Please keep the prayers coming...

I tried posting this morning about this and erased everything because I couldn’t think of what to say…well I still can’t think of what to say except asking that you please keep Poppee in your prayers; I got word this morning that he had a stroke and things aren’t looking too great; we are pretty much speechless, we know whats happening but don’t want to face it…all we want to do is go up to PA and give him a huge hug and we can’t…PLEASE PLEASE keep him in your prayers as well as Zach and his whole family!!! We know that God has a plan for everything and everyone all we can do is pray for strength during this time.

We GREATLY appreciate it. Thank you and God bless you ALL!

I want to see....

Today's church sermon was about praying about "what you want to see"...how to talk to God and to trust in him...it was amazing to say the least...(I'm a little biased, I LOVE my pastor and think every sermon is wonderful.. :) ) Well ever Sunday we are giving a program...during his sermon there is a section where you can fill in the blanks, well after his sermon he asked...."What do you want to see"...I could think of a million things, and about a million things were running through my head. We got up to sing our last hymn and Zach handed me his program...I didn't look at it, I just grabbed it and started singing, he nudged me and with his eyes pointed to the program for me to look at...tears filled my eyes as I read his response....

"I want to see my wife glow"

Mine was " I want to see all my family and friends lives be healed of any hurt and heartach"

What do YOU want to see.....talk to God tonight and tell him what you want to see...

Lazy Weekend

This weekend was a "much needed" lazy weekend...yesterday we did a little house cleaning and yard work...we went to the Mall for a couple things, then out to eat at Olive Garden. We rented movies and snuggled with our "babies"...we even brought Sasha in (our new outdoor dog)...here are a couple cute pics I captured of our sweet pups... :)

Ginger laying on daddies belly...

Sasha curled up on the floor...

Arn't they just the cutest ever :)

Blog Uplift

As I mentioned in my post below, the lovely Julie from "Julies Blog Designs" has granted me with a wonderful new blog "uplift"...she has been working very hard...and she just finished it this morning; I am so proud of the way it turned out. She has been sending me previews throughout the week and I've loved it from the beginning...but seeing it ALL done; I LOVE it even more!!!! She is such an awesome lady to work with, she will work with you until you like every little bit of it--she is so creative; I gave her a little information about me and my blog and she just went with it and created me this beautiful masterpiece :)...Please head over to her page and see all the other blogs she has created as well, and while your there...treat yourself with a "Blog UP-LIFT"....

Thank you Julie...I TRULY love it!!!!!!!!

What an amazing morning....

Let me start by saying THANKS for all the prayers for Poppee...he is still hanging in there, but not doing that great...

Last night was a tough one for Zach and I, our emotions were everywhere after hearing about Poppee...Zach was extremely sad because like him we really hope and pray that we will be able to tell Poppee (as well as all our grandparents) that we have conceived--before God decides to bring them home...so Zach prayed long and hard last night for Poppee to hang in there a little longer, as well as me...after that we prayed for a "sign"...we don't pray for "signs" alot; but it was just something at that time we thought we needed....we wanted to know God was listening (although we know he is, but we wanted proof to comfort our aching hearts)...we prayed for more peace, more strength, a sign that he hears us, a sign that we will be blessed soon....

We went to bed; and I woke up...I have a blackberry and it was "blinking" up a storm...I look and I have 19 emails (some are blogger comments and some are emails of prayers-AMAZING)...I was shocked, so many people lifting Poppee and Zach's family up during this time...truly amazing!!!

Well I came across one "congratulating" me for winning the burp clothes that Crystal was giving away earlier in the week...she spoke that it was a sign of God (the sign that I prayed for last night....) I couldn't believe it...I sat there in tears knowing that God was speaking to me through her....well then I scrolled down a little farther and I saw where Veronica was telling me I won a baby hat as well from being the first to get a blog design from Julie after she received hers last week... I was speechless...this couldn't be happening...TWO signs from God....wow!!!! I am amazed; God is amazing!!!!

I told Zach and he had tears in his eyes, we've never doubted that God was with us on this journey; however it's nice to be reminded during hard times....God is amazing and he knows how to lift you up; lean on him, trust in him, believe in him and he will show you that he is with you...which is the very thing he did to us this morning!!!

The wonderful burp-clothes that I WON!!! :)

*Thank you Crystal for the prayers and everything--you have no idea how much this means to us!!!!Please go over to Crystal's blog and lift her up as Bentley's heart surgery is nearing; you can read Bentley's story here!!!

*Thank you Veronica--your prayers--everything; again you have no idea how much it means to us!!! Please head over to Veronica's blog and get yourself or your baby one of those cute adorable hats that she makes...click here to see beautiful Bentley modeling a hat that Veronica has made!!!

***And come back soon to check out my new blog; which is being created by the lovely Julie...I've seen some previews and I absolutely love it...so stay tuned...and in the mean time; head over yourself and get yourself a blog uplift!!!!***

Needing Prayers

We have known for a while that Zach's grandfather isn't doing to well; there are alot of details that I am unsure of so I will leave out the "technical" terms. He has been in and out of the hospital for weeks now...I haven't mentioned it on here yet because if you know my husband you know he does not like being confronted about situations like this...when people tell him sweet things or ask about Poppee it makes him feel uncomfortable...men don't handle emotions well sometimes...

