Monday, July 5, 2010

Feeling Forgotten


Do you ever feel forgotten?

I do!!!

I feel at times some people forget that I am infertile. Our families and friends used to send us sweet messages, comments, cards just to tell us they were thinking about us and praying for us...and at times I feel like this journey has been going on so long that some people have just given up on us... Don't get me wrong, not all of friends and family have stopped, just some I thought never would...I know 4 years can be a long time to keep reminding someone that you are there for them, and in all honesty I know they ARE still there for us, but it's nice to be reminded...it really does help!

I know deep down in my heart that everyone cares for us and is always thinking and praying for us, and I am sure this post will sound like such a pitty party, I do not intend for it to though. I guess in all honesty I am just feeling down today and out of all days I need our families and friends to reach out to us, I just want to feel remembered...to be 100 % honest my feelings are a little hurt.

I just feel a little forgotten...this year has been hard so far in our infertility journey...I feel like I am back peddling a little bit. I feel anything BUT strong. As I watch my family and friends announce there pregnancies, jump for joy at the first kick, celebrate at the baby shower and birthday parties...I sit with a empty place in my heart and my arms. Although I am really happy for them, I am hurting inside at the fact we are on year 4 and still haven't been pregnant one time. I try more than anything to be strong and keep the smile on my face, but the truth is my heart is aching.

Sometimes I want to stand on the rooftop and shout 'I'M STILL INFERTILE YOU KNOW??'

I meet someone this weekend who tried for 5 years to get pregnant, she told me...'You will get pregnant...I know you feel like you won't but you will'.... but will I? I can't even envision myself pregnant anymore...I used to could, but after 4 years it seems impossible. I KNOW nothing is impossible with God, and I have faith that my husband and I were placed on this journey for a reason...

My heart feels so lonely at times, I sadly cradle my little dog like a child and tears just run down my face as I think 'will this be my only shot at being a mom?' I love my little 4 legged kidos, but they can't begin to fulfill this emptiness in my heart. I want to be a mother more than I could possibly explain...

If you made it though this post, thank you for listening to me ramble. It helps me at times...I apologize for such a debbie downer post...just have alot of things on my mind!

Thank you all for being so great-means so very much to us!

31 comments:

Anna said...

Yeah, I had a bad day today too. It's not fair. ((hugs))

Kylee said...

We all have down days. I'm sorry your feeling this way, and just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers every night.

The Pilston's said...

You are not alone.

Meg said...

As God continues to write your story....
"Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what He has promised."

Job 12:10
"In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind."

Do not allow the devil to lie to you, do not all him to cause you to give up on your dreams, do not quit believing in God's plan for your life. Be prepared for God to do something BIG!

Ashley said...

I am always thinking about you guys!! I want sooo badly for you to get pregnant! I had tears in my eyes to hear Dawn talk to you this weekend about her journey and hearing y'all relate. I can just picture you in the dr.'s office and getting the news that she did and all of the nurses crying their happy tears!! I will be right there with them :) I tell you all the time, but I totally admire your strength! You are an amazing person and we are so lucky to have you and Z in our lives! Our little girls love their Aunt Tiffy and Uncle Zach ;)

Kristin said...

I pray for you often Tiffany. I cannot pretend at all to know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but my heart does ache for you because I know what it's like to have life turned upside down because it turned out so drastically different than you imagined. What I've learned is that God didn't promise not to give us more than we can handle. Sometimes it's way more than we can handle, but what He did promise is that we don't have to handle it alone. I will keep praying for Him to carry you through this!

In Due Time said...

Trust me, I feel the same. We hit six years on July 1st. Unless we get a miracle OOPS between now and when my SO graduate grad school, we're at least four years away from treatments. Sigh.

twondra said...

Oh sweetie, this breaks my heart. I wish I was there to give you the biggest hug.

It was also like you could read my mind. So much of what you have written I can relate to. It's such a painful feeling and I know how it feels to feel so alone.

Love you girl. Praying for you. If you need to talk, I'm always here. (((HUGS)))

Lauren said...

You're not a Debbie Downer at all...in fact, I didn't hear a "whaaa whoaaa" one time during that post. :)

You're being honest, and there is nothing wrong with that. When my husband and I first got married, everyone and their mother was jumping down our throats to have kids, and finally I just snapped. I wrote a similar blog on our site and after I hit submit I thought "Oh gosh...that is going to make people mad, and I sound like a whiney kid". But the fact of the matter is, you have to get this stuff off your chest and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

I pray for you guys every day, and although I'm sure it's not the same as having a family member or friend say it, you're not alone.

Life Happens said...

The infertility journey does make us feel like we are forgotten (sometimes, most of the time, all the time, etc).

But God hasn't forgotten us. He remembers and knows. Keeping you in my prayers!

Brenton and Jenna Lane said...

I think about you always. I'm so sorry for the hurt that you feel. No one deserves to feel this way. Such an unexplained hurt, a hurt that is so many times hard to describe.

Jessie said...

I am praying for you Tiffany. I know what it feels like to think that people forget about you :( They really don't forget, I think they sometimes feel that they shouldn't bring it up because they don't know what to say after so much time has passed.

Jessie said...

I am praying for you Tiffany. I know what it feels like to think that people forget about you :( They really don't forget, I think they sometimes feel that they shouldn't bring it up because they don't know what to say after so much time has passed.

Melody said...

