My 2ND appt in one day...."The Game Plan"

OK so I went and met with my Dr. today after work...he is the sweetest Dr. ever, I just about cried the whole time and he just hugged me and gave me tissues and so forth...I am so very thankful he cares so much about me and Zach.

As yall know this month/cycle doesn't look so good so far...he said that IF come Wednesday and my scan doesn't go well and this is a dud month, we will take 2 months off of EVERYTHING except my PCOS meds and vitamins...and then start fresh with Clomid/IUI. The reason he said to take 2 months off is b/c we are switching fertility drugs and plus my body needs a mini' break (he doesn't want it to be too long though since I tend to not ovulate on my own) I am worried about switching back to Clomid in a way just b/c last time I was on it my lining got extremely thin (but I wasn't being monitored on it either, so he thinks as long as we monitor me VERY closely and I continue to take the estrogen to build my lining up we will be ok) We are going to go into Clomid strong, skipping 50mg and going straight to 100mg and on top of that we are going to start off with clomid/IUI right away...he doesn't want to risk my body getting used to Clomid. Come December IF I am not pregnant we will start going to a fertility clinic in Austin...I am VERY scared about this, and I pray to God that he has a miracle in store for us between now and then...in fact I hope and PRAY I go back Wednesday and my follicle is READY...but the likely hood of that isn't very likely!

Today has been a very hard and emotional day, the "fertility clinic" option hit me WAY off guard...of course Zach and I have talked about it in the past, but we didn't realize it was rounding the corner so soon...a fertility clinic is a BIG step in "infertile land"...it's not just as easy as "lets do it". I have cried and cried and cried today...ppl. keep telling me how strong I am and today I just don't feel that way. I know tomorrow will be different, I know God has a plan...I know things will get better, I know Zach and I WILL have a baby...I just wish I had some answers now...and unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I think I have talked to God more today than ever, I think I will crap myself if he ever talks back, haha! Everything is possible with God, and I keep telling myself that...what doesn't kill you will make you stronger and BOY has this made Zach and I stronger as a couple...and individually (even though I don't feel it at the moment!)

I will update yall Wednesday morning, please keep us in your prayers that a miracle happens before then and my follicles grow to be HUGE, and if that doesn't happen...please pray we stay strong during this rocky path were about to turn on....Love yall...and thanks :o)

5 steps forward.....3 steps back

Todays appt. didn't go as well. My lining of course is right on track so thats something thats on my side, however my follicle isn't growing. It grew .4mm since yesterday. At the beginning it's ok if it grows slow, however now it "should" be growing 2-4mm a day...and were not ever growing 1mm...they are thinking that I might not even ovulate this cycle. BIG BUMMER! I go in on Wednesday morning for THE ultrasound, this u/s will tell me if I will or will not ovulate this cycle....and if or if not we will be getting the IUI done. They talked to me about the "next" step. Which just killed me b/c I haven't even had the chance to finish THIS step more less move to the NEXT step. I go back later on today to talk to my Dr. about the "next" step.

SOOO far, what they are wanting me to do (which might I add, this is completely up to me...I can continue on with what we are doing now and continue taking 5 steps forward and 3 steps back if I want too...there isn't ANY rush for moving on to this next step, they just REALLY think it's needed) soo....the next step is a FERTILITY CLINIC...yes a REAL fertility clinic in Austin. I have soo many mixed emotions about this, I'm excited b/c of course your chances GO UP...but then I am REALLY scared...scared about the finiancl part...scared about the shots...scared about the fact I will be OFFICIALLY diagnosed infertile! Let me explain: this next step would be injectable IUI's ... it's almost the same thing we are trying this time except it has a bigger chance of working (thats the good part)....but it's very expensive in soo many ways, Ins. will not cover a single bit of it (Which really pisses me off, I don't understand why ins. won't pay for anything...it's not my fault I am infertile!!!), and if I go to a fertility clinic that will mean I am officially INFERTILE (which might I add, I already know I am...but it's not in my record yet...it's not official...so not only "Emotionally" do I not want to hear this...but financially this is going to get REALLY expensive....see ins. will ONLY cover all the testing and procedures up to being diagnosed infertile...once they diagnose you, it's over....there go your co-pays...there goes all your money basically. Even though to someone else this may not sound like anything big...to an infertile person, this is a BIGGGG STEEEEPPPP!!!!!! HUGE.....HUGE....HUGE STEP!!!!!!

