Monday, December 7, 2009

All I want for Christmas...


I have received several emails asking how I ‘deal with Christmas time’; several of you have reached out to me for help during the holidays, not only for yourself but to help your family understand you’re hurt. I don’t know how helpful I can possibly be…but I’ll do my best…

‘All I want for Christmas is a baby…”

How many of you have prayed for this? I know even to this day I catch myself thinking this. I don’t need presents, I don’t care about fancy items…in fact I’ve asked for absolutely nothing this year for Christmas…


Year after year my heart tells my head, Here’s another Christmas with no children’s stockings to hang on the mantle…

"Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go..." Infertile women hearing this familiar song wonders if she will ever be a mother, let alone a grandmother. Will she ever have a child to whom she can sing holiday songs to?

Society bombards us with messages about families and children: A long line of adorably dressed children line up to see Santa; silver ornaments boast "Baby's First Christmas"; children's Christmas outfits seem to be everywhere; and oh, those sentimental television commercials...Meanwhile, your soul feels like it’s caving in because it’s yet another Christmas that a child’s laughter (specifically, your child’s laughter) won’t reverberate off the walls.

Infertility is an extremely isolating experience; 1 in 6 couples worldwide who would like to have a child but are unable to do so, will spend Christmas yet again, without a child…it can be a very painful experience and one difficult to manage---

Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day—they all can be painful reminders of the fertility and success of other people. Christmas is a time for celebration of a special birth of baby Jesus. It is a time for families – a time for children--The Christmas holiday season can be a stressful time for many reasons; for infertile people this is a painful reminder of their longing for a child.

Christmas, as in holiday, is hard for Zach and I…I unfortuantly don’t have the answer as to how we ‘get through it’. We try to focus on the spiritual meaning of Christmas—when we are having a hard time we express these feelings with each other. I personally believe each spouse needs to allow yourself to express you’re feelings with each other vs. bottling them up…infertility is a battle, and we are entitled to these feelings! In sharing them with each other you will be able to help each other through this difficult time and in return you will build your relationship with not only your spouse, but with our Lord.

Hearing about others buy Christmas presents for there children is a difficult time, how I would love to go and pick out presents and watch our little one's face light up on Christmas morning…this year Zach and I picked an ‘angel’ off our Church’s tree; these are children whose families are in prison and need presents…doing this has truly helped us,, we might not be providing a toy for ‘our’ child, but we are helping a child in need, and doing so has touched a place in our hearts that has yet to be touched

Express your appreciation to your friends and family who have supported you through the year. Stay in touch with other infertile friends who understand your position and may be able to offer support; I still talk to women who I meet online 3 years ago—it’s wonderful being able to share this connection with women who know exactly how your heart feels.

And most importantly, lean on God!!! He will guide you through life, and holidays…if you allow him to. I know first hand that it’s hard to ‘let go’ and ‘let him’…but that’s the only way to enjoy life, you have to hand him your fears for him to hand you his hand...

I really wish I could wiggle my nose and make all of y’alls Christmas the one we have all been dreaming of, I wish I could take each and everyone of y’alls pain away.

Trust in the Lord! Without Faith nothing is possible; with it-nothing is impossible.

11 comments:

Lauren Kelly said...

Tiffany, this was beautiful and one of the many reasons why I love your sweet spirit!!! :)

Kristina said...

awesome post!

KJ said...

Such wise words sweet friend! You are such an encouragment! I love how the Lord shines so bright through you!

Summer (BisforBrown) said...

yup. another christmas down the tubes and this christmas i get to be reminded that on dec 24th, 2008 when we went in to see the baby, i was told it was in my tube. and i just got word that ivf 3 failed us. i am just at a loss.

The Kelley Family said...

Thank you and you are right it is hard to let go. I am in that phase right now and I am so trying. I have the feelings but I just can't express them right now. Maybe soon. It nice to know there is someone else who understands (since a majority of my friends have kids, they don't). Thanks again for being a "friend." Ebven though I don't "know" you, you have helped me more than you know.

waiting and wishing said...

Your post is exactly what was on my heart today. Although my wish isn't going to come true this Christmas, I am still praying that it will someday.

twondra said...

Awww, you're so sweet and thoughtful and I absolutely love this post. Thanks for sharing!!!

Tiffany Lockette said...

Beautiful post Tiff.

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

Tiffany, you write the most beautiful posts and this is no exception.

I hope Christmas 2010 you are typing with a baby in your arms or in a round belly.

Until then, keep the faith as you always do. Youre an inspiration.

Rebecca said...

Great post. This is a lonely journey - one we are on as well.

We are hurting VERY deeply, especially this year.

Praying we all have our dreams come true.

Jen and Justin said...

Tiffany,
I don't know you but I find your blog through a link from a friend's blog. I was drawn to your struggle with infertility... and while my husband and I don't struggle with getting pregnant, our struggle is to stay pregnant. I had 2 miscarriages this year, the more recent one I was 13 weeks along. Recently we were at A Weekend to Remember conference and I bought a book called "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifer Saake. If you get a chance to read it, I'm sure it will be a huge blessing for you. It's packed with Scripture and such an encouragement that God cares for us even in hardship.

Jen
P.S.- I graduated from Baylor in '03. Waco has sure changed since then.


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