A Success Story

My sweet friend Melody wrote the following success story; I've known her for a while now and she is one of the many women on here who give me hope; she has sent me a couple things through the mail and the thoughtfulness of these items means more than she will ever know...if she can get through infertility; so can we!!!

For infertility awareness week I wanted to post this message:
Infertility SUCKS!
No, it’s not FUN to buy pregnancy tests every month ONLY to see ONE freaking line!
At first, when you’ve only been trying a month or 2, it is very exciting and the anticipation is fun. As the months go by the fun goes with them! My husband and I tried for 17 months before I finally got pregnant.

Here is how the story goes…
July 9, 2005 Zach and I were married. I wanted a baby! I wanted 4 babies! I wanted them to come sooner rather than later! But, with low income there was just no way. So, I continued on BC pills until November 2005. At that point, I was severely depressed, unable to do anything without crying, and completely miserable with my life. I remember the night Zach and I were putting up our Christmas tree for the first time in our married life and I had a huge meltdown. That was the night Zach threw out my pills. I told him that I thought they were the reason for my “hormonal outbreaks.” Turned out, I was right. About a week after being off of them I started feeling normal again. Thus began our journey. For the first couple months we weren’t REALLY trying. But, we also didn’t prevent. I remember, the doctor saying to me… “Are you having sex? Are you using protection?” When I answered no to both questions he said “then, you’re trying.” Then, we started focusing. I used online charts, BBT thermometers, and everything people suggested such as: vitamins, minerals, pre-natals, losing weight, etc… NOTHING! EVERY month I got ONE line! In May, I went back to the doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS. It was the worst day of my life (to that point). I couldn’t even go to work that evening because I was so upset! And, the doctor said he wouldn’t do anything until November (because that would make it a year since we started trying). So, in November I was put on the normal regiment, Clomid days 3-5 (or 5-8) and Metformin. I prayed EVERY day for my baby. I was so angry with my husband because he couldn’t understand what I was feeling. BROKEN! I was broken! I knew it was me! I just knew I had horrible cysts all over my ovaries and since I had always struggled with my weight I knew that I was just TOO fat to get pregnant. I hated myself. As I type this, I can feel all of those feelings starting to show up again. We tried the medicine, we tried charting and still ONE LINE! But, I knew! I had a VERY tiny amount of “knowing” that God was with me. I KNEW that someday I would be a mommy but most days I couldn’t even find that part of my heart that still believed. I felt God at some point and I knew I was supposed to do this “the old fashioned way” just me and hubby, no meds, no charts, no bbt! But, how could I do that? It hadn’t worked before. How could I trust that God was going to let me get pregnant on my own? So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I called the woman I knew had more faith then any other woman I know. My grandma. I knew she and Grandpa would pray. They had prayed for me to find a husband and then, I found him. I called them and I said, “Grandma, the doctor says I need medicine to get pregnant. I want a baby more than anything. I don’t want to have to take medicine to get pregnant. But, I’m afraid not to take it. God wants me to do this without it, I know he does.” They prayed. They prayed EVERY day! In March, my prescription ran out. I was going to get it refilled so that we could try again in April. But, I decided not to. In April, Bailey was “created.” On May 16th, I took a pregnancy test and instead of one line, there were 2! It still gives me goose bumps to think about!

And, even though I went through all of this, I still wonder… can I conceive again? Can you imagine me feeling like this when God was and is SO good and I get to look at my beautiful daughter EVERY day? But that’s what “infertility” does to you! As much as I believe God will bless us again, it is SO hard to “shake” that “infertile” feeling!

Thank you for reading my story!

***Thank you Melody for sharing!!!!!!!***

Also, to come my mother wrote something; it's a very emotional post and I just can't seem to post it while at work, so check back later for it!