I'm Holding On...

I have had so much on my mind lately, and I am not sure how to sort all of my thoughts. I feel guilty for being so excited about our upcoming IVF journey. I realize how ridiculous that sounds. I guess it feels weird having it handed to us when there are so many couples out there whose insurance will not cover it...I am blessed, but I feel sad at the same time. Why are we so deserving of this? Why can't insurance cover infertility issues for everyone?!

I guess I don't feel worthy of this journey, I see others struggling like us, I read so many others blogs...why does this journey have to be so hard. Why can't starting a family be 'easy'. I'm holding onto faith!

When Zach and I first met, we daydreamed about our future. I remember Zach planning our whole life out, when we would get engaged, married, when we would start trying for kids, how many we would have...if only it were that easy! For some it is, for some it's far from that!

I can't imagine my life without infertility as crazy as it sounds, I'm so thankful for this journey because of who it has molded me into, not to mention our marriage growing so much closer due to this. I'm so used to this journey, I can't picture myself actually pregnant. I want to be pregnant, ohhh so bad....I guess I am just used to this, I know nothing else other than use struggling to conceive...will we finally be able to beat this journey?! I'm holding onto faith!!!

'Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to'

35 MORE DAYS!

Urgent Prayers Needed

I am posting this for one of my dear & sweet friends, y'all have probably heard me mention her on here from time to time, Rosemary.

Her sister in law was in a horrible accident and in major need of prayers right now, below is Rosie's exact blog post:

If you are a FB friend of mine, you've already heard...but My SIL Alissa was in a terrible accident last night. She hit a cow head-on on a rural road and it came through her windshield. She was on the phone with her mom (my MIL) at the time who heard everything. The wreck left her in critical condition, crushing her entire face, torn eye sockets, no teeth & sweeling/bleeding in the brain. She was flown to a hospital nearby, then flown to Dallas soon after. No surgery can be done until the swelling goes down & she is not responding to anyone at the moment.

She plays college softball which is her life, and this will forever change her. Please PLEASE pray for Alissa & my hubby's family at this time. It's extremely difficult.No words can express the pain everyone is going through. Life changes so quickly....

I am asking each one of y'all to please say a prayer for this sweet girl and her family. It would mean a lot to me.You can head over to Rosemary's page by clicking here for any updates she post.

HSG

As I type this I have a call into my OBGYN's office regarding an HSG. Due to a little Endo that I have I am hoping that they will be able to do my HSG and file in under my medical side of insurance like my other 2 HSG's have been, I know my RE will want a current HSG and its been well over a year and a half since I've had one. However anything I can get done that is not filed under my infertility ins will help me preserve that 15k for invitro!! So please say a little prayer that my doctor gives the a-ok for me to have an HSG for my endo :)

Only 40 days away!

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Why I Love Him

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.

There are many quirks and qualities I love about my husband; too many to list, but since it's Valentines Day I thought I would celebrate it with a few things I love about my husband...

I love that he doesn't stand in front of me, or behind me, he stands right next to me and we walk through all of our journeys in life together.

I love that he can read my mind, he knows my innermost thoughts, he really knows me, and how he can complete my sentences!

I love his terrific sense of humor, he always knows how to make me laugh-esp. when I need it most!

I love how happy he is first thing in the morning when I am grumpy!

I love his undying faith & his positive attitude!

I love how much he has taught me about life and about myself!

I love that I can ask him dumb or silly questions without feeling dumb :)

I love his devotion to me, to his co-workers, to his family, to our journey!

I love that he is someone who makes happiness happen!

I love that he is so outgoing, which makes me being shy so much easier around strangers.

I love that he is married to me and I am married to him, I love him to pieces, to the moon and back!

Happy Valentines Sweetie, I love you so very much, I hope you will always know just how special you are to me!

IVF Questions

I knew everything to ask when we went to our last RE consultation over a year 1/2 ago...but now I am drawing a blank...esp. regarding IVF.

I know what IVF consist of, I've done my research (plus some)...I've stayed up many of nights reading infertility books and searching for helpful tips online...

However, is there anything important I need to ask regarding IVF come our consultation?

I am starting my 'fertility clinic book' and I would love to hear from y'all...

What did y'all ask?

What would you suggest asking?

What did you wish you asked but didn't?

Also, please fill me in on anything I 'should' know going into this but may not...if you don't want to leave it in a comment, please email me... tapifer@grandecom.net

Thanks :)

Nerves...48days

When I made my appt the other day I tried to get it moved up sooner, partly because I knew if it was sooner that would give me less time to be worried but most importantly because I am so eager to start this journey; but March 29th was the first available consultation. My first reaction was a a sigh of frustration...I've waited 5 years for this, and I have to admit I wanted it 'now'...I didn't want to wait any longer...

