Poppee went to Heaven this morning. When Zach got the call this morning, I could hear the hurt in his voice. Poppee was a wonderful man, and he will be missed dearly. We have one more guardian angel watching over us now.
Originally we were not going to be able to go to PA for the funeral, however we are going now. I believe this is something important that Zach needs to attend…not only for himself but for his family.
So we leave tonight to drive to PA. I am trying so hard to get all the arrangements made and everything taken care of; my mind is in a million and one places right now. This will be a hard trip for Zach and a hard couple days for his family, please keep them in your prayers…and please pray that I can remain strong for him as well as them.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Break till' 2010
My Dr. called me yesterday—he knew I wasn’t going to go back to back as it was too much money…however he wanted to discuss the ‘what’s next’ when we are able to come back.
Well back in the very beginning he said that he wanted to do 1 IUI/Injections before going to IVF…however during one of my first follicle scans he mentioned that I was looking good and he felt if this one didn’t work he could do 2 more…so at one point we thought IVF was next and another time we thought IUI was next, however to be completely honest we didn’t think of ‘what’s next’, we only concentrated on the day we were on…
So he called and told me that given the fact he watched me very closely for a cycle, he knows how my body works and how it reacts to injections…he knows how my ovaries look and when I ovulate and so forth---he said I am the perfect candidate for IVF. (heart sinks a little)… “really IVF” I said… he said it’s safer, the success rate is higher, and you can never have ‘too’ many follicles unlike IUI. He explained the in and outs to me and I do admit, he is right. Due to my body producing so many follicles and this past cycle almost being canceled, he thinks we will be ‘border line’ on all my IUI cycles—meaning most might end in cancelation or like this past cycle were they almost get canceled due to too many follicles.
So he said, he wants to do IVF next. So why is my heart sinking?? Because it’s so expensive and my insurance doesn’t cover a dime. I have no idea how we are going to do this. They are sending me a pamphlet with all the cost and information that I will need so we can figure everything out....
Unless a miracle happens, we will not be trying again until next year sometime (...bummer) due to the cost of IVF. We will have to save longer now; I do believe and trust my Dr. when he stated this is the best option for us. I am sad that we won’t be able to try for quite some time now, this whole year has mostly been a break due to the start of a fertility clinic…I feel like we just started with the process—now we have to step back for months...I feel like our future child keeps getting pushed farther and farther away.
I do believe in miracles, I hear of them happening daily…so I do believe that if it’s God’s time something could happen before then, and that is what I am praying for. I am praying for a miracle from God. I say it all the time, but he has a special plan for us. I truly believe that, he will not put us through anything we can’t handle.
So whats next....we will keep on praying and keep on going down this journey knowing that with God we will be ok :) ‘I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13’
((Thanks for the prayers for Poppee—please continue to say prayers for Poppee and his family, I will keep you updated.))
Well back in the very beginning he said that he wanted to do 1 IUI/Injections before going to IVF…however during one of my first follicle scans he mentioned that I was looking good and he felt if this one didn’t work he could do 2 more…so at one point we thought IVF was next and another time we thought IUI was next, however to be completely honest we didn’t think of ‘what’s next’, we only concentrated on the day we were on…
So he called and told me that given the fact he watched me very closely for a cycle, he knows how my body works and how it reacts to injections…he knows how my ovaries look and when I ovulate and so forth---he said I am the perfect candidate for IVF. (heart sinks a little)… “really IVF” I said… he said it’s safer, the success rate is higher, and you can never have ‘too’ many follicles unlike IUI. He explained the in and outs to me and I do admit, he is right. Due to my body producing so many follicles and this past cycle almost being canceled, he thinks we will be ‘border line’ on all my IUI cycles—meaning most might end in cancelation or like this past cycle were they almost get canceled due to too many follicles.
So he said, he wants to do IVF next. So why is my heart sinking?? Because it’s so expensive and my insurance doesn’t cover a dime. I have no idea how we are going to do this. They are sending me a pamphlet with all the cost and information that I will need so we can figure everything out....
