Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Tuesday Blues....

I’m not having too well of a day so far—no nothings happened; just in a funk. My downs are far and few between; but today I’m down for some reason. I have a lot on my mind…maybe it’s the Tuesday blues?! Maybe it’s because I’ve been off a whole week and haven’t even had time to rest due to playing Dr. to my sweet-amazing patient…ok so he isn’t the greatest of patients, but he is a sweet and amazing husband :). Maybe I’m secretly stressed about this upcoming fertility clinic visit—well ok...it’s no secret really, I’m truly panicking about the cost. The closer we get the more I panic I think, which is now less than 50 days away (YES-I’m still counting!) Maybe it’s my mom whom is still having pain and discomfort...maybe it’s just my work inbox full to the top and I can’t get my concentration straight right now to answer all of the many work questions? Maybe I’m just worried about all the above?!?

I’m not sure where my Tuesday blues comes from, but I wish it would go away…

I know that God is holding me tight through this journey, I have all the Faith in the world plus some; however I am human and I to have those days where I want to crawl in a hole and not come out for days. I feel like I just need a huge cry; but I can’t cry…I have this ache in my heart and this lump in my throat---I’m done with this rollercoaster, I’m ready to jump off and this journey be over. But God’s arms are around me and he is telling me it’s not over yet…I know we will make it through this. I know I will have my fears, sadness, happy days and well let’s face it…every other emotion you can possibly have…

I have a love-hate relationship with infertility…I love how infertility has changed my life, how it has changed my outlook and my perspective of things…I love how it’s given me the ability to lean on God and I love how it’s brought my husband and I so much closer….but I hate the rollercoaster feelings…I hate not being able to “know” if I can have a child….I think that’s the single hardest part—not knowing! I just wish that God could whisper in my ear and tell me I CAN get pregnant….it would make this journey a lot easier.

Sorry for the Debbie-Downer post; I promise I am ok…just in a funky mood…like I mentioned it could be a number of things, I truly have been going 90-nothing the past couple weeks taking care of my mother and my husband, I’m truly worn out and need strength. I have a lot of fear and sadness today and I pray that it doesn’t last long. I will be ok—God has a special plan for myself and my husband, I trust in him—I have Faith that he is with us through this journey…I just wish he would give me a little insight and let me know it’s almost over…please keep the prayers coming, they mean so much to me.

**Also, I have received ya’lls questions for my Q&A post coming soon….please continue to send them in…post will be coming within the next week...hopefully**

22 comments:

Melody said...

I am sorry you are having a down day! Zach should feel better soon and you can get some rest! Maybe this weekend you can do something just for you. You've been through a lot lately. I'm praying for you. Hey, how are the "sales" going?

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

I am sorry too that you are having such a downer day. Hopefully you can enjoy the rest of the week. I also have that love/hate relationship with infertility. Since I am still on that journey...I do think I hate it a little more :-) I do hope and pray that this new clinic we are going to in Dallas is the answer we have been waiting for. I wonder if you are going to be at the same clinic. We go to the Center for Assisted Reproduction- with Dr. Kevin Doody. He is sensational and I can't wait to get the ball rolling again!

Traci said...

Sorry you are not feeling too good today. Just remember God will never give you more than you can handle. You will get through all of this!!! -TraciW

LM said...

I know what you mean- I've always said I wish God would send us an email letting us know what the plan was! I guess that would kind of ruin the whole faith thing, hey?
Hope your day gets better! :)
~L.

Veronica said...

Hey there!

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a yucky day. Since you read my blog, you already know I have a lot of those kinds of days. I will praying for you today!

I know that the road you are on is not easy, but I just want to remind you of what an inspiration you are to so many people!

Sending a big hug your way!

P.S. Thanks for the anniversary well wishes! That was so sweet of you!

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Your not a Debbie Downer at all I think that everyone has good and bad days. I am praying for your big visit with the Dr. I hope he will have good news!

Ashley said...

Hey, sweetie!! I am so sorry that you are feeling down!! You better cheer up or I will come to your work right now and MAKE you cheer up!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha...I love ya and you will get thru this =)

Ashley said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry that you are having a bad day!! We ALL get those so don't feel bad;) I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way!!! ((HUGS))

Kristin said...

