Monday, March 19, 2012


It's been about a year since our last (and very first IVF)--you would think I would eventually quit thinking about it--but truth be known I think of it often.

How much pain and discomfort my body went through, yet how wonderful the whole experience when our  'babies' where placed back in me how exhilarating that felt knowing that 2 little babies that Zach and I created were waiting to attach and grow...

Watching my pregnancy tests get darker and darker day by day knowing 'this is finally it'...seeing the word 'pregnant' without the 'not' and how amazing that day felt!! Seeing how my husband cared for me and my 'belly' at the time, not wanting to hurt anything.

The the awful day when my tests went to negative and my beta came back a 4....

As I type this I look up at our bulletin board in our office to look up at our ultrasound of 'our babies'...friends and family often tell us to throw them away as they only bring us 'down'....but truth is they don't bring us down, they make us happy knowing what we had, even if it was short lived.

One day (and hopefully/prayerfully) soon I will be able to tell you a child is on it's way, whether it's pregnancy natural, IVF, or adoption...God has a plan for us and we plan to follow it!

Sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers...and maybe our last IVF was meant to be a learning lesson for Zach and I...and stepping stone in the right path. We learned alot about ourselves and our relationship and just how strong we are.

Sometimes it's nice just to sit back and reflect on all that God has taken you through--the good, bad and ugly.


Amanda said...

Hey me an update on you! I think and pray for you guys often.

Colin and Jess said...

Beautiful reflections.

God has taken you through a lot AND has a lot of things in store for you! He will make you a mommy. Prayerfully, very soon!

Sarah Mae said...

I was thinking about you the other day and was wondering how you were doing. I had just finished writing an entry about how it hurts that I most likely will never be able to have children... and then as I was checking blogs, I saw you had updated. You and Zach are in my prayers. I don't fully understand, because we are in two very different situations.. but I do understand the longing and the ache of wanting children and not having them. <3

Sarah Mae

Rachel said...

I'm glad you can find the "silver lining" this all reminds of a song that we sang in children's choir.

In His Time

In His time he makes all things beautiful in his time. Lord please show me every day that you are teaching me your way and you'll do just what you say in your time.

The hardest part is realizing just's all in his time not ours. It hard giving up that control, but all thing will be beautiful in the end.

Blessing to you both and I can't wait to see what beautiful things are in store for you.

Lauren said...

You're not alone. We still have the ultrasound from our little one that we lost 2 years ago. I can't bring myself to throw it away.

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