Friday, June 10, 2011

It's Over

I had my beta today; came back at a 4...

It's over...

I go back Tuesday to make sure it's gone down then I will stop all shots...

I am heartbroken, beyond heartbroken....

Please keep us in your prayers, when I can see through these tears I will post about all of the details, but for now I just want to go crawl in bed and delete June 10th from my life...

50 comments:

Lauren said...

Oh Tiffany, so sorry! Praying for you right now!!!!!!

Sandra said...

I am terribly sorry beyond words..sending prayers your way.

Jodi said...

I'm so sorry! There are no words! Sending thoughts and prayers.

Ashley said...

I started crying when I read this! I was really praying for the opposite. We went through 4 IUI's with BPN's and the disapointment always killed me. I can't even imagine going through IVF and dealing with this, I am praying for you girl!!

staciek said...

I'm so, so sorry.

Resplendentquetzal said...

I'm so sorry. I am thinking of you during this difficult time. Take care of yourself.

Ashley said...

Tiffany-

As I read this, I was thinking...why does June 10th sound so familiar? Exactly 1 year ago today I also got my negative beta call on my first IVF. And I was also devastated! Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better, you just need time. I remember thinking that it was never going to happen for us and here it is a year later and I have a sweet 7 week old little girl. I am telling you this, so that maybe you won't lose hope! Hang in there. Praying for you and your husband as you grieve and make plans for the future.

Sarah @ The Strength of Faith said...

Let yourself grieve sweet girl. We'll all be here when you're ready to say more. Praying for you.

Amy said...

Take time, Tiff..as much time as you and Zach need. I am praying for you, and my heart aches for both of y'all.

The Simmons Family said...

Tiffany.. I am so so so sorry. It is frustrating beyond words and heartbreaking. I will pray for you and Zach during this extremely emotional time.

waiting and wishing said...

My heart is broken for you, Tiffany. I am so sorry that the results were not what you'd hoped. Praying for hope and healing for both you and Zach today. Thinking of you.

Anna said...

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you. ((((HUGS)))))

The Hudack Family said...

I am so sorry. I had the same thing happen to me in February with a beta of 9. But to give you a little hope, we'd been trying for 14 months, had two IUIs and tried tons of other medication. After our low beta we took the next cycle off to re-group and somehow (a miracle from god) I got pregnant on my own. I'm now 12 weeks and still remember the last "pregnancy" but am so grateful for where it go me now.

~Katie R.~ said...

I'm so, so sorry, Tiffany. I'll be lifting prayers for you and sending hugs your way.

Stephanie said...

Saying prayers for you and Zach. I'm so sorry :( I wish I had words to make this better and I don't, please just know I'm thinking of you all and saying prayers for you!

WantWait&Pray said...

I am so sorry to read this. I remember after my first IVF failed...I was not only completely destroyed but I was in a true state of shock. Our numbers were good, we responded great, we had every reason to believe it would work. In fact, I'm not even sure I let myself believe too hard that it couldn't work. I was beyond optimistic....and so I wasn't just disappointed....I was shocked.
Take the time you need to grieve but understand that God has an amazing, crazy, twisty turny way of revealing Himself in these trying times. 3 rounds of IVF, twins on round 3 and then a surprise natural pregnancy. Life has it's ups and downs....but the highs will definitely outweigh the lows.
Keep believing!

Liz said...

I have never commented on your blog before, but have been following it for some time. After reading your latest entry, I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you. My heart hurts for what you are going through and I hope you find the strength to continue on your journey.

Alicia Nelson said...

I am so sorry. I pray for strength and healing for you.

Ms. Agora said...

Tiffany, you have been my inspiration for a few years now. I was envious that you had the emotional strength to go thru IVF, I myself have been too scared. I know I am not emotionally strong enough to handle the disappointment. But, that is because it doesn't always work they first time. Please dont give up, blame yourself or even forget this journey. I know you will be a mother and you are so much braver than me and god has blessed you. You have touched so many people. This WILL happen for you. Trust in god.

Amy said...

I'm sooo very sorry Tiffany! :( My heart is just breaking for you. I've been following your story and I seriously am just so devastated for you. I will pray for you.

twondra said...

Time, sweetie. Take your time. No hurry and we'll all be here for you when/if you come back. Know that what you're feeling is okay and normal. Don't let anyone tell you when/what you should be feeling.

Just be, sweetie. I know it's the toughest thing ever. How can people be happy when you're so devastated? How can the sun have the nerve to come up every day? How in the world does the world keep going on?

It's not fair. I do promise you, that you will be okay. Maybe not in a week, a month or even a year, but you will be okay.

And we're all here for you ((HUGS))

Carpenters said...

I am so sorry Tiffany, my prayers are with you both. Hugs, and I am thinking of you!

Carrie said...

My stomach dropped as soon as I saw the title in my blog feed. I'm so so sorry, I can't imagine the heartbreak. Many many prayers being send your way.

Brittany said...

This was not the title I was expecting to show up in my feed!! :( I am so very sorry, Tiffany! Many prayers for you and Zach!!

Gina said...

My heart aches for you Tiff. I will be praying for you

Laura said...

I am so so sorry. I know there are no words that can make it better right now but just remember God has a plan. Praying for you and your husband!

Angelwingsbaby said...

So sorry hun :-( I got a BFN beta about 3 weeks ago and it still hurts.I am here for you if you need me. ((hugs))

A said...

I don't often comment, but I've followed you through your IVF journey. I just wanted to leave a comment because our IVF last May failed, too. It was awful- the only thing that kept me going was clinging to my husband. I will be praying for you both as you grieve your loss. God has not forgotten you- I felt so abandoned, but 9 months after our IVF failed, we conceived our first baby naturally- it was completely beyond our wildest dreams. Lean on Him!!