However, I must tell my bloggers now, and I need to ask for prayers....we just got word tonight that his grandfather isn't doing well at all...he needs heart surgery, however they don't believe he will make it through alive...he is drifting in and out of coscienceness and they don't know how much longer he will fight for his life. (This comes as a little shock as we just got word a couple days ago he was doing better and going to a nursing home for rehab...)

We know in our hearts that God is with him during this time, there is no doubt about that...but please pray that whatever happens to Poppee that he's pain free and peaceful...please pray that God is with Zach and his family...until recently when my brother in law moved back to TX, Zach was the only one from his family here...his grandfather and mom, dad, sisters, and other grandparents (all his family...) live in PA...not being able to go up and see Poppee during this time is killing him. Poppee is one of the sweetest men I know--"God Please Be With Poppee"!!!

Zach-"Lucky"-Poppee and Me on our trip to PA last October.

**P.S. if you know Zach PLEASE do not say anything to him at this time, just pray for him...like I mentioned above this is a difficult time for him right now and he doesn't know how to handle the questions when people ask about Poppee...he appriciates it more than anything, really he does!! Just in the meantime direct your questions to me if you are wondering...just pray for him please**

Thank you loves!!!!

CD9 Dr.--Appt

CD9/ 2nd Follicle Scan

Before I tell ya’ll about my appt…let me tell you about our “nightly walk & talk” last night…Zach and I have really been thinking hard if we wanted to do the IUI this cycle if it’s an option…part of us (the part that knows it’s helps) wanted too…but then another part (the part that wanted to save the 500.00 for a fertility clinic if we have to go that route) didn’t want too. We have been torn and just didn’t know what to do; well on Monday when we found out I had a HUGE follicle, one of the biggest we have heard about and that I have had we were shocked and totally leaning on the IUI side, but still had some doubts…


Well last night during our walk we talked about what we wanted to do…we both agreed that we really wanted to take advantage of this great follicle, however this was just something holding us both back this time…I asked, “what if we just do the IUI if we have MORE than one”…Zach said “that’s sounds great!!!”…..you see I have NEVER had more than one “mature” follicle when it comes time to trigger or ovulation, so we decided that since we were so reluctant to doing this IUI this time that if it was meant to be “Everything would fall into place by God’s doing”…

So…with that, we finished our walk with and we didn’t have any more doubts in our minds as to what we were going to do…

So I went in this morning, sat on the table before the u/s tech came in and said my routine prayer… “Dear God, please wrap your arms around me during this visit, give me strength to get through this journey, lift me up Lord, Please be with the tech who will be performing my u/s and please guide us all through this…In Jesus name I pray—Amen”The lady came in and said… “You look radiant this morning, you have this “glow” about you today…did you have a good night?” I said “yea…I guess you could say that… :)” I guess that was God's way of telling me he WAS right beside me!!!

OK…OK…so you want the Dr. news…I know I know, I went off track :)

Well I have several follicles, but only one mature one. The follicle that was measuring 32 is now 36.37 (Auuuhhhh-MAZING!!!!)—my other ones are still ranging from 10-14, which most likely will not mature in time. My lining is only a 5.7 but that’s not bad considering I am ONLY on CD9…my Dr. wanted to give me the trigger and just go the natural route this time…I will go back on CD18 (April 3rd) to get progesterone blood work to determine if I did indeed ovulate.

It was confirmed Monday that I do indeed have a tilted uterus. Nothing to worry about though—there are a lot of women who DO get pregnant with tilted uterus, it can just be harder for someone who has problems like myself, however he said it’s nothing he is concerned about…he gave me a list of “tricks” to help with it!

Thank you again for ALL the prayers!!! Please continue to keep us in your prayers and please pray that the “making” of the little Pifer Bean will turn out an success ;o)

I LOVE SPRING!!

SPRING---ahhhh; I absolutley LOVE Spring....the flowers that bloom...ALL the Bluebonnets on the road side on the way to work...the nice warmer weather...the wonderful walks with my honey and our pups...FLIP FLOP weather...and last but def. not least My SPRING outside decor'.

I LOVE getting flowers every year and planting them, the question is...will I keep them alive this year ;) I LOVE dragging my favorite "spring-summer" welcome sign and sticking it by our entrance to the house...being able to walk outside and just sit and play with the pups...

Last weekend Zach took me to Lowes and told me I could get anything I wanted...well I got tons of flowers to plant and put in pots...we worked on this all day Sunday after church!!!! Here are a few pics of our SPRING decor' :)

My FAVORITE welcome sign!!!

HAPPY EASTER!!

A view of some of the flowers I planted!!

I LOVE these!!!

Zach always gets me these flowers when he goes to the store after work some days, I am not sure the name of them, but they are one of my favorites. They are BEAUTIFUL...well when we were at Lowes he spotted the "plant" and picked it up and said "These will last you alot longer...to you from me" :) He is so sweet...so here are my flowers "esp." from my honey...

