Sickly :(

This momma has been sick!!

I apologize for no 'week 20' picture. I had the cutest idea in mind since my halfway mark landed on Christmas Day; however my day consisted of curling up in bed and not moving all day.

I started running a fever Sunday night; it was right at 100 so my husband called my on call dr and they advised us if it went up another degree we had to go into labor and delivery. Thankfully it never spiked above 100. On Wednesday I woke up with literally no voice and hardly any hearing. My ears were so clogged all I could hear was ringing...we went to the dr and turns out this momma has the flu and a double ear infection. My fever finally broke last night after being 99-100 all week. I wish I could say I feel better though; my voice is still 90% gone and my hearing is the same. Although my throat is killing me due to coughing, I'd much rather get my hearing back! It messes with your equilibrium so bad--I feel so spacey and dizzy. My dr's called me in an antibiotic that was safe for Miles; but unfortunately it hasn't kicked in yet.

With all that said; I'm very thankful that my sweet Miles is ok. He's getting more and more active everyday. Zach felt him for the first time last night!!

Although this Christmas wasn't quite what I had in mind with me being sick, it by far was one of the best...our sweet Miles is such a blessing to us and our family!

I was due with our last little bean we lost on Christmas Day; I couldn't help but think that without those struggles and heart ache we wouldn't have Miles kicking away inside me right now...I'll never forget that sweet bean and the short time it was in my belly!! God is a God of miracles!

I hope you all had a blessed Christmas and I hope y'all have an amazing 2013 full of blessings!

I will try to have a week 21 picture up this week of this momma feels better :)

Our Miracle

The path has taken us many of miles...miles that have made us stronger...miles that have tested our faith and miles that have bought us our miracle. No matter how many miles God places in your life, this journey has taught us never to give up! Ever mile is worth every step...

Our Miracle: Miles Thomas

19 weeks

He or She is the question this week....well just a couple more days until I can spill the beans :)

We had an amazing Dr's visit and appt. (minus me getting extremely sick and throwing up during my ultrasound)...yes that actually happened!! I laid down to get my ultrasound, she scanned me for a couple minutes...immediately found the gender :).....well it was a couple seconds later I got extremely dizzy and light headed; I just thought I was getting really excited so I didn't say anything--then it turned worse and I couldn't breath, I took a deep breath and my ultrasound tech immediately could tell something was wrong....she rushed to get me water and while she was gone my sweet husband held the trashcan while I vomited :(. She came back with a fan and everything. Turns out this happens alot, the baby was compressed against a vein leading to my heart and cut off a little blood flow which in return made me sick. We were able to continue our ultrasound (just with me laying on my side). We got an adorable picture of our baby's profile (I like to think it looks like me!) :). The baby is measuring a week ahead but were keeping my due date as of right now. My sweet bean is 11oz. Baby is breech at the moment but my Dr doesn't seem too worried. The heartbeat at this appt was 153. Strong and healthy!!! I gained 1lb since my last appt...my Dr said I'm a little under average but I was so sick early on I should be ok.

I'm still craving all of the same things/lots of salad and veggies. Still no sweets :)

This TX weather has been so up and down lately that my head feels all congested, but other than that I feel great.

We will announce baby beans gender this Friday with our family and friends at a local restaurant. I promise to post it publicly Friday night :).

So what's your final guess??? Pink or Blue?? :)

Reflections on Infertility

I've had time today to read through some of my old post, some I've forgotten I've even written. So if you read my blog for years the following may look familiar...but given that we are so close to our sweet miracle Pifer bean, I don't ever want to forget what we have been through; I want to praise God in these moments; He took us through these paths for a reason...and for that I'm so thankful.

 

 

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life. The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

 

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

 

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the STRENGTH within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.

 

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That’s not my destiny; that’s just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I’m a better person for it.

 

 

TO my readers who are still on this journey, don't give up please! It took us almost 7 years. SEVEN YEARS...but within those 7 years we have grown so close. This journey is still far from over for me, 18 weeks pregnant sounds so far (which it is) but I still have quite some time before this child is in my arms. Don't get me wrong, I rejoice and praise our Lord every day...but there isn't a moment I'm not scared. I'm not 100% positive why God places struggles in our life, the only thing I can come up with is he is using those struggles to mold us into the exact person he wants us to be--he has better things in store for us, things we couldn't even imagine. Never give up, never lose your faith, never stray to far from God. He is and will always be by you on this path, even in your darkest moments.

