It's ok to be Sad....

Today I have been so sad…it could be that Zach just left for a 4 day trip to IL to see his family---or it could be that Mothers Day is fast approaching…or a little of both!

Mothers Day is always so bittersweet for me; as you all know my Mother isn’t doing too well…so every year that goes by I am so very thankful for another year with her—and I love to celebrate that on Mothers Day. However; it’s also a very hard holiday…everywhere you go people greet you by ‘Happy Mothers Day’, or when I get off the phone with a client they tell me to have a good ‘Mothers Day’…they don’t know I’m not a Mother…sometimes I want to burst into tears, sometimes I sit here and daydream about it being true…but the majority of the time it plain and simple just breaks my heart. I know they are all innocent comments from people just being polite; but it hurts.

Someone once told me that ‘It’s OK to be sad…..ESP. during Mothers Day’…

But, I honestly feel a little selfish being sad; I have SO many friends who are Mothers, I know so many people who have beat infertility are will be celebrating there very first Mothers Day…I want to do nothing else but rejoice with them; so when I start feeling sad I can’t help but get a little mad at myself…

I know my time will come; I know that one day I will be able to ‘officially’ celebrate Mothers Day as a Mother...but I can’t help but think ‘when will that time be’.

I am truly humbled by this infertility journey as it’s really taught me so much about life; about faith; about struggles and not giving up…but to be 100% honest I’m ready for this journey to be over. I know—when God’s ready it will be over….but it’s still hard at times.

This sadness and this emptiness I have in my heart will be filled one day, however God choose to fill it….and until that day comes I will continue to pray to my God and take one day at a time!

A sweet friend of mine sent this to me today after seeing my ‘sad’ FB status… (thank you love!)…

“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;

but when you have empty arms,

it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,

for all the trials she overcame;

and a reminder to an infertile

of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,

Is it just conception and birth?

Or is there something more,

that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,

in everything you do;

it's sacrifice and determination,

and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,

around a child not yet conceived;

she loves them even though they aren't here,

more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,

what a blessing that children are;

she works hard for just a chance,

that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,and yet she still has hope;

everyday is another struggle,

finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,

she can still be a mother too;

So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”

for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

I truly don’t think I could have said it any better than this poem; it’s funny that you can love a non existence so very much; I’m not pregnant…never have been pregnant…but I love our ‘one day baby Pifer’ SO very much! I can’t snuggle with my baby that’s only in my dreams; nor can I feel my baby in my stomach while there in my dreams—but I can continue to dream about the day that I can cradle them in my arms!

And until that day comes I will continue to praise God’s miracles and thank him for all the blessings that he bestowed upon us!!!