Embarrassed!!!

I have the type of personality where pretty much anything and everything can embarrass me…

Infertility can be one embarrassing situation; it starts by the obvious just being embarrassed to admit you have a problem (that was defiantly ME!)… but there are several other little things that have embarrassed me along the way…and some I’m just embarrassed to admit!!

Who hates your ‘annual exams’ at the Dr’s office…I know I dreaded those little boogers…that was until getting ‘exams’ became an once to three times a week ritual for me…everyone in my Dr’s office knew me by name… and after showing your ‘goods’ to practically every Dr in your office that part became just another part of life… (not that normal people walk around showing there ‘goods’ to people; but you know what I mean!)…

Yes, I admit…I was one of those ‘how many pillows can you shove under my tush until I am vertical in the air so all his ‘little guys’ can get to where they need to be’ type women…

Yes, I admit…I was also one of ‘those girls’ who tore apart her pregnancy test and ran around the house trying to find the best lighting possibly just so I could confirm there was indeed ‘not’ a line…and I’m a little embarrassed to admit, but if you tear apart a digital test, the strip does have 2 lines and nope, that doesn’t mean your pregnant-that’s just the way the test is made (darn little things!).

I know that some of y’all can relate to our embarrassing moments…I would love to hear some of y’alls embarrassing moments throughout this infertility journey; if you don’t want to share and just want to laugh at ours that’s fine too ;-)

I have a GIVEAWAY....click here for details!!

Friends with an Infertile Couple

Being a good friend to an Infertile can be quite hard at times; in fact it's not an easy job at all. This job has boundaries--the job of being a good friend to an infertile can be very busy and very demanding at times; other times you will sit the sideline and be forced to be the 'outsider' looking in. When you decide your ready for this venture; take it on full force--but beware that it will be difficult.

Infertiles come in all shapes and forms...yes they can all be categorized as the classic 'infertile couple'' however variations will exist. You will have your pessimist, extrenal or internal optimist, your newbie who is just starting out, the friend in denial...your long term friend who might be highly involved can be a tricky one to master--be sure to handle this one with care..., you have the old timers who've been doing this so long it just becomes part of who they are and the ones who are so bitter you might want to engage with caution...

Infertiles tend to move through these stages at a different pace..

In order to understand more of what your family member or friend is going through, it might be beneficial for you to find out more about infertility. A lot of information is available on the topic from infertility support groups, or local organizations. Your personal local hospital or Dr's office may be able to give you some insight about your loved ones...if all else fails there is google!!

ASK how you can be supportive--The best way to be supportive is by asking what you can do. This allows the couple involved to determine the kind of role you will play in support. And it allows them to retain control over a very personal issue. If the couple tells you that there is nothing that you can do, respect their requests, and offer to be there for them in the future should they need you .

DON'T force the issue--Even though you may want to talk about the diagnosis or treatment options that your friends are pursuing, they might not feel the same way. It is important to allow them to discuss their emotions and concerns about infertility in their own time. Don't make comments such as, "When are you going to get pregnant?" or "What treatment are you going to try next?" These comments can be hurtful and inappropriate. Make your friends aware that you are available to talk at any time, but don't force your advice upon them.

RESIST Comparisons--Though it can be tempting to tell your family members about people you know who are also going through fertility treatments, this is generally not a wise idea. Everyone's experience with infertility is different...

DON'T be overly optimistic or pessimistic--Fertility treatments can be very successful sometimes. IUI and IVF offer success rates of up to 25% per cycle. However, even if your friend is undergoing treatment, there is a possibility that a pregnancy won't result. Many women do become pregnant, but experience miscarriage early on. So try to avoid being overly optimistic about treatments. However, this does not mean that you should be negative about treatment either. Try to be supportive without leaning one way or the other.

AVOID recommending treatments--If a family member or close friend is undergoing fertility treatments, then you will probably be interested in finding out more about these procedures. But try to avoid recommending one procedure over another. Choosing fertility treatments needs to be a personal decision and it should only be made between the individuals directly involved. Feel free to offer support about treatment, but try not to favor one treatment over another.

DON'T judge--Remember that unless you’ve walked in the person’s shoes, you can’t say “well I would never….do IVF/terminate a pg/spend so much money on ART etc”.

NEVER offer platitudes-- This is a totally selfish act any way because all platitudes do is make you feel better and the Infertile feel worse. Saying “maybe you are not meant to have children” is an incredibly insensitive thing to say. You wouldn’t say to a diabetic “maybe you weren’t meant to have insulin etc”. Infertility is a medical condition!