I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful Spring weather like we are :)


**On a side note; THANK YOU ALL for the comments, messages, texts, calls and emails wishing me good luck tomorrow morning at my appt! Ya'll are TRULY amazing--thanks for all the prayers we appriciate it so much...I will be sure to update ya'll on my follicles ASAP tomorrow morning**

***Give-A-Way***

My friend Cystal is having her very first giveaway...it's these lovely burp clothes!!! I personally don't have kidos as you all know, however I do know a ton of people who has them! CLICK HERE for the details!!!

CD7--Dr. Appt

CD7--1st Follicle Scan of this cycle!!

My appt today started off not so great…we I got there this lady said.. “that will be 200.00”…WHAT???? I told her that we never had to pay 200.00 for just an ultrasound; she said well it says here it’s for infertility and that you are supposed to pay that...needless to say I was in tears about now…my only “safe haven with ins. coverage” could possible be GONE…The lady who normally checks me out came over and helped on my end and helped explain to this “newer” lady that I have NEVER paid more than 20.00 for an ultrasound and sometimes depending on how many I have in one week…there free! I begged the lady to call someone in there financial office or something and see…well thankfully she did and thankfully they said it’s 20.00 only for ultrasounds; I was right…Thank you God!!!!!

So after the rocky start, I got called into the office...she could not find my right ovary (which I had my first “belly” scan today!!!) All together there were only 3 “measureable” follicles…the ones in my right were 12 and 14…(which is normal for cd7)….my left one measured…{are you ready for this!?!?!}……it was a 32….yes that said 32!!!!!!!! I have NEVER had a follicle bigger than a 22-23!!! AND ESP. this EARLY!!!! They were shocked as I was….I was expecting to see them as 12-16’s…nothing in the 30’s—I wouldn’t have expected that in my wildest dreams!!!!

My lining however is no where near ready for an IUI…it’s only a 4 right now; and needs to be an 8+. She said she wouldn’t be surprised if I ovulated any day now with that huge of a follicle-however her and my Dr. were just shocked b/c I am so early on in my cycle…they are thinking since I took a couple months off and started back on Clomid that’s why it’s so huge!

I go in Wednesday and that’s when we will know if I am able to get the IUI or just go the al’natural way!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the prayers, I really can’t tell you all thank you enough!!!!! The prayers are working, please keep them up!!!!! :)

Surgery Date and TTC Update

Surgery Date is ON the calendar!!! On May 14th Zach will be having his knee surgery!! We will be off from the 14th-26th….I am excited about the time off; even if we won’t be going on a “real” vacation—24/7 with my honey for 12 days straight—ahhhh life can’t get much better ;o) Zach’s mom is going to try to come down to visit since we will both be off—so that will be really nice!! I can’t wait till he can get up and run without the pain and worry that his knee is going to pop out of place—he has been “Dealing” with this for so long now, so I am really glad that we are finally getting this fixed for him! While on vacation—we will have our 3rd year wedding anniversary on May 20th. Zach was told that would be the day they needed to do surgery, I told him it didn’t matter, but he refused…he said that he wants to at “least” be feeling some better for our anniversary :)

Update on me-some are asking what CD (cycle day) I am on…today is CD4 and I took my 2nd round of 150mg Clomid this morning. I normally don’t get too many side effects; but this time I am experiencing the “dizzy spells”…most of the time it’s just hot flashes and that’s pretty much it. My first appt is Monday and I can not wait, I know I won’t be ready for anything…but I can’t wait to see my follicles and see there size!!! I’m praying that I will for the 1st time have MORE than one GREAT egg… “grow little follies grow” :)

I wanted to thank each and everyone of you for the amazing amount of comments, emails and those that do know my number text and calls I have received. This month really isn’t any different “medicine wise” then my last TTC cycle, however I have so much more support, many more prayers and thoughts and very very very sweet comments and emails; I can not express to you how much that means to my husband and I. Ya’ll are truly a blessing from above; I know I have said that so much but I truly appreciate it…you all have touched my heart—most of ya’ll are going through the same thing I am, or have been there or are going through another tough journey right now, I want you all to know that I too am praying for each and every one of ya’ll…God is amazing, and sometimes we want things to happen in our time, however he is the one who is in control and he is the one who will guide us through this journey…if we lean on him he will carry us under his wing through this time…GOD IS GREAT!!!! :)

Fertility Clinic...EEEKKK

Fertility Clinics…EEKKKK! The thought scares me…it’s about 3 hours away, that scares me…the MONEY…that scares me…oh Lordy, lets just say it… “The WHOLE thing…SCARES ME!”

Needless to say, this has been the LAST thing on our minds…just the distance and the money in itself was enough for us to put this on the backburner! If you know me personally you know I can not stand to drive and ESP. to places I do not know—not to mention a HUGE city with crazy traffic! I have everything so easy right now…ins. covers my fertility meds…my Dr. is right down the road pretty much, I wake up run to the Dr and come to work, all in a matter of an hour’s time…PERFECT!!

