150th POST (Yippee!!)...Q&A's that I promised!!!

I have received so many questions, I have put a couple of them together and picked the top 20 to answer, sorry I am not able to answer them all, but this post is going to be super long as it is :)I will try to have another Q and A soon to answer the rest :)

1)Do you regret being open about your infertility?
No, how could I? It’s brought me so much closer to my family and friends…not to mention the wonderful people I have met along the way and all the prayers we are getting!! This by far isn’t a journey I would have chosen for myself,however I am thankful for it and I truly believe this was placed in our lives for a reason…although I still find it hard to believe “I” am an inspiration too them, it really brightens my days to hear that “MY” story has helped others.

2) How do you handle insensitive comments even when you know they don't know what they are saying?
I have been hurt more than I can count by peoples comments, in the beginning it was hard because you wonder how people can be so insensitive and say these things…however as time goes by, you learn…these people are only trying to help.“Fertile” women have absolutely no clue what “Infertile” women go through, they don’t know what to say, so you learn to just take it with a grain of salt. I still get insensitive comments to this day, however instead of being sad about them, I just tell myself “these people love me and there only trying to help”.

3)I have looked in your archives and still don't know your WHOLE story? what is your diagnosis?
(Hope you have a little bit…this may be long HAHA!)----I got engaged in 05’, in the beginning of 06’ (about 6ish months before our wedding), I went to the Dr to a regular pap-smear, it came back abnormal…I was told it might be cancer,needless to say I flipped out and instantly started to panic. I was 21 at the time and couldn’t imagine something like this happening to “someone who has always been healthy”. I went in and they did biopsies and scrapings, about a week later I got the results, I had “severe dysplaysia”…dysplaysia is the beginning of cancer cells…if left untreated it will become cancer of the cervix, he told me mine was border line cancer and he needed to freeze my cervix as soon as possible—he advised my finance’ and me that if we wanted kid sin our future we might want to start trying now, because as bad as this looks Imight have to have a hysterectomy before the age of 30, needless to say weweren’t quite ready to think about children, although we had those dreams ofbeing parents, we were planning a wedding…we went home and talked and decidedthat having children was something we both wanted in our future and even thoughwe were 100% ready, if this is what God wanted we would do it. So we startedtrying…in the meantime I was going to the Dr trying to cure thisdysplaysia…after one freezing he realized it was worse than he expected andsaid surgery was a must, BUT 1st he had an experimental “cream” that had a50/50 chance of working, the surgery would only hurt our chances conceiving andalthough I would do it if needed, we decided to give the cream a try. ThankfullyGod answered our prayers and the cream WORKED, my dysplaysia was 100% gone!However, next they discovered I didn’t ovulate. I had a gut feeling somethingelse was wrong, my Dr at the time couldn’t do any further testing, I found outabout another OBGYN in my area that helped with fertility patients, I went andgot a 2nd opinion and switched over to him. He immediately ordered an HSG, Ihad that done in Oct 07’ and discovered my right tube was blocked, I had LAPsurgery in Dec. 07’ they successfully unblocked my tube and also removed alittle endo. After that I underwent some test that confirmed what I suspected,I had PCOS. (in the mean time of all of this I was on clomid 6months…break…clomid….break…femara….break and so forth). In 08’ we had our firstIUI, followed shortly by our 2nd IUI…both unsuccessful. I recently had my 2ndHSG, thankfully tubes are all clear. Once I start my cycle again we will beginIUI/Clomid again. My diagnosis is Unexplained Infertility and PCOS.

4) What made you start your blog?
To keep family and friends better in touch with what happens in our lives, asfar as vacations…trying to conceive up dates and so forth. I have been pretty open with my journey from the beginning with family and friends and before this blog I would call each and every one about Dr. appts and updates, however after many Dr appts later, good and bad news it was easier for me to just write it on here for everyone to read vs. calling each one of them…I never in a millionyears though, thought complete strangers would be interested with my life and startpraying for me…for that I am thankful!

