I've had time today to read through some of my old post, some I've forgotten I've even written. So if you read my blog for years the following may look familiar...but given that we are so close to our sweet miracle Pifer bean, I don't ever want to forget what we have been through; I want to praise God in these moments; He took us through these paths for a reason...and for that I'm so thankful.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life. The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the STRENGTH within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That’s not my destiny; that’s just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I’m a better person for it.
TO my readers who are still on this journey, don't give up please! It took us almost 7 years. SEVEN YEARS...but within those 7 years we have grown so close. This journey is still far from over for me, 18 weeks pregnant sounds so far (which it is) but I still have quite some time before this child is in my arms. Don't get me wrong, I rejoice and praise our Lord every day...but there isn't a moment I'm not scared. I'm not 100% positive why God places struggles in our life, the only thing I can come up with is he is using those struggles to mold us into the exact person he wants us to be--he has better things in store for us, things we couldn't even imagine. Never give up, never lose your faith, never stray to far from God. He is and will always be by you on this path, even in your darkest moments.