I'm Trying to Dance in The Rain....

3 ½ years…

42 months…

102 weeks…

1,274 days (give or take a few)… that we have been trying for our first child.

How many more days…how many more weeks…months…and years do we have to wait?

This journey is most defiantly hard at times…sometimes I want answers, I don’t wait to wait any longer—sometimes I don’t feel strong and I feel as though my patience is done. Sometimes I want God to give me a sign, just tell me if I can get pregnant, let me know that it is ‘possible’ for me to get pregnant…Sometimes I really wish God could tell me when this ‘storm’ will pass.

I know you all have heard the quote “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain”...

That quote is very much true…but after 1,274 days I wonder if I have enough ‘rain’ already—surely anymore and I will need a paddleboat (more like a yacht!)

There are some couples who wait 5…7…10+ years before they have a child and that’s ‘if’ they have one.

Will that be me? Only God knows.

Now don’t get me wrong, as strangely as it sounds I am thankful for this journey, this journey has made me into a better person, it has brought my husband and I closer than I ever hoped for, it has tremendously improved our relationship with God—I am stronger than ever before, I have more patience, faith, and an overall better outlook on life and struggles that life throws at us.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Although the days get easier they also get harder in a sense. I personally can’t imagine myself pregnant. I want to be pregnant more than words can express, but I can’t envision that happening…I am too ‘used’ to trying to conceive I can’t even phantom what it will be like to be on the other side. That is so hard not to be able to picture myself pregnant, or as a mom because I am ‘too used’ to trying for a baby…

I certainly can not control the ‘storm’ in life, but I can thank God for his wisdom and strength for teaching me the ability to ‘dance in the rain’…

Storms are hardly fun, the rain can most defiantly get overbearing, the heartache will continue…but the journey WILL come to an end…somehow, someway—with God we will get through this. Every day is a new one, not all will be good…but not all will be bad! God saw something special inside us and he trusts us with this journey, so no matter how hard the days may get I trust that he will guide me through the storm and help me to dance in the rain!

My days may continue childless, even weeks…months and possibly years. Only our Lord and Savior knows what our future holds and although I hope and pray to him every day that our TTC journey ends soon and we start a whole new journey, one of parenthood…it is only in his hands and I trust him with my life in his hands knowing he has our best interest at heart!

Pifer Life

Countdown With The Pifers

Only 19 days until the MS walk!

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Family Updates

Zach and I-are really loving our nightly walks, we have gradually started running too...I love the exercise, and it's nice being able to work out and spend time with each other...our doggies like it too, poor Ginger has to stay home, she is just too little--I need a doggy stroller for her-ha!!

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News

I still haven't gotten my car back, I must have done a doozy on it---they changed it to this Wed., they are supposed to call me tomorrow and see if I will still get it then or if it will be bumped back again...

I have recently received two very special gifts from two very special blogger friends!!

Melody, sent me this perfect mug for my morning coffee--I love it and it's so true! 'Good Friends are like angels, you don't have to see them to know there there'...perfect!!! Thank you Mel! You are too sweet...love ya!

And my sweet friend Kelly sent me this amazing book, Zach and I both read it...I read a couple chapters out loud and then he does...it's the perfect book/devotional for both spouses...it speaks to us both and I highly recommend it--Kelly is in need of some major prayers right now, I am not sure if she wants me to release the details, so I will just ask that you all get on your knees and pray that God is with her the next couple days...Thank you Kelly, you are too sweet! I am saying TONS of prayers for you sweet girl....

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Big events over the weekend…

My weekend consisted of 'bed spread hunting'...you see my lovely cleaners right down the road decided they would ruin my comforter (needless to say they gave me a 'full refund!)...I was so attached to that comforter, I loved it and I was extremely upset that they ruined it...so off we went from store to store...I searched many of websites, and found nothing like what I had...well I decided that since I still had 'all' my throw pillows--I would just go out and get an ivory color bedspread that I could use with my existing pillows....

And this is what I came up with...I am happy with it! I still miss my other one, but this one is growing on me day by day... (and yes, that sweet adorable little tiger is the first present I received from my husband...)

Since the above wasn't near as expensive as my previous bed spread we had to snag these throw pillows that were on sale--we have been wanting to change the look of our living room, however we aren't ready to get a new couch, so Zach decided throw pillows is what we need (are others were the same color as the couch...)

Arn't they pretty :)

And that was pretty much our weekend....I hope y'all had a great one!