ANNOUNCING pregnancies / baby showers / births and other kid things--Trust the Infertile to know what she can or can’t handle. Don’t hide things from her, but respect it when she says to you “I don’t think I am going to be able to handle that”. Your Infertile knows when her good days and bad days are, and what she can or can’t handle. But do invite her, give her the choice of saying no. And then respect her to know that sometimes she needs to protect her own fragile soul more than she needs to fulfill social obligations.

REMEMBER both partners--There is usually more than one individual involved in an diagnosis of infertility. Unfortunately, because infertility is often seen as a "woman's disease," male partners often get left out of the picture. In fact, up to 50% of infertility diagnoses are due to male infertility. It is important that male partners get all the support and concern that you can provide.

Adoption/Infertility Road

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place. You've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you: You'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait - and wait - and wait.

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax, you'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By boat!" you say, "going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money, I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It's a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many fiends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible: traveling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you got there, but in the place itself.


(I wish I could take credit for this amazing piece; but the credit goes to adoption.com; this piece sums up the adoption/infertility life vs. fertile life...I personally don't believe I could have explained this journey in a much better way them the above...)

For an amazing giveaway--click HERE

Success Stories-Christina

The last success story I have is from another good friend of mine; Christina. I met her also back in 08' on the TwoWeekWait site...Christina is a very sweet friend of mine and I'm excited to share her story with y'all:

I started trying to conceive after about 14 months of marriage. We waited to start trying until we were absolutely no doubt about it ready to have a baby. I thought we would just try or not really even try and it would just happen once we stopped using any type of birth control. After four months of that, I wasn’t pregnant and with my type A personality, I started freaking out a little bit. I bought all kinds of books about how to “take charge of my fertility”. I learned how to take my temperature every morning, change my diet and figure out my body so that I knew EXACTLY when I was ovulating. Talk about taking all the fun out of you know what! After 6 more cycles of this for a total of a year of trying to conceive and one HSG later, which is where they put dye up your tubes to make sure they are clear, I eventually fell pregnant. It was at that point the best day of my life as I can remember it was my husband’s birthday morning that we got our positive pregnancy test. We were on top of the world. It had been what seemed to us as a lifelong time of trying and we couldn’t wait for our life to begin with our little one. Unfortunately, after 9 weeks, I miscarried. I’ll never forget when the doctor told me. I was kind of quiet and almost in another world. It was a Friday morning and both my husband and I came home and just laid in bed all day. I didn’t have to have a D&C because my body was getting rid of the embryo on its own and it ended up being quite a painful experience as I went through full blown contractions with puking and the whole nine yards. I felt like I had done something really wrong, like God was punishing me by not only taking away my precious baby, but also making me go through such a horrible miscarriage.

For the next 2-3 months, I was very sad and I can remember just standing there in a line at a store to check out and just busting out crying. My husband was such a wonderful support system for me and kept telling me it will happen when it is time, but I still had my doubts. It is so scary to think that the one thing that you have always wanted in your life is to be a mother and it might possibly not ever happen. There is definitely one thing true with regards to infertility. It can either make your marriage stronger or break it. When you want something so bad, it really starts to take control of your every thought in an almost obsessive way. It takes a very strong couple to get through such a journey.

After miscarrying, I immediately wanted to start trying again even though my body had gone through a lot and the doctor told me not to even try for at least two months. All I could think about was getting pregnant again as the need and want to get pregnant again after a miscarriage is so unbelievably strong it hurts. Fortunately, after six cycles of trying, which was around 8 months due to really long cycles, I fell pregnant again with my beautiful son who is now 8 months old. So all in all, it took me a year and 8 months of trying to conceive to get my baby Gavin, but he’s here and he is super special to me not only because he is my son, but because I know that he is my miracle from above. I thank God every single day for him and I pray that he will always be healthy and safe. He is the light of our lives and truly and wonderful blessing. As a matter of fact, writing all of this really brings back memories of how hard it was to get him here and I think I’m going to have to give him a big hug and kiss right now!

I hope you enjoyed reading Melissa's, Sus, and Christin's stories...I thank y'all ladies so very much for sharing these with me and my blog world...I cherish y'alls friendship and am so very happy for each and everyone of y'all!!