Tracy said...

I am so sorry Tiffany.. I know there aren't many words than anyone can say to make the pain go away, but I hope that you continue to have hope through all of this and have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for you and that he knows your hopes and dreams! I know everyones situations are different but I can somewhat sympathize with you, like many others. We too had the same thing happen with our first ivf. We thought "it was it for sure" The feeling of it not working is so devistating. All I could do is just curl up and bawl as well because you feel like a failure because ivf didn't even work. I promise though, time does help heal the pain somehow. We knew we couldn't give up and decided to give ivf another try..and now we are extremely blessed parents of 1 year old twin girls. Don't give up! You are a strong girl and you will be blessed!
Sorry..I don't usually leave comments on your page, but I just knew I had to.

MINDYE said...

So, so srorry. In prayer.
MindyE

Emily said...

I think you are so strong and so courageous to even go on this journey. I can't imagine what you're feeling. I pray that you get the courage to continue your journey...MANY HUGS AND PRAYERS SENT YOUR WAY - Emily

christine said...

So sorry to hear this. Praying for you during this difficult time.

Emmie :) said...

reading this post brings me right back to the day i found out my first ivf had failed. even now, with my almost one year old baby boy sleeping soundly upstairs, that feeling brings tears to my eyes. this will sting for some time, but don't lose hope or give up. i am just so sorry.

Sarah said...

Praying!

Tania said...

I found out today that my beta has dropped and that I'm going to lose my baby. I can't believe that our journey's through this have been so similar, and it breaks my heart that both of our IVF cycles have ended in heartbreak. I wish I knew the words to say to make this easier, but the truth is that I don't. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to contact me. I have really enjoyed following along on your cycle as I did mine. Keeping you and your husband in our prayers!

Tristan Kimerling said...

Tiffany--Im so sorry and my heart breaks for you!! We just had our first IUI cycle this month and it didnt work either. My heart is crushed to say the least. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better and to make the pain go away! I understand your pain and I know that oneday we will get our BFP!!! We have to keep trusting Him and knowing there is a specific plan! Thank you for reminding me of that during these dark times! I hope that your heart heals!!

LC said...

Oh nooooo sweetheart. I am so sorry! I received the same news in the beginning of April. Heart breaking! I am still healing and the most important thing to remember is to take your time to heal. Everyone heals at their own pace and at first I thought I wanted to jump right in to another cycle and then I realized I couldn't...I just wasn't strong enough yet. Take the time you need, but don't give up. I really enjoyed reading all the success stories people left in your comments. They gave me hope too! We will have our miracle someday, I just know it! Lots of love to you & your husband during this trying time. Tie a knot at the end of your rope and hang on for dear life!!!

LC
http://www.painpromiseunfulfilleddreams.blogspot.com/

Grandma~rella said...

(((((Tiffany and Zach)))))
My heart is truly breaking as I type. I weep for you both~may God bless and heal your hearts. Please do not give up. Know I am here for you...anytime. Wish I could just reach out and hug you guys, along with Tania and Drew. Gonna be saying some big time, special prayers for all four of you precious kids...who soooo deserve to become parents. Pleassse keep believing...it WILL happen. Much love, many thought's and unceasing prayer... G'Ma Cindy :*(

Rosie said...

I am so sorry! I've been waiting to hear good news from you...feels crushing even for me. Don't give up your hope. I'll be praying for you and your husband.

Veronique said...

I don`t even know you and felt like crying when I read this post. I had been following your blog for a while and was really hoping and praying that it would work for you this time.

You are in my thoughts... So sorry you`re going through this! :(

VĂ©ronique

http://lifeasaluce.blogspot.com/

onemorebaby said...

I am beyond sorry, girlie. Take lots of time to heal - emotionally and pysically. It will get better and we will all be here for you. (((hugs)))

Kylee said...

I am so sorry. Don't lose hope. I am praying for you and Zach.

rozannaw said...

I am so sorry and sad for you!! Prayers going up for you! Just remember you did nothing wrong and it is not your fault! hugs and kisses

Kristen said...

I am so very sorry for you. You're in my prayers!

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry I'm praying right now for you...

(((Hugs)))

Ashley said...

All I can say to you is that I am praying for you!!! My heart sank when I read this. I know you can make through this time in your life....remember how strong of a woman you are!!! I know it is hard to think that now and that is okay. Curl up with your man and hang in there.

Corinne said...

I've never commented but have followed your blog for a while. So so sorry for your loss. We lost three babies a few years ago...nothing like that pain, and only those who have been through it themselves can understand. And although you eventually heal and move on, the scars remain. My heart breaks for anyone I find out has suffered this loss. Remember there is a heavenly Father that is longing to hold you, to comfort you right now. When we lost our second, I was mad...I demanded answers...and God showed up. He will not let you down.

Allison Brouwer said...

So sorry. Praying for you. We had our first unsuccessful embryo transfer in January. The hardest day of my life so far was the day that I got my period. Watching the video Louis Giglio - How Great is Our God was a big wake up call for me on how great God is and how he doesn't do anything as a mistake. As hard as that was for me to hear it gave me hope.

Adventures of Squirrel and Bug said...

I am so sorry Tiffany. I have lost two babies and I feel your unbearable pain. My heart just sunk when I saw this. I will be praying for you and Zach. Sending lots of love from Indiana....

Ashlee McCrary said...

Tiffany, I dont even know what to say to make you feel better. I'm sure nothing does right now. All I can do is send you love & prayers right now. Thinking of you!


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