NOW...I could and I PRAY I go in Wednesday morning for THE u/s and my follicle will be BIG and I will be able to get the IUI...but so far...it's not looking so good! They told me I have that 50/50 chance it will grow, but they don't want me to get my hopes up...b/c there is a chance it might not!

I am ok overall, just really scared and frustrated...I've gone to the Dr. 5 mornings within the last week and if I am not able to get this IUI I will be very upset...and I am extremely scared about the NEXT step....I will talk to my Dr. about the next step and find out more info about it all this afternoon...I just pray Wednesday morning God is on my side and my ovaries are ready!
Please keep us in your prayers...I don't know what will happen this week....or the near future, I don't know what we will do next, if we will stand still for a little while, or take that next step....just please pray that God leads us in the right direction.

Sunday Morning Aptt.

Sorry it has taken me so long to post the about our appt., we had the appt this morning and then church, then ran to HEB...so I am just now getting time to post....

Overall I think the appt. went really good, however I am not quiet ready. My lining is a 9 which is AMAZING, and the lining is FOR SURE ready for an IUI. BUT my follicle isn't quiet there...it's almost a 13 (needs to be 20 or higher), it's growing quite slow which concerns me a bit...but I am staying positive. We are hopeing I just have a late "ovulation" cycle.

I go back tomorrow morning so I will post mid morning and let you know how it goes, please keep us in your prayers that these next few appts go well and soon we will have our wonderful blessing from above.

Blessing from Above

I went in for our 3rd IUI appt today, and I feel it went really well. My lining grew from a 3 to a 7!!! Which is AWESOME!!!! My follicle only grew 1mm though, it went from an 11 to a 12! BUT thats ok, it looks like we might make it to next week after all!!!! Well after my appt. I was changing and getting ready to leave, I knew I was coming in Monday morning which was fine with me. WELL...my ultrasound tech came in and said "well...we NEVER do this, and I was told we can't make a habit out of this, BUT I want you pregnant so bad....so can you come in SUNDAY MORNING for a scan?" of course i just started crying and was speechless...I couldn't say anything...Lisa (my u/s tech) explains that since my temp has gone up and I'm having other fertile "signs" I might ovulate on Sunday and she doesn't want to miss giving me the shot. She says that I could very well go in Sunday and I won't be ready and I would just have to come back Monday morning, but she would rather be safe than sorry b/c if not and I just go in Monday and it turns out I did indeed ovulate on Sunday we might miss our chance for an IUI afterall this month b/c you have to sch. your IUI a days ahead.

SOOO...either way (ovulating on Sunday, getting IUI Monday or ovulating Monday getting IUI on Tuesday) IT DEF. looks like i will forsure be able to get this IUI done!!!!

Lisa, my u/s tech, may very well be a blessing from God that helps us recieve our little blessing. You see, they don't have to do this...this is there WEEKEND...she lives 45 minutes away, they are closed on weekends and don't do any kind of fertility stuff over the weekend...BUT she cares so much that she is coming all the way in town to scan me...and it might not even be needed, but she doesn't care, she doesn't want to risk it. I don't think I have ever met someone so sweet, who doesn't have too, but cares so much. I'm truly blessed to be able to go in on Sunday and get this scan, it may be for no reason and I might not be ready until Monday...but to know she is taking that extra step to help Zach and I means the world to me.

"Thank you God, for people like Lisa"!!!!

2nd IUI appt.

