, we are very thankful for that, although it's still not enough! You never know how much little family moments like this mean to you, until you don't have them anymore. I am very blessed with the inlaws I have, they are all amazing and I love them dearly!!!!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Over the course of 2 1/2 years I have gained a positive attitude, something I am so proud of. Something that I believe is something EVERYONE should have. I know a few people in my situation, and a couple others in different situations but going down a hard "path" in there life...
My advice to you....
It's not always easy to know which path to follow, which decision to make, or what to do. Life is a series of horizons, new hopes, new days and changes that come your way; and we all need some help with these things from time to time.
Remember these things…Have FAITH...DREAM it…DO it!! Be POSITIVE, your attitude will affect the outcome of many things. Ask for help when you need it, seek the wisdom the world holds and hold onto it, PRAY for understanding and patience. You will make progress every single day…just begin, believe and become!!! Give yourself all the credit you're due don't shortchange your qualities, your abilities, or any of the things that are so unique about you. Just b/c something isn't going "right" in your life doesn't make you "different" you are still a child of God, be proud of that...be thankful for the blessings you do have in life...Remember how precious life can be. Imagine and invest the time it takes to reach out for your dreams; it will bring you happiness that no money on earth can buy. Have FAITH that your dreams WILL come true!!! Don't be afraid; I was extremly afraid in the begining....but just remember no mountain is to big to climb if you do it at your own pace and with GOD'S HELP! The BIGGEST piece of advice I can give you, is to find peace in the situation you are in, try to accept it in knowing there isn't anything you can do to change it and set your fears, worries, and sadness in God's hands...let him take control!!!
BE POSITIVE, and everything else will fall into place!!!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Well I went in this morning (for the 4th day in a row--the lady up front told me I should just move in there, haha!) Well we will not be getting the IUI this cycle, as my follicle is shrinking. My lining on the other hand is doing great, it's measuring .94 (which is awesome considering good is .8) BUT without a mature follicle you can't have the IUI. My follicle was a 16.94 today, they still considered it a 17, but it did shrink some. It is still "somewhat" mature, it is over 12, and anything over 12 CAN release; it's just very unlikely. Since it is shrinking, they don't think it will turn around and grow although anything can happen. SO now we just sit back and wait for my cycle to start so we can start over AGAIN.
I am perfectly ok with everything suprisingly, I kinda set myself up for this in a way knowing that my egg not growing the other day wasn't very good. I refuse to dwell on the things that are not in my control, yes I wanted this so very bad, but I take it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. When God is ready everything will fall into place exactly the way it should. Until then we can only continue to pray for strength, understanding and patience.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
YES I DO!!!! YEAAAA!!!!
Which that doesn't mean much, b/c I could very well go in and not be ready....BUT I could go in and be ready and able to have the IUI Friday. I am just so glad they are giving me ONE more day. I HAVE to be ready tomorrow in order to get the IUI this cycle. If my follicles/lining is NOT ready we will have to do it "natural" this cycle, if I am ready we will get the trigger and have the IUI Friday.
I NEED PRAYERS...LOTS OF THEM. The chances of my body being ready is low, BUT very "do-able" SOO please PRAY for a miracle, my follicles HAVE to be at LEAST a 20 and my lining has to be at LEAST an 8...PLEASE PLEASE PRAY. Zach and I really want to be able to get this IUI this time. We feel in our hearts this is what we need, however we do understand anything can happen and we are NOT the ones in control God is. So we do accept what we will be dealt, we just really hope and pray the cards we are dealt has my body ready and IUI Friday!
ALSO, I talked to my Dr. about a procedure called "ovarian drilling" I have read alot about it and have also been told alot about it, well he doesn't recommend it nor will he do it. He says it's an old school procedure and the stastics are just not what they make them out to be. I was kinda bummed b/c everything I have researched has had good stuff about it, HOWEVER they all did say alot of Dr.'s won't do it now a days, I trust him and know he wants whats best for me so--Dr knows best!!