It's Fall Y'all

FALL....I love it! It means that Halloween...Thanksgiving... and Christmas are all right around the corner...and my favorite of all, I get to decorate for all of them!!!! Last weekend I pulled out my 'Fall' decorations...I put up some; I didn't have time to get it all up...but I was craving the look of fall, so I had to put out some of my favorites until I am able to get the rest up....

My door Mat....and My favorite ever door arrangement...

'It's Fall Y'all'

Zach surprised me and sent me flowers to work Monday for no reason other than to "brighten my day" (what a sweetie pie!) he def. made my day!! He ordered them from the 'Fall' collection--I think there beautiful!

The are still opening up, I just love how bright and yellow they are!

I hope you all are enjoying the nice 'cooler' weather...it's been really muggy hear--still rainy, but the cooler weather has been amazing...I do wish Mr. Sun would come back out though :)

Sad Day with Amazing Reminders...

Today I attended a funeral; one of my coworkers husband passed away unexpectedly on Monday. I can't even begin to explain how bad my heart hurts for her. She does not have a lot of family, nor friends...our department is her family and I pray she knows we are here for her. I won't mention her name on here; but if you could please say a prayer for her throughout the next couple days that would be amazing--I know God will know who you are praying for.

While I sat there today; I couldn't help but think about 'What if that was Zach'...what would I do? I would be so lost. As I hugged her today, she said "He was my best friend"... that's Zach! Zach IS my best friend...he is my everything. I can't possibly imagine the hurt in her heart right now--while watching this sweet lady mourn the loss of her best friend it reminded me that we can never take for granted a moment with our loved ones...because we never know what tomorrow holds.

Theres been many of times I have wished that I could see in the future--it sure would help at times; however we don't know what tomorrow holds--but I DO know WHO holds tomorrow...and I know He will hold our hands throughout the good and the bad. I have prayed that he will be with this sweet lady during this time of her loss, and I know he will be holding her hand through this.

Yesterday I caught I myself--as any human and any wife my husband (believe it or not) can drive me up the wall...(he really is good at too-ha!!) but during my little 'urghh' moment, I sat there and thought...'she' would give her left arm for this 'urghhh' moment right now, I stopped...thought about it and thanked God for blessing me with my husband and more importantly for the moments that he does drive me up the wall...

As you say your prayers tonight, please inculde this sweet lady and when your husband/wife/family/friend drives you up the wall next time, stop for a moment and thank God that they are here to drive you up the wall--(it won't stop them from driving you up the wall, but it sure will give you a different view of their 'little moments')

"Never take for granted the things closest to your heart, cling to them as you would for your life...for without them-life is meaningless"

Pifer Life

Countdown With The Pifers

Can you believe it’s 8 DAYS until FALL!?!?! I can’t wait!!!

I work with a lady who has recently been diagnosed with MS; so for the past couple years we walk in the MS walk for her…only 32 days until the walk :)

AND---only 46 days until Halloween…I normally put my decorations up the first of October—can’t wait!!! :)

And can we just say…IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON!!!! Lets GO Steelers!!!! :)

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Family Updates

Zach and I- are doing amazing!!! Were taking one day at a time and enjoying the blessed life God has given us.

Mom- As of right now I haven’t heard any updates on her, but as soon as I know I will let you know.

Dad-The same goes for him…I will keep y’all updated, thanks for all the

prayers

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News

My little brother (13 years old) has his very first football game today (for school—he has played some pee-wee, but this will be his first game in school)…he is in the 7th grade, so this afternoon we will go watch him play. I will try to get some pictures. :)

My car was not totaled--they have ordered the parts and are working on it now :)

QUESTION for my Big Brother fans (like myself…) who do you want to win, who do you think will win? I love Jordan, I really want her to win…I want her to take Kevin b/c I think if anyone he deserves the money if Jordan doesn’t win; however I don’t think she can beat Kevin…but I really don’t want Natalie in the final two (but I think that’s her only hope in winning the 500K)…I bet she takes Kev though---what are y’alls opinions.

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Big events over the weekend…
This was another lazy weekend…we have been ‘rain deprived’ here for the past few months…it’s been really hot and dry, well this past weekend showed otherwise…our temp has been 80-90’s and it rained ALL weekend, it was amazing. We stayed in and didn’t do a thing, I loved it!!!

Do You Believe in Miracles?