Well I went for my 2nd IUI appt today. I have Good News and Bad News...

Bad News: Nothing really changed, my lining is still a 3 and my biggest follicle is an 11 now (grew 1mm)

Good News: we MIGHT make it till Monday!!!!! Which means we still would be able to get the IUI!!!!!

I go back tomorrow morning for the most instense appt. of all HAHA, will we make it???....or will we have to skip IUI this cycle????

Overall I am extremly happy with what happened at the Dr, like I've said before I just like knowing what goes on!!! Plus I know whatever happens is in God's hands!!!! I truly believe in signs from God, so if we make it for the IUI I think thats God's work and he is making it possible to have the IUI, and if we have to skip the IUI this cycle, I will take that as a sign that either a) this isn't the month for an IUI or b) we don't need an IUI afterall and we will end up pregnant without it!!!! God is amazing, and he is the ONLY one in charge...so why worry about the little things, take one day at a time and leave all the rest in his hands!!!!

Check back tomorrow to see how our 3rd IUI appt. goes. Anyone want to take a guess at what will happen???? ;o)

1st IUI appt.

Today I had my 1st IUI appt. It went really good. Although I am no where near ready for the IUI I am right on track where I should be!!!! Which is really good.

Today my lining was a 3 (needs to be a 8 or above) and my biggest follicle was a 10 (needs to be over a 20) Although that sounds soo far off from where it should be, it's ok...like said above I am right on track where I should be on day 8! Normally you won't see your lining above an 8 and your follicle above a 20 until around days 10-14.

Well there are 3 ways the next couple days could pan out.

a) I go back tomorrow and some how my lining shot up to over an 8 and my follicle shot up to over a 20 and I have the IUI on Friday ((DON’T see this happening, b/c follicles grow about 2-4mm a day, and mine needs to grow 10+mm and the same for my lining, BUT HEY anything is possible with God...so we will see!))

b) I go back tomorrow…and if I'm still not ready but improving I'll go back on Friday…if they they think I will ovulate over the weekend (they can’t do an IUI over the weekend) so I will get the trigger shot Friday and Baby dance over the weekend and NO IUI will happen this cycle.

c) OR I will go back tomorrow, then come Friday and I’m not ready and they don’t think I will ovulate over the weekend I will go back on Monday, and if I am ready I will get the trigger shot and come back Tuesday for the IUI.

Who knows which option we will end up doing...there isn't any way to predict this, it's how the cards fall...it's truly in God's hands. Zach and I are just taking one day at a time and praying for the best!

Check back tomorrow to see how my 2nd IUI appt. went!!

Appt. Dates + "venting"

The 1st part of my NEWS is I got APPT. DATES!!!!!!!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!

I go in next Wednesday for my first ultrasound, we will begin there. They said I could very well go in Wed., Thur., and Fri. and depending if I am ready or not the next week (if my body looks like it's going to release the egg over the weekend I am not 100% sure what we will do. I know some Dr's have you come in on weekends, but some don't...I don't know if mine does or not?) NOW, there is a chance that the IUI might not get done. My lining has to be a "perfect" thickness and so do my eggs, so we could get there and not be able to go through with it. They will watch me very closely so we should know how things are going mid next week. Please keep us in your prayers that everything goes WONDERFUL :o)

We are so excited and can't hardly wait. I start my fertilities today. I never thought we would be going down this path, but we look foward to going down it together. God has a plan!!!!