5) How did you and Zach meet?
We met at Wal-Mart, he worked in the Garden Center, and I was a Customer ServiceManager, one day they had “mothers and grandmothers appreciation day” prettymuch all the women there had flowers, it seemed all except for me, I was sadbecause I wanted a flower HAHA. Well this complete stranger (Zach) walked up toget change from me, and said “what’s wrong” I jokingly complained that I had noflower, I came back to my “podium” where I worked from and there was a flower,I looked up as he walked off smiling. From then on out I would walk out to mycar to find a flower on my windshield, or go back to my locker to find a flowerin my locker…from there….the rest is history :)

6) What's your favorite vacation spot?
Pennsylvania, where Zach’s family live-we absolutely love going there andvisiting them…also Virginia Beach, we went there on our Honeymoon, but alsolast year when we went on vacation with his family, that is a place that Zach and I say we will visit as often as we can.

7) Which 3 things would you bring if you were on a deserted island?
• A journal
• The Bible
• MY HUSBAND—I can’t make a baby without him :)

8) Do you have kids names picked out for when you DO get pregnant? Care to share?
YES after 3 years we have pretty much everything picked out (granted some thingsmight change)I don’t mind sharing the names…if you steal my names I will hunt you downthough…HAHA—just kidding (but seriously)…
Girls: we have 2 we really like…Abigail Faith and Tessa Faith
Abigail-means Fathers Joy and Zach loves the name
Tessa-it’s a name we have loved from the beginning
Faith-yes it’s not very original, however we choose to name our 1stborn daughter after the #1 thing that has gotten us through thisjourney...which is “Having FAITH in the Lord”
Boy: Dallas Zachary (We saw “Dallas” when we were buying my Durango, we bothlooked at each other and knew exactly what the other was thinking…ever since then it has stuck) and Zachary of course after Zach :)

9) I just always wonder if you (or just anyone TTC in general) get upset whenyou hear other people get pregnant or are pregnant without trying?
I used to be sad when women who weren’t trying or trying for such a short periodof time found out they were pregnant, it’s very easily for infertility patientsto feel that way. However after 3 years…over 20 friends being pregnant…2 ofthem having 2 children in the time I was trying to concieve, you kinda get usedto it. I am past my “why not me” stage. Yes seeing mothers who hurt therechildren, or don’t want there children absolutely kills me to no means, howeverI’m not the one in control. And although at times I wonder why God blessed themso they could turn around and be so ungrateful, we just have to have faith hehas his reasons.

10) Do u go to baby showers? How do you decline a Baby Shower?
(I put both of these in one answer) I have been to some and denied others. There is nothing harder then going to afunction that revolves solely around babies; however if you suffer frominfertility just let your friends know that you don’t think you will be able toattend. One of my test throughout this journey was planning my one of my bestfriends baby shower; I wanted nothing more than to make it perfect, but at thesame time I had my share of tears. It was hard, there was a couple times Ididn’t know if I could go through with it, I was open and talked to her aboutit, she knew my situation, her and her mom helped me with it, which helpedtremendously. There are just times where you have to be completely honest andtell your friends the truth, if they are true friends they will understand. Andfor the women who have friends having a hard time conceiving, if they come toyou and tell you they don’t think they will be able to make it just tryyour best to understand, it’s just a very hard situation.

11) Has Zach EVER done ANYTHING that annoyed you, he seems like the perfect husband?
Haha-funny question, if only you knew my husband :) He is so wonderful, but unfortunately God didn’t make anyone perfect,so even though at times I think he is perfect in my eyes, he is far from it,haha! I think guys in general are great at “annoying” :) Lets see…some of the things he does that just drives me bonkers are:Puts his dirty clothes on the floor sometimes and not the hamper…Sometimes leaves the toilet seat up…I have a hemi in my car and he finds the needs to accelerates big time ALL the time when he is driving, which just erks me b/c I baby my car and hatewasting gas…He will hit snooze a million times in the morning-oh how this flusters me! Haha!...When he is sick he is the BIGGEST baby…he scarf’s his food down every meal like he hasn’t ate in months…Those are just a few…I really could go on forever, hahaha…

12) Why are you so faithful?
Why dwell on something you have no control over? If I am sad and cry all thetime, and am angry at my situation and stay in a bad mood because God isn’tlistening to ME…WHAT will that change? What will that do???? NOTHING, it will only cause me to be a negative person, which I vow NOT to be! I HAVE a life out ofTTC, I have a husband who I am so very blessed to have and a family who isamazing, why dwell on the things God “hasn’t” blessed me with when I could bethankful for ALL the blessings I DO have in my life??? I had two choices whengoing through this journey…a)dwell on the fact I’m not a mommy…b) leave theworrying to God and live my life…I choose to live my life and leave this in God’s hands!!!!