 

 

18 weeks

This weeks been pretty good, sleeps been a little better and knock on wood I haven't been sick in a while. :)

My main cravings is salad-veggies-pickles-banana peppers-anything spicy! Still don't want anything sweet and meat is still a little hard to eat.

Our gender scan is next MONDAY- eekkkk!! My gut instinct says boy, but we'll see :) we will have our gender reveal dinner is next Friday and I absolutely can wait to tell our family and friends!

Overall week 18 have treated me well! I'm so blessed! ❤

Amazing

17 weeks

Well...HAPPY 17 weeks sweet bean!!

This bean is starting to be a little nicer to mommy! She can eat a little better, hasn't gotten sick in about a week (knock on wood)...sleeping a little better and 'only' getting up to pee about 3 times a night to pee vs 7 :)

I'm still craving subway sandwiches. Well any kind of sandwich loaded with lettuce and veggies...but at subway I'm able to put TONS of veggies on it. Meat is still a little hard (unless its smothered in veggies)...I guess it's safe to say I'm craving veggies- ha!!! Pickles are still auh-mazing!! Loving ice cold drinks still...spicy things like banana peppers are a favorite! But still no sweets-gag!! (I'm not complaining though, it's probably a good thing I don't want sweets). When I want something I HAVE to have it like ASAP. My poor sweet husband is so great at making sure we eat what I'm hungry for...even if we eat it several days in a row :)

I am starting to feel stuff-I don't want to quite call it 'movement' yet because I'm not 100% positive that's what it is...everyone tells me it is; but I'm new to this :). It's either gas or the baby...my Dr says probably both :)

Two weeks exactly till we find out what this bean is! I'm so ready to start planning! :)

We're almost to the half way mark! <3

16 weeks

I'm almost to the half way point...I never thought I'd want to rush through pregnancy; however I'm so ready to have this baby in my arms!!

Eating has been a little better, I still get sick in the mornings and nights some days--but for the most part I'm feeling much better.

My cravings have been: subway sandwiches loaded down with yummy veggies, still raw veggies with ranch, cereal with apples in it, chips and cheese dip and I love cold cold cold drinks. Still no sweets...they make me gag!!

I had my 16 weeks OB appt Wednesday, everything went good. I'm finally gaining a little weight which my dr is happy about. I also found out the big date of when we will find out what this bean is....on 12/17 we will officially know! We will have a gender dinner with family Friday evening to surprise everyone. I'm so ready, it still all seems so surreal!!

As far as sleep-Zach bought me a mattress pad and it seems to be helping some; I still get up about 10 times a night to pee, and I can officially tell when this bean is sitting on my bladder. Ouchy!!

So thankful for 16 weeks with this bean, praying for 24 more :)

Thankful

I'm so thankful for my sweet and loving husband. He loves me for me! He has been my strength and picked me up when I felt like I couldn't go forward anymore. He's my life, my world! My sunshine on a cloudy day! I would be completely lost without him. His laughter is contagious and makes every day with smiling!

 

I am beyond thankful for our family. My mom, dad, step mom, brother, all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and in laws...together Zach and I have quite a large family. I'm blessed to say we are close to everyone. God has truly blessed us with family who have been by our sides through thick and thin!!

 

My sweet friends make me count my blessings everyday. I do not know what I would do without them! I have several, and several that I have met online and have been honored to become close to. My friends ARE the BEST! While going through infertility or treatments, even the rough patches of failed IVF's and miscarriages our sweet friends always always knew a way to put a smile on our face...when Zach and I were drowning in tears they were always there to save us. I am beyond grateful and thankful for the amazing friends I have!

 

I'm thankful for infertility. I know, what a strange thing to be thankful for considering it's brought so much heartache into our lives. We haven't know anything but struggling with infertility since we got married, it's all we know. It could have broke us or built us; and I'm so honored to say it built us. We are both two completely different people because of this. Infertility taught us how to lean on God 110%. It taught us about Faith and Patience. It taught us about each others weaknesses and strengths. It taught us how to never give up!! It hasn't always been peachy, but it was/is our life...it will always be apart of our life...almost 7 years of trying to conceive. It doesn't define us, but it's defiantly built us!

 

So thankful for our merciful and glorious GOD! A God who is SO Big! A God who never leaves your side...a God who even when things seem to be falling apart around you always finds a way to show you that everything will be ok. So thankful for being brought up in a Christian family.