I've been in a mood the past few days too. :) I will be praying you are feeling better soon. I got my bracelets and keychain in the mail today and I love them! They're so cute and the girls love theirs too. So, just know lots of us out here are believing for you that God's perfect plan will unfold itself and you will find out soon exactly what His plan is.

Michelle said...

Sorry you're having a down in the dumps day. Know that having them is normal. You are truly an inspiration though. Your faith in God is truly amazing. When I have down days I tend to be upset with Him. I am learning to enjoy the ride and just have faith and it's because of people like you. Thank you for being such a wonderful example of a Christian! Hang in there, tomorrow is a new day!!!
~Michelle

Mimi said...

You know I love you girl! I am here for you always. You will have days like this and it is ok to feel this way. You have so much going on right now. I wouldn't expect you to be happy go lucky right now.

I just want to go out on the town with you and have a great time!

Kami

twondra said...

Oh sweetie, I'm there too. :( I'm not having a good day at all today and yet I can't cry and that's all I want to do. It's all this stuff going on with Mark, but I feel so bad as I know you're going through so much more.

I'm thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

Stewart Family said...

Thanks for the sweet comment. It is so nice to have people share with you that they care.

I have PCOS as well and have had 3 successful pregnancies/births....so don't give up!! I had many days when I wanted to give up but in the end it was worth the wait!

Lisa said...

Thank you for stopping by our blog. I really appreciate all the prayers. I am a follower of your blog and got your update tonight when I logged on.I am praying for you during this time. I also have PCOS as well as my sister, I was told it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant because of it and so was my sister. I am praying for you everyday.

I am also just a blog away! Always have a listening ear handy!

Blessings to you!
Lisa
http://myboysmygreatestgiftsinlife.blogspot.com/

hgodwin said...

Hello,
thanks for the sweet comment you left on my blog! I am praying for you too and I cannot imagine what you are going through!! Somehow i deleted your comment(i have no idea HOW but anyways) I appriciate people reaching out to others when they are in need! :)

Phoebe said...

You could check out acupuncture and chinese herbs for fertility related treatments. I've had good success with them.

Erin Hingley said...

Thank you so much for the sweet comment on my blog. I am so sorry you had a down day and I am praying that tomorrow is better for you!

Erin

He And Me + 3 said...

We all have downer days. Hang in there. I know that things seem stressed and very uncertain right now, but that will change. You are so right that God has you in His arms and He has a perfect plan for your life. Hold on.
Tomorrow will be better:)
Hugs!

Amy said...

49 days away and you have been through so much lately Tiff. Ironic how our downer days were the same day, ironic how I received your pkg that day b/c it not only lifted my spirits it makes me think about you and Zach. I read it to my husband as I cried (couldn't help it), and I saw the tears in his eyes. My husband is not one to talk much about IF, but he said "they understand." I wish you DID NOT have to understand, but if we have to go through this horrible journey together, I wouldn't trade having you as a friend for anything.

I hope that you're having a better day today, and know that everyday you are in my prayers.

Kristina said...

Thanks for your sweet comment! Since trying to get pregnant in April 06, I've had a Lap, a myomectomy, and 2 histeroscopies. We got married in 02 and never dreamed that we would have to face this trying for a family! I am sorry that you had a "down day" yesterday! We all have them, you explained them so well in your writing!! We live in DFW and have paid for infertility out of pocket for 3 years now. We are also seeing a specialists and facing all that goes with that. Luckly, I took a HUGE paycut last year and changed jobs...the "God thing" was that in Jan, I got benifits and SOME of the infertility is now covered. Not IVF, but everything else is VERY MUCH reduced. I hate that TX doesnt require it to be covered!! It has killed us financially!! I'm glad you found me...and I will be praying for you guys!! You can go back and read our long road to get more history of that we've been through (including 7 IUIs...). I pray that today was better.

G & H said...

ugh i totally get those days to in fact today is one of them...saying a prayer for you and thinking about you ... your faith is so inpsiring to me thank you!

Meredith said...

Thank you for leaving such a sweet comment. I feel your Tuesday blues, and your post looks A LOT like the post that was going to post today, but we got a big of good news and I had to change the post.

Praying for you, Zach and your "Bean"


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