Infertility can bring a number of things, one of those being denial...I know in my first year of trying I didn't want to open up about my infertility, my denial was with my friends and family. I was so scared to tell everyone the truth, I was so scared to be honest and tell my family that we were having problems; I was afraid of being a disappointment, and most defiantly didn't want pity...lets just face it...I was in major denial. My denial fortunately didn't last too long, however there are so many women and men out there that have yet to come out of the 'infertility closest'....
I can honestly say, it's not an easy thing to do. People look at you different, friends don't know what or what not to say to you, you may even get the famous statements 'why' or 'what did you do to be infertile' or 'your still young' or 'just relax and it will happen'...infertility can really cause a woman/man to feel the lowest of low and very insecure.
However, I learned very quickly that being honest throughout the journey is the cornerstone to all success; the day I opened up about our struggle to become parents I felt a huge amount lifted off our shoulders...although we are still not pregnant, and have yet to be...being honest has given me the ability to truly view this struggle in a completely different outlook.
Zach and I used to hear our family talk about how much they wanted grand-babies; they didn't know we were trying everything possible to get pregnant...their words hurt-- because as much as they wanted to be grandparents we wanted to make them grandparents...by being honest with them they learned to keep those desires to themselves, so although they still want to be grandparents so bad they don't remind us every day of this...
or we would always hear people with children tell us 'I wish I didn't have kids, I miss the young life'....although I can understand where they are coming from and they just want a vacation away from everything, at the time-that was so hurtful...in our heads that's all we wanted (and still do) but yet there wishing for our life (if only they knew how our life was)...once we opened up to our friends they knew that saying certain things like these hurt us...
Although we do NOT want our family nor friends to feel as though they are walking on eggshells around us we do want them to know our situation so they can understand our sadness at times, they can understand why we might not comment back on certain statements...by being honest with ourselves we are able to be honest with our loved ones!
'Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.'
It's not easy always being honest about struggles, at times I still to this day catch myself not telling certain things to people...sometimes it's easier to pretend that this journey really isn't happening, but in all honesty...it's better, easier and makes for such a happier life just to be honest.
15 comments:
I wish I could tell you when it WILL happen. I know the waiting is hard. And then, when you get pregnant, the worry is hard over the baby, and then when you have the baby, you worry about them too. It's what makes us good mommies and daddies. I can't wait to hear your good news! I know it will happen and I'm glad you have opened up to help so many other people with your struggle. I was just telling someone the other day, it doesn't make your own struggle go away, but it does definitely help to know that other people are going through the same things.
I'm so glad that your honesty lifted a weight off your shoulders. However, when I told my family, I got a different reaction & it didn't really stop. But I do know that when you finally talk about IF and stop being in denial-it makes it so much easier to deal with!
Hello, my name is Allison and I don't think I've ever commented on your blog before but I've been reading it for a while. We have been struggling with infertility for two years now and I definitely understand the honesty part. It's hard to be honest with people about infertility, for some reason the stigma also includes so much shame... but your post definitely convicted me and I'm hoping it helps me to be more consistently honest about our feelings about infertility and what my husband and I are going through. You have a great day and God bless!!
I struggle all the time with this. It is just so much easier to pretend that everything is ok, then break down when I'm alone. But it brings on so much stress, and strain. Being honest with myself has been the biggest help for me. I think when I accepted our IF, I was able to get some of my life back which feels so good.!! Thank you so much for your post, and your outlook on your IF has helped me so much!! God bless you with a baby soon, my friend!!
So true. I need to be reminded of this because it is so tempting to hide it. But I really think it's caring to other people to let them know because you're letting them into a deep part of yourself and being vulnerable. I just pray that because of what I'm going through now, others will feel comfortable doing the same with me in the future.
I couldn't agree with you more Tiffany. Once we started being open about our struggle with infertility it got so much easier. My dad used to jokingly say that it was our (my sisters and I) mission in life to produce grandchildren for him. Now he NEVER makes that joke, at least not to me. While there have been some insensitive/uninformed comments, as a whole we have felt so much more support from our friends and family. Plus by being honest we have many, many more people praying for us!
Thank you sweetie, and yes you are right...when your honest not only are things better all around but you most def. have many more people praying for you! :)
It's hard not to hide infertility at times...keep being positive.
Love-hugs and prayers
Yes, it's very easy to pretend everything is ok at times, I still catch myself doing this...God Bless you too sweet friend, and many prayers your way!
Thanks for your sweet comment!!! Keep being positive; praying for you sweet friend!
I'm sorry your got such a bad reaction with your family :( not everyone understands; well no one does really unless you've been in these shoes, it's just some people 'try' to understand and others don't care too... love ya friend :)
You are too sweet! :)
I totally agree with you that honestly is the best thing. I've been struggling a lot lately with someone close to me that's been have trouble conceiving but hasn't really shared all that's going on. I don't want to pry but I want to be able to be there for her. I have learned a ton from you, so thanks for sharing what guys have gone through. It's helped me to see things from a different perspective for sure!
Tiffany, thanks for saying things that some of us don't have the courage yet to say. =)
I just stumbled across your blog while looking for a Google Image and I'm in love. We've just begun our journey to get pregnant. Thank you for sharing, for being open. I can't wait to continue your story!
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