We also talked about the fertility clinic, as some of you know I am fearing the end of the year as if I am not pregnant I was told we would need to go to an actual fertility clinic (which I am scared to do, for many reasons) a couple are, it's very expensive and the nearest one is 2+ hours away, thats alot of gas and alot of missing work. Well I talked to him about my concern and he said not to worry he will not pressure me or send us there until we are 100% ready, so even if that means we do what were doing now for more months or wait or do whatever we need, it's what WE want. Which makes me feel better, he said whenever we are ready for that step just to tell him. He just said come Dec. thats when he would "suggest" going to an actual Fertility Clinic...WHO KNOWS, come Dec. we might be ready, just as of right now we aren't 100% ready... DON'T get me wrong, like I told him I would do anything to be pregnant and have a child, however thats a HUGE step and alot of it concerns us.
WELL...thats about it for the day!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR GOOOOOOOD THINGS TOMORROW. I will update yall whenever I get back from the Dr.!
Well today didn’t go “As planed”. My lining is good, it’s 7.5 which is only .5 away from where it needs to be and I have one more day of my estrogen pills so it should def. be at an 8…HOWEVER my follicle isn’t growing. I KNEW something was up yesterday when it only grew .5mm, but I was trying to think positive and not think that it was a bad thing and only think that it COULD grow…well today it didn’t grow at all from yesterday (that isn’t good!) Your follicles “should” grow from 1-3mm a day, normally ranging from 2-3mm a day. .5 and none is very rare and normally means you will not ovulate. My ultrasound tech went to ask my Dr. what he wanted to do, however he was in surgery so she had to put everything on his desk and he is going to call me back and tell me if I am to come in again tomorrow or just let go of this month.
I HOPE I get to come in again tomorrow, going back in will give me hope vs. thinking it’s just a dud month. Don’t get me wrong when I say dud month I don’t mean I don’t have a chance at all, anything could happen b/c eggs “can” release when they are 12mm…however it’s a dud month as far as IUI or trigger shot. I don’t really know how to think right now, I am kinda at a stand still emotional wise, I am not quite sad nor happy…I am just waiting for the call. I will write another update whenever I here something.
Please keep me in your prayers that whatever needs to happen will happen, God has a plan and I know it, I have faith! If it doesn’t happen it’s not meant to be, I just really hope it is meant to be!!! I will keep yall updated, thanks everyone for being there for us and praying. It means more than you will ever know!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Well, I just got back from the Dr. and I am so close, but still not ready! My lining grew from a 4 to a 7 (it’s only 1mm off from where it needs to be) and my follicle grew from a 17 to a 17.5 (it still has 2.5mm to grow) all my other follicles grew about 1mm-.5 mm. I have to go back again tomorrow morning because they don’t want to miss my chance, but they are thinking tomorrow will be the trigger day and Thursday will be the IUI day…keep your fingers crossed and pray it goes that way. Thanks for all the prayers...there working, so please keep them going :o)
Monday, October 27, 2008
I went to the Dr. this morning for a scan. I am on CD9, they normally like me to come in starting as early as CD6, but I was on vacation on that day; so I was a little worried it would be “too late” for there standards. But I called this morning and they advised me that I needed to come in ASAP to get scanned. I went in and I had several follicles, my biggest was 17mm and others ranged from some 14’s, 10’s and lower…my lining was a 4.27. In order to have the IUI your follicle has to be 20+ and your lining has to be 8+. They said they are 95% sure I will get to have the IUI this week (YIPPPEEE!), there ONLY concern is me releasing my egg before my lining is ready. But I still have 3 pills left for my lining, so they are thinking I should be a-ok!
