“There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better in a sense. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.”
I found this a while back and printed off to read from time to time when I get sad, however I have so many blogger-friends out there that are down right now due to this difficult journey and I HAD to share this with all of ya’ll; this does not mean that my fertile friends are not good parents, b/c I know each one of ya’ll and ya’ll are marvelous parents…I have said it from the beginning, infertile women have a “different” type of appreciation towards pregnancy and there children…it doesn’t mean that fertile women don’t, it’s just a different appreciation that only infertile women feel and experience. I know that God has something WONDERFUL in store for each of us! I know that he is up there creating us our miracles! I have Faith that God is listening to each one of our prayers and with time he will bless us…in HIS time that is. I wish I knew why things like this happened…I wish I could take each one of ya’lls heartache away—however one day you will know why God choose you to go down this path! God has a plan for everyone. I truly believe in him and I have 100% faith in him…as long as were patient and trust in him, he will bless us in more ways then one. I pray for you all each and every night (As well as others that are having different struggles right now)…God will pull us through this—we just need to lean on him.
God Bless you ALL.