Holy Side Effects!!!

I have been reading all of this paperwork I have been sent home regarding my upcoming injections/meds...talk about a major list of side effects--O-M-G!

I know everyones side effects are different, but I would love to hear about yours!

I remember back from my IUI with Gonal F, I was super emotional, bloating, hot flashes...all the not so fun stuff, so I can imagine thats what I am to expect with all of this!?

Please share your stories with me!! :))

Also, I don't know if you remember back when I asked you to please say a prayer for my sweet friend Rosemary's sister in law who was in an awful car accident...well she is doing much better, but still has a long road ahead of her. They are holding a local benefit for her on April 17th from 1-6pm at The Hog Creek Icehouse; please click here to head over to Rosie's blog to read all about it! Please continue to keep this sweet family in your prayers! :)

Thumbs Up

A few weeks ago my mother bought me a 'lucky charm ring' to wear to my appointments....so with my lucky ring on...

Zach and I headed to Temple for our very first IVF consult!!

The Doctor came in and as we were introducing ourselves tears streamed down my face; all I could hear was my husband telling him 'We want to be parents'...my body was numb, could I really do this?! I sat there and looked at the ultrasound machine right next to me then looked at Zach-can I just stop for a minute and say-Thank God for my sweet husband-he smiled at me and said 'Tiffany, were ok; this is our time'. The Dr. placed his hand on my shoulder and said, 'I'm here to help...I want you both to succeed and to be parents!'

I took a BIG SIGH of relief and on went our visit!

I can honestly say this was by far better than I ever expected it to be!! WAY BETTER! Our Doctor is amazing, such a sweet sincere guy who wants nothing for the best for his patients!

(THUMBS UP FROM ME)

So you are wondering what the plan is I guess?!...

Well he feels 100% that IVF is our best and only option. His success rate for couples our age is 50-60% (which I felt very good about). He did a sample transfer to see how my body would take to it, and he said I did amazing-he thinks when it's time for the transfer my body will react to it well! He also took at look at my ovaries, tubes, cervix and uterus. Said everything looks great (in fact I have a 19mm follicle that is about to drop--all on it's own--which is not that big of a deal since I've been known to produce and drop very nice follicles, it's getting them to fertilize and implant that I have a problem with) Since I am able to produce a nice sized follicle on my own he feels very confident that I will be able to produce many decent sized follicles in time for retrieval. He mentioned something I've never heard about, or read about which is freezing some of Zach's sperm. He said it basically just 'prevents' a bust cycle since you can't predict the future...He had some really great points about you never know if the male will get sick or just plan and simple produces a bad count the day of the retrieval, so they collect some to have frozen just in case--which is another thing I love!

So whats next? I go next week to get blood work for my progesterone level, then we are in the waiting game for my cycle...once that starts I will start birth control for one week then my shots...so in a couple weeks we will begin our very first IVF journey!

So blessed and thankful!!! :)

Will Tomorrow be the Beginning?

I can't believe our consultation appointment is TOMORROW... I can honestly say I never thought we would ever be able to proceed with IVF...

What will tomorrow be the start of?

Will it be the start to the answer of many prayers?

How will everything end up?

Will we get our hopes up?

Will I finally be able to tell my friends and family we are expecting?

Will Tomorrow be the start of our Beginning?

Only one knows for sure, and I have all my trust and faith in Him!

I wish I knew that 'happily ever after' would follow this appointment, but unfortunately thats not how life works! I do know that no matter what the outcome of this journey we have been blessed to experience it, thankful for the opportunity!

Hammock....gone bad

After begging for hours to put up the hammock we finally convinced Zach to hang it!

He decided he would 'gradually' sit down, making sure it was tightly hung on the trees...

YAY! It worked...he was so proud...sitting back, relaxing...looking out at the lake...not a care in the world!

............................

That was until he busted it...sadly we all found humor in his fall; he was a trooper as always and laid there while Ashley snapped this candid moment on camera! :)

1 week

One week from today we will be sitting at the RE for our 1st IVF consultation!

I have everything ready...questions...timeline of my cycles & the past five years...all typed up!

I'M READY!!

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
- Isaiah 40:29-31

Definition of 'Relaxation'

Friday night we headed to local campsite with some friends to camp for the weekend...

Just what the I needed to keep me RELAXED :)

I enjoyed taking pictures of my friend Ashley's sweet little ones;

We watched an amazing sunset...

Did a little fishing...while watching an amazing sunset...

RELAXED and Gazed at the beautiful sky some more...

Took at much needed nap....

Continued to gaze at the amazing picture God painted us..

RELAXED in the hammock some more...

Ate the BEST home made pickles I've ever had!