Don't miss out on the giveaway

Success Stories-Susannah

The next success story is from one of my good friends, Sus. I met Sus on a website called TwoWeekWait...I lived on this website in the beginning on my journey and Sus was one of the first people I met; we instantly bonded and have built a friendship which will never dwindled. I'm so excited to announced that Sus HAS a success story and so excited that she has shared it with us all....

I met Tiffany probably in February 2008 on a website called twoweekwait.com, a website designed for information and support through the whole ttc process. We were part of the same buddy group with a bunch of other women, it seemed like so many of them came and went and got pregnant and left, but Tiffany and I and a handful of others still keep in touch. She is an amazing woman and far stronger than I could ever hope to be.

I told Tiffany I almost didn't feel right writing this story because I don't feel like a success story, while my story does take place over several years I don't feel like I've gone through anything near as hard as what she has, but because she asked and I love her, here you go.

I decided I was ready for a baby probably around September 2006. My husband and I had already been married 4 years, he was in his last year of nursing school and to me, the timing just felt right. My husband however, disagreed. He didn't want to try until he was out of school, with the NCLEX passed and a job secured. I can understand the practical side of this, but my heart had decided it was ready and this was a sore point for me.

It took a year from the time I told my husband I was ready until he decided he was ready, and that was honestly the worst and most difficult year of our marriage. I felt like he was being TOO practical and worried and not giving enough credit to faith. When he finally told me he was ready I was so happy.

We started trying in September 2007. Month after month I was NOT turning up pregnant. In the mean time my best friend got pregnant on her second month of trying. I tried not to be bitter but it hurt, I'd been waiting for this for so long already (between waiting a year for my husband to come around and four unsuccessful months of actual trying). The holidays came and went and trying became even more difficult for us. I don't know about the rest of you, but the TRYING part is over rated.

Finally on March 10, 2008 I found out I was pregnant. It took 7 cycles but my husband and I were SO thrilled!!! We pretty much told our entire immediate family that first week. I had never in my life been happier. I suffered through about 6 weeks of morning sickness and other normal pregnancy symptoms.

At twelve weeks pregnant we were on vacation and I started to spot. This had happened a few times before so I wasn't worried at first, but this time it didn't go away. I called my midwife while still in California and had an ultra sound set up for the day after we got home. We went in, I saw my baby on the monitor and saw that my due date was 2 weeks behind based on the measurements. My first thought was "that can't be right, I don't want to lose two weeks!" And then it dawned on me, the reason the baby was two weeks behind was because it had stopped growing. That's when the ultra sound tech told me there was no heart beat.

Nothing in my life has ever hurt like it did in that moment to realize my child had died. All the months of trying, the years of waiting, the happiness we felt were gone, wasted, just like that. In one brief moment my whole world fell apart.

We elected to use cytotech and miscarry at home rather than do a d&c. The midwife loaded me up with pain meds, told me to call if I needed anything and we went home to lose our child. I was very fortunate that the medication worked well and we avoided a d&c and we were privileged to get to see our precious child. We lost him on May 7, 2008. My husband took the baby and buried him on a mountain above the city where we lived.

We began to ttc again the next month with no luck. All the rumors I'd heard about being more fertile after a miscarriage didn't seem to apply to me. We continued to try and on September 4, 2008 I again found out I was pregnant. This time I wasn't quite as excited and we didn't really tell anyone this time. My sister knew, and of course my wonderful online friends knew but that was all.

I wasn't really symptomatic this time and never really had a good feeling about that pregnancy. At 7 weeks I started to spot, and again the same thing, it wouldn't stop. I called my midwife and asked for an ultra sound. My mom came down and went with me because my husband couldn't take the time off of work.

This time the baby DID have a heart beat. It was measuring a little behind but the radiologist and the midwife weren't concerned. They told me to go home and follow up with my midwife in a few days. As the day progressed the cramping I was having got worse. My husband went to work and my mom stayed home with me.

The cramping because extremely intense and I called the midwife and told her what was happening. She said she couldn't believe it, but I must be miscarrying. I begged for some pain killers, the pain was like nothing I've ever experienced. It was completely miserable, the WORST thing physically I have ever gone through. I can't imagine actual child birth being any worse.

I made it through the night and hadn't lost the baby yet, but when I got up the next morning the sac passed. I took it up to the hospital to get genetic testing done on it, only to later find out that the lab messed up and never ran any tests.

At first I was kind of numb, after all I had been expecting this from the start, but eventually the pain set in and I became pretty depressed. I lost baby #2 on September 30, 2008.

