OK so I went and met with my Dr. today after work...he is the sweetest Dr. ever, I just about cried the whole time and he just hugged me and gave me tissues and so forth...I am so very thankful he cares so much about me and Zach.
As yall know this month/cycle doesn't look so good so far...he said that IF come Wednesday and my scan doesn't go well and this is a dud month, we will take 2 months off of EVERYTHING except my PCOS meds and vitamins...and then start fresh with Clomid/IUI. The reason he said to take 2 months off is b/c we are switching fertility drugs and plus my body needs a mini' break (he doesn't want it to be too long though since I tend to not ovulate on my own) I am worried about switching back to Clomid in a way just b/c last time I was on it my lining got extremely thin (but I wasn't being monitored on it either, so he thinks as long as we monitor me VERY closely and I continue to take the estrogen to build my lining up we will be ok) We are going to go into Clomid strong, skipping 50mg and going straight to 100mg and on top of that we are going to start off with clomid/IUI right away...he doesn't want to risk my body getting used to Clomid. Come December IF I am not pregnant we will start going to a fertility clinic in Austin...I am VERY scared about this, and I pray to God that he has a miracle in store for us between now and then...in fact I hope and PRAY I go back Wednesday and my follicle is READY...but the likely hood of that isn't very likely!
Today has been a very hard and emotional day, the "fertility clinic" option hit me WAY off guard...of course Zach and I have talked about it in the past, but we didn't realize it was rounding the corner so soon...a fertility clinic is a BIG step in "infertile land"...it's not just as easy as "lets do it". I have cried and cried and cried today...ppl. keep telling me how strong I am and today I just don't feel that way. I know tomorrow will be different, I know God has a plan...I know things will get better, I know Zach and I WILL have a baby...I just wish I had some answers now...and unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I think I have talked to God more today than ever, I think I will crap myself if he ever talks back, haha! Everything is possible with God, and I keep telling myself that...what doesn't kill you will make you stronger and BOY has this made Zach and I stronger as a couple...and individually (even though I don't feel it at the moment!)
I will update yall Wednesday morning, please keep us in your prayers that a miracle happens before then and my follicles grow to be HUGE, and if that doesn't happen...please pray we stay strong during this rocky path were about to turn on....Love yall...and thanks :o)