I've noticed that over the summer, not a lot of blogging goes on. Even with me being off during the summer I am way behind, but I do still think and pray for you often. Sometimes I get frustrated at God even that you haven't experienced this yet. But, I'm sure there has to be SOME good reason for it. Love you much!

Mr. and Mrs. Raymond said...

I'm sorry you are having a down day! I have those days sometimes, too. I just recently started to get that feeling that people didn't want to ask me about how our IF treatments were going because they had given up hope. But I know they still pray for us, and you have so many people still praying and hoping for you (me included!). Sending you support!!

Erick and Kristen Cedeno, and Abbi too! said...

You're post totally hit home with me. My brother-in-law and his wife just had their first baby last thursday, and as happy as I am for them, i'm so sad for my husband and i that we haven't had the chance to experience all they are getting to right now. But just like you, people keep telling me "you'll have that baby you've always wanted" but after so long of nothing, you wonder...."will I?" Our stories are different but still the same result. I've been pregnant 3 times in the past year, but all 3 times i've miscarried. Hopefully soon our dreams will come true. I'll be praying for you! ((hugs))

Dan, Claire, Jayda and Cash said...

I do know exactly how you feel! We were childless for 9 years before our IVF miracle came along, and 2 years after that our miracle surprise followed. I know how it feels to lose hope, to cry at night at the thought of never having children, to hate baby showers and yet another "I'm pregnant" announcement.

I know it doesn't help to hear that there is hope, and that one day your dreams may come true. I don't really remember what did help, if anything, but do know that there are people praying for you and that you aren't alone in this. My heart hurts for the both of you, this journey is a tough one.

Kim said...

I'm so sorry it's one of those days. Yes, I do feel forgotten sometimes and it must be really hard after 4 years. I wonder if they know our sadness and needing them is not any less than it was the first year. I think it gets easier and harder as time passes by. We get better handling certain things, but other things creep up...and makes it harder. I am thinking about you praying for you- lots of love coming your way!

Rosie said...

I will never forget you or what you are going through Tiffany, as I know you would never for me when I was going through it. I'm sorry I don't have time to email you daily anymore :( Just know that ya'll are constantly in my thoughts and prayers! Love you!

Stacey said...

Hi Tiffany,

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I know that our stories are different, but I can relate to this feeling. During our early years of dealing with recurrent pregnancy loss it seemed we had a lot of support. Unfortunately, as the years pass and your situation doesn't really improve, some people do fall away. By the time we had our 6th miscarriage and so many years had passed, we mostly kept our feelings and our struggle to ourselves. That's a hard thing to do when you desperately need people and support. I know it can feel very lonely.

You may feel alone and forgotten, but you are not! You have so many people here who care, and I know that you trust in the Lord. He won't ever, ever let you go. Praying you feel His love and comfort today.

Sending big hugs your way and praying that soon you'll have brighter days.

Amy R said...

I love you Tiff! I still continue to pray for you and Zach.

Becky said...

I relate so much to this post. Just last night I was cradling my little pooch and bawling my eyes out - you are definitely not alone. It is hard not to feel forgotten. I know God is able to do amazing things and I have seen the evidence of it in the lives of so many who have walked this path before us. But sometimes I wonder when it will be my time (and yours!). Waiting is just so hard. My heart aches for children. But I know we have to keep hoping, keep praying, and keep trusting. He has a plan...

The Anglin Family said...

I just wanted to let you know that I read a little of your blog tonight and know that although I don't know you, I'm hurting for you and I just said a prayer for you and your husband. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Fertility Chick said...

Thank you for this honest post. I have been feeling overwhelmed and very alone - and reading this makes me feel less alone since I know that you (and many others) "get it" too.

You are not alone. Sending you hugs and support and thanks.

Ashley said...

This post relates so much to me! You are not throwing a pitty party. I think you are just expressing your feelings and showing that your heart is hurting right now. Everyone needs encouragement and support and those little reminders. No matter how strong someone is they will need this. You are such an amazing woman and like I had said before when I e-mailed you....I admire you! I pray for you guys often and love reading your thoughts and posts. Infertility is probably one of the hardest things I have been through and who knows how much longer. Just know there are MANY people thinking of you:)

Lauren Kelly said...

Oh, Tiffany!!! You are not forgotten, and most importantly, God has not forgotten about you and that’s what matters most!!!! Love ya girl!!

Hope said...

I have felt alone and forgotten EVERY SINGLE day of this journey. Really everyone just sort of brushes it off as me being my overly controling self. I just told the Dr the other day that I don't have much left in me emotionally. It's actually kind of amazing that infertility is treated as an embarrasment that no one wants to talk about. Hopefully someday that will change because of people like yourself who share so much.

Anonymous said...

We were given this hope when we were saved. If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently. Romans 8:24-25

Jennie said...

Sorry I am just reading this post, but I still wanted to comment. I think about you all a lot and I even think of you Zach when I hear a specific country song...how odd is that since we don't even know each other IRL?! Praying that God will continue to give you the strength you need to make it through these difficult times.

Jennie said...

that should say you AND Zach..

Rathi said...

You are not alone! We went through almost exactly the same journey as ya'll are.. We went through 3.5 years of waiting, nine iui's and one IVF before we got our miracle baby. And I do mean miracle, she was in NICU for five weeks due to a twisted bowel.. It's a hard journey but I have faith that ya'll will be parents soon! And by the way my daughter's middle name is Faith! :) My blog is private because i have her pics on there but i'd love to add you!


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