Thursday, May 6, 2010

It's ok to be Sad....

Today I have been so sad…it could be that Zach just left for a 4 day trip to IL to see his family---or it could be that Mothers Day is fast approaching…or a little of both!

Mothers Day is always so bittersweet for me; as you all know my Mother isn’t doing too well…so every year that goes by I am so very thankful for another year with her—and I love to celebrate that on Mothers Day. However; it’s also a very hard holiday…everywhere you go people greet you by ‘Happy Mothers Day’, or when I get off the phone with a client they tell me to have a good ‘Mothers Day’…they don’t know I’m not a Mother…sometimes I want to burst into tears, sometimes I sit here and daydream about it being true…but the majority of the time it plain and simple just breaks my heart. I know they are all innocent comments from people just being polite; but it hurts.

Someone once told me that ‘It’s OK to be sad…..ESP. during Mothers Day’…

But, I honestly feel a little selfish being sad; I have SO many friends who are Mothers, I know so many people who have beat infertility are will be celebrating there very first Mothers Day…I want to do nothing else but rejoice with them; so when I start feeling sad I can’t help but get a little mad at myself…

I know my time will come; I know that one day I will be able to ‘officially’ celebrate Mothers Day as a Mother...but I can’t help but think ‘when will that time be’.

I am truly humbled by this infertility journey as it’s really taught me so much about life; about faith; about struggles and not giving up…but to be 100% honest I’m ready for this journey to be over. I know—when God’s ready it will be over….but it’s still hard at times.

This sadness and this emptiness I have in my heart will be filled one day, however God choose to fill it….and until that day comes I will continue to pray to my God and take one day at a time!

A sweet friend of mine sent this to me today after seeing my ‘sad’ FB status… (thank you love!)…

“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

I truly don’t think I could have said it any better than this poem; it’s funny that you can love a non existence so very much; I’m not pregnant…never have been pregnant…but I love our ‘one day baby Pifer’ SO very much! I can’t snuggle with my baby that’s only in my dreams; nor can I feel my baby in my stomach while there in my dreams—but I can continue to dream about the day that I can cradle them in my arms!

And until that day comes I will continue to praise God’s miracles and thank him for all the blessings that he bestowed upon us!!!


laurenalexis1 said...

this poem brought me to tears... thank you so much for sharing it!

Lisa said...

This poem really does say it all! It made me all teary eyed.
Yes, Mother's Day is hard for us women going through infertility. But God has big plans for us all and every trial He puts us through He does because He loves us. One way or another, we WILL become Moms, and we will take what we have learned through this experience and use it to be better parents and better people:) You are in my prayers. And you are right- it's okay to be sad and have sad days! Thanks for reminding me of that!

LittleGirlsofMine said...

What a beautiful poem, Tiffany! Mother's Day was always my favorite holiday, even before I had children. Now, it's bittersweet for me too without my Mom. Sometimes, it's just so hard to understand why things work out the way they do. I can't even begin to comprehend how God's plan works, but I do have faith just like you, that it's always perfect. So even in your sadness, you have a ministry with this blog. I once read in a book that when you go through a trial, you can pretend that God called you up and asked you if you would accept this mission even though it wouldn't be easy. When I looked at it that way, somehow it made it easier.

tammy said...

I'm sooooo glad you shared this. Thank you so much sweetie. (((HUGS))) I'll be thinking and praying for you and all of us who are still waiting this Mothers Day.

Melanie said...

Thanks for sharing and posting. I've been feeling sad too this past week, and I believe it is because mothers day is coming up. I'm with you and will keep you in my prayers. Do you mind If I post that poem on my blog? Take care my friend!

Rosie said...

Hey sweetie, that poem is amazing! Brought tears to my eyes. I know Mother's Day must be extra difficult for you. I'll be thinking of you and sending my prayers your way. Love you!

Kileigh Jones said...

Hey Tiffany.... I have never meet you but I found your blog through Lyndsie. This post truly touches my heart.... as I have been through the valley that you are experiencing. I could not have put it into more perfect words. I want you to know that I will be praying for God to bless you with your precious angel (however he chooses for him or her to arrive)! I want you to know that the Lord does answer prays.... I learned through my experience that it is in HIS TIMING NOT MINE! We were blessed one year ago TODAY with our precious miracle and I can tell you that I know without a doubt that the Lord taught me so many things during that period in our lives! The most precious lesson I learned was to never take my little miracle for granted and to love him with all of my heart... for he was an answer to MANY prayers and I must not take that for granted! I pray for your miracle child!!! I will be thinking and praying for you this mothers day!
Kileigh Jones

Tiffany Pifer said...

Your very welcome!

Tiffany Pifer said...

You are too sweet---I pray for you too love!

Tiffany Pifer said...

Thank you for your sweet comment; it gets hard at times...but we WILL get through this!

Thanks for the prayers....praying for you as well.

Tiffany Pifer said...

You are so sweet! No words can express how thankful I am to have met you through this lovely thing called the internet :)

Tiffany Pifer said...

I knew you would love it as much as I did! Praying for you too sweet friend!

Tiffany Pifer said...

Of course you can use it... praying for you!

Tiffany Pifer said...

Thanks love!!! Things will get better--so glad to have a friend like you!

Tiffany Pifer said...

Thank you SO much for your sweet comment; means so much to me! I REALLY truly appreciate it!

laurenkelly said...

Praying for you, sweet friend!!!

staceysthoughts said...

Such a sweet and heartfelt post, Tiffany. I'm thinking of you and so many other sweet friends who are still waiting. I know how hard Mother's Day can be in the meantime. Praying for you.

MrsMeganC said...

I can pretty much 'ditto' everything you said. You worded 'our' feelings so nicely. =) Well done! Lots and lots of (((HUGS))).

And I think I'm gonna have to snag that poem. Thank you for sharing it!

Becky said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. I have been feeling the same way. Every time someone at work has mentioned Mother's Day this week, I have felt a physical pain in my heart. I know this is an opportunity to take my pain to the Lord in prayer and as you said take one day at a time. I have been learning to depend on Him moment by moment, and day by day. I think this is what infertility has been teaching me lately.

I continue to pray for God to work a miracle for you and your hubby.

Raymie said...

Tiffany.....know that you are not your pain, in your hope, and in your fight. My prayers are being sent up for you right now and I'm standing with you----believing with the "one day" club.

angel8443 said...

Tiff what a great post! Even though I will be celbrating my 1st Mother's Day trustme I still everyday think of everyone because im still infertile nothing changed there! so i still feel that pain but the Lord has turned my mourning into dancing! And he will do the same for you! You already know that though ;)

Great post thanks for sharing!

InDueTime said...

Hang in there. (((Hugs))) You're not alone.

AJsMama1013 said...

Just happened upon your blog tonight and it brought familiar tears to my eyes. I will never understand God's ways, but I do believe that He's there, He's faithful and He does keep His promises. I have struggled with coming to grips with that during my infertility battle. I am a mom now due to the miracle of adoption, however, I LOATHE being barren-unexplained infertility. I love my son with all my heart. But I will admit that I am still sad sometimes at the thought/fact that I may never feel life growing inside me, or ever be able to give our son a sibling.
At any rate, just wanted to say Hi and let you know that I completely understand.

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