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I have a GIVEAWAY....click here for details!!
I have a GIVEAWAY....click here for details!!
DON'T force the issue--Even though you may want to talk about the diagnosis or treatment options that your friends are pursuing, they might not feel the same way. It is important to allow them to discuss their emotions and concerns about infertility in their own time. Don't make comments such as, "When are you going to get pregnant?" or "What treatment are you going to try next?" These comments can be hurtful and inappropriate. Make your friends aware that you are available to talk at any time, but don't force your advice upon them.
RESIST Comparisons--Though it can be tempting to tell your family members about people you know who are also going through fertility treatments, this is generally not a wise idea. Everyone's experience with infertility is different...
DON'T be overly optimistic or pessimistic--Fertility treatments can be very successful sometimes. IUI and IVF offer success rates of up to 25% per cycle. However, even if your friend is undergoing treatment, there is a possibility that a pregnancy won't result. Many women do become pregnant, but experience miscarriage early on. So try to avoid being overly optimistic about treatments. However, this does not mean that you should be negative about treatment either. Try to be supportive without leaning one way or the other.
AVOID recommending treatments--If a family member or close friend is undergoing fertility treatments, then you will probably be interested in finding out more about these procedures. But try to avoid recommending one procedure over another. Choosing fertility treatments needs to be a personal decision and it should only be made between the individuals directly involved. Feel free to offer support about treatment, but try not to favor one treatment over another.
DON'T judge--Remember that unless you’ve walked in the person’s shoes, you can’t say “well I would never….do IVF/terminate a pg/spend so much money on ART etc”.
NEVER offer platitudes-- This is a totally selfish act any way because all platitudes do is make you feel better and the Infertile feel worse. Saying “maybe you are not meant to have children” is an incredibly insensitive thing to say. You wouldn’t say to a diabetic “maybe you weren’t meant to have insulin etc”. Infertility is a medical condition!
ANNOUNCING pregnancies / baby showers / births and other kid things--Trust the Infertile to know what she can or can’t handle. Don’t hide things from her, but respect it when she says to you “I don’t think I am going to be able to handle that”. Your Infertile knows when her good days and bad days are, and what she can or can’t handle. But do invite her, give her the choice of saying no. And then respect her to know that sometimes she needs to protect her own fragile soul more than she needs to fulfill social obligations.
I started trying to conceive after about 14 months of marriage. We waited to start trying until we were absolutely no doubt about it ready to have a baby. I thought we would just try or not really even try and it would just happen once we stopped using any type of birth control. After four months of that, I wasn’t pregnant and with my type A personality, I started freaking out a little bit. I bought all kinds of books about how to “take charge of my fertility”. I learned how to take my temperature every morning, change my diet and figure out my body so that I knew EXACTLY when I was ovulating. Talk about taking all the fun out of you know what! After 6 more cycles of this for a total of a year of trying to conceive and one HSG later, which is where they put dye up your tubes to make sure they are clear, I eventually fell pregnant. It was at that point the best day of my life as I can remember it was my husband’s birthday morning that we got our positive pregnancy test. We were on top of the world. It had been what seemed to us as a lifelong time of trying and we couldn’t wait for our life to begin with our little one. Unfortunately, after 9 weeks, I miscarried. I’ll never forget when the doctor told me. I was kind of quiet and almost in another world. It was a Friday morning and both my husband and I came home and just laid in bed all day. I didn’t have to have a D&C because my body was getting rid of the embryo on its own and it ended up being quite a painful experience as I went through full blown contractions with puking and the whole nine yards. I felt like I had done something really wrong, like God was punishing me by not only taking away my precious baby, but also making me go through such a horrible miscarriage.
Don't miss out on the giveaway
I met Tiffany probably in February 2008 on a website called twoweekwait.com, a website designed for information and support through the whole ttc process. We were part of the same buddy group with a bunch of other women, it seemed like so many of them came and went and got pregnant and left, but Tiffany and I and a handful of others still keep in touch. She is an amazing woman and far stronger than I could ever hope to be.
Don't forget about today's givaway, here.
As I mentioned on Saturday I had our life planned out…married…honey moon life…then plan for babies. God had other plans. I didn’t like them—didn’t like them one bit!
I personally am not keen to change; especially when it regards my life…it took along time for me to accept this change and this journey God placed us on. I was bitter, angry, saddened, depressed. I didn’t like this ‘change’…I didn’t want this ‘change’… I tried to justify why we were going through this and couldn’t come up with a valid reason…I was not going to accept it; bottom line! I choose to ignore to it and did so for about a year.
In order to accept change and the suffering it brings, we need to find the meaning in it…it took a while before I uncovered the meaning of this journey…to this day I do not have all the answers, but I do have a meaning in life…I finally choose that I would ‘master’ this change rather than being a ‘victim’ of it.
My mom used to tell me if you don’t like something ‘change it’, if you can’t change it then change the way you think about it. Well there was no doubt that I couldn’t change the path I am on…although I tried to detour many times to get back on the path all my friends were on it’s obvious it wasn’t happening for me…I was stuck, stuck on a path that I didn’t understand and couldn’t change (I felt lost, without a GPS…where do I go?)…
That’s when remembered what my mom used to tell me and I started to change the way I thought about infertility…it is not all grand…by any means; in fact this is one of the hardest journeys I’ve been on…I’ve never shed more tears than I have in the past 4 years…but with that said this is also the most rewarding journey I’ve been on, it’s strengthened me in ways I never thought could happen…Change is more so a challenge vs. a threat…I, as well as so many with infertility, (or any struggle in life) view this broken paths as ‘threats’…however they are really put in our life to challenge us and strengthen us.
Change can be hard, but it can also be very rewarding. I personally have become a better daughter, better wife, and better friend due to this journey; infertility has touched my life in ways that I never thought could...
God tests us so we can experience victory. He walks in faith and believes we will win every test. He is like a proud parent who tells their child to "Go out there and show them what you can do," expecting them to win…but what if I don’t win?
It’s hard not to feel defeated at times or overwhelmed by all the pregnancy’s that surround you…it’s hard to not question why are bad things happening to you (and me)…I know so many deserving couples who would long to be parents (Zach and I included), why can’t our dreams come true…
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible to you.
Zach and I had a million and one errands to run this past weekend. We live near a place that has Putt Putt—a very old place, one that’s been around for years and years. Well as we were driving home Zach blurted out ‘lets go play Putt Putt...’ … Although we had several things to do around the house I couldn’t pass up Putt Putt…so ‘Sure thing’ I said… and off we went!
Should we start trying now even though we aren’t 100% ready?
When do I go to the Dr?
When should I seek help from an RE?
Should I try Clomid?
What if we have multiples?
Should I trigger today…or tomorrow?
Should I take a pregnancy test…or should I wait?
What milligram of fertility medicine should we use?
Do I need an HSG?
Should I have surgery to unblock my tube, or let nature take it course?
Should we do the IUI…should we do another…and another…?
When should we do IVF?
What will we do if IVF doesn’t work?
When will we peruse adoption?