 

So thankful that after almost 7 years I can say I'M PREGNANT. I haven't had the easiest pregnancy...I've determined I love pregnancy but pregnancy doesn't love me :) It's been quite the journey, but we MADE IT! So thankful for this little bean! My sweet bean has no idea just how loved it already is, my heart swells when I think of being able to hold him/her in a short 5 months...I will finally get to see my husband be a father. My parents be grandparents. This bean is our life, we have waited so long for this. I am so thankful for this bean, stay strong bean...your mommy and daddy love you more than anything in the world!

 

 

Life doesn't always go the way you think it will, were proof of that. But I'm thankful for the ride God took us on, the people He has placed in my life and the miracle He has blessed us with!

 

God Bless you all! Have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

15 weeks

We all give thanks throughout the month and the week of Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for this year. So thankful for this growing bean :) so thankful we have made it to week 15!

Cravings this week: ice, raw veggies,wenches fruit chews (frozen), salad and pickles. ((Still nothing sweet and meat is still hard to eat))

My sleep is getting a little better, ad nausea is getting a little better as well-there are still some mornings I get very sick, but for the most part I'm getting a little energy back :)

I'm excited about Thanksgiving, my first one pregnant :) I'm not sure if I want any meat, but looking forward to all of the other good Thanksgiving fixings!!

Praising and rejoicing this week! I hope and pray you and yours have a very blessed holiday!

14 weeks

I've made it to 14 weeks! Every day and every week is such a milestone.

I've had a horrible cold this past week that's gotten worse the past couple days so that's made me feel more nauseated lately. For the most part I feel ok, dinner is still the hardest meal to eat.

Cravings this week are lettuce and raw veggies.

Still can't eat anything sweet-even the thought of cookies or cake makes me want to gag! (Thank you baby for helping momma not want her weakness).

Sleep is still non existent. I'm still getting up several times through the night to pee, and getting comfortable is hard. I have a bad back and hips so I think that contributes to my lack of sleep.

Over all I'm doing great-I listen to the beans heartbeat every morning and things seem to be going good. I can't believe next week is Thanksgiving and to think I'll be pregnant for my first holiday! So much to be thankful for <3

13 weeks

So blessed to have made it to 13 weeks!!

I am feeling a little better, my nausea has gone from all day to 'briefly' in the morning and really heavy at night. Dinner is probably the hardest meal for me to eat--I can't eat meat and nothing sweet!

I love pineapple, pickles, salads, raw veggies with ranch, and chopped ice.

I've lost 7lbs and as my appt today I haven't gained or lost anymore since my last appt.

My sleep is none existent, I bought a belly pillow bit it isn't helping much at the moment. I pee about 3-5 times a night and the rest I'm tossing and turning....maybe I have insomnia.

I still burp like a man and all the other gross things-haha...but I'm loving every minute of this!

I have a belly doppler and at 12 weeks 4 days I was able to pick up the heartbeat. I don't listen long, just long enough to find my little bean and know everything is ok. :) it's an amazing since of relief!

My blood results will come back next week for genetic screening-and my next appt is on the 28th! ❤

Gods Great!!

His Plan

I would have been 32 weeks pregnant....now I'm 12 weeks pregnant

I was dreading Thanksgiving, but now I will be around 15 weeks pregnant with a lil
 turkey!

I was due on Christmas day, not sure how I would have made it though it...now I will be finding out if our miracle is a boy or girl around Christmas.

We announced that we were pregnant on Mothers Day last year, I couldn't even bare the thought of another Mothers Day...but now I am DUE around Mothers Day!

We found out our other miracle didn't have a heart beat on 5/22 and had a D&C on 5/23...only God can be the reason why I will be holding this precious miracle in my arms on those days.

I don't know why bad things happen; and although I know I am not in the clear by any means...I can only have Faith that this was and has been his plan! He broke me down to build me up-and now I have another reason for continuing to move forward.

23 weeks ago my world was crashing down on me-I didn't understand life, wanted answers and didn't have any...now I do!!

Happy Halloween

                                               Happy Halloween from our family to yours :)

Our 'pregnancy' story

This cycle has been a little bit of a challenge...it started off smooth. We didn't tell anyone, we had the opportunity to do our transfer fairly quickly after our D&C and although it was a hard choice to move on right away we both knew it was what we wanted. We didn't tell our jobs, family, anyone...I had 2 friends who knew. That was it. Keeping it a secret this time was a little easier than last time; not only were we scared we didn't want anyone to worry as well.

