Goddaughter Cuteness

Zach and I went to visit our Goddaughter, Audree, the other week! I absolutely loved the opportunity to get to see her and watch her cute little personality; she is as cute as a button!

She went to her parents room and brought back her momma's megaphone from high school and wanted to play with it...here are a couple pictures from the night.

Peek a boo...I see you

Where did Tiffy go?

Audree's turn

Weekend at the Lakehouse

This past weekend Zach and I went with some of our best friends, Ashley and James, to one of there family members lake house...we had a blast! The guys fished for pretty much the whole weekend; I think Zach was in hog heaven! I played with Avery, Haidyn and little Miss Reese all weekend; I think that made me in hog heaven :) !!!

Warning: Picture overload below...in no random order!!!

Miss Avery being as sweet as she can be!!

Me with little Reese...Can you tell I'm in Heaven??

Ashley and I

Me, Zach, James, Haidyn, Avery, Ashley and Reese...

Ashley with her fish!

Me and my honey

BEAUTIFUL!

Love this picture!!!

Me and my fish! I was a little wierded out by my finger being in it's mouth!

Me and Haidyn sleeping...

Being Honest

Infertility can bring a number of things, one of those being denial...

I know in my first year of trying I didn't want to open up about my infertility, my denial was with my friends and family. I was so scared to tell everyone the truth, I was so scared to be honest and tell my family that we were having problems; I was afraid of being a disappointment, and most defiantly didn't want pity...lets just face it...I was in major denial. My denial fortunately didn't last too long, however there are so many women and men out there that have yet to come out of the 'infertility closest'....

I can honestly say, it's not an easy thing to do. People look at you different, friends don't know what or what not to say to you, you may even get the famous statements 'why' or 'what did you do to be infertile' or 'your still young' or 'just relax and it will happen'...infertility can really cause a woman/man to feel the lowest of low and very insecure.

However, I learned very quickly that being honest throughout the journey is the cornerstone to all success; the day I opened up about our struggle to become parents I felt a huge amount lifted off our shoulders...although we are still not pregnant, and have yet to be...being honest has given me the ability to truly view this struggle in a completely different outlook.

Zach and I used to hear our family talk about how much they wanted grand-babies; they didn't know we were trying everything possible to get pregnant...their words hurt-- because as much as they wanted to be grandparents we wanted to make them grandparents...by being honest with them they learned to keep those desires to themselves, so although they still want to be grandparents so bad they don't remind us every day of this...

or we would always hear people with children tell us 'I wish I didn't have kids, I miss the young life'....although I can understand where they are coming from and they just want a vacation away from everything, at the time-that was so hurtful...in our heads that's all we wanted (and still do) but yet there wishing for our life (if only they knew how our life was)...once we opened up to our friends they knew that saying certain things like these hurt us...

Although we do NOT want our family nor friends to feel as though they are walking on eggshells around us we do want them to know our situation so they can understand our sadness at times, they can understand why we might not comment back on certain statements...by being honest with ourselves we are able to be honest with our loved ones!

'Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.'

It's not easy always being honest about struggles, at times I still to this day catch myself not telling certain things to people...sometimes it's easier to pretend that this journey really isn't happening, but in all honesty...it's better, easier and makes for such a happier life just to be honest.

New Hair

I got a new 'do'

Any Ginger loves it!

I love her...and my hair!!

Five Fun Facts

I skipped last Friday’s 5 fun facts and received a few emails saying they missed it, so I decided to do it again for this Friday.

So for this Fabulous Friday I will list my Five Fun Facts on Food:

* I have a major sweet tooth; I will often sit down at a restaurant and look at the desert menu first-picking out the one I want for after I finish my meal; problem is I hardly ever order desert after eating due to me being entirely too full!

* My parents loved mushrooms when I was growing up, I hated them in every way possible…that was until I tried them for the first time about 5 years ago, now I love them…Zach hates them!

* I love pickles, my dad used to tell me when I was little that if I ate another pickle I would turn into one; I love sour pickles the best…and the big ‘ball park’ type pickles…yummmmy!

* I absolutely can’t stand black eyed peas, but every New Years I make myself eat some for good luck...

* I tried my first raw oyster about a year ago; I will never ever ever eat one again…needless to say they are not as good as people make them out to be….YUCK!


I would love to hear your Five Fun Fact about Food. Feel free to leave yours in my comment section or post your very own blog, just leave me your URL so I can check it out :)

911 Call

PICTURE THIS:

It was a dark and stormy night...My husband and I were curled up on the couch with our 3 dogs (well Sasha was on the ground) we were watching none other than a reality show (of course)...

