Monday, April 27, 2009

"My Friends Thoughts on Infertility"

{Warning long post, but def. a must read!!!}

One of the biggest parts of this journey is the support from friends. I have asked in my below post for friends to please tell me what it's like to either be in this journey or have an infertile friend who is in this journey. I was going to post these all at once but since some are so long I will be posting in sections. Here are three for you to read tonight.

These are NOT my words...these are solely what my friends have wrote about infertility, how they deal with it and what they have learned from infertility. When I asked for their help this week, I never knew exactly how sweet they would be and how they would speak "of me"...this wasn't mean to me an "about me" post, they are "just" that sweet (yes, I am extremely blessed!!)...needless to say I cried during everyone of these.

[I have run all the paragraphs together to shorten the post…]

The first comes from Rosemary (she doesn't have a blog, so I can't link her). I've known her since the 6th grade, she recently has been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Here is her thoughts on infertility:

"Tiffany & I go waaayyy back! We were the careless girls who never really thought about our future other than "boys!" It was so easy back then to not worry about anything or getting pregnant or what your future may hold. I was shocked to find out that Tiffany was having problems conceiving. She just seemed to be so happy & her and Zach seemed so perfect. How come, of all people, THEY couldn't have a baby? I know so many women who get pregnant on a drop of a dime, but people like Tiffany couldn't. It broke my heart for her. In the beginning, I did my research to find out what exactly infertility meant. My husband and I got married not long after them, so I wanted to understand what she was going through & still be able to relate in some ways considering we were both young married women. But when you are a newly-wed you never think "this could be us too." Boy was I wrong! Our first year of marriage, my husband & I didn't "try" but we didn't "not try" to get pregnant. So at my annual checkup, out of concern I asked why I hadn't been pregnant yet. So my OB/GYN gave us a year of trying. After that didn't work, we too were labeled with infertility. It's been a year and a half since we started trying and now Tiffany & I are in the infertility journey together. It is so important that we have someone to talk to about this understands. I know she would have never wished this on me but I think she's glad to have a a close friend going through this with her as well.I can't speak for her, but I know that many of my friends do not understand what we are going through. The meds, the hormones, hotflashes, dissappointment, ruined holidays, showers....I can go on and on. Except Tiffany, every female in my life right now, my best friends, my sister, all my other girl friends are pregnant! So this is a great time to bring awareness to all of those woman about the reality of infertility and what it means to have it. I've had the classic lines from my family members, and even best friends:"Why dont you try invitro fertilization?" "Just adopt" "Just stop stressing" "Maybe it's not your time" "You can borrow my husband's sperm-he keeps getting me pregnant" "Want me to carry it for you since you can't?" And a few more that I can't think of. It is so hard to explain to them the hurt these woman inflict and don't even realize it, but that's what this week is about.

If it weren't for Tiffany, I COULD NOT be going through this journey. I feel like everything I am going through, Tiffany has gone through. She helps me understand things about infertility that I had not ever known. She is there for me & checking on me as soon as I'm on CD 10, 21, & 28 b/c she understands the importance of those days. She prays for me, lifts me up and is just a great friend when I need it. And even through all this pain, we can share our stories and laugh about them together.Tiffany, you are the most deserving person I know & I hope one day, our children can play together b/c we WILL get through this! Thank you and I love you!!"

The second comes from
Ashley, Zach and her went to school together and we recently have become very close, here are her thoughts:

"This week is National Infertility Week. I never really knew anything about the issue, that is until I met my dear and sweet friend Tiffany Pifer. I knew what infertility was and what it meant, but I never really knew the heartache and everything that these "infertile" women go through to try and conceive a child. Tiffany would probably give her left leg to just hear those words, "you're pregnant". While getting to know Tiff, I would find myself researching online or asking her tons of different questions about her infertility. I just want to know and understand a little more about "why" she has a hard time and others don't. Is this something that runs in the family? Could it really be because of birth control that she was once on? What will be the 1st step at the fertility clinic? Why hasn't an IUI worked? The other night when we went to dinner and then up to Crickets, shortly after she had something weird happen. She felt dizzy, a pain in her lower abdomen and it didn't really last very long; however it bothered her enough to want to sit down for a while. We didn't know what it was and still really don't, but that following Monday, I was watching The Dr.s and a lady called in because she always has a bad pain in her abdomen, she gets really dizzy and kind of feels sick when she ovulates. This doesn't always happen to women, but some women can totally time ovulation by it. Well, I immediately called Tiff and told her what I had just seen and we looked it up on the computer and I read all the symptoms off and they all described what she experienced that night. Normally Tiff is really good with her cycles and knows exactly where she is, when she will ovulate and so forth, however this cycle she has had so much going on that she just hasn't had time to think about it, so we counted off the days on the calendar and it fell perfect for when women normally ovulate. We both just found it to be soo interesting and are hoping that was what it was and maybe a little Pifer Bean will the result of our discovery!! I HOPE, PRAY and WANT SOOOO badly for that to be the end result!! I think that Tiffany and other women that are going through this thought journey called "infertility" are sooo AMAZING and very inspirational! Tiffany is soo strong and maybe, she wasn't always that way in the beginning, but how could you be. It just seems so unfair that a couple that would be the best and most loving parents can't have the baby they deserve, but a woman gets pregnant and ends up brutally hurting or killing their child later on?!?! HOW and WHY?? I think this is something that I will never understand. Tiffany-you are truly AMAZING and so STRONG! You are such an inspiration to other women out there that are going down the same "TTC road". You NEVER give up on your dream of a "Pifer Bean"!! You will be able to write your, "I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!!" Blog one day and I CANNOT wait! I will probably sit there and read it 1,000 times just because I will be bawling from the title and the actual body of the post will be soo blurry from my tears! Haha...I watch you with my girls or with Audree and I know you are going to be a fantastic mom, who won't be bothered by the sleepless night, dirty diapers, vomit, fussiness and all the other fun stuff that motherhood brings! I have learned so much from you in the short amount of time I have known you and I have so much RESPECT for you and the other women that are in your shoes! I hope you don't get annoyed with all the questions or me asking you, "how you are doing or how you are feeling"? I know your 3 year mark was kinda rough and you were dreading it for a while, but you really handled it well and with an upbeat attitude and I applaud you for that because there are not alot of women out there that can continuously look at the positives and not the negatives. You know I am always here for you NO matter what and I love you to death girl!! Love- Ash "

The third is from my A
; Her and Zach also went to school together; this is "Audree's momma"--my amazing God daughter and someone who has experience pregnancy while I've experience are her thoughts:

"If you read my last post then most of you know that this week is National Infertility Week.
I have been asked by my best friend and Audree's Godmother to share my views on being fertile and as well as being so close to someone who struggles with infertility. Some people think that only people who are infertile have a hard time with the diagnosis, but in reality it effects more than that. They have a mother, a father, brothers, sisters, aunt's, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. INFERTILITY AFFECTS ALL OF US. In March of 2007 Brett decided he was ready to start trying for our family. I was excited and was ready to get going. *First month rolled around and I started. *Second month rolled around there was Aunt Flow again. *Third month rolled around TADA Aunt Flow showed her HIDIOUS face once again. *Fourth month we finally were pregnant. Now at this time I thought GOSH 4 months that is a LONG time, but in reality its Nothing compared to what an “infertile” couple goes through. When I saw the + sign on the home pregnancy test I called Tiffany right away. She told me to grab another prego test and come over. Of course I couldn't pee so Tiffany was making me down TONS of water and sticking my hands in cold water. Finally I said okay Tiff I think I have to pee.... So to make sure we didn't miss; Tiffany had me pee in a hairspray cap. I know you all are probably thinking that is weird and gross haha but we wanted to make sure the little bit of pee I did have we could test with. The word “pregnant” came up within seconds andI think we both screamed. This whole time this was going on you have to remember Zach and Tiffany, who have been struggling to get pregnant, are there. They were there for US, and they were so supportive. We are in THEIR home and we are telling them that we are pregnant. I remember Zach telling Brett CONGRATS DAD, and Tiffany & I just hugged. Let me tell you it takes a STRONG woman to be able to do that. The next day Tiffany took me to Barnes & Nobles and bought me a belly book and a book that was called Great Expectations. Tiffany didn’t have to do this, but she did. She wanted to make sure that I had everything I needed to know about being a first time preggers. When my due date drew closer Tiffany was preparing to throw me a baby shower. I remember getting an email from her about 1 month before the shower with something I did not expect. She wrote me a long heartfelt email with so many deep things she was feeling. She did not think that she could go through with the shower. You see Tiffany throwing me a baby shower was so very hard on her. She had to buy "BABY" shower things, she had to buy"BABY" diapers, "BABY" pacifiers, "BABY" bows, "BABY" gifts. Everything was BABY. This was a hard time for her and she didn't think she could go through with it. I couldn’t imagine trying for a child for so long and haven’t been successful, and having to go buy anything “BABY” related. After a long heartfelt chat between the 2 of us Tiffany pulled up enough strength & courage to throw me the baby shower. I can never ever show or share enough of how much that meant to me. She did not have to throw me a baby shower or be involved as she was but she did it for me. 2 days later, my daughter was born @ 32 weeks and was an emergency c-section. I woke up and was bleeding and little did we all know I was having a placenta abruption. This all came about @ 3:30 in the morning. Zach and Tiffany rushed to the hospital to be by our side. They could have stayed home and in bed considering they both had to work that day, but they gave that up to make sure we were all okay. They constantly called, emailed, texted and asked for updates on her and made sure that she was pulling through and being a trooper! They have always been there for Audree and treat her like one of their own. I am so proud to be able to call them not only our best friends but Audree’s Godmother and Godfather. I also wanted to touch basis on what its like for me as a “fertile” woman to have an “infertile” best friend. Some of you might be thinking what is the importance of this? Let me explain a little but from my point of view: I didn’t understand a lot of what was going on, the terms they used like DH, CD, HPT, CM, and all the other “code” words that go along with this. I didn’t understand the important of what cycle day you were on, I didn’t understand how so many things had to be just right in order to conceive, I didn’t understand why they didn’t opt for other options such as IUI and or In-vitro. I didn’t understand A LOT. You see there are so many things that “infertile” women go through and have to learn. Ive googled until I think I can’t google anymore and Ive asked until I think Ive turned blue in the face. Ive read other people’s blogs about infertility and try to learn about their issues and their problems as well. Being a “fertile” woman it was and is still hard for me at times to discuss things with Tiffany. You see I would never EVER want to hurt her in anyway and sometimes I think that if I am constantly talking about my daughter and my child that it will upset her. Im scared at times to talk about how bad I want to be pregnant again. Im scared to tell her things that Audree is doing. Im scared to “brag” about Audree and new things she is accomplishing. Im scared at times to ask her how her ultrasound appointments went, Im scared to ask her how she is feeling, Im scared to ask her if Aunt Flow has shown her face yet. BUT I do want to EMPHASIZE that Tiffany has NEVER EVER made me feel like I was bothering her and hurting her feelings by talking about the above, its just something that I struggle with asking. Im personally scared of asking her anything that would upset her. She has told me over and over that its okay and she wants to me to ask. Im getting there, just slowly! Watching Tiffany struggle through her infertility struggle has been hard. I’ve seen the ups, Ive seen the downs, Ive seen the false +’s, I’ve seen her cry until there were no tears left, Ive seen her so mad that she probably had fire coming out of her ears, Ive seen her question Why me? Why us? God Why? BUT through all of this I’ve seen her grow into the woman she is today. Ive seen her faith grow 150% in the Lord. Ive seen her and Zach become one of the most strongest couples that Ive ever come into contact with. Ive seen her become someone that so many people look up to and adore, including myself. I think the best thing of all that I personally have learned is not to take anything for granted. Appreciate everything that you are given in this life and never ever overlook anything no matter how small it may be. Tiffany, I know you and Zach will get your precious blessing from above. When that day comes I feel like the whole world will be rejoicing with us. I can not wait to see the words IM PREGNANT, I can’t wait to hear the words IM PREGNANT, I can’t wait to see the 1st ultrasound, I can’t wait to see the beautiful baby. We ♥ you guys!!!"

(Thank you to all three of you wonderful ladies! It's so important for others to hear "others" input on infertility--these letters mean more than you all will ever know!.....stay tuned for many more---and please join in on spreading everything we know about "infertility")


Stafford Moments said...

WOW Tiffany you have some great friends!

Jess said...

I agree!!!

G & H said...

Those were so incredibly sweet!!!! What wonderful friends you have!

Jenn said...

What wonderful stories and amazing friends you have. It's great that you are sharing these stories this week.

Hope.Faith.Patience said...

Hi Tiffany, Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'd love for you to follow along. I'll be following along with your journey too! I'm sorry you have have to go through IF, but i'm so glad you have such sweet friends in your life to support you! (hugs)

Lacy said...

Wow Tiffany! You have some GREAT friends, and they sound so supportive! That is neat to have them share on the blog!

the need for a father? said...

please see >


Nichole said...

That is absolutely beautiful! You do have amazing friends. For them to do the research on infertility and then take the time to write such beautiful things.

You are so strong and I admire you so much!

Can't wait to read more!

Anonymous said...

I read every word. It really warmed my heart and gave me a tear. You have awesome support! I am going to be checking on your blog frequently to see how you are doing and give you a little hug.

I loved your blog design so much that I had Julie make me a new look last week (on my bow blog).

Thinking of you,


Lori said...

The last letter hit home to me, because I have a sister who is pregnant with her 4th. And I think she is also coming to a point where she get scared to ask me question, or talk about her pregnancy with me. For me as I go through infertility, I do not want pity, I want encouragement, prayers, fun things to get my mind off of infertility. But I am only speaking for myself, every woman deals with infertility differently. Tiffany thank you for sharing your heart with us about your journey. We will beat this!!

Megan said...

What awesome friends you have for taking the time to write to / about you. You are pretty Amazing Tiffany. I hope you know that!

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