Well last night Zach and I went out to dinner and over dinner we talked…this was part of our conversation…

Zach said… “Not to be a downer, but I just want to know why you haven’t been pregnant yet”…

I responded.. “I wish I knew myself”…

Zach said “How can we know for sure…I mean I know you have unexplained infertility and PCOS…but seriously, 3 years, that’s a long time Tiff…”

I said… “I know honey, the only thing that can give us a different answer or better answer is an actual fertility clinic”

Zach said… “Well….LETS GO”

Me…. “WHAT?!!?!?!?!?!.....seriously…the money….the drive???”

Zach said…. “I want answers, I will have someone drive you every time you have an appt, whether it’s your grandparents or if it’s a friend or if I can I will….and the money, we will figure it out!”

Me…((Dumbfounded and almost in tears))…. “wow…ok…when?”

Zach… “Well we have 2 cycles before my surgery…then about a month or 2 off…so if nothing by June-July, then we will go; I just want some answers…I want to know if we will have to have IVF or just regular IUI’s with injectables or what…if it’s something expensive we can rest and just save… they may even tell us you can’t conceive and then we could be saving money for adoption…we need this Tiff, we need answers...”

Me… “OK…wow…ok…wow…were really going to do this…oh my goodness…I don’t know whether to be scared or excited...”

Zach… “don’t be scared…everything will work out!”

SOOO…there you have it…if nothing by June-July we WILL be going to a fertility clinic…(EKKKK I said those words again)…as you can tell, I am a little nervous…but luckily my husband isn’t so that will help me with everything! I PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY that something happens from now till June-July and we do NOT have to go down this road, however if we do I know we will not be alone! If you can all PLEASE pray that God guides us through this, that God keeps us strong that would be amazing!!!

I want nothing more than to be able to tell you all that “we are expecting a little baby Pifer” before I tell ya’ll “it’s fertility clinic time”…but that’s solely in God’s hands…so although I want ya’ll to pray that we do get pregnant before than, I think we need prayers for strength, guidance, positivity, patience and that our Faith in the lord continues to grow stronger day by day!

Thank you all for following our journey and for all the prayers! Ya’ll are truly a blessing from above!!!!

Goodbye Break...Hello Fertilities!!!

Let me start this off by saying yesterday I was thinking about continuing this break until after June. Now let me explain why…I have had NO sign of ovulation; none of the physical signs nor any high temps to indicate I did ovulate…so my thinking was I would not be starting anytime soon. Well keep in mind Zach will be having knee surgery the beginning of May, I was “assuming” that I wouldn’t start till the end of March…well that would only give us one month to try…our thoughts were “should we? …knowing that it can take up to 2 good months before Clomid is back in my system and working”…we were thinking a break would sound like the most reasonable thing to do; however neither of us wanted to take one…

When all else fails, call your Dr :) I know my Dr. will tell me what to do; he is such an amazing Dr, and always knows the right thing to do!!! He told me “Tiffany, I don’t think you should…” he followed by explaining that he can not tell me what to do, if I want to take a break longer than what we intended than I should, however being that we just had an HSG and it makes us extremely fertile for the following 3 months he advises we take advantage of that! (“OH MY GOODNESS...I COMPLETELY FORGOT”…”WHAT WERE WE THINKING”—these were just a few of the thoughts that were crossing my mind about this time!!!!) He said yes there is no guarantee I will get pregnant (I didn’t on my last HSG) however he said that we defiantly need to take advantage of this moment, even if it is just for one cycle…He asked if I was near starting (this was yesterday when I talked to him) I told him I was fixing to be on day 30, but AF was no where in site…he told me to call him on day 40 if I haven’t started before then; but that he would be praying that I started sooner so that maybe we could get in 2 good cycles before Zach’s surgery.

So when Zach and I went on our walk last night with our puppies we talked about everything, Zach said “I wish you would start now…that would give us such a better chance during this time…” I replied “ I know honey…I know….all we can do it pray”!

I got to work, ran around like a mad women getting things together for a fundraiser we are doing at work for a lady who is out due to MS, and we are having food day today for Saint Patty’s Day…so I was none stop still about 9:30…I FINALLY had the chance to run to the bathroom for a quick potty break…I’m really glad that the bathrooms were empty, b/c out of nowhere all you could here was “HOLY MOLY!!”…yes that would be me in the stall in complete SHOCK…Aunt Flow has arrived in the building!!! I prayed last night for a sign, I prayed that he guide me…and if this isn’t a sign and this isn’t guidance than I don’t know what is…by my cycle starting today we will MOST likely be able to get in TWO good cycles before Zach’s knee surgery in May! THANK THE LORD!!!!

