Saturday, February 13, 2010

Emotional...


Yesterday was a rough day...work has been pretty crazy the past few months; the ladies I work with are more than just co-workers to me; there extremely good friends and I consider them family; after all I see them more than my own husband!

Well like I was stating, works been hectic...several people have left due to some of the changes in my work place, today another one of my friends left. I know we will see each other often. We have monthly lunches; but it makes me sad that I won't see these ladies every single day...

Yesterday was hard. I believe this opened up a huge box filled of emotions for me...

You know that feeling in your chest and that lump in your throat right before you just burst into tears? Well I had that all day...on my way home I choked my tears back. Zach and I planned on working out last night; that was until he walked in the door and I just lost it. As I sat there and cried I felt helpless, why was I getting so upset when I know I will see these ladies many of times? I felt like a baby in Zach's arms...not wanting him to go anywhere, just wanting him to hold me...

Yesterdays emotions were not just from work; the month of March is approaching (our 4 year mark of trying to conceive). I'm scared...I'm sad...I'm worried...I do feel hopeless...I do feel like a failure at times...all of these things came rushing out of me when my tears came...I do believe these are all normal to feel from time to time; however they are not fun feelings!

Infertility is such a hard battle in life, how I want to be a mother more than words can possibly describe...how I pray for the day that I beat this, infertility does not define us and we will be parents one day....God has a plan, and I trust in him. I am thankful that our God allows me to cry my eyes out, while doing so he is actually pulling me even closer into him and tucking me under his wing....always there for me and protecting me!

14 comments:

Kate said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry that you had one of those days!! I am the same way where I hold it all in and then it comes out and there is no stopping it! Praying for you and hubby!

Rosie said...

Love you Tiff! If you want to talk, just give me a call. We all have those days and you are not alone. God is great and will protect you even in the hardest of times. I'm sorry you lost another friend at work, but glad Zach was there for you to cry on his shoulder.

Just Believing said...

Awww Tiff! HUgs to you I am so sorry its been a rough few days! Infertility is so hard and add on other things and it makes for lots of tears!

Always thinking of you I think you are so adorable and so honest and I LOVE reading your honesty and your heart!

Lori said...

I will say a prayer for you today, my friend. I hate that you had a bad day, it is good to cry it out though.

Kristin said...

I have days like that too. Sometimes, it just takes one thing to trigger those emotions. For me, even 5 years later, I still have days where I just can't hold back the tears in missing my Mom.

But you are right, God does have a plan and He always makes good things come from the hurt and pain. He does not give you a deep desire in your heart and then leave you.......you will be a Mom one day Tiffany.......it may not be exactly how you imagined it, but it will be exactly how He planned it and you know His plan is always perfect!!

I hope you have a great Valentine's Day!!!!!

Megan said...

(((HUGE HUGS))) I know the feeling. It's hard but one day we will both hold our babies in our arms.

Melody said...

Oh Tiff! This is why we love you, because you are real! I'm so sorry! I was just telling someone the other day that after Bailey was born it took about a year but I finally had a severe break-down. WE can only be strong for so long. It's good to get it out and not bottle it up. I will be praying for you! I love you lots and I can't imagine how hard this is for you!

twondra said...

I'm so sorry. I know there are no words that can really help you feel better other than we are all here for you! You've got so much love in you...love that your future child will be so blessed to receive.

Love you! Always here for you!!

Ape said...

im so sorry you had a rough day at work. I know it feels like everyone around there is leaving, but they are life long friends! You will always be apart of their lives no matter where they go.

I know the month of March is approaching and I know the hard feelings and emotions that month brings. I am so sorry you & Zach are in this situation and I would give anything to get yall out of this spot. I am so glad you 2 do have each other though to get you through these hard times. Keep your head up sweetie and keep those positive thoughts flowing. Im here if you need anything

Charla (SHar-la) said...

Oh Tiffany, this is SOOO me right now! And the crazy thing is, it just snuck up on me. One minute, I'm full of joy and knowing things are going to be great, and the next I feel yucky with a knot in my stomach all day long I can't shake. I want to cry all the time and don't want Richard to leave my side, either. Hormones and emotions are hard to control, especially when I do believe the devil knows when we are at our weakest and begins trying to force his way into those huge chinks in our armor. Thanks for posting this. I was feeling really alone in my "FUNK."

Ashlee McCrary said...

Aw Tiffany! I know how you feel with the losing coworkers thing. Right after I got married I was really becomming unhappy at my job (I was also pregnant at the time) & the only people I DID like working with (who were actually respectful people!) ended up leaving all at once. It was like 5-6 girls all in a months time, one of them was my BFF (And now Rylie's Godmother & she even moved 2 hrs away at the time). It was so hard. I really hated my job then. I was emotional from being pregnant & I felt all alone at work (so I got big on myspace then! ha) but I seriously get where you're coming from. I dont like change & I know you dont either. You just get in such a routine with the same people every day & it's hard when they leave & things get thrown out of cycle. I hope you have a better week at work next week. I'll be thinkin about you this march. I understand it's a hard month for yall!

Jennifer said...

So sorry you were having a bad day. I know I have those emotional days too. Infertility can suck the joy out of life sometimes. You are right...God doea have a plan and you will be parents one day. I believe that!

aerk said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog last night. I know all too well how that lump in your throat feels. I will be praying for you and your husband. I will pray that God will intervene soon. As you see from my blog, God is still in the miracle business. "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. " Psalm 56:8

Jen said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and read a little. My whole heart goes out to you! I too, struggled with years and years of infertility. As I read this post, I remember feeling that exact same way so many times. I am sorry you both are having to endure that tough road. I pray one day you can look back and (not laugh by any means), but thank goodness that part is over :o)

Keeping you close in thoughts and prayers,

Jen


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