On August 28th Zach and I went in for our transfer where they transferred 3 perfect embryos...I was off for about a week, complete bed rest. I started testing like I always do and within days knew it took...but would it last was the question?

Roughly at 4 weeks pregnant I starting spotting; fearing the worst and just needing answers I went in for an ultrasound. My husband was out of town so thankfully my best friend Ashley rushed over to go to the doctor with me; that was when we saw one perfect sac! The Dr really couldn't explain what the spotting was from but he advised me to just take it easy...

I spotted off and on for a couple more weeks...around 6 and half weeks I went to the restroom and realized I was losing alot of blood....I panicked! Called Zach immediately and he rushed me to the ER. I had to have some fluids pumped in me and a catheter put in me for an ultrasound...again I expected the worse! With that amount of blood I knew it was over. To our surprise there was a perfect little baby with a heart beating of 124 beats per minute.

I went in for an appt at 8 weeks and everything looked great, my Dr saw a small hemorrhage spot near my placenta and said that could be where the blood was coming from...the baby's heart was now around 165bpm and everything was progressing perfectly....since I was still spotting he wanted to keep me vs. releasing me to my OBGYN in town. I went back at 10 weeks where Zach and I got to see our baby move, it waved at us...I believe that's the moment it sunk it that 'this is real'....our baby's heart beat at that time was around 181 and everything looked amazing. I went back yesterday for my last appt with my RE, my 12 week appt. The baby was great! Heart beat of 171.

As of right now I am not spotting anymore; but I can't tell you the fear every time I go potty.

Have you seen 'What to expect when expecting?' You know the lady who tried for a while and she had what she referred to was an 'Ugly pregnancy' (Gas, bloating, burping, acne, sickness....?) Yea, that's me! All of it! I knew people had pregnancy's where they didn't feel good at times, but I always pictured myself having a 'pretty' one....HAHA! Who was I kidding? I am very happy to say this pregnancy is an 'ugly one'...I burp like a man! Pass gas when I don't even mean too! Sound like I'm dying in the mornings when I'm throwing up! Can only eat a handful of things--pickles are my lifesaver! I can't sleep at all, but yet I'm tired all the time! IT'S A PRETTY NASTY AMAZING EXPERIENCE! I wanted this, I prayed for this...I wanted the reassurance every day that my baby was still fighting....and I GOT IT!! I can't complain, although it's not really fun, it's what I needed to keep me sane!

So please say a little prayer that this little bean stays holding on tight and that momma has no more spotting!

Our Lil' Pumpkin



MTV-True Life-Infertility

 

WOW-what an honor! I was contacted by an MTV producer about doing a documentary about Infertility on their popular show called True Life. She found me through my blog when she googled infertility. Pretty neat!

 

There was one minor problem--Zach and I are not quite ready to jump back into treatments, so therefor we do not qualify. You have to be actively trying, and we are not.

 

I talked to the producer and she asked if I would mind spreading the news in hopes that some young infertile couples who are actively trying would like to document the struggles of this journey.

 

Below is the information that she sent me:

 

**** AWARD WINNING MTV DOCUMENTARY SERIES--TRUE LIFE ****

TRUE LIFE: I'M HAVING FERTILITY ISSUES

Have you always wanted to have a baby and are finding out that getting pregnant isn't as easy as it seems? Have you been trying for months -- or even years -- to get pregnant without success? Have you or your partner been diagnosed with a condition that makes it difficult to conceive naturally and plan to seek help from a fertility clinic? Are you so consumed with having a baby that you'll stop at nothing to have your own? If so, is your partner right there with you? Or is he or she reluctant to spend the money and energy it would take to conceive through high tech means? Are your fertility issues causing problems with your relationship? Has trying to have a baby left you emotionally, physically, and financially drained? Do you have a pre-existing health condition where being pregnant could be dangerous for you and your baby, but you're determined to beat the odds?

If you appear to be the ages of 18-29 and you're CURRENTLY struggling with fertility issues, please email us:

-------->> MTVInfertile@mtv.com <<-----------

--CURRENTLY STRUGGLING with Infertility and trying to address the situation (going to doctors, treatments etc)

--they can be anywhere in the US

--male or female

--bet 18-29

Please include your name, story, location, PHONE NUMBER, and photograph if possible. Please remember to include your PHONE NUMBER.