A short while later we sold our house as we prepared for my husband to join the US Air Force and ended up moving in with my parents. His actual commission date kept getting pushed back and we decided to take a break from ttc until he was in the Air Force and we were settled wherever it is we were going.

Fast forward one year. My husband had just graduated from Commissioned Officer Training in November 2009, we came home to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and then moved to Texas. We had been here all of about 9 days when I got the urge to take a test. Not because we had tried but because I was about to start playing volleyball and I wanted to make sure if I was throwing myself all over the ground chasing balls I wasn't pregnant.

Turns out I was. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant and due August 20th. I've had tons of blood tests done to try and diagnose the cause of the other miscarriages, but they all came out ok. I have had four ultra sounds and everything seems to be going beautifully.

Sometimes I still can't believe that it's real. We didn't even try for this one it just happened. And sometimes I feel guilty for being able to pregnant without trying when I know it's so hard for others. It just seems like it was finally the right time.

Losing my babies was the hardest thing I've ever been through. No one can understand unless they've been through it as well, and that's not something I would ever wish on anyone. I've been really depressed at times, angry at times (my sister in law got pregnant and had a baby one month after my 2nd one was due, THAT took a toll on me) but have eventually come to a good place and accepted that life it what it is. Sometimes bad things happen to good, deserving people and there's no rhyme or reason to it and it does no good to obsess over the why. All we can do is just try to heal and move on.

Don't get me wrong though, it still hurts. I cried as I wrote this out and my heart still aches for those babies. Getting pregnant doesn't make it hurt any less like I thought it would. Those children will always have a special place in my heart.

Good luck to all of you who are still on your journey to pregnancy. It was a long bumpy road for me, and isn't even over yet. I know things can still go wrong. But I've felt good about this baby right from the start and I know that I will get to hold this child at the end of this pregnancy. I will at long last, get to be a mother. Don't give up your dreams, don't let the journey break you down. Hold on to the vision of you holding your sweet child and you will make it through.

Don't forget about today's givaway, here.

Success Stories-Melissa Stafford

I truly believe that success stories are the key to not losing hope--at least for me they are! I have asked three special friends to share with me there success stories and I will be posting these throughout the day; I hope you enjoy their stories as much as I do!

The first story is from Melissa at Stafford Stories; she is a dear and sweet friend of mine...I've been so blessed to get to know her through this blog world and I've very thankful for it. I'm so excited that Melissa has a success story and very excited she is letting me share it with y'all today!! Thank you Melissa for sharing your story; congrats again sweet friend!