God has a plan!!! He is ALWAYS several steps ahead of us. He promises to give all who walk with Him and trust Him, the true experience of peace and patience!! He has shown me once again that he is in control, and with him “All things are possible”. “O woman, great is your faith: be it unto you even as you desire” (Matt 15:28)

Now…the question…starting on Saint Patty’s Day…is that good luck or back luck? :)

I called my Dr…and here is the game plan:

I will start fertility meds (Clomid 150mg) on Thursday (CD3-CD7)
Estrogen will start on Tuesday (CD8)
Progesterone will start Saturday (CD12...OR after ovulation has been confirmed)
My First follicle scan is Monday CD7 at 8:00AM

Thank you all for the many prayers...you will never know how much Zach and I appriciate it :)

INfertility Award

The following is for all my infertility friends...this is something we all can relate too...

This award is for all the infertility women out there who have experienced all or some of the following.....

* If you could make a little house from used pee sticks and OPKs
* If you talk in TTC acronyms nobody except people on the internet understand
* If you have ever been stuck with any needles in order to achieve pregnancy
* If you have had to stick yourself, or your husband has had to turn into your nurse in order to do it for you
* If you've ever seen a blank ultrasound screen
* If you know what a cootercam is
* If you have ever gotten shower invites, family photos, or birth announcements in the mail and had a good cry
* If you have watched someone go through an entire cycle of pregnancy in the time it took you to even try
* If you have ever heard "just relax" or "it's not your time" or "your still young"
* If you dread holidays because you cannot announce a pregnancy to your family
* If you dread holidays because there are no children to share them with
* If you have ever held a baby or child and quietly pretended for a second that they're yours
* If you have ever walked around the store in order to avoid the baby/toddler section
* If you cannot park in the front spots of a store because they are for pregnant and expectant mothers only
* If you've ever had to go IN the baby/toddler section of a store in order to buy something for someone else's baby
* If you've ever yelled out during watching a movie or tv show about someone who's trying for a baby, "That's SO not realistic!"
* If you've ever sat around with a group of women who shared birth stories and labor pains and felt like you didn't fit in
* If you've ever told anyone you are infertile and they're response was, "That sucks. I'm super fertile! I can have all the kids I want!"
* If a fertile person ever told you that they would be your surrogate because they have no problem getting pregnant
* If you have ever gotten a shower invite through email while sitting at work trying to forget about TTC
* If you know what an RE is
* If you have ever graphed out your cycle on chart paper
* If you have ever checked to see if your cervical mucus was eggwhite or clear, or could stretch 5 inches between your fingers and you know people in the next stall over are thinking, "What is she doing in there?"
* If you were disappointed that you couldn't find any
* If you have kept a HPT or OPK in your purse to use when you were at work or out just in case
* If you can't wait to see the peak symbol
* If you have ever spat on a microscope in order to see ferns
* If you laugh when people tell you to use pillows under your butt after sex
* If you have picked out crib bedding or nursery decor online and you're not pregnant
* If you have ever felt panic when seeing a pregnant lady

If you meet the criteria above, or you'd like to submit your own, please post the following award on your blog. This is for all of the women who will no longer be silent about their infertility. This is to remind you that you need not be ashamed and you are definately not alone. This is to remind you to speak up about your situation and to have faith!!!!!!

Rules for posting award:

1. Nominate 4 others who have not been "silent about their infertility"


2. Enjoy speaking out and speaking up :D

It's hard to only pick four because there are many of you who are outspoken, so feel free to post this as well....but my four are:
Kami
Megan
Tammy
Katie

"Without Faith, nothing is possible...with Faith nothing is IMpossible!!!!!"

150th POST (Yippee!!)...Q&A's that I promised!!!

I have received so many questions, I have put a couple of them together and picked the top 20 to answer, sorry I am not able to answer them all, but this post is going to be super long as it is :)I will try to have another Q and A soon to answer the rest :)

1)Do you regret being open about your infertility?
No, how could I? It’s brought me so much closer to my family and friends…not to mention the wonderful people I have met along the way and all the prayers we are getting!! This by far isn’t a journey I would have chosen for myself,however I am thankful for it and I truly believe this was placed in our lives for a reason…although I still find it hard to believe “I” am an inspiration too them, it really brightens my days to hear that “MY” story has helped others.

2) How do you handle insensitive comments even when you know they don't know what they are saying?
I have been hurt more than I can count by peoples comments, in the beginning it was hard because you wonder how people can be so insensitive and say these things…however as time goes by, you learn…these people are only trying to help.“Fertile” women have absolutely no clue what “Infertile” women go through, they don’t know what to say, so you learn to just take it with a grain of salt. I still get insensitive comments to this day, however instead of being sad about them, I just tell myself “these people love me and there only trying to help”.