Unless a miracle happens, we will not be trying again until next year sometime (...bummer) due to the cost of IVF. We will have to save longer now; I do believe and trust my Dr. when he stated this is the best option for us. I am sad that we won’t be able to try for quite some time now, this whole year has mostly been a break due to the start of a fertility clinic…I feel like we just started with the process—now we have to step back for months...I feel like our future child keeps getting pushed farther and farther away.
I do believe in miracles, I hear of them happening daily…so I do believe that if it’s God’s time something could happen before then, and that is what I am praying for. I am praying for a miracle from God. I say it all the time, but he has a special plan for us. I truly believe that, he will not put us through anything we can’t handle.
So whats next....we will keep on praying and keep on going down this journey knowing that with God we will be ok :) ‘I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13’
((Thanks for the prayers for Poppee—please continue to say prayers for Poppee and his family, I will keep you updated.))
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Pifer Life
Count Down With The Pifers
No countdowns at the moment...although it's getting closer to October which means I will get to decorate for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas pretty soon (yeaa!!) :)
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Family Updates
Zach- his knee is great, but please pray for strength throughout the next couple weeks as it's hard on him not being near Poppee during his last days.
Poppee- he is coherent and not in any pain--Please pray his last days are peaceful and comfortable.
Me-I am doing alright! Alot better than Friday--this by far was one of the hardest cycles ever. We invested so much into this cycle, time, emotions, money, and lots of faith...I know and trust that God has his reasonings-but this one was def. a hard one. God has given me the strength to overcome this difficult time and for that I am thankful.
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News
I want to take this time and tell each one of you "THANK YOU"...thank you all for the sweet emails, cards, comments, calls, texts and most importantly prayers. Your support means more than you will ever know!!!
We will not be going forth with another cycle right now. Not because we don't want to, but because it's too expensive to go back to back. It's very hard on us knowing that we won't be able to try again for a little while. We will not be going on a complete "break", as we will continue to try naturally and pray that God blesses us with a true miracle...in the mean time we will be saving and hopefully in a few months we will be able to start this process again.
For those who have asked me to please test just to make sure---I have and with no surprise to me it's a negative. Again, we are ok with this...are hearts our saddened that this wasn't God's time...however he has his reasoning's and we trust in him.
I apologize...I still have purple pictures that I need to add, I am so sorry I have yet to add them--I will do so this week.
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Big events over the weekend…
Our weekend consisted in a whole lot of nothing :)
Here is a fast rundown of what we did over the weekend...
It started in tears...and ended in tears!
I cried until my eyes were swollen beyond belief...Zach made me wear this lovely little eye mask thing then tried to make me laugh my calling me a "super hero" (he succeed!)...curling up on the couch...crying some more, but laughing while crying as I wanted to stop but I couldn't and my sweet husband was trying everything possible to make me stop crying...waking up to cinnimon rolls in the oven...laying around the house...heading to the mall to grab a few things only to remember that it was tax free weekend and everyone else decided to go up there...off to eat on the patio of Don Carlos...head to Hollywood Video to rent movies (all my choices-- :) I never get to pick all of the movies!!), home to watch them...curled up again on the couch-yet this time with all three dogs...pass out, wake up...chased each other around the house (literally)...danced in the kitchen (just because)...head to church (spoke straight to me!)...off to eat breakfast, then vist my mom--came home...washed clothes...layed around...had to run to Lowes...got a cherry cheesecake snowcone (so good!)...came home and watched my husband kill about 50 yellow jackets (laughing my rear off, while looking at the backdoor to see him running around in circles spraying the air...)...ate dinner...washed more clothes...set at my computer while Zach did "man work"...got tickled till I was red in the face...soaked in the tub...watched Big Brother (because it's a sin to miss an eposode...ok so I am just that addicted to it!)...sat around and made fun of each other (thats love!) ....and laughed until we cried!
My husband is amazing and I am so thankful for him. This news was just as hard on him as it was me (not to mention the hurt he has in his heart about his Poppee), yet he bent over backwards to do everything possible to make me smile this weekend. So although I am not blessed with a baby this cycle, I was reminded just how much I love my husband and how blessed I am that he loves me! Zach--if your reading this I want you to know that you mean the world to me and I am so thankful to have you in my life! Thank you for being everything I've ever needed and wanted. You definatly are my sunshine on a rainy day! :)
Friday, August 21, 2009
The road must go on....
