I started trying to conceive after about 14 months of marriage. We waited to start trying until we were absolutely no doubt about it ready to have a baby. I thought we would just try or not really even try and it would just happen once we stopped using any type of birth control. After four months of that, I wasn’t pregnant and with my type A personality, I started freaking out a little bit. I bought all kinds of books about how to “take charge of my fertility”. I learned how to take my temperature every morning, change my diet and figure out my body so that I knew EXACTLY when I was ovulating. Talk about taking all the fun out of you know what! After 6 more cycles of this for a total of a year of trying to conceive and one HSG later, which is where they put dye up your tubes to make sure they are clear, I eventually fell pregnant. It was at that point the best day of my life as I can remember it was my husband’s birthday morning that we got our positive pregnancy test. We were on top of the world. It had been what seemed to us as a lifelong time of trying and we couldn’t wait for our life to begin with our little one. Unfortunately, after 9 weeks, I miscarried. I’ll never forget when the doctor told me. I was kind of quiet and almost in another world. It was a Friday morning and both my husband and I came home and just laid in bed all day. I didn’t have to have a D&C because my body was getting rid of the embryo on its own and it ended up being quite a painful experience as I went through full blown contractions with puking and the whole nine yards. I felt like I had done something really wrong, like God was punishing me by not only taking away my precious baby, but also making me go through such a horrible miscarriage.
For the next 2-3 months, I was very sad and I can remember just standing there in a line at a store to check out and just busting out crying. My husband was such a wonderful support system for me and kept telling me it will happen when it is time, but I still had my doubts. It is so scary to think that the one thing that you have always wanted in your life is to be a mother and it might possibly not ever happen. There is definitely one thing true with regards to infertility. It can either make your marriage stronger or break it. When you want something so bad, it really starts to take control of your every thought in an almost obsessive way. It takes a very strong couple to get through such a journey.
After miscarrying, I immediately wanted to start trying again even though my body had gone through a lot and the doctor told me not to even try for at least two months. All I could think about was getting pregnant again as the need and want to get pregnant again after a miscarriage is so unbelievably strong it hurts. Fortunately, after six cycles of trying, which was around 8 months due to really long cycles, I fell pregnant again with my beautiful son who is now 8 months old. So all in all, it took me a year and 8 months of trying to conceive to get my baby Gavin, but he’s here and he is super special to me not only because he is my son, but because I know that he is my miracle from above. I thank God every single day for him and I pray that he will always be healthy and safe. He is the light of our lives and truly and wonderful blessing. As a matter of fact, writing all of this really brings back memories of how hard it was to get him here and I think I’m going to have to give him a big hug and kiss right now!
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