All of the sudden we hear 'bang bang bang'...someone wasn't just knocking on our door-they were banging so loud...

A million and one thoughts went through my head, who is beating on our door in at 9:45pm when it's pouring down rain outside...as Zach approached the door and peaked out of the glass in the door he said...

'Tiffany, it's a cop'

It's a COP!!! I quickly responded...

Now my mind was really racing, were my neighbors OK, or my family... why in the world are cops beating on our door at 9:45pm in the pouring down rain...

Zach answered the door and the cop sternly asked for our phone number, Zach told him...he repeated it back to Zach and Zach stated...'yes sir that's our number'...

The cop said, 'Did either of you call 911'....

'No sir' Zach stated...

'Someone called 911 from this residence' the cop jumped back..

'But sir we haven't' I said...

'Do y'all have kids' he responded...

'No....' Zach said...

'Looks like y'all have 3 running around now' , the cop stated finally with a smile as he looked in and saw our 3 dogs running around...

'Unless they learned how to dial 911, I'm not sure I know what happened' I stated...

The cop explained that sometimes when your land line phone goes dead it can dial 911, but in our case our phone wasn't going dead...both of the cops and Zach and I were baffled; we have no earthly idea how 911 received a hangup emergency phone-call from our house...

Needless to say, after they left I was shaking up a storm...cops scare me, and the other night they REALLY scared me!

Momma Update

I wanted to give y'all another update on my momma-sita as well as ask for prayers.

My mom indeed does have another brain aneurysm; however it’s so tiny that it’s unable to be coiled at the moment. She will go back for updates and scans continuously throughout the next few months to make sure the aneurysm does not grow.

Her brain tumor has slightly grown, however it’s still in an area where they are not able to remove or biopsy it.

My mother has an appointment in Dallas on May 10th. Over 5 years ago my mother was told she would be in a wheel chair before long; she's made it this long and Dr's are amazed and astonished that she is still walking, her bones in her feet are disintegrating and although she has no feeling in her feet it hurts her so bad to walk; she is in constant pain due to her chronic/narrowing spine (bones are squeezing down on her nerves) She also has 11 vertebraes that are bulging or herniated right now. Her local back Dr. told her that 'no surgeon will touch her, and her back is too complicated'...

When she called me advising me of her upcoming appointment she told me 'Tiffany, I have to go to Dallas...it's reality that I will be in a wheelchair soon, and the day I have grand-babies and there able to run up to me and ask why I'm in this wheelchair I want to be able to tell them I did everything I could and be happy about where I am, Dallas may not be able to help me...but at least I can say I tried'..

My heart breaks for her, I hurt because she hurts and would give anything to see the sunshine in her eyes the way I used to...her emotions are everywhere, one day she is happy the next day she is depressed; I personally can’t say I blame her with everything she’s going through. My mom is a very strong women to endure all she has and to keep going...this is a hurdle we will get through, with patience and God's guidance we will get through this!

Please continue to keep my mother in your prayers; I will keep you updated on new information.

Randomness

There are so many little things that I am counting down too, or going on in my crazy life that I have to notate them in what better way…a random post!

* Only 10 days until Easter and I don’t even have an Easter Dress for Easter Sunday!

* Zach turns the BIG 2-5 in 19 days; I really want to do something special for him, but I’m stumped…HELP!

*National Infertility Awareness week is only 30 days away…so excited!

*We will be married 4 years in lass then 2 months! Time has flown by!!

*I am still taking 50mg of Clomid as well as Estrogen.

* My mom is doing okay (I will be writing a blog about her soon.)

* Sasha’s leg is healing, she’s learned to run on just 3 legs (pretty fast too might I add)…she walks on all 4, just slow.

* Zach and I are looking forward to this spring/summer; we plan on spending as many weekends as we can enjoying the beautiful weather…camping, fishing, BBQ’s…can’t wait!

* We are also looking forward to when my in-laws get settled into their new home in IL, Zach and I will be driving up their for a visit and taking our dogs for their first road trip…fun fun!

* Zach’s knee is doing great (thanks for all the emails asking about him), we work out at least 3 times a week and his hamstring is getting stronger and stronger each day! We are nearing the one year mark on his surgery and I believe his Dr. would be really proud!

MOVING!