Our Story - Stafford Stories

Us girls all have fairy tales, dreams, desires, wants, and plans for our future. We feel that if we make these plans that they will come true. My dreams have come true, but the timing of the dreams aren't always when I thought it would be. Let me start at the beginning. Our story began when Chad and I got married in September 26th, 2006. We spent our first year of marriage truly enjoying our marriage as a couple. It was a great first year! Towards the end of the first year Chad and I went on a 1st Year Anniversary Trip to Mexico and a month before leaving we decided to go off the pill and start trying to have a baby. We spent the next 10 months trying on our own with no success at all. I was scheduled for my yearly OBGYN appointment and we decided that we would seek additional help. I still remember that day as if it was yesterday sitting in the doctor's office telling my OBGYN that we were having problems and then our world was turned upside down. We both spent the next four months doing every test possible to determine a cause. Chad was sent to a male specialist (sorry I don't know what they are called) and they did additional testing and it was determined that we would go on Clomid for the next 6 months to see if we could conceive on our own. However it did not work and than they suggested that we try an IUI. I just knew an IUI would work and we would be pregnant. Well I was wrong we did a total of three IUI's from November 2008-January 2009. It was disappointing to hear that our next steps were to seek help at the Tulsa Fertility Center. We had our first appointment in February 2009 to review our history with the doctors at the clinic and determine what was the best option for us. Based on our male factor issues our doctor decided that we should go straight to IVF with ICSI as based on our records we had less than a 5% chance of conceiving on our own. This was dramatic for me to hear, but I knew at the time that I had to have trust in the doctor's that they knew best. So we proceeded and began the journey of IVF. After our first appointment it felt as if I would finally get pregnant and all my dreams would come true. I had NO doubt at all that it won't work I just knew that once the doctor's put the egg and sperm together that it would create a embryo and it would implant in me and all would be great. That is what I thought, but boy was I wrong. I began fertility shots in April and we had our Egg Retrieval on April 16th 2009 and my Embryo Transfer on April 19th 2009. During the month of April and a few weeks in May I ended up taking around 60 shots...YIKES! On May 1st 2009 we did our first Beta test and we received news that it was a low positive and so for the next several days I did two more Beta tests and it was determined on May 11th, 2009 that I was not pregnant. It was a very SAD day! I just did not understand why this was happening to me. During the peak of our fertility treatments I was surrounded by some many people that I love that were having babies or pregnant. My twin sister Amie welcomed Drew in May 2009, my friend Ashley welcomed her little girl in June 2009, my friend Kendall welcomed her little girl in June 2009, and my sister Jessyca welcomed her little girl in July 2009. I was around so many blessings, but I was dying inside. I wanted what they had and I just didn't understand why it was so hard for us. I don't want my friends or family reading this to think I was hurt or upset about their pregnancies I was more jealous than anything. Only a few people know this, but since I am telling you our story I am going to be real with you, when Chad and I went to our failed cycle consult in Tulsa in May 2009 we were told that our best option to conceive was donor sperm. Hearing those words and the lost hope our doctor had in us was heartbreaking. I felt completely lost! It was also hard because I felt as if I couldn't talk to anyone about what was going on because I thought that they would not understand and just tell me to be patient and I would get pregnant. And that was the last thing I wanted to hear! After the failed IVF I couldn't do it again as my heart was not 100% into trying again. So from June 2009-August 2009 Chad and I decided that we would give our worries to GOD and let him lead us. I am not saying that we didn't stop counting days and determining peak ovulation days because we did do this each month, but we did focus more on our relationship with GOD than on getting pregnant. It was difficult for me to give it all to GOD as I have the personality that wants to control all details and make it happen. But as I continued to grow my faith in GOD I changed. I felt called to the Alter one Sunday in early September 2009 and I talked to GOD and told him that I could not feel this way anymore, I could not continue feeling sad each month that I did't get pregnant and on that day I laid it all down to him so now it was his turn to take care of it. About a week later I was walking with Bella and I just spoke to GOD and asked him to give me some sign that he was with me and taking care of me and I looked up and the sun rays were shining down on me. I felt comfort and strength after that walk that GOD was with me. On September 22nd, 2009 I woke up and had a strong feeling that I needed to take a pregnancy test, I was 10 days late. I already knew what it would say NOT PREGNANT! HOWEVER TO MY SURPRISE IT CLEARLY SHOWED PREGNANT. I was completely amazed I didn't know what to do. I have never received a positive test since we started our journey. On September 25th, 2009 I went to my OBGYN's office to confirm I was in fact pregnant and on that day all our dreams came true. It was the best third year anniversary present we could give each other as the next day was our anniversary and WE WERE PREGNANT! It is surreal to think that on our 1st anniversary we began the journey to become parents and on our third anniversary we were blessed with the miracle that is growing inside of me. Dreams do come true and I know this because of the miracle that God has given me. As you are reading this I am 36 weeks pregnant and will be holding my little boy in a few short weeks. I share my story to give all couples hope and faith that God will take care of you. Sometimes just sitting and being patient and letting God take care of you is what you need. It is what I needed and my faith in God is so strong that I don't want to let go of his hand in this journey of life. Each of you are in my prayers!

Love Melissa


Today wouldn't be complete without a GIVEAWAY...click here.

A Change in Plans

I can’t speak for everyone; but I can speak for myself and infertility was NOT in my plans that I had for my life…

As I mentioned on Saturday I had our life planned out…married…honey moon life…then plan for babies. God had other plans. I didn’t like them—didn’t like them one bit!

I personally am not keen to change; especially when it regards my life…it took along time for me to accept this change and this journey God placed us on. I was bitter, angry, saddened, depressed. I didn’t like this ‘change’…I didn’t want this ‘change’… I tried to justify why we were going through this and couldn’t come up with a valid reason…I was not going to accept it; bottom line! I choose to ignore to it and did so for about a year.

In order to accept change and the suffering it brings, we need to find the meaning in it…it took a while before I uncovered the meaning of this journey…to this day I do not have all the answers, but I do have a meaning in life…I finally choose that I would ‘master’ this change rather than being a ‘victim’ of it.

