Tuesday, March 22, 2011

1 week

One week from today we will be sitting at the RE for our 1st IVF consultation!

I have everything ready...questions...timeline of my cycles & the past five years...all typed up!

I'M READY!!


He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
-
Isaiah 40:29-31

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Definition of 'Relaxation'

Friday night we headed to local campsite with some friends to camp for the weekend...

Just what the I needed to keep me RELAXED :)


I enjoyed taking pictures of my friend Ashley's sweet little ones;

We watched an amazing sunset...

Did a little fishing...while watching an amazing sunset...



RELAXED and Gazed at the beautiful sky some more...

Took at much needed nap....

Continued to gaze at the amazing picture God painted us..

RELAXED in the hammock some more...

Ate the BEST home made pickles I've ever had!

Continued to enjoy the scenery...
Had an overall amazing weekend...thankful for weekend such as these and family and friends who make it great!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Little Moments

It's the little moments in life that I love so much...

Moments when my husband takes my hand and embraces me and says '15 days'...

Moments when my friend grabs my hand and says 'were praying and routing for y'all'...

Moments when we are walking through a store and Zach picks up a pair of baby shoes and tells me how much he likes those...

Moments when family sends me sweet cards regarding our upcoming journey...

Moments when my husband lays on my belly while praying for a successful journey...

Moments when my sweet friends countdown the days until our visits...

Moments when your grocery shopping and a complete stranger walks up to you and says 'I read your blog, I'm praying so hard for you and your family'...

Moments when you realize how much support you have!

We are ever so blessed; I am so thankful for all of these little moments that will lead up to our big moments...I am thankful for all of these memories; no matter where this journey leaves us!

::15 days::

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Twenty

20 days...Zach told me last night he IS ready...I'm still as nervous as I am excited. What if we don't like this new clinic...what if they dont want to start with IVF.

Relax Tiffany....I know, it's actually the FIRST time in this journey where I don't want to scream when someone says 'relax'....I know everything will be ok...I know this is the path we are supposed to be on!!

In 20 short days I will start the scariest, most stressful, trying, hardest, fulfilling, exciting and happiest journey we have been on...what a rollercoaster it will be!! :)
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Friday, March 4, 2011

Life without Blogs?

What would I do without Y'ALL?!

I mean that!

There aren't many friends that I can talk to when I get emotional, not everyone understands...

But it never fails, no matter how discombobulated I think my post may seem, someone that reads it 'gets me'!

Means alot! A WHOLE LOT!

Sometimes I feel alone, by myself...tired of explaining our story, tired of explaining why I'm sad, mad, upset or frustrated...I start a post and end it thinking 'no one will even understand this blob of rambling' But y'all do!

I'm so thankful for technology, so thankful for my blogger friends, so thankful for the emails I get daily, I've been sent so many books on infertility from y'all, articles, cards...It's amazing to know people understand and care!

I have maybe a handful of friends in real life that understand, I wouldn't even say my whole family understands everything...some try! My grandma goes to the library and reads my blog and researches whats new with us, my mom writes everything down in a journal so she doesn't forget with her short termed memory...but some act as though they could care less (or maybe thats just how I feel!)

After so long it's easy to feel forgotten...you see your family get giddy over new babies in the family, here them mention about how they want grandchildren or great-grandchildren and you feel ashamed of your body, broken...like a failure. You start a new job, just when people started somewhat understand at your old job now you have to re-explain yourself...no one really gets it; no one!! It comes a point when people ask you if you have kids and instead of going into the whole spill you just say 'not yet'...when they rudely ask why, you reply 'just not ready' or 'just not time'...when deep down in your heart your screaming and crying...

In a world of infertility one can feel alone, but thanks to this silly little blog y'all have made me realize I'm far from alone, THANK YOU! Your support means the world to me!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

EMOTIONAL

I'm so emotional, I'm so stressed...there are so many thoughts on my mind.

Can I really handle this upcoming journey? Am I really strong enough for this?!

I know I can, but I doubt myself at times....alot of times actually.

As excited as I am, I'm also very nervous and scared.

Everyone keeps saying this will 'work', as much as I pray it does I've watched many of friends go down this path and it NOT work. I want it to work with all my heart and soul, but honestly I'm scared it won't.

I'm trying NOT to be negative, and I really think I am just being rational-I just have gotten my hopes up many of times and I don't want to break into a million pieces if I don't see a positive pregnancy test.

I WILL be ok...I am ready for this jump...just nervous!

(My poor husband, if I am this emotional OFF of hormones, imagine when I start taking them!)


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

5 years

5 years ago today Zach and I started trying for a little one...5 years ago today our lives changed forever! The past 5 years have been the hardest, saddest, most rewarding, trying, difficult yet encouraging years of our life! With ever year that passes I always think this will be my LAST 'yearly March post'...

I normally DREAD the month of March, the heartache this month brings...it's an anniversary I could care less for. Another year of trying to conceive...not something that I want to jump up and down about! March normally breaks me, I can be so strong but as soon as March turns the corner my tears are uncontrollable...how can one word 'infertility' make March unbearable?!

HOWEVER, I'm happy to say this is the FIRST year I can actually say that I'm ok...bring on the month of March. Partly because our IVF consultation IS in March; but partly because I have fully accepted this journey & believe in my heart that good things come to those who wait. This journey was meant for Zach and I, this journey has brought us soo much closer in life & our marriage!

29 more days!




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