It’s very hard to put this into words. As I am sitting here, I know what I want to type-however…I can’t find the words to say it.
God had other plans for us this cycle. I know that we will be parents one day, somehow…someway. However it doesn’t appear this will be “our” month. I was scheduled to go to the Dr. for beta blood work next Tuesday, unless I started my cycle before then. Well...needless to say, I will not have to go in for blood work next week…
I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing right now…not sure if I am sad…or mad…or what? To be all honest I feel emotionless, I feel numb…dazed and just plan ‘blah’.
I started spotting last night, I had my share of tears then…but I remained hopeful, I kept on praying… “Please God let this just be implantation bleeding”… although like I told friends, being realistic I knew in my gut it was not. Have you ever been so scared to go to the restroom? Scared to see if you can go on having hope or if your dreams are crushed for that month? I have! I was terrified. Every time I had to potty I got this horrible pit in my stomach and my eyes filled with tears…I would sit down and just pray, “Please God…Please God…Please God…” I would just repeat that over and over again. (Surely if I said it enough he would listen, right?)…
However God had other plans. I trust in him. I have faith in him. Although I will most defiantly have my moments of sadness, my moments of anger, and my moments of tears…I will remain faithful to him. I will keep reminding myself that this wasn’t HIS time. He has other plans in store for us, plans of his own…not ours. God doesn’t do things to punish us; he does things to make us stronger and to mold us into a better Christian. So, as this is another bump in our road it is not the end…we will keep on going forward with our chin held up by God and our fears in his hands knowing that one day he will lead us to our child.
Thank you for the prayers for Poppee, please keep them coming for him and Zach’s family.
God had other plans for us this cycle. I know that we will be parents one day, somehow…someway. However it doesn’t appear this will be “our” month. I was scheduled to go to the Dr. for beta blood work next Tuesday, unless I started my cycle before then. Well...needless to say, I will not have to go in for blood work next week…
I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing right now…not sure if I am sad…or mad…or what? To be all honest I feel emotionless, I feel numb…dazed and just plan ‘blah’.
I started spotting last night, I had my share of tears then…but I remained hopeful, I kept on praying… “Please God let this just be implantation bleeding”… although like I told friends, being realistic I knew in my gut it was not. Have you ever been so scared to go to the restroom? Scared to see if you can go on having hope or if your dreams are crushed for that month? I have! I was terrified. Every time I had to potty I got this horrible pit in my stomach and my eyes filled with tears…I would sit down and just pray, “Please God…Please God…Please God…” I would just repeat that over and over again. (Surely if I said it enough he would listen, right?)…
However God had other plans. I trust in him. I have faith in him. Although I will most defiantly have my moments of sadness, my moments of anger, and my moments of tears…I will remain faithful to him. I will keep reminding myself that this wasn’t HIS time. He has other plans in store for us, plans of his own…not ours. God doesn’t do things to punish us; he does things to make us stronger and to mold us into a better Christian. So, as this is another bump in our road it is not the end…we will keep on going forward with our chin held up by God and our fears in his hands knowing that one day he will lead us to our child.
Thank you for the prayers for Poppee, please keep them coming for him and Zach’s family.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Needing Prayers for Poppee
As some know, Poppee (Zach’s grandfather), hasn’t been doing the greatest throughout the past few months. Zach and I even flew short noticed back in April when we were told he didn’t have much longer. However he pulled through and proved us all wrong. He was not ready to go home.
However it’s looking as though he will be going home shortly. He has yellow jaundice and his kidneys and liver are not doing too well. He recently told Zach’s mom that he is ready to see Mommoe (his wife whom passed away when Zach was little). They have been told it’s only a matter of time. My sister in law asked if he would make it until Saturday and she was told that he might not.
We all know that this is something Poppee wants, going ‘home’ that is. He is ready to see his wife and we know this will mean he will be pain free and happy again. However, it’s never easy to lose a loved one…esp. one that is so far away. It’s hard for Zach because his family lives in PA, while were way down in TX.
