Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Life Goes On

Sometimes certain things in life happen and we don’t understand why…we just have to have faith in God and set all our worries and concerns in his hands! I don’t know reason’s behind certain actions, however I trust in him that his reasons are what’s best for me.

Yesterday we “thought” all of our dreams had been answered. You see my cycle is late, I figured I would be a “cheap” pregnancy test (keep in mind I was told I wouldn’t ovulate, and if I did the chances were slim). Well, I didn’t want to waste money on an expensive pregnancy test for it to just say negative…so my analogy was take the test yesterday morning, see that it’s negative…call my Dr, go in for a beta and then induce my cycle (you have to have a beta before you induce your cycle, and for those who don’t know beta=blood pregnancy test).

OK, so I pee on the stick yesterday morning…set it down, walk away…do some things and then I am staring…”could that be a line”…”no way”…when I held it far away you could see it, when I held it up close you couldn’t…everyone who saw it said it looked to be positive…well I just let it go, I blew it off as – or an “evap” line…went home that afternoon, looked at the test and it was clear as day positive…I wanted to freak out so bad, but to tell you the truth I just knew something wasn’t right about it, I had this gut feeling…well Zach gets home, and I asked him what he saw…his face lit up and he confirmed I wasn’t seeing things…we both agreed not to tell anyone or not to get excited until we took another one tomorrow and a Dr. confirmed it. Well I took another one and it looked the exact same as the nights before…so it really didn’t help confirm anything, I was hoping for darker…Zach held them up for minutes just comparing them…I could see the excitement in his eyes, but I still felt it wasn’t true…something was wrong…I called my Dr. as soon as they opened and they told me to get in ASAP, they were all so excited there…(this is the close I have ever come to a “real” +…) they greeted me at the door, walked me through the back way, and everyone I passed told me they were praying for me and good luck…it made me feel good to know they all cared so much. Well on my way back to work I decided to go to HEB and pick up a “digital” test…heck with the lines, all I want to see are those “WORDS….PREGNANT OR NOT PREGNANT”…so I sneak in work, run to the restroom, and pee on yet another stick…praying for it to pop up pregnant, but just knowing it’s not. AND just like I thought, it popped up NOT pregnant. OK…bummer…but then again, maybe I am not “far enough along” for the digital to pick upà you have to have 50mIU of HCG for the digital but only 25mIU of HCG for the equate test, so I still had a little hope, but still could have bet money I wasn’t pregnant…

WELL, my Dr. called, and confirmed what I have been feeling…my beta was negative. I had absolutely NO HCG in my system at all. I am surprisingly ok over the whole thing, maybe because I expected it…maybe because I truly believe it will be ok and God is watching over us. I don’t know why certain things happen, but I do know life goes on…you can’t dwell on the past, you just have to move forward and pray that God guides you the right way. I really suspected that I would be in tears, but I am very blessed that God had his arms around me when I got that call…it made the world of a difference.

So you might be asking how the other 2 were positive??? They were false positives…it’s very rare that it happens, however it does…and out of the many accurate test, Tiffany some how stumbled across a faulty box…go figure…there isn’t anything you can do, but move forward…

SO note to self:
1) Never buy Equate again
2) Never trust a faint positive
3) Never keep the test, always throw it away 5 minutes after use!

I do want to say THANKS for all my friends who have been there with me through all of this all morning long, without ya’ll I don’t know what I would do! Thanks :o)


Mimi said...

You are a strong woman hunny. These things happen, unfortunately. Your BFP is right around the corner. Good luck!!!


Ape and Brett said...

Ill say until the day that I die... You are so strong and I admire you. As I sat there this morning with as much hope you guys did, I just knew it was time. I cried when you told me how Zach reacted... I cried when you told me the Dr results. I want this so bad for yall. I ♥ you

Melody said...

I am SO sorry, girl! Don't worry, your time is coming!

Ashley said...

I'm sooo sorry! I had the same thing happen to me last month so I know how you feel. As someone once told me "God is holding your baby in heaven, waiting on the perfect time". GOOD LUCK and I'm praying for you:)

Anonymous said...

oh man i wanted to cry when i read what u said about zach! ugh! well maybe this is just the beginning@!! maybe the next test will truly be positive!!!!! you will certainly get there, i just know it!

rodfab said...

I love you guys! Keep strong and let God lead the way!

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