 

Since its first episode in 1998, True Life has provided a window into the struggles, hopes, and dreams of young people. Narrated solely by its characters, each episode documents the unusual--and often remarkable--circumstances of real individuals, whether it's about soldiers returning from Iraq, deaf teenagers, or people living with autism. We've given all of them--and hundreds of others--the opportunity to tell their own stories directly to their peers in this powerful series that uniquely reflects the experiences and cultures of this generation.

 

Pinterest

Had to google my website today to find something--well I discovered our sweet little bean's pictures made it to Pinterest. Pretty neat!!

I needed that sweet reminder of our jelly bean today!!

Things don't just happen for a reason! Thank you God :)

Prayers for Momma

My momma went to the ER yesterday due to low blood pressure , when she got to the ER her BP was 60/49. They admitted her obviously because thats extremely too low-they did an EKG and CT scan and both came up normal. Her bloodwork came back showing that her white blood cells were extremely low so they wanted to do a spinal tap to check for meningitis and west Nile (with is being so bad in our area right now). Both came back negative.

*they are worried about infection somewhere as her white blood cell count is still really low

*they are concerned she might have had a stroke however the CT scan came up fine they can't do an MRI because of her coiled brain aneurysms so we are waiting to see what the dr says...

*they put a heart monitor on her because she is having bad chest pains....

We still don't have answers as to what exactly IS wrong--were just waiting patiently and praying. 

Please say a little prayer for nothing serious. 

A lil' Ranger Fun

This past Sunday Zach and I went to see the Texas Rangers play with Ashley and James. It was HOT, 105degrees hot!! We were all a hot-mess, but had an amazing time!! :)

Life's moving forward...

I log in from time to time to read every ones blogs--then I go to write one and don't even know where to begin...nothing interesting has happened in my life lately--at least nothing I would think people would like to read...

We did recently get back from vacation. We went to PA to visit Zach's family,  and went to a family reunion as well. It was a blast seeing everyone and catching up. We haven't seen Zach's family since last October when we went to Branson. So this trip was much needed! We went horseback riding, canoeing (Which by the way-I'm NO good at...how hard can it be to steer a boat?) We rode bumper boats with our nieces and nephew, and did alot of fun activities with them as well (let me just tell you they made me realize fast that I'm far from in shape)...and if being out of shape wasn't bad enough I have to be honest, all I did on vacation was EAT! I blame it on all of the good home cooked Italian food they made...if I lived up north near them to eat there cooking all the time I would easily weigh 20+ pounds heavier if not more! All in all vacation was amazing, a much needed get away!

On the down side my mom recently had surgery and so did my grandfather. Both are recovery fine, but prayers are always appreciated.

I do have to brag on my husband a little. Every year the company he works for picks a couple people throughout the nation wide company who is considered the safest driver, and although he has been promoted and is no longer a driver he was picked while he was one-so he still qualifies. Well they fly them to IL for a few days to compete at the NASCAR track. He will drive through obstacles, take test and a couple other things...if he wins out of this group I believe he will be going to Florida in November...he has no idea what he wins, but just the pride in knowing he was picked out of millions is winning enough. I am very proud of him. He works very hard for us to have the things we do and for us to be able to do the things we do. Love him very much!

On the last note, the one question I've received more than anything...'Whats next'....I hate to say it, but we still aren't sure. Obviously we have 3 frozen babies; it's just the timing...when will we be ready? When will we move forward? I am not sure. Time continues to heal our hearts, I was actually able to go through all our pictures from the short time I was pregnant the other day and didn't feel hurt. WE ARE OK-Zach is my biggest support system--he keeps me where I am so busy I don't think much-he keeps me laughing. Together we are getting through this. I'm always amazed at the love and support from everyone on here, but when you continue to get cards from people you've never met and you haven't blogged in over a month--that's special, that means more than I could explain. Thank you all for being patient with my lack of blogging. Thank y'all for continuing to check on me and for the continued prayers.

Life's moving along...nothing interesting...but were finally moving forward.  :)

OK!

I promise I am still here...you can't get rid of me that easy. :)

We have just taken some time, I have distanced myself from any social network and have tried to concentrate on us and our future.

We are doing ok. I had a breakdown last week, and Fathers Day was rather hard. But overall we are doing good, staying busy. Between weddings, anniversary parties, birthday parties, working, vacation, and just some scheduled fun Zach has us pretty busy during the weekends to come...which that helps. 