I go back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound, if I am ready tomorrow I will get the trigger shot and have the IUI Wednesday. Please keep us in your prayers that everything works out this cycle.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
We got back into Waco around 6ish yesterday evening. Our trip was AMAZING minus the traveling part, we actually experienced our first "bad flying experience". We started our trip on Friday afternoon when we headed to DFW to stay in the Hyatt inside the airport; which might I add was the nicest hotel I have ever stayed at. The rooms were amazing!!!!! We woke up bright and early Saturday morning to catch our 7am connecting-flight to Charlotte, NC. We left the hotel around 5:30ish to insure we were IN the actual airport at least an hour ahead of time, we waited FOREVER for our shuttle and by the time we got inside the airport it was 40 minutes before 7am, you have to be there 45 minutes before to insure your baggage will get to your destination...we were 5 minutes late and were told we had to reschedule our flight; lets just say my husband was NOT a happy camper, he was very upset...luckly the lady got us on the next flight which only put us about an hour behind schedule, however we had to fly into a little bitty airport in Washington vs. flying into Charlotte. So we get to DC and get ready to get on our next plane to PA; once we got there they had to shuttle us by bus to our little plane (and I mean LITTLE), Zach and I were sitting in seats 1a and 1c so I told him when we got on the bus we should sit in the front so when we get off we can hurry and get on the plane and sit down before anyone else does....we started up the steps on the plane and we noticed that on one of our seats it said "flight attendant only" the flight attendant "RUDELY" said you will have to go wait back in the bus until everyone gets seated then I will seat you, ok...so NOW everyone has to back off of these steps so we can get down and go stand by the bus....there was ONLY 12 ppl. that were on this flight besides us....when the last person headed up the steps Zach and I headed back up....the lady AGAIN rudely commented that she "told" us to wait on the bus there might be more people that need to board the plane...Zach and I just looked at her like she was nuts...we were the last out there, people had to be transported by bus to the airplane and the bus was still there....where in the world does she think "extra" people might come from???? SOOO, Zach and I went BACK down the steps and just waited....the lady called the bus driver over there and then called us back and told us we could board the plane now....when we got on there were 18 empty seats JUST in FRONT of us, thats not counting all the empty ones BEHIND us...I was very upset that she couldn't just sit us out of the way until she decided where she wanted to put us....ONCE we got to PA Zach's luggage didn't make it, you know the rule about having to be there 45 minutes before other wise your luggage won't make it...well Zach's luggage DID make it to our orginal destination, there was NO reason we had to reschedule our flight in the first place; luckily they delived his suitcase to us at 2am the next morning....I was not satisfied at all with US Airways, and I will never use them again....the planes were spacious but that doesn't even matter compared to all the trouble we went through on the way there and on the way back.
OK, on to the trip....which greatly made up for our crazy flights......
Saturday when we got there his dad and brother picked us up, they took us to Macy's where they were having a huge sale and we got new luggage (OH how I love it might I add!!!!) we gave our older luggage to his sister. Then we headed home and made a fire and sat by fireplace and caught up on everyone and everything...it was nice family time :o)
Sunday we woke up, got all geared up in our Steelers clothes and headed to Pittsburgh to watch the game and eat dinner with his sister and her boyfriend. During halftime, all the girls went shopping.
Monday we woke up and went to his grandpa's land/camp and we rode 4-wheelers all day. I haven't ever rode one so I was a little scared at first, but once you got going it was hard to get off of it, it was so much fun! His mom took me up this big mountain to overlook beautiful trees and the camp, her 4-wheeler died and we had to take one back down so Zach and his dad could go up and get it fixed....once it was fixed Zach took me up there and showed me all the scenery that I missed the first time, oh my was it breath taking....Zach was going around this hilly turn and I followed him and the next thing I knew I was on the ground, BOY am I glad my 4-wheeler didnt fall on me, if it would have I could have gotten hurt pretty bad, but luckly it stayed tilted up....I was laughing the whole time, it happend too fast for me to be scared, Zach on the other hand looked back and saw me on the ground and came running over to me fast, he thought I was really hurt. I so wish I would have gotten a picture of me on the ground, I laughed so hard. Zach didn't think it was so funny, but at the time he was scared. After riding 4-wheelers all day we went back to his grandparents house and ate supper with them, went walking down the railroads :o) then we went spot-lighting for deer through the mountains, we saw about 50ish, WOW!!!! They were so close to us too....after that we went and watched old movies with his grandpa then hit the sack, I never knew how riding a little 4-wheeler could wear you out so much.