Well we are not the ones moving, my in-laws are! My father in law works for a company that has several plants throughout the US; he originally worked in PA, when Zach was only 9 years old he was transferred to TX, he was here until Dec 06’…he was then transferred back to PA. Zach’s whole family lives in PA…grandparents, Aunts, Uncles…cousins, nieces…nephews…so although we weren’t too thrilled about being so far away from them; it really was a good move for them.

Well a couple weeks ago my father in law received word that the plant he is working in will be shutting their doors in July, so they will all be transferred out. Everyone was a little nervous as it’s never an exciting thing to be up-rooted from your home. As much as we wanted them to move back to TX, there just wasn’t an opening…so where will they be residing?

Illinois!!

Zach and I are thrilled at the fact that IL is 10 hours closer to us vs. PA…instead of being 25 hours away, it’s only 15…this means we can drive their in a days time, which is great!!!

I can’t wait to take a road trip once they get settled; I’ve never been to IL… please keep them in your prayers for a stress free move.

Do I have any IL readers? I would love to hear all about the state of IL...what is the weather like? What’s the happening places in IL?

Attitude

The first year of my infertility journey was the hardest year, I was bitter… angry…sad…confused. Why was it that everyone on God’s green earth could conceive but me? Here we were trying everything we could, praying day in and day out…but it didn’t happen. I can’t possibly explain the hurt in my heart and the fear that I’d never be able to have a child of my own. My attitude was far from good; sure…I put on my happy face throughout the day telling myself it would be ok, but at night I could crawl into bed and cry until I couldn’t cry anymore.

I spent the first year of our journey this way; how could someone who wanted something so bad be denied but yet so many out there didn’t want this but they conceived?

As most know I had a really bad night that ended in me yelling at God, crying until I was physically sick…I told God he didn’t care…at that moment I pretty much gave up on God. However that next morning, I woke up with a peace that I can’t begin to explain, I felt my broken heart wasn’t in as much pain, my outlook was different…God broke me down as far as I could possibly go to bring me closer to him, and that’s exactly what happened…

I’ve never shared this; but about a week after my breakdown I received an email from a friend, I didn’t tell anyone about my breakdown, only Zach knew…the email was a simple quote:

Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home…a person. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. - Charles Swindoll

After four years of trying for our first, I still don’t understand everything…nor do I know his reasons, I still wonder when our time will come…and when I’ll be able to experience the feelings of pregnancy and motherhood. However I’m happy to say that my attitude and my outlook in life HAS changed. I do not react to my struggles as a bad thing now, I know they are a good thing—they are helping me to grow and to developed into the women God wants me to me. Your attitude on a particular journey can make or break you. I will NOT allow infertility to break us!

Spring is in the air...

I am loving this beautiful weather we have been having in TX! It's def. flip flop weather--the grass is turning green, trees are getting leaves and even some flowers are coming out...I love it!

This past weekend we went over to my dads to enjoy this beautiful day sitting out back and throwing horse shoes...

Here are a couple pictures from the fun afternoon.

(yes, I am riding a bike that is way to small for me.)

My brother Dylan and his friend (in the background)

My dad!

In about a month TX will go from 75 degree weather to 95 degree weather....better enjoy it while it last :)

Call Me Crazy

The other day I opened up our refrigerator and saw this lovely container.... 'Catfish Bait'.... I glanced inside to make sure this was indeed what I thought it was before I made a huge commotion about it. Sure enough...it was worms! EWW!


I went to the living room and asked Zach if I could throw them away...

'No honey, there still good'...

'Well, can we keep them outside in your shed then' I said...

'Hon, they have to stay in the fridge....'

'Zach! I don't want worms in the fridge, that's nasty!'

'Tiff, they can't get into anything, there locked up and I promise they won't hurt anything'

'They stink' I said

'No they don't Tiffany'

'ok, well they don't really stink, but I want them out.....'

I proceed to go into the kitchen, grab these ever so yucky worms and put them in a plastic zip lock bag...as least there wormy germs can't breath on my food....

'Tiff...why did you put these in a bag? They can't breath now'

'Their worms, they don't need to breath' (By the way, I still don't know if he was pulling my leg or if worms really need to breath...anyone know this??)

SO HE, proceeds to take them out of the bag I just put them in....SO as you can see in the picture the best 'worm proofing' I could do was place them on top of the bag....

I didn't win this conversation, and maybe it's just me--but the idea of WORMS being in my fridge freaks me out. I do like to fish, and I can bait my own hook...but I am not about keeping these creepy crawlers in my fridge!

Sasha's Great Escape

The other night we were in Hewitt and my neighbor texted me and said 'I just wanted to let you know Sasha is out front and her husband can't catch her'... I immediately called Alyssa and she stated that they couldn't find her and that her husband went looking down our street with a flashlight.