3)I have looked in your archives and still don't know your WHOLE story? what is your diagnosis?
(Hope you have a little bit…this may be long HAHA!)----I got engaged in 05’, in the beginning of 06’ (about 6ish months before our wedding), I went to the Dr to a regular pap-smear, it came back abnormal…I was told it might be cancer,needless to say I flipped out and instantly started to panic. I was 21 at the time and couldn’t imagine something like this happening to “someone who has always been healthy”. I went in and they did biopsies and scrapings, about a week later I got the results, I had “severe dysplaysia”…dysplaysia is the beginning of cancer cells…if left untreated it will become cancer of the cervix, he told me mine was border line cancer and he needed to freeze my cervix as soon as possible—he advised my finance’ and me that if we wanted kid sin our future we might want to start trying now, because as bad as this looks Imight have to have a hysterectomy before the age of 30, needless to say weweren’t quite ready to think about children, although we had those dreams ofbeing parents, we were planning a wedding…we went home and talked and decidedthat having children was something we both wanted in our future and even thoughwe were 100% ready, if this is what God wanted we would do it. So we startedtrying…in the meantime I was going to the Dr trying to cure thisdysplaysia…after one freezing he realized it was worse than he expected andsaid surgery was a must, BUT 1st he had an experimental “cream” that had a50/50 chance of working, the surgery would only hurt our chances conceiving andalthough I would do it if needed, we decided to give the cream a try. ThankfullyGod answered our prayers and the cream WORKED, my dysplaysia was 100% gone!However, next they discovered I didn’t ovulate. I had a gut feeling somethingelse was wrong, my Dr at the time couldn’t do any further testing, I found outabout another OBGYN in my area that helped with fertility patients, I went andgot a 2nd opinion and switched over to him. He immediately ordered an HSG, Ihad that done in Oct 07’ and discovered my right tube was blocked, I had LAPsurgery in Dec. 07’ they successfully unblocked my tube and also removed alittle endo. After that I underwent some test that confirmed what I suspected,I had PCOS. (in the mean time of all of this I was on clomid 6months…break…clomid….break…femara….break and so forth). In 08’ we had our firstIUI, followed shortly by our 2nd IUI…both unsuccessful. I recently had my 2ndHSG, thankfully tubes are all clear. Once I start my cycle again we will beginIUI/Clomid again. My diagnosis is Unexplained Infertility and PCOS.

4) What made you start your blog?
To keep family and friends better in touch with what happens in our lives, asfar as vacations…trying to conceive up dates and so forth. I have been pretty open with my journey from the beginning with family and friends and before this blog I would call each and every one about Dr. appts and updates, however after many Dr appts later, good and bad news it was easier for me to just write it on here for everyone to read vs. calling each one of them…I never in a millionyears though, thought complete strangers would be interested with my life and startpraying for me…for that I am thankful!

5) How did you and Zach meet?
We met at Wal-Mart, he worked in the Garden Center, and I was a Customer ServiceManager, one day they had “mothers and grandmothers appreciation day” prettymuch all the women there had flowers, it seemed all except for me, I was sadbecause I wanted a flower HAHA. Well this complete stranger (Zach) walked up toget change from me, and said “what’s wrong” I jokingly complained that I had noflower, I came back to my “podium” where I worked from and there was a flower,I looked up as he walked off smiling. From then on out I would walk out to mycar to find a flower on my windshield, or go back to my locker to find a flowerin my locker…from there….the rest is history :)

6) What's your favorite vacation spot?
Pennsylvania, where Zach’s family live-we absolutely love going there andvisiting them…also Virginia Beach, we went there on our Honeymoon, but alsolast year when we went on vacation with his family, that is a place that Zach and I say we will visit as often as we can.

7) Which 3 things would you bring if you were on a deserted island?
• A journal
• The Bible
• MY HUSBAND—I can’t make a baby without him :)

8) Do you have kids names picked out for when you DO get pregnant? Care to share?
YES after 3 years we have pretty much everything picked out (granted some thingsmight change)I don’t mind sharing the names…if you steal my names I will hunt you downthough…HAHA—just kidding (but seriously)…
Girls: we have 2 we really like…Abigail Faith and Tessa Faith
Abigail-means Fathers Joy and Zach loves the name
Tessa-it’s a name we have loved from the beginning
Faith-yes it’s not very original, however we choose to name our 1stborn daughter after the #1 thing that has gotten us through thisjourney...which is “Having FAITH in the Lord”
Boy: Dallas Zachary (We saw “Dallas” when we were buying my Durango, we bothlooked at each other and knew exactly what the other was thinking…ever since then it has stuck) and Zachary of course after Zach :)

9) I just always wonder if you (or just anyone TTC in general) get upset whenyou hear other people get pregnant or are pregnant without trying?
I used to be sad when women who weren’t trying or trying for such a short periodof time found out they were pregnant, it’s very easily for infertility patientsto feel that way. However after 3 years…over 20 friends being pregnant…2 ofthem having 2 children in the time I was trying to concieve, you kinda get usedto it. I am past my “why not me” stage. Yes seeing mothers who hurt therechildren, or don’t want there children absolutely kills me to no means, howeverI’m not the one in control. And although at times I wonder why God blessed themso they could turn around and be so ungrateful, we just have to have faith hehas his reasons.

