Monday, May 23, 2011

Fertilization Report

This past few weeks have been a crazy emotional roller-coaster ride--I didn't know what to expect with any of it, so I've gone day by day. 

Right now, more than ever, day by day is what I'm holding onto.

As I mentioned before I didn't know what to expect with my retrieval; 38 was more than I could have expected. My fertilization report was no different; the Dr. told me what to expect (which was about 1/2 of that to be fertilized) but other than that I didn't know how to expect things to play out--ideal I would have loved to see 10-15 if not more to fertilize in hopes to at least have 8-10 make it to transfer for 2 to be transferred and 6-8 to be frozen.

I got my call this morning and it didn't go near how I'd hoped for-- 'Only 2 have fertilized' shot through me like a bullet as my Dr. told me about my babies...I was am discouraged but I know in my heart it only takes 2; it's just not the odds I expected or wanted. He explained to me that there were several that had '2 polar bodies' (that is the step right before fertilization) So he explained that he would re-check on them at noon and call me back---so now I sat all morning with my stomach in knots anxiously awaiting for that call...

I have 5 fertilized right now; 5 out of 38 eggs...I would be lieing if I said I wasn't a little bummed or worried.

Don't waste your breath telling me 'It only takes 2' or ' 5 is better than none' because I know that; I honestly and truly do KNOW that. Although I am discouraged don't think for one moment that I am not thankful for those 5 that have fertilized--because I am extremely thankful and blessed; I just hope and pray those 5 make it to transfer.

My Dr. did mention that there are still several with 2 polar bodies so he is expecting to add to that number tomorrow. This whole journey has been a day by day step and a slow process; why would I expect for that to change now?? 

So as I sit here tying this post I have alot going on in my mind, I've cried tears of happiness and tears of anxiousness. These are my babies were talking about (yes they are just cells to many, but these cells are our babies) and I don't want anything to happen to them; so alot is going on through my mind.

Again, no one said this journey was easy, I just never thought it would be so hard. We will continue to hold onto Faith, Hope and leave the rest in His hands--He will walk us through this day by day.

23 comments:

Bobbi said...

Just like your follicles took awhile to grow, your little ones are taking their time as well. I hope the number can go up from 5 tomorrow. If not, I know you know it only takes one. :)

Peppermint Patty said...

Tiffany,

Hoping and praying for a successful transfer, pregnancy and birth!

Yes, I AM claiming that for YOU! :)

Christi said...

Sending you hugs. thinking of you and praying for Zach and you.

Christi

twondra said...

Been praying and thinking of you all day. You're soooo right...they are BABIES!! Honey, you're a mom to at LEAST 5 babies!! I will pray so hard that you get to be a mom on earth.

Enjoy this moment. You are officially a mother!!

Mrs. Jenk said...

I only had 4 and it led to twins which led to one beautiful little blond girl. God doesn't work in statistics- he works in miracles! Praying for you all!

SarahMerritt said...

(hugs)I know its not what you wanted to hear but God has a plan and he knows your heart and your want to be a mommy and it will happen.
Sarah

waiting and wishing said...

Praying for you- hang in there!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Holding on to hope with you.....

christine said...

Praying for you and hoping more fertilize!! Also praying that you get a pregnancy from whatever embryos they transfer!

Veronica said...

Still praying and believing for you, love! He wouldn't have brought you this far to leave you!

Big hugs!!! :)

Ailmik said...

Your positive attitude shines through what must a very emotional time for both of you. I am praying that the remainder of the roller coaster ride is a little smoother for you.

Tiffany Lockette said...

Tiff - still praying with all my heart for you guys.

Tristan Kimerling said...

Praying for you and your babies!! Hugs and prayers for those 5 babies and praying you get to bring home your babies soon! :)

lklomicka said...

I've never commented before, but sweetie, you are a Momma. I hope and pray that those little babies are just taking their sweet time and more will join their brothers and sisters in this long journey to your family. Just another step towards holding one of those little babies in your arms. I'm sorry its been such a rocky road for you.

Sarah said...

Prayers!

Joy@WhenDoesDaddyComeHome said...

I would feel the same way - when you set your expectations on one thing and it doesn't go the way you thought it's perfectly normal and alright to grieve. Praying that you have double tomorrow!

Tania said...

I had my ER on Saturday and got 13 eggs with 5 that fertilized. I am praying for both of our 5 babies to continue growing strong until transfer day. Do you know when your transfer is yet?

Rachel said...

We had 18 eggs at retrieval and only 5 fertilized and we transfered 2 and were not able to freeze any, but here I am 13 weeks pg.

I my mind it just means that God is weeding out what's not meant to be before it's time to implant.

You're in my prayers.

Ann-Jennifer said...

I'm thinking of you and hoping for a successful transfer and pregnancy for you. Hang in there! :)

Lauren said...

Praying that your babies grow, grow, grow! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers all day.

Ashley said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers! The IVF that worked for us we got the least amount of fertilized eggs. So miracles happen! :)

Nicole Rodriguez said...

I have never commented before, but am an avid follower of your journey. I got tears in my eyes reading "I know they are just cells to many, but these are our babies." I love that. They are your babies! I am a prayer warrior for you!!! I know God has a plan and I know you know that too :) Sounds to me like those babies are just little "toots" already giving their momma trouble!!! I hope and pray this journey finds you pregnant!!!

Grandma~rella said...

Sweet Momma Tiffany~ My thought's and prayers are so very much with you, honey! Sending lots of baby dust, anxiously awaiting the "we're pregnant" post. Bet it won't be long! Then, looking forward to knowing what color(s) of yarn to pick up, because I want to make blankets for the Pifer Babies <3 Big, BIG (((HUGS))) for you both!!!


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