A while back a good friend of mine sent me an email about miracles. I read it, cried and filed it in my personal folder on my computer. I recently cleaned off my computer and I ran across the email again—except this time, something was different about it…it moved me in a different way, it spoke to me in ways I haven’t been spoken to in a while.

As most know by reading my blog Zach and I are in the waiting process to our very first IVF, we won’t be going forth with this until sometime next year as we are saving money and waiting for the right time. Like I said many of times, we are praying that a miracle happens in-between that time. A lady recently asked me; “Do you ‘really’ believe in miracles”… My answer was most defiantly--I believe that miracles are God’s way of saying “I can do anything, if you believe and trust in me!". I honestly-truthfully-wholeheartedly-150% believe and trust in God and know that miracles are a gift from Him.

Isn’t it interesting that sometimes when you ask God for something He doesn’t answer it? He lets it go for a long time; where the only thing that can possibly produce what you asked for is a miracle in itself.

Why does God do that?

Because He likes "to show Himself strong in behalf of those whose hearts are blameless toward Him" (2 Chronicles 16:9)

Have you ever realized that it takes some people a hardship to really rely on God the way that we should always rely on Him? I'll be the first to admit I am guilty. I was raised in a Christian home, I've believed in Him very early in life...however I never let him guide me the way I am now. I never fully understood what it meant to give 'all' your worries to God, maybe because I didn't have many before this situation...however-I trust in Him more so then ever before, I believe in him more so then ever before and I have faith and know that 'With God ALL things ARE possible.'

If something is dead—a dream, a desire, a want, a need—it doesn't matter to God how dead it is. God can still bring it back to life in His timing because our God is an awesome God. Nothing is too hard for Him. That is why He is never in a hurry and why it seems as if He often waits until nothing will work but a miracle.

All things are possible with God. -Matthew 19:26

Where were you….

Where were you that morning of September, 11 2001? I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in-between classes my senior year of high school when our office lady came on the loud speakers telling us that two planes just hit the World Trade Center. At that exact moment, I didn’t understand what just happened…I didn’t even know exactly what or where the World Trade Center was…when I arrived in my 2nd period classroom, the TV was on and all were watching the breaking news about the terrorist attack that just happened.

I was stunned. As I sat and watched that replay of it over and over my heart just sunk…who could ever be this coldhearted, how could this happen, why did this happen? So many people lost there lives and loved ones that day…today I’m remembering them…praying for their families.

I hope you take a moment…or two and stop and say a prayer for the ones who lost their loved ones.

May God be with you and yours today.

Pifer Life

(I am sorry this Pifer Life is a day late...I haven't been on my computer much the past couple days...)

Count Down With The Pifers

ALL the holidays of course! As I’ve said before I love decorating so I am most def. counting these days down.

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Family Updates

Zach- has finally been officially released from the Dr. He no longer has to attend physical therapy. He isn’t allowed to run or have any sort of strain on it until after December.

Mom- still don’t know anything else at this moment, we are waiting to see when she will go in for further testing’s. I will keep y’all updated, please keep the prayers coming.

Dad- He is doing great, still hasn’t been scheduled for his stress test, but he feels and looks great. I will keep y’all updated on him as well, please keep him in your prayers.

Me-I am doing better. My head still hurts and I am still having quite a bit upper back pain (mostly towards the end of the day)…I am looking into chiropractors as well as massages therapist; I just haven’t had time to call any yet. Other than those little discomforts, I am doing great.

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News

Many have asked, so I wanted to take this time to tell everyone, Zach and I are still actively trying to conceive. We are trying the al’natural way—taking one day at a time and praying for patience while God guides us through his plan.

I apologize again...I still have purple pictures that I need to add, I am so sorry I have yet to add them—it’s just been a hectic couple weeks, one thing happening after another…they will be up soon. Promise.

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Big events over the weekend…

This weekend was a much needed 3 day weekend.

Friday night, my honey took me on a ‘hot date’. It was nice to go out. He called me Friday afternoon and told me to go home and get dressed up, he will be there to pick me up around 6ish. He took me to Gratziono’s downtown, it was a nice little place... delicious food! After dinner he took me down to the suspension bridge (for those who don’t know this is a very old historic bridge downtown that overlooks the Brazos river…our town doesn’t have much, but at night with the bridge all lit up, this makes for a nice walk with your loved one). After a romantic little walk feeding the ducks we decided to head home…

The beautiful bridge...


