Prayers for Momma

My momma went to the ER yesterday due to low blood pressure , when she got to the ER her BP was 60/49. They admitted her obviously because thats extremely too low-they did an EKG and CT scan and both came up normal. Her bloodwork came back showing that her white blood cells were extremely low so they wanted to do a spinal tap to check for meningitis and west Nile (with is being so bad in our area right now). Both came back negative.

*they are worried about infection somewhere as her white blood cell count is still really low

*they are concerned she might have had a stroke however the CT scan came up fine they can't do an MRI because of her coiled brain aneurysms so we are waiting to see what the dr says...

*they put a heart monitor on her because she is having bad chest pains....

We still don't have answers as to what exactly IS wrong--were just waiting patiently and praying. 

Please say a little prayer for nothing serious. 

A lil' Ranger Fun

This past Sunday Zach and I went to see the Texas Rangers play with Ashley and James. It was HOT, 105degrees hot!! We were all a hot-mess, but had an amazing time!! :)

Life's moving forward...

I log in from time to time to read every ones blogs--then I go to write one and don't even know where to begin...nothing interesting has happened in my life lately--at least nothing I would think people would like to read...

We did recently get back from vacation. We went to PA to visit Zach's family,  and went to a family reunion as well. It was a blast seeing everyone and catching up. We haven't seen Zach's family since last October when we went to Branson. So this trip was much needed! We went horseback riding, canoeing (Which by the way-I'm NO good at...how hard can it be to steer a boat?) We rode bumper boats with our nieces and nephew, and did alot of fun activities with them as well (let me just tell you they made me realize fast that I'm far from in shape)...and if being out of shape wasn't bad enough I have to be honest, all I did on vacation was EAT! I blame it on all of the good home cooked Italian food they made...if I lived up north near them to eat there cooking all the time I would easily weigh 20+ pounds heavier if not more! All in all vacation was amazing, a much needed get away!

On the down side my mom recently had surgery and so did my grandfather. Both are recovery fine, but prayers are always appreciated.

I do have to brag on my husband a little. Every year the company he works for picks a couple people throughout the nation wide company who is considered the safest driver, and although he has been promoted and is no longer a driver he was picked while he was one-so he still qualifies. Well they fly them to IL for a few days to compete at the NASCAR track. He will drive through obstacles, take test and a couple other things...if he wins out of this group I believe he will be going to Florida in November...he has no idea what he wins, but just the pride in knowing he was picked out of millions is winning enough. I am very proud of him. He works very hard for us to have the things we do and for us to be able to do the things we do. Love him very much!

On the last note, the one question I've received more than anything...'Whats next'....I hate to say it, but we still aren't sure. Obviously we have 3 frozen babies; it's just the timing...when will we be ready? When will we move forward? I am not sure. Time continues to heal our hearts, I was actually able to go through all our pictures from the short time I was pregnant the other day and didn't feel hurt. WE ARE OK-Zach is my biggest support system--he keeps me where I am so busy I don't think much-he keeps me laughing. Together we are getting through this. I'm always amazed at the love and support from everyone on here, but when you continue to get cards from people you've never met and you haven't blogged in over a month--that's special, that means more than I could explain. Thank you all for being patient with my lack of blogging. Thank y'all for continuing to check on me and for the continued prayers.

Life's moving along...nothing interesting...but were finally moving forward.  :)

OK!

I promise I am still here...you can't get rid of me that easy. :)

We have just taken some time, I have distanced myself from any social network and have tried to concentrate on us and our future.

We are doing ok. I had a breakdown last week, and Fathers Day was rather hard. But overall we are doing good, staying busy. Between weddings, anniversary parties, birthday parties, working, vacation, and just some scheduled fun Zach has us pretty busy during the weekends to come...which that helps. 

I am ok...WE are OK!

I looked through pictures the other day and I couldn't help but smile thinking about how blessed we are, of course we wanted this to end differently, no one wants trails in there life...but to 'just' experience it for a short time makes my heart pitter patter :)

GOD IS GREAT! 

thank you everyone for the continued prayers :)

Unforgettable

My thoughts….I’m not even sure if I can put them into words honestly. My feelings…pretty much every emotion you could feel I’ve felt the past week…My heart…broken and trying to accept God’s plan….My life…turned upside down in a blink of an eye.

Why this happened to us, I don’t know—but why do bad things happen period? I have faith in God’s plan, I just don’t quite understand it…probably never will.

Everything was fine, everything! I had no bleeding…no cramping…no signs of a miscarriage. That should make me smile knowing it wasn’t my body rejecting our baby…but it doesn’t make anything better at the moment. The minute my Dr. noticed our baby didn’t have a heartbeat I believe tears filled his eyes before mine…I sat there in shock for a minute or two praying to God he would wake me from this horrible dream-I never woke, still  haven’t-and don’t think I will.

After I calmed down a little my Doctor insured me I did nothing wrong—although I trust this wasn’t my fault I can’t help but feel that way at times. I think it’s just natural to feel like a failure…although I know I am not. My Dr. told me our baby was abnormal, and unfortunately this is your body’s natural way of rejecting your embryo. He explained that all babies are made of several chromosomes from the egg and the sperm, and sometimes chromosomes are missing…and sadly the baby doesn’t know there missing until they need it, which in return stops your child from growing and causes your babies heart to stop…hurts so bad!

They say when doors close, better doors open…maybe that’s our case? Maybe our perfect bean was too special for this world and God couldn’t stand to be away from our baby for too long…I try to tell myself that’s how it is, makes me feel better about the situation.

I’ll be ok, and knowing that gives me comfort. I hurt badly, but now I know my body CAN get pregnant.

I want to sob (and I do) at what I’ve lost….but I’m sitting here celebrating what I had! I WAS PREGNANT! I finally got to see my husbands expression when he found out he was going to be a daddy—and let me tell you he was a very protective father, he will be an amazing daddy to a child one day. We got to tell our family, and listening to there excitement will never leave my heart. We got to hear the heartbeat, oh how amazing that filling was. We experienced life, for a brief time. And although we are mourning our loss we know God blessed us for a short time and we are grateful for that.

The heartache will linger for awhile. Our tears will eventually dry, however we will never forget.

Our jelly bean was special to us and many, I think we have built up love for this baby for the 6 years that we have been trying to conceive…so although this baby was only in me for a short time it was loved for years.

We won’t ever give up-our baby has 3 frozen siblings…as far as when we will be ready that’s for God to tell us. Were leaving our lives in his hands, when it’s time to try again he will let us know. He has his reasoning's, and it’s tough to accept, and I don’t think we have accepted them yet honestly…but were trying. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Prayers Needed :(

Our baby no longer has a heart beat. Right now my heart is just in a million pieces and I can't quite sort through my thoughts. I know with time things will get better and I know God has amazing plans for us-but right now Zach, myself and our family will be in need of prayers.

Happy Anniversary

Happy 6 wonderful years!! Who would have ever thought that 2012 would be the year of our marriage that our dream come true and prayers got answered. God is great!! Thank you Lord for blessing me with such an amazing husband who is also my best friend-my rock and my strength and ultimately the father to my unborn baby! Our life is far from perfect-but I wouldn't trade a moment!

Zachary-you will never know how much you mean to me! I love you to the moon and back forever and always. I can't wait to watch you develop into a daddy-you will be an amazing one that's for sure!! ILU