My mom used to tell me if you don’t like something ‘change it’, if you can’t change it then change the way you think about it. Well there was no doubt that I couldn’t change the path I am on…although I tried to detour many times to get back on the path all my friends were on it’s obvious it wasn’t happening for me…I was stuck, stuck on a path that I didn’t understand and couldn’t change (I felt lost, without a GPS…where do I go?)…

That’s when remembered what my mom used to tell me and I started to change the way I thought about infertility…it is not all grand…by any means; in fact this is one of the hardest journeys I’ve been on…I’ve never shed more tears than I have in the past 4 years…but with that said this is also the most rewarding journey I’ve been on, it’s strengthened me in ways I never thought could happen…Change is more so a challenge vs. a threat…I, as well as so many with infertility, (or any struggle in life) view this broken paths as ‘threats’…however they are really put in our life to challenge us and strengthen us.

Change can be hard, but it can also be very rewarding. I personally have become a better daughter, better wife, and better friend due to this journey; infertility has touched my life in ways that I never thought could...

So in a very odd way, I’m thankful for this change in life…one day I know I’ll be even more thankful for it.

Test of Faith

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Infertility has truly tested my Faith in God! One day we will be blessed abundantly for our patience and loyalty to God...

God tests us so we can experience victory. He walks in faith and believes we will win every test. He is like a proud parent who tells their child to "Go out there and show them what you can do," expecting them to win…but what if I don’t win?

It’s hard not to feel defeated at times or overwhelmed by all the pregnancy’s that surround you…it’s hard to not question why are bad things happening to you (and me)…I know so many deserving couples who would long to be parents (Zach and I included), why can’t our dreams come true…

I’ve had to dig really deep and understand that bad things aren’t happening to us, we’ve just been placed on a different journey in life—it’s up to us to decide how we choose to deal with this journey. It’s natural at times to feel jealous that something that may seem better is happening to all your friends…it’s easy to wallow in self pitty…or we can be joyful that were living another day and have an opportunity to learn from this experience…we can feel angry at God for what we do not have, or thank him for all that we do have…

I truly believe that infertility is a test of Faith…it sure has tested mine.

In honesty, Faith is main thing that has helped me throughout this journey…Faith that one day I will see a positive pregnancy test, one day I will see my babies heartbeat, one day I will feel my babies first kick…and I will one day get to hold my child in my arms. Having Faith has helped in more ways than I can count!

I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible to you.

- Matthew 17:20

For another amazing GIVEAWAY click here

The Start to NIAW

Today is the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week.

I never in a million year thought ‘I’ would be infertile. I remember growing up, playing with my dolls…being a mother is something that I’ve always dreamed of…something I never even questioned as to if ‘I’ could conceive. It was always a given, I WILL be a mother! While growing up most people have a plan, graduate…work/college…get married…honeymoon life for a while…then plan on kids. My plan was uprooted before my very own eyes…I couldn’t believe it, and being in denial I thought this had to be wrong and I just knew I would ‘still’ conceive fairly fast—once again I was very wrong. After four long years, we haven’t even been pregnant once.

Infertility is a disease…it’s not ‘all’ in the head like a lot of people will tell you. Just relaxing or the famous ‘just adopt’ will not magically make you conceive; although at times people do conceive during those situations, it’s not a ‘cure’. Infertility is unfortunately more common than most couples know about…

Six million American men and women require appropriate medical intervention-

In fact, one in six couples (17%) trying to get pregnant will experience some degree of infertility. The causes of infertility are numerous and can be attributed to problems with either the male or female reproductive systems. Infertility affects both men and women, with 40% of infertility diagnoses traced only to the female partner and 20% traced only to the male partner. In approximately 30% of infertility cases, a problem exists in both the male and female partners, and 10% of all couples experience unexplained infertility, when no specific cause can be identified in either partner.

What better way to start Infertility Awareness week with a bang than a GIVEAWAY…click here for the 1st giveaway.

Reminder-National Infertility Awareness Week

Tomorrow starts National Infertility Awareness Week and it will go on until May 1st. I will spend the week dedicating each post strictly to infertility in some way-shape or form. There will be giveaways thrown in as well (everyone loves giveaways—and I must say there are some good ones!). Feel free to join in this week (if not all week a day or two) to spread the word about infertility. I know that many women, like myself never pictured we would be going through this journey…it’s one that you never think ‘will happen to you’. If you yourself have not experienced infertility but know someone who has I would love to hear how knowing someone infertile has impacted your life…if you don’t know anyone but just want to spread the word about infertility that’s amazing as well…either way I am hoping by the end of this next week that everyone is better educated about the infertility rollercoaster that so many women are on.