Tuesday we woke up went to his other grandpa's house, went to breakfast with him and spent the day with him. We helped him clean up his house a little, he is getting so old and it's hard for him to do much so we helped him out alot, he was so glad he got to spend the day with us. We could tell he was getting tired so we headed out and went back to the camp to ride 4-wheelers again, it was freezing cold this day so we had to buddle up with gloves and extra coats...once we got done with that we headed to his grandparents to eat dinner then back to his parents house so we could go out with his brother...we went to this litle hole in the wall called the UI; we all had a great time, and hardly stopped laughing.
Wednesday we woke up bright and early and got ready to head to Salamanca, NY to go to a casino with his parents, grandma, and his dads aunt. On our way there it started to snow, and WOW was it BEAUTIFUL...everything was covered in snow...his dad pulled over so Zach and I could take some pics and make a snow ball, the snow was so fluffy and soft. We loved it, I sure wish it snowed like that here!!! We stopped by the Zippo factory on the way there as well to get Zach a new pocket knife...finally we made it to his Aunt Vi's for lunch, she made meatloaf which was amazing and yummy home made mac and cheese...after that we headed to the casino...Zach and I made a plane that we wouldn't gamble any of the money we won, just 50.00 a piece that his dad gave us; the first slot machine that Zach used he won 50.00 bucks....the 2nd one he won 50.00 more....so we were already up 100.00, Zach cashed that in and stuck that 100.00 in his pocket and only spent the remainder of his 50, he won a little more but nothing over 20.00, I on the other hand didn't win a thing...I never even got ahead to stop....every machine I played on didn't like me, hahaha.....oh well, we had a blast. OH and I got in trouble, I didn't know you couldn't take pics in a casino...needless to say we found that out REALLY fast haha (look below at the pics, there is only one of Zach and it has a goofy looking smile on his face b/c we were getting yelled at right when I was taking it, haha!!)
Thursday was a SHOPPING day, we went to Butler with his parents and his sister meet us there and we shopped till we dropped...it was so much fun; I got really car sick on the way home though and had to take a nap when we got home. That night we made a fire outside all hung out with each other while sitting around the toasty fire!!!
Friday we went to Brockway to say goodbye to his grandparents and ride the 4-wheeler more and also we shot the gun some too....fun fun!!!! I did even better than last time, Zach's grandpa was really impressed, he didn't think i would do so good...I sure proved him wrong. After that we went home ate dinner and headed to the Clarion football game, which it was freezing and raining so we left early and headed home to spend some family time before we left the next morning.
We had a blast, but we are so glad to be home...."There isn't any place like home"!!! I was very sad that we didn't get to see our other niece and nephew; Delaney and Kolton :o( They were with there father and he wouldn't let them see us, which wasn't very nice, now when I see them again there going to be all grown up. Other than that, everything was so much fun and it was so nice to see family and have a wonderful week with them!!!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Today has been an amazing day, and to top it off my Dr. called me today to tell me my progesterone level, it is 31.5...WOW WOW WOW!!!! Last cycle is was 29, so it just keeps going up. My Dr. said it being in the 30's "could" mean goooood things (doubt it, seriously, but we'll see!). I am just SOOOOOOOOO extremly happy it is going up, I can't express enough how happy I am to see PROGRESSION!!!!
ON another note, VACATION is nearing and we can't wait!!!! We are all packed and ready to go, tomorrow after work we head out and we are READY! On a "sweet" subject, my husband told me today that he wanted to take me to one of "our" special places (the railroad tacks behind his grandparents house) When I first went to PA to meet all of his family when we were just dating, Zach took me out there and it's beautiful...they are the old time looking railroad tracks and the view is AMAZING, we would go there almost every night when the sun was setting and just hold hands and walk, thinking about getting to go back there and see it all again just gives me butterflies :o) I can't wait!!!!!
