Today I have been
so sad…it could be that Zach just left for a 4 day trip to IL to see his family---or it could be that Mothers Day is fast approaching…
or a little of both!Mothers Day is always
so bittersweet for me; as you all know my Mother isn’t doing too well…so every year that goes by I am so
very thankful for another year with her—and I love to celebrate that on Mothers Day. However; it’s also
a very hard holiday…everywhere you go people greet you by
‘Happy Mothers Day’, or when I get off the phone with a client they tell me to have a good
‘Mothers Day’…they don’t know I’m
not a Mother…sometimes I want to burst into tears, sometimes I sit here and daydream about it
being true…but the majority of the time it plain and simple just
breaks my heart. I know they are all innocent comments from people just being polite;
but it hurts.
Someone once told me that
‘It’s OK to be sad…..ESP. during Mothers Day’…
But, I honestly feel a
little selfish being sad; I have
SO many friends who are Mothers, I know
so many people who have beat infertility are will be celebrating there
very first Mothers Day…I want to do nothing else
but rejoice with them; so when I start feeling sad I
can’t help but get a little
mad at myself…
I know
my time will come; I know that one day I will be able to
‘officially’ celebrate Mothers Day
as a Mother...but I can’t help but think
‘when will that time be’.
I am truly
humbled by this infertility journey as it’s
really taught me so much about life; about faith; about struggles and not giving up…but to be
100% honest I’m ready for this journey to be
over. I know—when God’s ready it will be over….
but it’s still hard at times.
This sadness and this emptiness I have in my heart
will be filled one day,
however God choose to fill it….and until that day comes I will
continue to pray to my God and take
one day at a time!
A sweet friend of mine sent this to me today after seeing my ‘sad’ FB status… (thank you love!)…
“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!
I truly don’t think I could have said it any better than this poem; it’s funny that you can love a non existence so very much; I’m not pregnant…never have been pregnant…but I love our ‘one day baby Pifer’ SO very much! I can’t snuggle with my baby that’s only in my dreams; nor can I feel my baby in my stomach while there in my dreams—but I can continue to dream about the day that I can cradle them in my arms!
And until that day comes I will continue to praise God’s miracles and thank him for all the blessings that he bestowed upon us!!!
WOW-I look rough!! (I guess this is what we would look like on Survivor!)
Today I have been so sad…it could be that Zach just left for a 4 day trip to IL to see his family---or it could be that Mothers Day is fast approaching…or a little of both!
I was recently offered a job that I could not pass up; I will be the Store Manager at a local Jewelry Store. It’s a bit different than anything I’ve done; but I am extremely excited about this new transition. 
