When it rains...it pours!

I had a dentist appt today, for a cleaning...since my dentist is in a near by town that my regular physicians office is in as well, I figured I would make a day of Dr appts...nothing major-but there have been a few things that have been adding up that I've been wanting to ask my Dr about (you know those, 'I'll ask the Dr. about this next time I'm there'....those type of things. Well I made my appt for the following:

* A few skin tags that I wanted to have removed
* Another x-ray of my back (scoliosis) to see if it's gotten any worse since my backs been bothering me lately.
* A knot on my neck that I thought was a swollen gland, but wasn't too sure about

I figured since I was heading to this town for a cleaning anyways, that I would go ahead and get these things checked out...

I woke up this morning feeling really bad, a little queasy, shaky, low grade fever and ichy throat...figured it was allergies, but I thought I would ask them about it anyways.

TURNS OUT:

One on my 'skin tags' is concerning, in fact she wants it biopsied ASAP, all the others are in deed skin tags that I am awaiting to see if my ins. will cover them being removed.

My X-Rays revealed that my scoliosis has gotten a tad bit worse but nothing major, but she can see where all my pain is coming from; she is sending me to physical therapy to strengthen the muscels around my spine in hopes of easing the pain

The scariest one is the knot in my neck, she is extremely concerned and has ordered an ultrasound on it for first thing in the morning. She mentioned that if there is anything remotely strange on the ultrasound they will order up surgery papers almost immediately to have it removed, and she said if it comes back clean she will more than likely still want it removed. I am extremly nervous about this and I hope it's nothing serious. I've actually had this knot for months-years (the truth is I cant remember exactly, but it's been awhile), it's one of those things that when I felt it I always chalked it up to being a swollen gland on my neck, and I would forget about it until I felt it again...well ALL because I was getting my teeth cleaned I decided to just ask about it with everything else today...good thing I did!

AND to top it all off, I have an upper respiratory infection. Fun Fun!

So, off I went to the dentist telling myself 'well Tiffany, you've always had a good dental checkup so you don't have to worry about anything going wrong at this appt....' WRONG!!! Guess who had her first cavity, first cavity EVER....ME! My dentist came in and checked my teeth and I could have cried, 'But honey it's ok, we can fix it...' It wasn't about the cavity then...it was about my WHOLE body, if it's not one thing it's another. He said, I have to give you one more batch of bad news....GREAT...he followed by telling me that I grind my teeth in my sleep and it's time for me to get a night guard, lovely....just want I want 'Oh honey let me take my night guard out so we can try to make a baby.....sigh'

Well....I left there and off I went to my OBGYN, lets see if I get more bad news...thankfully it was nothing worse, just nothing 'better'. The pains in my ovaries are due to my PCOS, but nothing too horrible....thank GOD!

The only thing I came out smiling about was I DID lose 15 pounds since the last time I was at the Dr which was in February...so at least my low carb diet is working :)

I've been through enough to know that God won't put me through more than I can handle; so I am taking everything with a positive outlook and praying for the best. I will keep y'all updated, I won't know the results of my ultrasounds tomorrow, but I'll update as soon as I know.

Life

When will life slow down...will it ever?

Things have been so extremely busy for us. I work at least 55 hours a week...which is nice OT, but it seems like all I do is work, eat and sleep...I used to beat Zach home by at least 2-4 hours...now it's reversed, he beats me home! Those few hours before he got home was the time I would get on the computer, upload pictures...blog...and just got to do the little things around the house that needed to be done. I love my job, but it seems like thats all I do is work...

Zach and I recently went to visit my inlaws in Ottawa, IL...it's beautiful there, I didn't think anything could be more beautiful than PA, but IL is a very pretty state. It's windy, but it's beautiful. We had an amazing visit with them, I couldn't find my camera for almost half of the trip (I thought I left it at home) well I didn't, but my pictures are slim to non...I will post them once I have time to upload them!!

I have received tons of emails lately, and if I haven't responded I promise I will...I respond to 90% of emails via my phone, however I'm unable to respond/forward or anything right now...I need to go to Verizon and see whats wrong with it...(but you guessed it...haven't had time, ha!)

I wish I could pause everything around me right now so I could play some major catch up with things...I can't believe it's almost October...where has the year gone?

