I feel like this is deja vu--I've had these feelings many of times; and especially lately.
Maybe it's me? Maybe I am just supposed to assume that my friends and family will still pop in every so often to check on me...maybe it's my fault and I am being selfish. Maybe I should be completely over things and not be sad every now and then...maybe I'm being to emotional?!
I just feel alone at times (until I open up blogger and see so many blogger friends in my same situation). I feel like my family and friends only stand by my side during the exciting times-such as going through the actual cycles--but right now when I am struggling on certain days they are no where to be found. At times I pick up the phone to call my family or friends just to hear a voice hoping they might say 'were still thinking of you'...but I hang up before hitting send because I want oh so bad for there call to be on there behalf-not mine.
Sometimes I feel like screaming off the rooftops 'I STILL NEED YOU' but then if they all come running it won't be the same as if they came on there own...
And then I go back to blaming myself for being selfish again--should I still need them? Why is this so hard? Maybe it's all me? Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if I could pop straight into another cycle...but I can't. Instead I'm left reminiscing about our failed cycle--I don't know where I would be in that cycle, so often I wonder and try to figure it out, but stop myself because I don't want to know. At times I want to forget like everyone else has seemed to do, but I can't.
I have never been one to hide my feelings inside--esp. from my close friends and family! But here lately I have been--I feel so alone, and like I am supposed to be 100% ok now...some of my own CLOSE family hasn't called me in weeks--my heart is sad and I honestly just want it to smile ALL day again.
Sorry for the Debbie Downer post--please don't think I am 'depressed' I do live a happy life, and I am so blessed for my husband who continues to put a huge smile on my face every day--but it hurts when your close family and friends have seemed to have forgotten about you--and again, maybe it's my fault for not being over things yet?!