Sometimes I take advantage of the fact I live so close to mine, they are pretty much all right down the road incase anything happens to anyone of them…his family on the other hand all lives in PA (except for his brother whom just moved back to TX). I lost my grandfather almost 5 years ago, I can’t phantom not being by his side every moment that I could; however Zachary can’t be by his side right now. Although Zach appears to be taking this news somewhat ok, I know he is devastated that he can’t be there for Poppee--I know he is just trying to protect me from stressing (as well as my sweet sister in law who was hesitant to give me this news).
Please keep Zach’s family in your prayers right now. His family knows this is the best thing, but there will be weak moments that come with there strong moments-so please pray that God keeps them all strong throughout this. If you could also pray for Poppee I would appreciate it. I want him to be comfortable when God calls him home.
However it’s looking as though he will be going home shortly. He has yellow jaundice and his kidneys and liver are not doing too well. He recently told Zach’s mom that he is ready to see Mommoe (his wife whom passed away when Zach was little). They have been told it’s only a matter of time. My sister in law asked if he would make it until Saturday and she was told that he might not.
We all know that this is something Poppee wants, going ‘home’ that is. He is ready to see his wife and we know this will mean he will be pain free and happy again. However, it’s never easy to lose a loved one…esp. one that is so far away. It’s hard for Zach because his family lives in PA, while were way down in TX.
Sometimes I take advantage of the fact I live so close to mine, they are pretty much all right down the road incase anything happens to anyone of them…his family on the other hand all lives in PA (except for his brother whom just moved back to TX). I lost my grandfather almost 5 years ago, I can’t phantom not being by his side every moment that I could; however Zachary can’t be by his side right now. Although Zach appears to be taking this news somewhat ok, I know he is devastated that he can’t be there for Poppee--I know he is just trying to protect me from stressing (as well as my sweet sister in law who was hesitant to give me this news).
Please keep Zach’s family in your prayers right now. His family knows this is the best thing, but there will be weak moments that come with there strong moments-so please pray that God keeps them all strong throughout this. If you could also pray for Poppee I would appreciate it. I want him to be comfortable when God calls him home.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Weekend Pictures
I am forewarning y'all...this is a picture overload post---enjoy! :)
My new "none shaggy-ness" hair
Zach and Avery riding the horses...
Ashley and Haidyn
Ashley, James and Avery...
Me and Haidyn
Me and Ashley!
All Aboard
Me and Zach
A perfect way to end a perfect night (ICE CREAM!!!)
Pifer Life
Count Down With The Pifers
I am not counting down right now…just taking one day at a time :)
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Family Updates
Zach- his therapist said his knee is healing amazing and he should be able to return to normal “sporting” activities, like running, by December.
Me-I am doing great. To be 100% honest I don’t feel as though I am in the ‘two week wait’…normally I am antsy and wishing for these weeks to fly by so I can see what the outcome is…not this time. I am taking one day at a time and enjoying each day to it’s full extent without worrying about the outcome. :)
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News
I still have purple pictures that I need to add, I apologize if you have sent it in and I have yet to put it up, I am working on it—promise!! :)
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Big events over the weekend…
Lets see…Friday Zach and I went to eat at Super Salad with The Heards, then Zach and I came home-watched a movie and crashed early. Saturday we woke up early and cleaned the whole house from top to bottom (fun!!!)...then we meet The Heards at Cheddars for dinner, then off we went to Kiddie Land so there girls (and me of course) could play. This is an old park nearby where we live, it’s very rundown, but very fun for little kids (and big kids too!!)…they had a blast and so did we!! Sunday was our lazy day, we ended up sleeping past our alarm clock for church, but it was very nice to sleep in as we have had appts in Austin the last 3 Sundays…after being completely lazy we woke up-went to eat breakfast then went grocery shopping (bought up the whole store, or so my receipt says so!!), then we headed home to yet again be very lazy! We had a great lazy weekend! I do have pictures, but was too lazy to upload them, so I will try to get those in a separate post this afternoon or tomorrow :)
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