Worry

 

I remember when I was trying to conceive, I worried about every little thing. Would the shots hurt? Would the meds work? What if this doesn’t work? Will I always be the ‘infertile friend’? Will my husband be disappointed in me if I can never conceive? How much money is all of this going to cost? The worrying never stopped….I told myself if and when I would get pregnant I wouldn’t be one of ‘those pregnant woman’ who worried the whole time. WRONG! There’s no way to stop it, and esp. after you’ve had a miscarriage.

Once I was pregnant I worried about spotting, I worried and prayed every time I used the restroom (yes I was that girl sitting on the toilet in pure fear…), Would I make it past the point when we had our 1st miscarriage? Would I make it past the first trimester? second and third….? Is he healthy? He kicked me funny? Is he ok? He hasn’t kicked me enough today? Will my blood pressure spike to high? What if he’s born to early? Am I being still enough on bed rest? The worrying doesn’t end…

Surely when you have the child it ends right?!

NOPE!! Not at all…in fact I think it gets worse! I think the whole first week of his life I just stared at him all night, yes a lot of it was in awe that after 7 years HE WAS HERE, but I was so scared that if I turned my head or blinked he would spit up, what if he stopped breathing, what if he coo’ed wrong, was that a cough I heard? He’s had the hiccups too long, was that a sneeze I heard? Is he eating enough? Is he eating to much? Am I being the best mom I can be? Does his poop look ok (yes again I’m that woman who always wants to know what her sons poop looks like…don’t judge!).

I could go on and on…the worrying doesn’t end. It’s a blessed feeling to be able to worry about the things I DO get to worry about NOW. But let me just say I understand why women age faster then men. I understand how children can make you have more gray hairs than you had before. I’ve just accepted the fact that I will worry about my family till the day the good Lord calls me home. That’s what mommy’s do right?  :)