13) I hope this question doesn’t hurt your feelings, but have you ever been pregnant?
Sweetie, no that doesn’t hurt my feelings…I have not ever been pregnant, atleast not to my knowledge. Sometimes it scares me because I fear that I am not able to conceive, sometimes I find myself thinking “if only I could just know it’s possible” BUT then I see my many friends who have lost there children through miscarriages and I know that God hasn’t let that happen to me for a reason, I think I am strong at times, however those ladies are 100 times stronger than I could ever be!

14) What would you do if you have multiples, aren’t you scared of the thought?
I think about it from time to time, but as far as being scared…nope. I just takeone day at a time, if God thinks that we can handle more than one at a time thenI will lean on him to get me through that, as of now I am leaning on him to getme to a baby period…whether it’s one…two…three…four or more… ((BUT, if we were to have more than 3, then I will give ya’ll my address so ya’ll can send mediapers :) haha!!!!))

15)What is your favorite thing to cook?
I love my chicken stuffed with cheese wrapped in bacon…ohhh sooo yummy!!! :) you just take chicken breast, stuff with any type of cheese, then wrap with bacon,put toothpicks in it to keep it wrapped up, then bake it at 400 degrees forabout 30 minutes or until the chicken is fully cooked…(I like crunchy bacon, soI brown my bacon a little bit on the stove top first, then wrap it up :))

16) Do you collect anything?
I LOVE Willowtree figurines, I have 4 right now and one day hope to have a lotmore :)…I also love crosses, I have a cross wall in my house, when we go on vacations I have been getting a cross to bring home and hopefully one day it will be full of various looking crosses :)

17) You might have already explained this before, and if so I am sorry, but why aren’t you seeing an actual fertility clinic already?
I know I have told some, but I can’t remember if I have said it on here or not; so good question :) Our ins. does NOT cover any type of infertility; it will cover treatments, medicine, test, and procedures leading up to the diagnoses of infertility. Although my Dr. has diagnosed me with unexplained infertility I am blessed that he has not noted it in my chart so that ins. will still pay for a lot of my procedures right now. Our nearest fertility clinic is 3+ hours away, so not to mention the cost of what we will have to pay, vs. the travel time, that is something neither of us are ready for; we are doing great by not stressing now, however we feel that step will cause us stress that we are not quite ready for. Maybe someday….hopefully we don’t have to take that step, however if we do it will be one that God will guide us through :)

18) I would love to be able to send you cards or books, is there anyway to have your address, I know you might not want to give it to a stranger?
I have been asked this by a few people, although some do have my address, I really don’t want to post it on here (I am sure you all can understand). My husband and I are thinking of getting a P.O box and I will let ya’ll know if we do :)

19) Can you tell us 3 random facts about you?
* I smell the inside of cups before I pour my drink in them…
* I am obsessed with shoes, clothes in general
* I brush my teeth at least 4 times a day, once in the morning and about 3 times before bed…one when I get home, one after we eat and one before bed…

20) What advice would you give to another women going through infertility?
Not to give up…not to be negative, not to get upset the first month your fertility meds don’t work…None of us choose this journey for ourselves, however God picked US for a reason; God knew each one of US could handle this and could use this situation to grow. You can’t dwell on the things that you can not control, yes you are human and this is a hard situation, but remember no matter how sad you are, how mad you are, how much you cry or how much you scream…you do not have control of this, only God does…and doing those things will only make you feel worse. So my advice is to pray, have faith, seek out for prayers b/c I truly believe in the power of prayers…ask God for guidance, and lean on him to get you through this journey…if you trust in him, he will show you the way... :)

Well loves, thats it for now...feel free to continue to ask me anything you want, I will pile them together and when I answer the questions I couldn't fit on this post, I will include all the others too :)