****OK....MY venting. I was watching the news and somewhere in Massachusetts a group of girls in highschool (16 and younger) decided to "TRY" and get pregnant. About 10 of them succeeded, one with a 24 year old man and another with a HOMELESS man, just so they could all be pregnant together. There were alot of them who tried, and the ones who didn't get pregnant were very depressed. WHAT THE HECK IS THIS CRAP????? WHY THE HECK???? I was in tears watching this, I don't underestand...there are SEVERAL people including myself who wants to be a mother (that is mature enough and NOT a child herself who can support a child!!) soo why can't we get pregnant? But these immature highschoolers who "just decided to have fun and get pregnant together" CAN???? I know lifes not fair, but I can't help but ask...why is this fair???? I KNOW God has a plan....but I can't help but wonder, WHY did this happen???? They are 16 and YOUNGER... 6 FREAKING TEEN!!!!!! I didn't even think about that when I was 16....I don't know; things like this just bother me really bad b/c my husband and I would give anything to be a mommy and daddy! ENOUGH of my venting....check back on Wednesday to see how my appt went!****

IUI here we come!!!!

YES...you heard that right...my cycle started last night (didn't even need to go in and get the bloodwork that I talked about in the post before this) Which I am very happy about b/c #1 WHO likes bloodwork and #2 I started on my OWN, soo YEA!!!!! Like I said before I was already 99% sure I wasn't pregnant so I am not bummed at all, I am EXCITED we are moving foward!!!!!

I have a call in to the Dr. office and they will call me back and we will set up the dates and so forth! I will start my fertilities tomorrow!!!! Zach and I couldn't be happier about this next step. Please keep us in your prayers during this new journey.

Well...it's CD30

I sound like I should be talking "code" lingo with "CD30" and so forth! Remember CD = cycle day (it kind of explains itself, but incase you don't know that means I am on day 30 of my cycle).

Ok, now to the "news" part. I haven't started...but wait....before you get excited let me explain the rest. I have tested and it's BFN (big FAT NO) SOO... you might be asking what does this means? Well it means I probably didn't ovulate without the meds, which I figured I probably wouldn't have, I mean I haven't ever before so why should I expect to ovulate now by myself??? ((SOO, to all those people who have told me to "relax" and not think about it or "hey go on a break, it'll happen" I NEED THE MEDS OBVISOULY, it's hard to take a "break" without taking the meds, don't get me wrong...I LOOOVVVEEEEDD my break, I LOOOVVEEED not having to take any pills, not having to worry about any appt's, not having to worry about blood work, shots....anything...this month off was wonderful....but it just shows I do indeed need the meds to make my body work)) Now before I continue on with my preaching let me say, I "could" be pregnant and above where I say "I think" I didn't ovulate "might" not be right...but after trying for 2 years, I can almost BET you thats what it is and I am not pregnant. BUT there is a small chance that I "could" be and BOY WOULD THAT BE AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK...so whats next???? I have an appt. tomorrow morning for a beta bloodtest. This will tell me if I am pregnant or not, and if it is yes OMG will I ever be suprised and if it is no they will give me meds to make my cycle start! FUN FUN ((NOT!!!!!)).

So thats where we are now....I will know sometime tomorrow offically what is going on. If I am not pregnant and they have to induce my cycle it will mean what I "think" it means....that I didn't ovulate. I am just soooo ready to start if I am going to so I can move forward, ask anyone who knows me...I am not big on the "standing still process". I like to "progress"!!!!

SO stay tuned...tomorrow is a big day no matter how it turns out, either a) I find out I am going to be a mommy or b) it's the begining process to our 1st IUI!!!!

"IF" I am

Well I am nearing the end of my "break" cycle and coming closer to our FIRST IUI! I am getting the questions from friends now..."do you think you are pregnant this cycle?" HONESTLY NO! But hey, you never know...it's in God hands. I would love to be, but if not I am ok with it b/c I am so excited about our IUI!! My nurse even called me today and asked me how things were going...we talked for a little bit and she even asked..."are you feeling anything"... NOPE ...NODA ...NOTHING...but it's ok! Well on one of my TTC websites we were talking about "due dates" yesterday, they "what if's"...what "would" our due dates be! Well mine would be around 2/24/09...I said that would be neat b/c mine is 2/2 my moms is 2/12 and theres would be around 2/24.... my friend pointed out how if you multiply 2-(2) and 2-(12) together, you will get 2-(24) HOW NEAT IS THAT!!! Then I got to thinking...my dads birthday is 12-12 (if you add those together you will get 24!!) Ironic??? Who knows?! Only time will tell!!!