Zach all spiffed up
Me all gussied up (don't know why these pics are blurry?)

The geese

Me and my 'hot date'

Saturday Zach had to work until noon, I went to run a few errands, then came back home to be lazy for a while. That night we went over to my dads to hang out for a while.

Sunday we went to church (amazing message by the way—I will be posting about that sermon soon)…afterward we went and ate breakfast (love me some pancakes), we had to run a few errands, then Zach took me to the zoo…I am a BIG kid at heart and the zoo is one of my favorite places to go. I think Zach and I alone go to the zoo at least once a year. After the zoo we went to get dinner then headed home to call it a ‘day’…

Zach and I at the Cameron Park Zoo

My honey..
Me...
He caught a picrure of me looking at the monkeys..

Monday (love-love-love not having to work Mondays, love 3 days weekends!)…Zach went dove hunting in the morning so I slept in, my neck was hurting pretty bad so I slept it off…I woke up around noonish, went and laid out in the backyard and Zach arrived home shortly after, we laid around the house and did absolutely nothing for a couple hours then it was time for Zach to go out dove hunting again. Well he begged me to go with him, all who know me know I am ‘not’ a country girl, although a lot of my family hunts I wouldn’t know the first thing about it. I am a girlie girl at heart. However I agreed and took the offer and off I went decked out in my camo gear not fully understanding what was about to happen…we arrived in the ‘field’ where we now await these little birds to fly over us. I had no idea what a ‘dove’ looked like…a bird is a bird to me, so as each bird flew over I would say there’s one…look over there…here comes one, all with the same reply “That’s not a dove Tiffany”…I was ok throughout the majority of the trip, and thinking this wasn’t 'so bad after all'…that was until that first little innocent birdy came falling from the sky…my heart sunk…and one by one more birds starting falling—poor birdies! Although the trip was out of the normal for me, it was fun…I guess after several trips to the salon, or shopping, or all the amazing things my husband sits through for me, I could sit through this for him :)

New Look---and Updates

I have had many of people tell me that my button doesn’t work anymore, or that it has disappeared…well I contacted my ‘lifesaver’, Juls, and not only did she fix my button but she jazzed my blog up with a whole new look!!! I love it! It's so 'vintage-ey' (I know thats not a word...I made it up and I like it! ha!)

If you would like you can grab my new button on the left hand side of my page :)

A couple updates—

Zach and his family—they are still going through the grieving process, some are taking it better than others, some are hiding there feelings, some are releasing there emotions…however all still need your prayers. It’s been almost 5 years since I lost my grandpa and it still breaks me every time I think about it, so please continue to keep them in your prayers.

Mom- my mom is so/so…we thought for a minute yesterday that she was going to have to go to the ER b/c her blood pressure went really low—however it picked up some so the home health nurse told her she didn’t have to go. She is still waiting to hear back as to when she will go in for further testing’s…please continue to pray for her.

Dad- he did go to the Dr. and the Dr. thinks him collapsing may just be his sodium (it was the only thing that came back semi’ abnormal on his lab work)…his Dr thinks that his chest hurting and his arms hurting could be due to the heavy fall…however he will be going soon for a stress test just to be on the safe side—please pray that when this happens that it comes back normal.

Me-I feel like I was standing against a brick wall and a train came and plowed into me. I am still as stiff as a board, my neck is hurting, my back is aching, I really could use a massage right now, my elbow hurts, my head is pounding-- :( BUT I am alive, and I will be ok!!!

I know I end every post with “thank you for the prayers” and so forth…but I really can’t tell you enough HOW thankful I am!!

Crash-Boom-Bang

Yesterday afternoon I experienced my first wreck. 25 years old…9 years driving…and my ‘no wreck’ streak ended yesterday.

I was side swiped on the back end of the drivers side…I heard squealing breaks and then “crash!”…they are undecided of whose fault it is, they said since I was headed into a turning lane and my end was ‘barley’ sticking out that could come back on me, however this guy hit me HARD—so my insurance company thinks he is all in the fault. My car is a mess, we aren’t sure if it will be totaled or not right now, we are waiting to see what the body shop/insurance company says…Regardless of whose fault it is or how my car looks, I AM OK and for that I am very thankful…