Thankfully she texted me while were racing home to let me know that Sasha was now in the backyard....

Our back gate is broken and you have to open and close it a certain way. When our neighbor went looking to see how she escaped he noticed our gate was laying on the ground....So most likely she jumped on it just right and the whole thing feel over.

When we arrived home I immediately went out back to call her in, I knew she was probably scared out of her mind...she wouldn't come in at first, we figured maybe she was still scared and thought she was in trouble for the whole ordeal...we coaxed her in and noticed she was limping. She had a huge gash in her leg, a puncture hole in her mouth, her eyes were blood shot, and she had a few other scrapes...

We knew as expensive as it would be we needed to take her to the animal hospital; thankfully in our panic moment Zach remembered that the lady who lives right behind us teaches Veterinary at a local college in our area; so off we went to take Sasha to her house...I felt horrible knocking on her door at 10:00pm. She welcomed us with open arms and helped us tremendously! She said Sasha could use a couple stitches in her leg, however it will heal on it's own due to the location, the hospital would only clean her mouth out, so she taught us how to do that...she checked her up and down and advised us although we could take her to the hospital she didn't think we needed to.

We had some left over antibiotics and pain meds from when she was fixed last year and she advised us to start her on those.

She was in pain last night and woke us up every hour on the hour; Zach and I decided that we could handle this whole parenting thing as we did good waking up with her all night!! :)

Here are a couple 'pitiful' pictures that I took with my cell phone (sorry for the blurriness).

He was soo worried about her...he feel asleep on the floor with her...

Motivational Monday- Hope

Some days it's hard to have 'hope'.

Zach and I have our days on this journey where we can't find the hope, sometimes it's easy to think God has forgotten you. After years of praying and waiting patiently, it's hard to have hope that one day your dreams and prayers will be answered.

We do not know the reason why God chooses certain people to go down certain paths; our faith gets stretched in all directions...and although our hope can disappear at times, it's hope that keeps me going... hope of that positive pregnancy test... hope for that first ultrasound... hope for that first kick ... hope for being able to give birth to a healthy baby... although God test our faith, I have hope that this journey will bring us our desire to be parents...

Hope is one of the most exciting things in life, if you believe in your dreams, they will come true...they may not come true over night or in the way you pictured, but they will come true as God plans.

Once you choose hope, anything is possible!

Five Fun Facts-Fashion

I really enjoyed 5 Fun Facts last Friday and loved reading everyone’s facts, so I am going to do it again this Friday…BUT I am going to change it up a bit…

Because I love Fashion; I am going to do:

Five Fun Facts about Fashion…

* I am addicted to shoes; all kinds and any brands…you can never have enough shoes. I love my summer shoes and with the weather getting warmer I am way too excited about being able to wear them!

* Zach’s style is so versatile, he has everything, beach-cowboy-preepy-dressy…I’m quite jealous that he can change his look to anything and still look amazing, I on the other hand stick to only a few looks…

* I love chunky jewelry; esp. necklaces!!! I love bracelets too but my wrist are so little that most things fall off!!

* My all time favorite store is Target, that’s where I get the majority of my clothes—sometimes I get them at Dillard’s when they have there huge 70% off sale!! I’m all about the cheap fashion!

* I am also quite addicted to baby clothes (imagine that!); although we are not pregnant and I don’t know when we will get there…I often catch myself looking at baby clothes—dreaming about the day when my little one can where this or that...

I would love to hear your Five Fun Facts on Fashion!!

***Also if you have any ideas for ‘other’ Five Fun Fact Fridays please email me your feedback—I would love to know if this is something you like or something ‘boring’ !! :)

***Also, if you've noticed the 'Infertility Support' tab IS UP; if you want your name/blog on there email me-I try to update it daily on the new request. :)

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Jealous

So Jealous...

Don’t you just think…

These cute precious dogs..

Have the best life?

Yup...I’m personally quite jealous!

Laying around…

Your only worry is about whose gonna pet you next…

Or when your gonna get your next treat...

Or go on your next walk...

You roll over to get your tummy rubbed...

Close your eyes and crack that doggy smile...

I must say...

That’s the life! :)

(at least the life of my fur-kids!)

Funny Hair Mishap

Zach would kill me for telling this story, but it’s too cute to ‘not’ notate on our family blog…

I would say about a year ago Zach noticed the top crown of his hair was thinning, to a man this is the worst thing that could happen…especially when he was so sure that ‘he’ had thick hair and he would not experience balding. Zach’s mother’s side has really thick hair, however his dads side has really thin hair. My father in law is for the most part bald now, and my 26 year old brother in law is also experiencing some baldness—so if you can only imagine the pride that Zach has in his ‘thick’ hair.