10) Do u go to baby showers? How do you decline a Baby Shower?
(I put both of these in one answer) I have been to some and denied others. There is nothing harder then going to afunction that revolves solely around babies; however if you suffer frominfertility just let your friends know that you don’t think you will be able toattend. One of my test throughout this journey was planning my one of my bestfriends baby shower; I wanted nothing more than to make it perfect, but at thesame time I had my share of tears. It was hard, there was a couple times Ididn’t know if I could go through with it, I was open and talked to her aboutit, she knew my situation, her and her mom helped me with it, which helpedtremendously. There are just times where you have to be completely honest andtell your friends the truth, if they are true friends they will understand. Andfor the women who have friends having a hard time conceiving, if they come toyou and tell you they don’t think they will be able to make it just tryyour best to understand, it’s just a very hard situation.

11) Has Zach EVER done ANYTHING that annoyed you, he seems like the perfect husband?
Haha-funny question, if only you knew my husband :) He is so wonderful, but unfortunately God didn’t make anyone perfect,so even though at times I think he is perfect in my eyes, he is far from it,haha! I think guys in general are great at “annoying” :) Lets see…some of the things he does that just drives me bonkers are:Puts his dirty clothes on the floor sometimes and not the hamper…Sometimes leaves the toilet seat up…I have a hemi in my car and he finds the needs to accelerates big time ALL the time when he is driving, which just erks me b/c I baby my car and hatewasting gas…He will hit snooze a million times in the morning-oh how this flusters me! Haha!...When he is sick he is the BIGGEST baby…he scarf’s his food down every meal like he hasn’t ate in months…Those are just a few…I really could go on forever, hahaha…

12) Why are you so faithful?
Why dwell on something you have no control over? If I am sad and cry all thetime, and am angry at my situation and stay in a bad mood because God isn’tlistening to ME…WHAT will that change? What will that do???? NOTHING, it will only cause me to be a negative person, which I vow NOT to be! I HAVE a life out ofTTC, I have a husband who I am so very blessed to have and a family who isamazing, why dwell on the things God “hasn’t” blessed me with when I could bethankful for ALL the blessings I DO have in my life??? I had two choices whengoing through this journey…a)dwell on the fact I’m not a mommy…b) leave theworrying to God and live my life…I choose to live my life and leave this in God’s hands!!!!

13) I hope this question doesn’t hurt your feelings, but have you ever been pregnant?
Sweetie, no that doesn’t hurt my feelings…I have not ever been pregnant, atleast not to my knowledge. Sometimes it scares me because I fear that I am not able to conceive, sometimes I find myself thinking “if only I could just know it’s possible” BUT then I see my many friends who have lost there children through miscarriages and I know that God hasn’t let that happen to me for a reason, I think I am strong at times, however those ladies are 100 times stronger than I could ever be!

14) What would you do if you have multiples, aren’t you scared of the thought?
I think about it from time to time, but as far as being scared…nope. I just takeone day at a time, if God thinks that we can handle more than one at a time thenI will lean on him to get me through that, as of now I am leaning on him to getme to a baby period…whether it’s one…two…three…four or more… ((BUT, if we were to have more than 3, then I will give ya’ll my address so ya’ll can send mediapers :) haha!!!!))

15)What is your favorite thing to cook?
I love my chicken stuffed with cheese wrapped in bacon…ohhh sooo yummy!!! :) you just take chicken breast, stuff with any type of cheese, then wrap with bacon,put toothpicks in it to keep it wrapped up, then bake it at 400 degrees forabout 30 minutes or until the chicken is fully cooked…(I like crunchy bacon, soI brown my bacon a little bit on the stove top first, then wrap it up :))

16) Do you collect anything?
I LOVE Willowtree figurines, I have 4 right now and one day hope to have a lotmore :)…I also love crosses, I have a cross wall in my house, when we go on vacations I have been getting a cross to bring home and hopefully one day it will be full of various looking crosses :)

17) You might have already explained this before, and if so I am sorry, but why aren’t you seeing an actual fertility clinic already?
I know I have told some, but I can’t remember if I have said it on here or not; so good question :) Our ins. does NOT cover any type of infertility; it will cover treatments, medicine, test, and procedures leading up to the diagnoses of infertility. Although my Dr. has diagnosed me with unexplained infertility I am blessed that he has not noted it in my chart so that ins. will still pay for a lot of my procedures right now. Our nearest fertility clinic is 3+ hours away, so not to mention the cost of what we will have to pay, vs. the travel time, that is something neither of us are ready for; we are doing great by not stressing now, however we feel that step will cause us stress that we are not quite ready for. Maybe someday….hopefully we don’t have to take that step, however if we do it will be one that God will guide us through :)

18) I would love to be able to send you cards or books, is there anyway to have your address, I know you might not want to give it to a stranger?
I have been asked this by a few people, although some do have my address, I really don’t want to post it on here (I am sure you all can understand). My husband and I are thinking of getting a P.O box and I will let ya’ll know if we do :)

19) Can you tell us 3 random facts about you?
* I smell the inside of cups before I pour my drink in them…
* I am obsessed with shoes, clothes in general
* I brush my teeth at least 4 times a day, once in the morning and about 3 times before bed…one when I get home, one after we eat and one before bed…