It all happened so fast, thankfully I didn’t see it coming so I didn’t tense up. He hit me so hard my whole body flung against the drives side of the car, my elbow is banged up and bruised as well as my head. I kept grabbing my head and my elbow at the scene and the police kept asking if I wanted an ambulance. I declined so he just put everything in the report just in case--at that time I wasn’t really sore, I was just scared…hysterical is more like it! Since I haven’t been in any type of accident I didn’t quite know what to expect, I couldn’t stop crying—thank the Lord that the police and the guy who hit me where both nice, I just remember thanking them over and over for being so nice to me (I am secretly scared of cops!)…

After the accident Zach took me to his work so that he could change into his personal clothes (as he came rushing straight from work- work clothes and all)…while waiting there I started feeling very dizzy, nauseous and my head-neck and back were killing me. I figured the dizziness and nausea was from stress and being upset, however Zach was scared about my head. It was starting to bruise, there wasn’t a bump forming on the outside, so Zach was scared it was forming towards the inside…so off he took me to the ER. We were there a total of 4 hours, after several x-rays and CT scans they came in and told me I was ok (also let me know I was indeed not pregnant—“gee thanks nurse, I defiantly wanted to be reminded of that one” ::sigh::)…

So besides my elbow being banged up and bruised and my head bruised and my head/neck and back hurting terribly due to being swung all around---I AM OK…and that’s what matters most!! I am very thankful I was hit further back on drivers side vs. closer to my door, God was really looking out for me.

This morning I woke up and could barely move, I was a stiff as a board. I had to take Zach to work bright and early. I headed home afterwards and got ready to go talk to the ins. guy—then I picked up my rental truck (Zach’s going to be in heaven, its super nice!)…then I decided to come to work for a couple hours (I know per Dr’s orders I should be at home until Friday, but I need the money and I am ok…promise!)

Thank you to everyone who has been sending me sweet messages, emails and comments checking on me. I will be fine in a couple days…just feel like an eighteen wheeler ran me over right now….

Were Back From PA

We arrived back in Texas yesterday afternoon…it was a long 23 hour drive there and back; but very much worth it! I am so glad that I could get Zach to go, I feel this is something that he really needed as well as his family to all be together during this difficult time. The viewing and the service was beautiful…Poppee looked amazing. He was a very known man in the little town he lived in, the whole fire department was there as well as the veteran affairs that lived in town. The firemen were the pallbearers, as well as lead him in the precession to the church and cemetery-and it ended with a 21 gun salute. Poppee was greatly loved and he will be tremendously missed. I only knew him for a short 5 years, but he touched my heart in those short years and I will never forget the many 'big' hugs he gave me. Poppee was the type of man who never asked for anything, he would give anyone the shirt off his back, he was the man who helped anyone in town, however he never wanted anything in return. Well this past weekend was all about Poppee—although he might have been looking down from Heaven wishing everyone wasn’t making such a “fuss for him”…I believe this was a way that everyone could tell him ‘thank you’ for being a great friend, a great dad, and a great Poppee…

Zach and his family held up so/so…it was a very emotional couple days. Very sad, but very happy and amazed to see so many people showed up to celebrate the life that Poppee shared. There is still heartache in there hearts, and Poppee will never be forgotten--he was a great man and I am blessed that I had the chance to get to know the man that touched so many hearts!!

Thank you to everyone for the prayers for Zach and his family!


(Pifer Life will not be up this week—however my family needs a couple specific prayers—

I found out on my home from our trip to PA that my Dad collapsed/fell in the front yard (he doesn’t know if he fell and just got shook up or if he collapsed as he doesn’t remember the initial fall…) his chest started hurting and his arms were sore so they took him to the ER, he had many test run for several things, and 2 run on his heart to see if he had a heart attack—those test came back negative…he is supposed to get a stress test soon to see if he has any blockage to his heart. He is at home and sore from the fall, he thinks the soreness came due to his fall and nothing is wrong with his heart, however I personally want him to get checked out just to see…please keep him in your prayers that nothing major is wrong.

Also, my Mom had to go Thursday for an x-ray on her brain. Earlier in the year she had her 2nd brain aneurysm successfully coiled…however she has been having some strange things happen, her memory, vision and just overall ability to do regular things has felt hard to accomplish. So she went in Thursday and her Dr. stated that the aneurysm looks as if it has moved (not good…this could be positioned on a nerve which is causing all of her symptoms)…they have several test they need to run, as well as a couple MRI’s. Please keep her in your prayers.

It’s just been one thing after another, my emotions are shot--I will keep you updated on both my mom and my dad—thanks for praying)