When he noticed this thinness occurring his immediate reaction was to ‘shave his head’, this didn’t work because now the section that was thinning is now showing up even more…so Zach’s analogy was ‘I will just let my hair grow out, it’s going to fall out soon anyways, I might as well enjoy long hair’. As much as I see his point, I on the other hand do not want him to look like Shaggy on Scooby Doo; even though he looks amazing with any type of hair, I am partial to his short hair. So the ‘nagging wife’ in me came out…knowing that he wanted his hair to grow I immediately started begging him to cut his hair…after all his thinning never bother ‘me’. (Selfish-yes, I know!)

Well I finally talked him into getting a ‘trim’...he went earlier this week to get it trimmed after work. He came home and was furious…from a distant his hair looked fine, I couldn’t understand why he was upset…I chalked it up to ‘maybe something happened at work’. Finally sucking up his pride and trying not to sound like a ‘girl’ he comes up to me, and says ‘do you see anything wrong?’. I didn’t know what to say; do I tell him that his hair was way shorter on one side then the other, do I tell him he has a huge chunk cut out of the back, that his neck line is far from even, do I tell him that the trimming above his ear is way too short on one side…OR do I just say ‘it looks great honey?’…

What do I do? Do I add fuel to his fire…or do I make him feel better?

Not knowing what to do, I calmly said… ‘It’s not your best haircut, but I think it looks ok’

OK there…I didn’t ‘lie’ but I didn’t flat out tell him the truth either…

Well needless to say that didn’t make him feel better, he sat in front of the mirror for the next 30 minutes analyzing his hair…as I am finishing dinner I hear him say-as he is storming to the other room to get something- ‘I will just buzz it all off’. Being the hero of a wife I am, I went running to his rescue, noticing he has his clippers in his hands--I offer to help him fix his hair.

Now let me just interrupt my story really fast and tell y’all I am far from a hair stylist. Ask Rosemary, we had a few ‘hair’ mishaps back in high school—but that’s a whole other story-ha!

But in great attempt to make my husband happy I offered to help him; I thankfully didn’t mess his hair up anymore, however I don’t know that I did a great job of fixing it. I did make him feel better about it though by telling him his hair will grow out in no time. So as my angry husband settled down for the night he felt better….that was until morning came.

He woke up, then quickly woke me up—right back on the same note he left off on the night before…

‘Honey...are you awake?’

‘Well I am now!’

‘I really think my hair is more jacked up that you think…it’s bad honey’

‘Well if you are really unhappy then you should go back to that place and make them fix it for you’

He soon left for work, I would like to tell you that the analyzing of his hair ended now…but it doesn’t. All day I received calls, emails and text about how upset he was with his hair…how bad it looks.

Zach was brought up to take your hat off when you enter a building (esp. work facility) or while you are eating, this is something that he feels is respectful and I’ve never known him to do other wise; however he told me later that night that he couldn’t even take his hat off…it was about that moment that I knew just how bad he felt about his hair. Now you must know something else about Zach—he hates to complain; although he will complain to me all day, he doesn’t like to complain to others. So as much as he wanted his hair fixed he didn’t want to go back to the place and ‘complain’ to them.

I’m happy to say that HE DID. After work he went straight there, walked in…and the lady looked at him and immediately said ‘Sir…where did you get your hair cut?’ Zach said ‘Here!’; turns out the lady that cut his hair was new and per the lady who fixed Zach’s hair, she really did a horrible job on Zach’s ‘trim’…the lady had to cut off a lot of Zach’s hair in order to fix it.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, my husband is a very ‘manly man’…and to see him so upset over his hair gave me the giggles all day. I wish I would have taken pictures, but I don’t think he would have let me even if I wanted to!

Couple Shower

This past weekend was our dear friends Rosemary and Derek’s couple/diaper shower. Rosemary's belly is just so adorable; it looks like she just strategically placed a basketball under her shirt…so perfect and cute! And can I just say Derek has to be on cloud nine right now; you could tell the joy of becoming a father is written all over his face! I loved being able to spend time with everyone!! Here are a few pictures from the night!

Amber, Kelly, Charla, Rosemary, Me and Mindy

Rosie and Derek opening gifts

Zach and I playing the 'Dirty Diaper Game'

Me and the mommy to be!