HAPPY FALL Y'ALL (one of my favorite seasons to decorate...lets hope I can find time to get my decor' out of the attic...haha!!)

Shutting Down

I find myself lately shutting down. Don't get me wrong, I am still hopeful, still honest about my journey and still faithful that God has a huge special plan in store for my husband and I. However, I catch myself getting sad over things and when someone asks me whats wrong I simply say 'oh nothing'...I used to open up to them and tell them what I was sad over.

I think after 4 1/2 years it's just getting old...I'm shutting down, not reaching out as much as I used to.

Again, don't get me wrong-I am so grateful for this journey and for the person it has molded me into, but at times I catch myself wondering when this journey will be over...and I think thats just normal...


(For all of those who have asked my appt with my Dr. regarding my ovaries will be the week of the 29th)

Thank you everyone for the kind thoughts and prayers, it really does help :)

Really??

This infuriates me; I absolutely can't stand reading head lines such as these:

Newborn baby found in Manila airport garbage bag

I just don't understand how someone could do this. I wish so badly I could grab that baby in my arms and show it the love it deserves. I understand that some people just are not ready for children, however there is adoption!!! It breaks my heart to hear these sort of things...

I just don't understand at times. I'd do anything to have a child and you leave yours in a garbage bag at an airport....REALLY??

Feelings...

I received a rather strange (but sweet) email the other day from someone in there younger teens (my very first email from a teenager), although I could have looked at it as a rude comment, I also saw it as someone who wanted to reach out...

One of the statements was 'What does it feel like to be infertile' ... by the rest of the email I do not think this was meant to be taken as a rude comment, I could gather that this person truly cared and was questioning the feelings of an infertile...

There are many emotions that flood together, it's like a the best and worst roller-coaster ride you could ever imagine.

You feel angry that all of your friends are experiencing something that you would love to experience with them...

You feel sad that your body doesn't 'work' properly.

You feel like a failure and like you are letting your family and husband down...

You feel embarrassed that you can't conceive...

However, with all of those negative feelings you also feel blessed that God picked you to go through such a hard time, why feel blessed? Because he saw something special in us--he knew that we could handle it...he has built our strength, or marriage and our relationship with Him.

I've said it many of times, I would not have picked this journey for myself...however I am blessed and thankful that God has chosen it for us...it has molded me into a person I never thought could have existed.

It's impossible for me to explain in words the feelings of an infertile, but the above is just a little of what we feel at times... and I thank you for inquiring and wanting to know...I think your email was brave and it showed alot of character--thank you for being so open and honest. :)

It's That Time Again

It's time again for me to wake up at 5 a.m. and swing my arm at my bedside table until I find the basal thermometer. Stick the right end of it in my mouth, in the exact same position everyday, and try to stay awake for five minutes. As I begin to wake up, realize how badly I need to urinate and try to resist the urge without squirming too much. Mentally tell myself, "Just relax, it'll work out" -- chances are I'll hear that a few times today. Try to read the thermometer in the dark while trying not to wake Zach nor the dogs up. Try to either memorize the number or write it down (again in the dark)...

This won't be the first time I have temped, to be honest due to my PCOS and cray hormones it's never worked, my temps are always up and down and it wasn't worth the hassle since I never received an accurate reading...however, I think it's worth trying again...

So folks...it's that time again! Fun-Fun-Fun! :)

Ovaries..Ouch!

I will be making an appt soon to head to my Dr, my ovaries have been in an extreme amount of pain. I believe I have some cyst...I just hope it's nothing more than just my PCOS...the biggest cyst I've had was about 35mm...so I am hoping whatever is going on isn't serious...

I will keep everyone posted and if you can in the mean time just pray for a little comfort as well as nothing serious :)

HELLO FALL

Where in the world has this year gone too? I can't believe that it's already September.

So much going on, so much to look forward to. Three of my favorite holidays...Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas...I love decorating and can't wait to pull down my fall decor!

We will be traveling to Illinois within the next couple weeks to visit my inlaws, and we are taking our dogs with us (3 dogs and my hubby for 15 hours...ha!!) I can't wait to see there new house, to get away for a little while, and to just have a great time with my husband and family!

His family will also be coming here for Christmas this year. This will be there first time since they moved that they will be back in TX for Christmas...

I can't wait for the next couple months...(not to mention the cooler weather, good bye 100+ degree weather!!!)