God has blessed me with patience, if he wants me to wait 48 more days till we can start this journey, I will accept that and do so happily.

When the lady on the phone started taking my information I started crying, she apologized that there wasn't another date available...'it's not that I replied' she asked kindly what was wrong...'I've waited a long time for this appt, I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm excited, I feel blessed...my emotions are everywhere...' I apologized for getting so emotional over the phone she explained that she was used to this reaction, and that everything would be ok.

When I hung up I sobbed even harder...why? I am not for sure?? My stomach feels in knots, I can feel my heart in my throat and tears just keep coming...

I'm so happy...and nervous!

This is a step that I've prayed a long time for, although I do not know the outcome of this path I am so beyond blessed to be able to walk down it.

....in 48 days, I will know the 'next' step to this journey :)

49 days

Till our IVF Consultation with the Temple Clinic....

Vacation Pictures

(Warning...Picture overload!)

Zach and I at 3AM...yes you heard me right, gates open at 3AM in order to get a good view, we were still back a little ways in the crowd, but we had a great view! It was very cold, but so much fun! They put on a HUGE show!! It was amazing!

Look at the huge crowd just in front of us..

After the prediction (when he saw his shadow and decided that there will be an early spring) they annouced that you could get your picture taken with Punxy Phil, I darted in that line so fast, in fact I left Zach and his brother chasing after me...we waited about 10 minutes unlike some who waited close to 2 hours...

They had little groundhogs around the whole town, I wanted my picture taken with everyone of them, unfortunately thats near impossible, esp. on groundhogs day...so I just picked a few :)

My brother in law, Zach and I got our picture taken with one of the inner circle members..

To celebrate all of the 'groundhog' birthdays they have this huge birthday bash for everyone who has a 2-2 birthday; you get a piece of cake, punch and a present...Zach snapped a picture of me before I tried to eat my cake (eating a really sweet birthday cake at 7am before you even had breakfast is rather hard, ha!)

After walking around town we went to this little diner called, Punxy Phils Restaurant, We sat right next to an elderly couple which the gentleman just so happened to be an retired inner circle member, he told us so much behind the scenes stuff about Groundhogs day, it was the most interesting birthday breakfast I've ever had!

BEAUTIFUL

When we arrived back in Illinois we had a little fun in the snow that the 2011 blizzard had left; let me just say...it was ALOT of snow!

I loved every bit of it...the cold up north isn't quite like it is down south, it doesn't cut right through you up there in my opinion like it does here...maybe it's just more bearable because there is snow to play in vs. here :)

In some places the snow piled up to above our waist!

One night the snow fell so hard and so fast, it was beautiful!

Zach, his brother and his dad!


Our trip was amazing, I thoroughly enjoyed the snow and loved the scenery!

SUPER BOWL

The Super Bowl is today...it shouldn't be a shocker to anyone, we are routing for the

STEELERS

BLACK & GOLD

HERE WE GO STEELERS....HERE WE GO!

Vacation- 2011 Blizzard

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes, I had an amazing day! Punxsutawney was great! So much more than I ever expected it to be; it was like a HUGE birthday party...I asked Zach if we could do this every year, he said no! Oh well...it was absolutely great!I took lots of pictures that I will be posting whenever I get home (I attached 3 from my phone for now)!

In the mean time while we were on vacation IL received a heck of a blizzard, actually one of the biggest ever! I thought a foot of a snow was alot, BOY that is nothing compared to what we have here now! In some areas it comes up to your waist...it's quite amazing to see so much snow! The whole town (well alot of towns in the surrounding area) have been shut down...the roads are bad and I am kinda nervous about traveling back home tomorrow!

Speaking of snow, our home in Texas received at least 2 inches of snow while we were gone! I know they doesn't seem like much, esp if you are used to getting 'alot' of snow in your area...but that is ALOT for Texas!! ALOT! I am glad it snowed, my mom, who is watching our dogs, was able to to take the dogs out to play in it! Sasha loved it, Peanut and Ginger...not so much!

This has been an amazing vacation, and I am sad that it's almost over....although I'm off till Monday so I still have a couple more days, I'm sad that we have to leave, although I am a little over the cold weather (it's been in the single digits) I absolutely love it here!

Haaapppppy Happppppyy

I'M GETTING OLD....

I saw one of my old teachers the other day at work, she taught me Health when I was a freshman or sophomore (I'm so old I can't remember which year) but that was 10+ years ago, and she said 'You haven't changed a bit'....THATS A GOOD THING RIGHT? being 27 but looking like I still do in highschool....good? or bad?

:)

By the way....it's Groundhog Day and I GET TO SEE IT IN PERSON!!!!

Oh happppppppy dayyyyyyy!!!!!!!