Continued to enjoy the scenery...

Had an overall amazing weekend...thankful for weekend such as these and family and friends who make it great!

Little Moments

It's the little moments in life that I love so much...

Moments when my husband takes my hand and embraces me and says '15 days'...

Moments when my friend grabs my hand and says 'were praying and routing for y'all'...

Moments when we are walking through a store and Zach picks up a pair of baby shoes and tells me how much he likes those...

Moments when family sends me sweet cards regarding our upcoming journey...

Moments when my husband lays on my belly while praying for a successful journey...

Moments when my sweet friends countdown the days until our visits...

Moments when your grocery shopping and a complete stranger walks up to you and says 'I read your blog, I'm praying so hard for you and your family'...

Moments when you realize how much support you have!

We are ever so blessed; I am so thankful for all of these little moments that will lead up to our big moments...I am thankful for all of these memories; no matter where this journey leaves us!

::15 days::

Twenty

20 days...Zach told me last night he IS ready...I'm still as nervous as I am excited. What if we don't like this new clinic...what if they dont want to start with IVF.

Relax Tiffany....I know, it's actually the FIRST time in this journey where I don't want to scream when someone says 'relax'....I know everything will be ok...I know this is the path we are supposed to be on!!

In 20 short days I will start the scariest, most stressful, trying, hardest, fulfilling, exciting and happiest journey we have been on...what a rollercoaster it will be!! :)

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Life without Blogs?

What would I do without Y'ALL?!

I mean that!

There aren't many friends that I can talk to when I get emotional, not everyone understands...

But it never fails, no matter how discombobulated I think my post may seem, someone that reads it 'gets me'!

Means alot! A WHOLE LOT!

Sometimes I feel alone, by myself...tired of explaining our story, tired of explaining why I'm sad, mad, upset or frustrated...I start a post and end it thinking 'no one will even understand this blob of rambling' But y'all do!

I'm so thankful for technology, so thankful for my blogger friends, so thankful for the emails I get daily, I've been sent so many books on infertility from y'all, articles, cards...It's amazing to know people understand and care!

I have maybe a handful of friends in real life that understand, I wouldn't even say my whole family understands everything...some try! My grandma goes to the library and reads my blog and researches whats new with us, my mom writes everything down in a journal so she doesn't forget with her short termed memory...but some act as though they could care less (or maybe thats just how I feel!)

After so long it's easy to feel forgotten...you see your family get giddy over new babies in the family, here them mention about how they want grandchildren or great-grandchildren and you feel ashamed of your body, broken...like a failure. You start a new job, just when people started somewhat understand at your old job now you have to re-explain yourself...no one really gets it; no one!! It comes a point when people ask you if you have kids and instead of going into the whole spill you just say 'not yet'...when they rudely ask why, you reply 'just not ready' or 'just not time'...when deep down in your heart your screaming and crying...

In a world of infertility one can feel alone, but thanks to this silly little blog y'all have made me realize I'm far from alone, THANK YOU! Your support means the world to me!

EMOTIONAL

I'm so emotional, I'm so stressed...there are so many thoughts on my mind.

Can I really handle this upcoming journey? Am I really strong enough for this?!

I know I can, but I doubt myself at times....alot of times actually.

As excited as I am, I'm also very nervous and scared.

Everyone keeps saying this will 'work', as much as I pray it does I've watched many of friends go down this path and it NOT work. I want it to work with all my heart and soul, but honestly I'm scared it won't.

I'm trying NOT to be negative, and I really think I am just being rational-I just have gotten my hopes up many of times and I don't want to break into a million pieces if I don't see a positive pregnancy test.

I WILL be ok...I am ready for this jump...just nervous!

(My poor husband, if I am this emotional OFF of hormones, imagine when I start taking them!)

5 years

5 years ago today Zach and I started trying for a little one...5 years ago today our lives changed forever! The past 5 years have been the hardest, saddest, most rewarding, trying, difficult yet encouraging years of our life! With ever year that passes I always think this will be my LAST 'yearly March post'...

I normally DREAD the month of March, the heartache this month brings...it's an anniversary I could care less for. Another year of trying to conceive...not something that I want to jump up and down about! March normally breaks me, I can be so strong but as soon as March turns the corner my tears are uncontrollable...how can one word 'infertility' make March unbearable?!

HOWEVER, I'm happy to say this is the FIRST year I can actually say that I'm ok...bring on the month of March. Partly because our IVF consultation IS in March; but partly because I have fully accepted this journey & believe in my heart that good things come to those who wait. This journey was meant for Zach and I, this journey has brought us soo much closer in life & our marriage!

29 more days!