20) What advice would you give to another women going through infertility?
Not to give up…not to be negative, not to get upset the first month your fertility meds don’t work…None of us choose this journey for ourselves, however God picked US for a reason; God knew each one of US could handle this and could use this situation to grow. You can’t dwell on the things that you can not control, yes you are human and this is a hard situation, but remember no matter how sad you are, how mad you are, how much you cry or how much you scream…you do not have control of this, only God does…and doing those things will only make you feel worse. So my advice is to pray, have faith, seek out for prayers b/c I truly believe in the power of prayers…ask God for guidance, and lean on him to get you through this journey…if you trust in him, he will show you the way... :)

Well loves, thats it for now...feel free to continue to ask me anything you want, I will pile them together and when I answer the questions I couldn't fit on this post, I will include all the others too :)

Weekend Fun

This past weekend was Miss Little Avery's 2nd birthday party, it was at the Jumping Place, and I tell you if adults could have parties there, thats where I would have wanted my b-day party at ;o) We had fun being kids again playing in all the bouncy things...that night we went to Ashley and James for finger foods, cards and good ol' fun!!! The guys played TX Hold em' while the girls played cards out back...later the girls walked to the near by park and again being the kids we are played on the playground...SOO much fun!!!! :) Here are a few pics from the weekend...

The Birthday Girl, Avery!

Me and Ash playing in the bouncy obstacle course

Little Avery going through the tunnel

Me and Ash that night!!

((P.S. this is post 149, my next one will be the Q and A's...I am starting to answer all the questions now, so that post will most likely me posted by the end of the week, if you have questions send em' to me :) ))

Praying for Bentley

My friend Crystal's daughter, Bentley, was born with a congenital heart defect and is currently awaiting open heart surgery, which will take place on May 20th of this year. Too read Bentley's story click here. Crystal has an amazing outlook during this situation, please pray that God continues to guide them through this journey, as well as keeping little Miss. Bentley close in his wing! Please keep this family in your prayers, I truly believe in the power of prayer, so please add this sweet little girl and her family to your prayer list. If you get a minute please visit Crystal's blog and welcome her into "our blog family of prayers".

Thank you and God Bless :)

53 days left...

There are only 53 days left till the March of Dimes walk!!! We really want to reach our goal and spread the word of this organization, if you want to make a donation please click the link towards the top of my page (right above this post-under the MOD section)... if you know anyone who you think would like to make a donation please pass this message along :) If you don't want to, thats perfectly fine, all I ask is you pray for this organization. :)

If you have any questions just email me, and I will do my best to help answer them :)

Lots of Love and Lots of THANKS :)

Lemonade Award

I got an award from the so very sweet Kami!!Thank you sweetie--you are so amazing!!

This one is for those who use the lemons in their lives to make lemonade, or who help do the same for others. "If life hands you lemons, make lemonade."

Here are the rules for The Lemonade Stand Award:

1. You must link back to the person you received the award from.

2. You have to nominate 10 bloggers who are deserving of this award!

My ten bloggers are: Jenna, Suz, Kaela, Crystal, Megan, Mandi, Melody, Penny, Erin, and Kelly.

If I could pick everyone I would, ya'll are all so amazing!!!!!

3 years ago....

Three years ago we had no idea what was in store for us…
Three years ago I was a weak person who cried her self to sleep…
Three years ago I didn’t have a lot of faith…
Three years ago I thought I would “instantly” get pregnant…
Three years ago I never thought I would have had an IUI…
Three years ago I dreaded Dr appts and blood work…
Three years ago we never knew how much money we would spend on pregnancy test, we never knew we would see so many negative ones, we never knew that we would stare at a negative one hoping that a line would magically appear.
Three years ago I never thought I would THANK God for this situation…
Three years ago our lives changed….

In the past 3 years, I have become stronger…
In the past 3 years, my relationship has grown…
In the past 3 years, God has shown me how to depend on HIM and how to set my fears in his hands, and my doing that he has given me strength and patience.
In the past 3 years, I never thought that I would be excited to go to the Doctor and that I would not care about blood work..
In the past 3 years, I have learned how to be open with my situation vs. being scared…
In the past 3 years, I have met numerous wonderful people…
In the past 3 years, my Faith has guided me where I am now…
I have not been pregnant in the past 3 years; however God has blessed me in so many other ways.

Three years ago we started on this journey, not quite sure what was in store for us, not quite sure how to accept it…we cried many nights, we were angry, envious of those who got pregnant with out even trying or right away. We didn’t think this journey would take this long, however we are thankful for this journey. We have learned so much, grown so close and appreciate things in a whole different light, as well as see things in a different perspective. God knew what he was doing when he handed us this journey, however we have had our doubts, he never did…he knew we would handle it fine and he knew it would mold us into stronger and better people.

Although God doesn’t give us the life we envisioned for ourselves, he gives us the life we need…and the life that will help us grow! Zach nor myself know where this next year will take us, we don’t know if we will end up pregnant or not…but we do know that every step we take we grow closer with each other and God!

So Thank you God for the past 3 years, in the beginning I know I questioned you, for that I am sorry. Thank you God for giving us this situation and for helping us learn to lean on you, thank you God for being there for us, guiding us through this journey and showing us patience. Thank you God!!!!