Friday, January 29, 2010

Whose Fault is it?


I was talking to someone the other day...they asked us about children and me, being who I am, openly informed them of our infertility. There immediate response was 'whose fault is it?'

Yes...this may seem insensitive and to be honest it is. However in the world of infertility you learn to handle insensitive comments with a grain of salt. Yes, sure-they still hurt and yes some are quite annoying; however the 'average' person doesn't know what to say nor do they realize the things that are said can be hurtful...

We have received a lot of comments; 'Whose fault is it?' seems to be a very popular one.

It's easy to put the blame on me...or my husband...it's easy to tell people 'Well my husband has a low % of normal sperm'....and it's easy for Zach to say 'my wife has PCOS...and tons of other issues'; however we believe it's neither of our faults. YES-our bodies are far from normal, and YES we are very far from 'fertile mertiles'---some might call us naive but we like to think that this is God's plan and no one is 'at fault' for this.

Placing blame on each other can cause resentment, guilt and extremely hurt feelings! Infertility is OUR life...not his, not mine....OURS.

1 Corinthians 12:24-26 God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lack it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that it's parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

10 comments:

Stephanie Hartman said...

That is such a great way of putting it...When your in that situation which I'm saying that because well I kind of know what your going through I mean we haven't been trying for kids yet but just put it this way we might not be able to have kids anywho.I totally agree It's neither of ya'll fault God has a plan for you and everything will work out like its suppose to..

Hope you have a great day!

Kristin said...

I am so sorry that you have had to endure such thoughtless comments from people.

I was just looking at your tweets and saw the super cute diaper cake you made!! I love it! You should make a little business out of doing those! Adorable!!

Angelica said...

Bless your heart Tiffany...I am so sorry you have to endure these comments but so happy that you know the Lord and are clinging to Him.

His plans are greater than ours...have a beautiful weekend!

Tiffany Lockette said...

Well said Tiff. My thoughts are with you.

Melody said...

First, you take things so well! I love your thoughts on this. Secondly, I would never ask someone that. I am ALWAYS amazed at the comments people make to other people and don't even think anything about it. It's crazy!

Rosie said...

I'm glad you can brush those comments off. I got that question often too & it always bugged me. It was embarassing.

Jennifer said...

Amen! Amen! Amen!! I honestly think that people don't mean to be so insensitive, I just think unless someone has been through this journey they just don't get it. That's what I tell myself anyway when someone says something stupid like that.

Just Believing said...

So well said! Hubby and I are the exact same me with PCOS and him with average but on the lower end count...and even if it was just me or just him its still our infertility together!

Beautiful post thanks for sharing!

Tracy said...

wow...are you sure that ya'll aren't related to us? Same issues...for both...hmmm...

Becky said...

I am blown away by this post! The grace you show is such a reflection of Christ.

I think this is such an important point you make - it is OUR infertility. My husband and I have taken the same view and I believe it has helped our marriage so much. When I talk about infertility I always refer to it as ours, not his or mine.


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