I also want to tell everyone who as messaged me today, texted me today and called me to ask about my results, THANK YOU, I am so very lucky to have you all in my life. It's so nice to know that people are keeping up with everything, I was so shocked yesterday with the texts, emails and calls I got wishing me goodluck at the Dr. appts, it makes me extremly happy to know yall care and that yall are praying and thinking of us. You are ALL amazing and Zach and I are truly blessed to have family and friends like yall in our lives!!! Love yall!!!!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I am getting EXTREMLY excited for our upcoming vacation. We are going to see my inlaws and we are so excited. We have an agenda set of all sorts of fun eventures that we will be doing, I will make sure to take lots of pics and post them! ONLY 3 1/2 days left...Zach and I got our suitcases down last night, and started setting aside some things to pack. I just love being able to go up to such a BEAUITFUL state and visiting with family. YIPPPEEEE for Vacation!!!!!! :o)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
WOWZERS, I think I set a new world record...LOL!!!
I'm sure everyone reading my last few blogs are like "gesh...Tiffany must be depressed tonight" or call me "downer Tiff" LOL...BUT the answer is NO, I am perfectly A-OK (pinky promise, haha!!). I was looking through some women's blogs that are in the same situation as I am, and they had some really good stuff that really hit home to my heart. Some of the things were my feelings that I just added, but the poem and a few other things were amazing things some awesome women wrote. Like I mentioned in my following blog, many women/cou ples go through this...I know there is alot of blogs, but I hope you take the time to read each one...they really have alot of information in them and not to mention they are 100% how I feel.
God has a plan for Zach and I...we have accepted this and we know this. Even though we wouldn't wish this on ANYONE, it is nice to know there are women/couples out there who truly understand how we feel...One day ladies....one day we will have our blessing!!!! I love yall!!!! :o)
To all our FAMILY and FRIENDS, thank you all for being there for me, THANK you all for the SWEET MESSAGES, EMAILS, TEXTS, CALLS...you have no idea how much your prayers and thoughts mean to us...yall are amazing and we truly love yall
I got to thinking, today, about all of the other couples out there that are experiencing what Zach and I are experiencing. How many of them are there?
In the US, alone:
There are approximately 6.1 million women, between the ages of 15-44, with impaired ability to have children.
9.3 million women are using infertility services.
2.1 million couples are infertile.
10.1% of the population that is of reproductive age are infertile.
About 1 in every 6 couples deals with infertility issues.
The good news is:
3 million babies have been born as a result of infertility treatment.
Clomid has a 30%-60% success rate!
(((SO at this moment I ask you to please say a quick prayer, NOT only for us; but for the millions of people going through this. This is a hard situation, and the power of prayer is amazing...God has a plan, and we know it...but extra prayers never hurt))) :o)
Thanks and Love yall
To feel a life growing inside me.
To bear a child to carry on my legacy.
To hold that child close to me as I sing a lullaby.
To hear the soft cries of a baby in my home.
To be the one to silence there tears.
To hold there hands as she takes there first step.
To not be pitied.
To not dread Mothers' Day.
My arms to not ache when I hold someone else's baby.
People to not assume that this is a choice.
People to stop asking me "What are you waiting for?"
To not cry when I hear that question, yet again.
Most of all, I really want...
To hear a child call me mommy.
(OK, so I found this, and since I tend to be really serious when it comes to infertility, I can definitely relate to MORE than a few of these--partly funny, partly sad...but VERY true...all my TTC friends will SO be able to relate to this!!!!) Enjoy!
Sniglets are funny made-up words/definitions for those things in life that just don't seem to have any "official" terminology. The world of infertility provides lots of hilarious inspiration.
General Infertility Sniglets:
Psycho-symptom-atic Syndrome: a psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two-week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.
Yearnation: the overwhelming urge to urinate while recording your morning basal body temperature reading.
Peetience: what you learn to aquire when starting to chart your basal body temperature.*
Bladder Praying: praying that your bladder will fill up so that you can take an HPT - because it's day 29 and you KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE TEST RESULTS ARE GOING TO BE POSITIVE THIS TIME.
Pregsplotion: the sudden abundance of pregnant women in your vicinity within hours of your negative pregnancy test.
