Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Success Story

My sweet friend Melody wrote the following success story; I've known her for a while now and she is one of the many women on here who give me hope; she has sent me a couple things through the mail and the thoughtfulness of these items means more than she will ever know...if she can get through infertility; so can we!!!

For infertility awareness week I wanted to post this message:
Infertility SUCKS!
No, it’s not FUN to buy pregnancy tests every month ONLY to see ONE freaking line!
At first, when you’ve only been trying a month or 2, it is very exciting and the anticipation is fun. As the months go by the fun goes with them! My husband and I tried for 17 months before I finally got pregnant.

Here is how the story goes…
July 9, 2005 Zach and I were married. I wanted a baby! I wanted 4 babies! I wanted them to come sooner rather than later! But, with low income there was just no way. So, I continued on BC pills until November 2005. At that point, I was severely depressed, unable to do anything without crying, and completely miserable with my life. I remember the night Zach and I were putting up our Christmas tree for the first time in our married life and I had a huge meltdown. That was the night Zach threw out my pills. I told him that I thought they were the reason for my “hormonal outbreaks.” Turned out, I was right. About a week after being off of them I started feeling normal again. Thus began our journey. For the first couple months we weren’t REALLY trying. But, we also didn’t prevent. I remember, the doctor saying to me… “Are you having sex? Are you using protection?” When I answered no to both questions he said “then, you’re trying.” Then, we started focusing. I used online charts, BBT thermometers, and everything people suggested such as: vitamins, minerals, pre-natals, losing weight, etc… NOTHING! EVERY month I got ONE line! In May, I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS. It was the worst day of my life (to that point). I couldn’t even go to work that evening because I was so upset! And, the doctor said he wouldn’t do anything until November (because that would make it a year since we started trying). So, in November I was put on the normal regiment, Clomid days 3-5 (or 5-8) and Metformin. I prayed EVERY day for my baby. I was so angry with my husband because he couldn’t understand what I was feeling. BROKEN! I was broken! I knew it was me! I just knew I had horrible cysts all over my ovaries and since I had always struggled with my weight I knew that I was just TOO fat to get pregnant. I hated myself. As I type this, I can feel all of those feelings starting to show up again. We tried the medicine, we tried charting and still ONE LINE! But, I knew! I had a VERY tiny amount of “knowing” that God was with me. I KNEW that someday I would be a mommy but most days I couldn’t even find that part of my heart that still believed. I felt God at some point and I knew I was supposed to do this “the old fashioned way” just me and hubby, no meds, no charts, no bbt! But, how could I do that? It hadn’t worked before. How could I trust that God was going to let me get pregnant on my own? So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I called the woman I knew had more faith then any other woman I know. My grandma. I knew she and Grandpa would pray. They had prayed for me to find a husband and then, I found him. I called them and I said, “Grandma, the doctor says I need medicine to get pregnant. I want a baby more than anything. I don’t want to have to take medicine to get pregnant. But, I’m afraid not to take it. God wants me to do this without it, I know he does.” They prayed. They prayed EVERY day! In March, my prescription ran out. I was going to get it refilled so that we could try again in April. But, I decided not to. In April, Bailey was “created.” On May 16th, I took a pregnancy test and instead of one line, there were 2! It still gives me goose bumps to think about!

And, even though I went through all of this, I still wonder… can I conceive again? Can you imagine me feeling like this when God was and is SO good and I get to look at my beautiful daughter EVERY day? But that’s what “infertility” does to you! As much as I believe God will bless us again, it is SO hard to “shake” that “infertile” feeling!

Thank you for reading my story!

***Thank you Melody for sharing!!!!!!!***

Also, to come my mother wrote something; it's a very emotional post and I just can't seem to post it while at work, so check back later for it!

3 comments:

Super B's Mom said...

My heart aches when I read of your struggles, because I completely understand this pain and the feelings of desperation.

Infertility is a monster that can consume every ounce of you and it's only made worse when you feel that you're all alone in your struggle. But God has GREAT things in store for your life. It may not be the exact plan, or the exact timing you have in mind - but remember that His plan is perfect.

I wish you happiness and success as you go through this journey. May God bless you!

Lori said...

We got married on July 9, 2005 also!! It is so uplifting and encouraging to hear a success story! I am so happy that she overcame infertility, and is now blessed with a beautiful daughter!

Amy said...

To quote Melody "I felt God at some point and I knew I was supposed to do this “the old fashioned way” just me and hubby, no meds, no charts, no bbt! But, how could I do that? It hadn’t worked before. How could I trust that God was going to let me get pregnant on my own?"

THIS is EXACTLY how I feel. I just balled when I read it b/c it makes me SO mad I don't trust God like I should.


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