This past few weeks have been a crazy emotional roller-coaster ride--I didn't know what to expect with any of it, so I've gone day by day.
Right now, more than ever, day by day is what I'm holding onto.
As I mentioned before I didn't know what to expect with my retrieval; 38 was more than I could have expected. My fertilization report was no different; the Dr. told me what to expect (which was about 1/2 of that to be fertilized) but other than that I didn't know how to expect things to play out--ideal I would have loved to see 10-15 if not more to fertilize in hopes to at least have 8-10 make it to transfer for 2 to be transferred and 6-8 to be frozen.
I got my call this morning and it didn't go near how I'd hoped for-- 'Only 2 have fertilized' shot through me like a bullet as my Dr. told me about my babies...I
was am discouraged but I know in my heart it only takes 2; it's just not the odds I expected or wanted. He explained to me that there were several that had '2 polar bodies' (that is the step right before fertilization) So he explained that he would re-check on them at noon and call me back---so now I sat all morning with my stomach in knots anxiously awaiting for that call...
I have 5 fertilized right now; 5 out of 38 eggs...I would be lieing if I said I wasn't a little bummed or worried.
Don't waste your breath telling me 'It only takes 2' or ' 5 is better than none' because I know that; I honestly and truly do KNOW that. Although I am discouraged don't think for one moment that I am not thankful for those 5 that have fertilized--because I am extremely thankful and blessed; I just hope and pray those 5 make it to transfer.
My Dr. did mention that there are still several with 2 polar bodies so he is expecting to add to that number tomorrow. This whole journey has been a day by day step and a slow process; why would I expect for that to change now??
So as I sit here tying this post I have alot going on in my mind, I've cried tears of happiness and tears of anxiousness. These are my babies were talking about (yes they are just cells to many, but these cells are our babies) and I don't want anything to happen to them; so alot is going on through my mind.
Again, no one said this journey was easy, I just never thought it would be so hard. We will continue to hold onto Faith, Hope and leave the rest in His hands--He will walk us through this day by day.