If you haven’t sent me your information for the ‘Infertility Support’ tab located at the top of my page and would like to be a part of connecting with other infertility couples, please send me an email to tapifer@grandecom.net with the title ‘Infertility Support’ in the subject line. I will need your name, your URL and if you are still trying for your precious miracle or if you have beat infertility.

If you have a friend or family member who is infertile; this would be an awesome week to send them a card, shoot them a text or email, call them or send them a bouquet of flowers to let them know you are thinking of them and they are still in your prayers...

Gettin' Arts and Crafty

I have been in a huge arts and crafty mood...here lately everything I see I think of something I can 'make' it into to or refurbish...

Recently I found a old silver platter at a thrift/antique store; super cheap and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it...

Here is the before:

After spray painting the middle in chalk board paint...here is the after:

I love it so much!

I saw this idea in a magazine, and knew I could do it!

This was super easy to make and I look forward to making a few more for around our house!

Purpose

What is my purpose for going through this infertility journey?

I know I have one...I know God has a reason for everything; but what is his reason for placing Zach and I on this journey?

I wonder these things often; I wonder if I am living this journey the way He wants me to ... am I on this journey to help build my strength? My relationship with my husband? My relationship with God? To help other people? or all of the above and more??

But most importantly am I making God proud?

I believe so! I don't know my exact purpose on this journey; but I do know I have one and I believe that God has walked through me in this journey; many people have reached out and advised me that after reading my story they have been saved; that there is purpose enough in my eyes... Infertility is a hard hard journey to go down; but when I've received countless emails explaining how God was not in these peoples lives, but after reading our blog-our life-our journey...they felt the need to reach out to God and save themselves...that there makes this whole journey worth it...I never thought our journey could mean something to other people; I'm very humbled to know that I've helped others!

God has a purpose for everything; every life has a purpose! Purpose is what gives life meaning!

Five Fun Facts-Vacations

Since it’s about to be summer and everyone is about to start taking/planning vacations I thought it would be a great idea to list some of the places I’ve been and some of the places I would love to go…

~ Zach and I honeymooned in Virginia Beach. We would lie on the beach for hours just soaking up the sun; the weather was perfect during our honeymoon. We love crab legs and all along the boardwalk were amazing seafood restaurants. We had a blast doing absolutely nothing but lounging around on the beach celebrating our new life together, in hammocks and walking up and down the boardwalk.

~ Canada, Niagara Falls; When Zach and I first started dating he took me to PA to meet his whole family for the first time. His grandpa gave him the keys to his car and told Zach to take me to Canada for a couple days to see Niagara Falls. Talk about BEAUTIFUL. We were only there a couple days so I would love to go back and stay for longer; if you have never been I highly recommend it, it’s truly breathtaking.

~Mexico, Rivera Maya; Zach and I, along with another couple, went to Mexico for a week; this was our first vacation in an actual resort; I don’t think I could have ever prepared myself for how amazing it truly was; it was exactly like the pictures—the water was so blue! We had a great time; we swam with dolphins, took a mini jungle boat tour and went snorkeling—saw a barracuda and its baby…amazing vacation!

~Pennsylvania; I guess it’s just a given that’s another on of my favorites is PA. Zach’s whole family is in PA…the atmosphere up north is amazing; esp. where his parents currently live, it’s so relaxing.

~Some places I really want to go: Soon we will be going to Illinois as his parents will be moving soon; I want to visit the Bahamas, Hawaii…I want to go to Colorado and stay in a cabin in the snow…I want to visit Paris some day, I would love to go on a cruise…a little nervous about getting seasick because I have really bad motion sickness…but still think it would be an amazing experience…

Where have you been? Where do you want to go? Any amazing vacations you would like to share??

Gavin Lee is here!

I am SO excited that one of my best friends, Rosemary, had her baby boy, Gavin yesterday. He is absolutely adorable!

Rosemary, I am SO proud of you; you did an amazing job, Gavin is precious!! Love you and D lots!

PROUD Aunt Tiff!

My new find!!

I’ve been wanting a jewelry armoire for months, well if you count it up it’s been almost a year since I’ve been wanting one…Zach and I have looked everywhere for a decent priced armoire. My little-over-stuffed jewelry box wasn’t cutting it anymore…little jewelry boxes don’t love chunky necklaces and I needed a bigger and better one; one that loved chunky necklaces. I’ve been asking for one for a while now, however Zach was having a horrible time finding one that was reasonably priced and wasn’t cheaply made…

In the mean time I’ve been saving my birthday and Christmas money until I found one, I was bound and determined…the one I had my eye on around Christmas time was at Target…it was a little more than I wanted to spend but I wanted it…so I waited to get a little more money for my birthday…come February I went back to Target and low and behold it was gone. Since when are jewelry armoire’s seasonal? AND it wasn’t even online…I was bummed to say the least!

