Thursday, October 9, 2008

Infertility Dictionary

(OK, so I found this, and since I tend to be really serious when it comes to infertility, I can definitely relate to MORE than a few of these--partly funny, partly sad...but VERY true...all my TTC friends will SO be able to relate to this!!!!) Enjoy!

Sniglets are funny made-up words/definitions for those things in life that just don't seem to have any "official" terminology. The world of infertility provides lots of hilarious inspiration.

General Infertility Sniglets:

Psycho-symptom-atic Syndrome: a psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two-week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.

Yearnation: the overwhelming urge to urinate while recording your morning basal body temperature reading.

Peetience: what you learn to aquire when starting to chart your basal body temperature.*

Bladder Praying: praying that your bladder will fill up so that you can take an HPT - because it's day 29 and you KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE TEST RESULTS ARE GOING TO BE POSITIVE THIS TIME.

Pregsplotion: the sudden abundance of pregnant women in your vicinity within hours of your negative pregnancy test.

Coitus timeruptus: the practice of timing intercourse to correspond with the timing of ovulation.

Coinus interruptus: the impact of infertility treatments on one's pocketbook.

Mucusology - the inexact science of attempting to determine the timing of ovulation.

Freeballing: the step beyond boxers taken by truly devoted husbands to up there chances of HIGH sperm count.

Freeballitis: chaffing and raw skin associated with freeballing.

Briefectomy: furtive removal of all tight-fitting briefs from your husband's underwear drawer.

Transfurryence: treating your pets like human babies.

Clearpit Easy: bottomless pit into which women hurl buckets of money while repeatedly testing for pregnancy way too early or while testing for an LH surge.

Looteal phase: the period of time between cycles when all of the insurance statements/doctor's bills come in from the beginning of the cycle. Also a time to save $$ for the upcoming cycle.

Assincline: the odd-looking practice of elevating a woman's buttocks after intercourse in order to maximize the sperm's ability to swim for the egg.

Gluteus Unrelaximus: side effect of the uncomfortable act of propping up the buttocks after baby-sex.

Multiplous avoidus: the act of reminding the nurses yet again (!) to avoid the "infertility" diagnosis on insurance forms.

Day-one-dering: wondering why oh why you have to deal with "day one", yet again! (thats Aunt Flo for those that don't know)

Preggozone: the magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range; the first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile womans fails a pregnancy test.

Miss Mannerism: the habit, when people ask you nosy questions about when you're going to get pregnant or make rude comments like "want my kids?" of looking a combination of shocked and puzzled and saying something like, "Why ever would you say such a thing?"

Graphic Imagination: tweaking, massaging, reorienting, or redrawing your basal body temperature graph/data in an attempt to see either a temperature rise or the magic triphasic pregnancy pattern.

Inferguilty: how you feel when you're having a bad day and you read someone's post announcing their pregnancy and you are overcome with the urge to scream "why not me".

Clomidfiend: a woman under the influence of Clomid-induced mood swings; someone who wants to blame anything and everything on the drug.

ClomiWITCH: a woman uner the influence of clomid. She can becoime the WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!!!!!

Justwaition: 1. the two weeks between ovualation and a pregnancy test. 2. a period of time just before gestation.

Hormotional: easily rattled emotional state brought on by hormone surges; especially symptomatic of women on fertility drugs.

Hormonally Challenged: the politically correct term for a woman who is having mood swings due to infertility treatement.

Pregnition: the act of starting on fertility treatment.

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