Coitus timeruptus: the practice of timing intercourse to correspond with the timing of ovulation.
Coinus interruptus: the impact of infertility treatments on one's pocketbook.
Mucusology - the inexact science of attempting to determine the timing of ovulation.
Freeballing: the step beyond boxers taken by truly devoted husbands to up there chances of HIGH sperm count.
Freeballitis: chaffing and raw skin associated with freeballing.
Briefectomy: furtive removal of all tight-fitting briefs from your husband's underwear drawer.
Transfurryence: treating your pets like human babies.
Clearpit Easy: bottomless pit into which women hurl buckets of money while repeatedly testing for pregnancy way too early or while testing for an LH surge.
Looteal phase: the period of time between cycles when all of the insurance statements/doctor's bills come in from the beginning of the cycle. Also a time to save $$ for the upcoming cycle.
Assincline: the odd-looking practice of elevating a woman's buttocks after intercourse in order to maximize the sperm's ability to swim for the egg.
Gluteus Unrelaximus: side effect of the uncomfortable act of propping up the buttocks after baby-sex.
Multiplous avoidus: the act of reminding the nurses yet again (!) to avoid the "infertility" diagnosis on insurance forms.
Day-one-dering: wondering why oh why you have to deal with "day one", yet again! (thats Aunt Flo for those that don't know)
Preggozone: the magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range; the first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile womans fails a pregnancy test.
Miss Mannerism: the habit, when people ask you nosy questions about when you're going to get pregnant or make rude comments like "want my kids?" of looking a combination of shocked and puzzled and saying something like, "Why ever would you say such a thing?"
Graphic Imagination: tweaking, massaging, reorienting, or redrawing your basal body temperature graph/data in an attempt to see either a temperature rise or the magic triphasic pregnancy pattern.
Inferguilty: how you feel when you're having a bad day and you read someone's post announcing their pregnancy and you are overcome with the urge to scream "why not me".
Clomidfiend: a woman under the influence of Clomid-induced mood swings; someone who wants to blame anything and everything on the drug.
ClomiWITCH: a woman uner the influence of clomid. She can becoime the WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!!!!!
Justwaition: 1. the two weeks between ovualation and a pregnancy test. 2. a period of time just before gestation.
Hormotional: easily rattled emotional state brought on by hormone surges; especially symptomatic of women on fertility drugs.
Hormonally Challenged: the politically correct term for a woman who is having mood swings due to infertility treatement.
As many of you know (b/c this song was on my myspace for a long time) I LOVE THIS SONG, it describes me to a "T"!!!!! It IS a tear jerker, but please listen to it. It's beautiful and very well worded!!!!!
I often encounter people who don't know how to talk to us after they find out that we are dealing with infertility. They want to ask how we are doing, if we have made any progress, if we are finally pregnant, but don't know how. For those of you that fall into this tongue-tied category, I'm going to let you in on a little secret...we just love knowing that you care! You aren't always going to know how to word things and we aren't always going to take things the best possible way, but at the end of the day we appreciate you asking.
This brings me to those that are already pregnant and don't know how to talk to us. First off, we appreciate your sensitivity. That being said, the worst thing you can do is complain about your pregnancy, about getting fat, about that foot in your ribs, about your bladder being used as a soccer ball. We do love, however, to hear how much you are enjoying it, how excited you are to find out the gender, how beautiful you think the sound of the heartbeat is. We will be nothing but happy for you, because we will then know that you really appreciate such a wonderful blessing.
If you are pregnant and have a friend or family member who is dealing with infertility, you may be wondering how to go about telling them your good news. The best thing you can do is tell them yourself. Don't let them find out through someone else. Of course, although we will be happy for you, we will of course be a little sad, it DOESN'T mean we are jealous, MOST of us are so very blessed with the lives we have, however you have to understand how badly we want to be pregnant ourselves. Please don't be scared of us or to talk to us...I personally love to know that ppl. are there for me and that yall care...I like talking about my situation because it really helps (thats why I have this blog) :o)