During our errand running this weekend Zach and I had to run to Sears up at the mall to exchange some things; the line was extremely long so Zach and I figured we would walk the mall and get us a bit to eat. We went into JC Penny’s to look around—not looking for an Armoire, but I turned the corner and guess who was looking at me…you guessed it! A beautiful Armoire!

And to top it off they were having a HUGE sale and it was 60% off…

SO guess who has herself a new ARMOIRE?

That would be ME!

Putt-Putt

Zach and I had a million and one errands to run this past weekend. We live near a place that has Putt Putt—a very old place, one that’s been around for years and years. Well as we were driving home Zach blurted out ‘lets go play Putt Putt...’ … Although we had several things to do around the house I couldn’t pass up Putt Putt…so ‘Sure thing’ I said… and off we went!

Putt Putt is a blast; but to be honest I’m awful at it. There is a 5 hit limit on each hole and normally it takes me all 5 if not more…however I impressed myself, and Zach, this time…I was hitting the ball in on two hits for the majority of the time, I hit 2 hole in ones and only had one hard round where it took me all 5 times… ‘GO ME!’ ha!! AND guess who won, ME! Can you believe it?? So I only won by 1 little point, but I WON!!

Putt Putt is great and it brings out the inner kid in us, we had a blast! Here are a couple pictures from the day.

(P.S. Please keep my friend Rosemary in your prayers today, she is being induced...this is her first baby and she is new to all of this, please pray for a smooth labor….love ya Rosie, can’t wait to meet little Gavin!!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACH

Today is my husbands birthday....

Today he turns the big 2-5

Today he can no longer joke that I am 1/2 to 50, as he is now too :)

Zach-honey....I love you more than words can possibly express...

I love your smile...your beautiful hazel-gray eyes...your laughter...

I love your goofiness...and your ability to put a smile on my face at any given time....

You never seize to amaze me....

You are my best friend...my rock...my everything

I thank my lucky stars that God brought you in my life; but today...on your birthday

I REALLY thank God!

I hope you have the best birthday ever; and I hope you find your first gray hair really soon so you can stop making fun of the ones I find on myself... :) I love you Zach.

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY

Decisions

The life of an infertile couple is full of decisions that need to be made…

When do I know I need help?

Should we start trying now even though we aren’t 100% ready?

When do I go to the Dr?

When should I seek help from an RE?

Should I try Clomid?

What if we have multiples?

Should I trigger today…or tomorrow?

Should I take a pregnancy test…or should I wait?

What milligram of fertility medicine should we use?

Do I need an HSG?

Should I have surgery to unblock my tube, or let nature take it course?

Should we do the IUI…should we do another…and another…?

When should we do IVF?

What will we do if IVF doesn’t work?

When will we peruse adoption?

These are just a FEW of the decisions that we have made; thought about or had to consider throughout this journey!

Life is just supposed to fall into place…it does for so many in life (or so it seems!); why didn’t it for us? Why are we having to decide when we go to the Dr…the fertility clinic…Why do we have to decide if we need to take Clomid, Femara, Injections… shouldn’t pregnancy ‘just’ happen naturally…shouldn’t we be able to ‘decide’ to go to the Dr after we notice our cycle is late and we have a positive pregnancy test.

All of the above questions are ones that Zach and I have had…some we are still deciding on…

But you know the most difficult decision of all…was do I ‘let go of this journey and let God’? That was the hardest thing for me to do. I was a research queen, I googled everything, went to Barnes and Nobles and read every infertility book, tried everything that remotely had a chance in making us parents…but quickly learned that although doing all of these things may help in a sense, they wouldn’t help if I didn’t let go of my infertility and let God work miracles in my life.

Although we are still saving for IVF…we still have a lot of decisions to be made….we are leaving everything in God’s hands…He is OUR decision maker, He will determine which road we go down and where we end up…We trust Him with our lives and know that with Him by our side whichever path we go down we will be right where we need to be in life.

Decisions are one of the hardest things to make in life; the hardest being to let go and let God…but once you DO let go and let Him everything will fall into place.