Like I said I just don't think this is our month (it would be neat IF it was b/c of the similarities with my parents and my birthday's) but overall the timing, the no meds this time...everything just doesn't add up...BUT it's in God's hands and ONLY HE KNOWS BEST!!!!!

Check back soon...either a) we will be going on to "our journey through pregnancy" or b) "our journey through our 1st IUI" WE ARE SOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!

Virginia Vacation with the Pifer Family

Our vacation was amazing, it went by way too fast though; but at the same time I am so very happy to be home!!

Our trip started last Friday at 5:30AM ((sooo early!!))...Eric, Zach's brother, was in town the week before our vacation and so he rode with us to DFW, b/c his flight left 10 minutes before ours did, except he was going home to PA. Well we get on our plane....everything is going A-OK....they drive us out to where they take off and we are just sitting there....and sitting there...and sitting there...((it was only 30 minutes or so, but it felt like forever)) they come on and tell us we will be taking off soon and apoligize they had a "minor" mechanical problem, you don't say this stuff right before we take off...I was a little nervous! And not only that but our layover time in Atlanta wasn't that long (45 minutes to be exact) so I was nervous we were going to miss our 2nd flight to Virginia. We got to Atlanta, SAFLEY may I add, 10 minutes before our next flight...by the time we docked and could get off the plane we only had 5 minutes to get to our 2nd flight and it was ALLLL the way across the airport. We ran like CRAZY! Once we got there we sighed a breath of relief b/c that flight was delayed 10 minutes....so we made it!!!!

*Our first day in Virgina we went and visited some of Zach's family that lives around Norfolk. They were really nice, we cooked out and Zach and Jada swam, we had a great time!

*Our next day, Sunday; we went to Jamestown, it was awesome! All the colonial sights were amazing. That night we went to Ripley's Believe it or Not and out to eat at a AWESOME seafood buffett.

*Monday we went to colonial Williamsburg, which was the most amazing historical place I have ever been!!! We had so much fun and that town was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

*Tues, we went to Virginia Beach...This is where Zach and I honeymooned at 2 years ago; So we were MORE than excited to go here!!!! We layed out on the beach for a while, swam in the ocean for a while...walked the board walk....We went in the gift shop across from where we stayed 2 years ago and Zach found our bracelets, let me explain about our bracelets. We got some bracelets on our honeymoon, didn't think too much of them at the time, just more like a souvenir, well we said we would wear them till they broke.... they lasted almost a year, broke right before our anniversary...we liked having them so when we went to MX last year we tried to find a replacement bracelet...we came home with ones, but they weren't the same and didn't last but maybe a month. So when we went in this store and saw our bracelets there we couldn't help but get excited. So we got 1 PLUS extras for later years haha!!! Call us corny, but we think it's something special!! :o) After we left Virginia Beach we went the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, it was amazing...we drove under water, it was kinda scary but awesome!!! Then we went to meet Zach Cousin who also lives around that area and we all went out to eat.

*Wed, we went to Yorkstown Virginia; again another wonderful colonial place to visit! I was really worried going in to these places b/c I hated history in school so I was scared I would think this stuff was boring, but boy was I wrong!!! It was sooooo intresting and I learned so much!!!

*Thursday, we went to Busch Gardens, this was a AMAZING amusment park!!!! We rode every ride there, it was so much fun!!!!! I wold love to go back here some day with my furture kidos....I think this is a must place to go (as well as the other places we visited this week) with kids, this places was very educational as well as so much fun!!!

Friday morning we left :o( we were very sad. Being with Zach family was amazing...we all had a great time and we didn't want it to end! We miss them dearly and one week out of the year seeing them, just isn't enough!

I have posted some of the pictures in the slideshow below.