I am ok...WE are OK!

I looked through pictures the other day and I couldn't help but smile thinking about how blessed we are, of course we wanted this to end differently, no one wants trails in there life...but to 'just' experience it for a short time makes my heart pitter patter :)

GOD IS GREAT! 

thank you everyone for the continued prayers :)

Unforgettable

My thoughts….I’m not even sure if I can put them into words honestly. My feelings…pretty much every emotion you could feel I’ve felt the past week…My heart…broken and trying to accept God’s plan….My life…turned upside down in a blink of an eye.

Why this happened to us, I don’t know—but why do bad things happen period? I have faith in God’s plan, I just don’t quite understand it…probably never will.

Everything was fine, everything! I had no bleeding…no cramping…no signs of a miscarriage. That should make me smile knowing it wasn’t my body rejecting our baby…but it doesn’t make anything better at the moment. The minute my Dr. noticed our baby didn’t have a heartbeat I believe tears filled his eyes before mine…I sat there in shock for a minute or two praying to God he would wake me from this horrible dream-I never woke, still  haven’t-and don’t think I will.

After I calmed down a little my Doctor insured me I did nothing wrong—although I trust this wasn’t my fault I can’t help but feel that way at times. I think it’s just natural to feel like a failure…although I know I am not. My Dr. told me our baby was abnormal, and unfortunately this is your body’s natural way of rejecting your embryo. He explained that all babies are made of several chromosomes from the egg and the sperm, and sometimes chromosomes are missing…and sadly the baby doesn’t know there missing until they need it, which in return stops your child from growing and causes your babies heart to stop…hurts so bad!

They say when doors close, better doors open…maybe that’s our case? Maybe our perfect bean was too special for this world and God couldn’t stand to be away from our baby for too long…I try to tell myself that’s how it is, makes me feel better about the situation.

I’ll be ok, and knowing that gives me comfort. I hurt badly, but now I know my body CAN get pregnant.

I want to sob (and I do) at what I’ve lost….but I’m sitting here celebrating what I had! I WAS PREGNANT! I finally got to see my husbands expression when he found out he was going to be a daddy—and let me tell you he was a very protective father, he will be an amazing daddy to a child one day. We got to tell our family, and listening to there excitement will never leave my heart. We got to hear the heartbeat, oh how amazing that filling was. We experienced life, for a brief time. And although we are mourning our loss we know God blessed us for a short time and we are grateful for that.

The heartache will linger for awhile. Our tears will eventually dry, however we will never forget.

Our jelly bean was special to us and many, I think we have built up love for this baby for the 6 years that we have been trying to conceive…so although this baby was only in me for a short time it was loved for years.

We won’t ever give up-our baby has 3 frozen siblings…as far as when we will be ready that’s for God to tell us. Were leaving our lives in his hands, when it’s time to try again he will let us know. He has his reasoning's, and it’s tough to accept, and I don’t think we have accepted them yet honestly…but were trying. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Prayers Needed :(

Our baby no longer has a heart beat. Right now my heart is just in a million pieces and I can't quite sort through my thoughts. I know with time things will get better and I know God has amazing plans for us-but right now Zach, myself and our family will be in need of prayers.

Happy Anniversary

Happy 6 wonderful years!! Who would have ever thought that 2012 would be the year of our marriage that our dream come true and prayers got answered. God is great!! Thank you Lord for blessing me with such an amazing husband who is also my best friend-my rock and my strength and ultimately the father to my unborn baby! Our life is far from perfect-but I wouldn't trade a moment!

Zachary-you will never know how much you mean to me! I love you to the moon and back forever and always. I can't wait to watch you develop into a daddy-you will be an amazing one that's for sure!! ILU

My week 6-8

I am a little over 8 weeks (don't worry belly pictures will be coming weekly, I started at 6 weeks...I just haven't uploading them yet)

So those pictures will be coming...but for now---our sweet little miracle!

How far along?

Currently a little over 8 weeks

Total weight gain/loss:

Maybe a pound...not much, just bloated.. 

Maternity clothes?

Some, not really because I 'need need' them, mostly because there more comfortable.

Sleep:

Besides getting up every 2 hours to pee, I'm sleeping great (And I sleep all the time)

Best moment this week:

Monday we got to see our jelly bean again, and we announced it publicly.

Movement:

Nothing so far...

Food cravings:

I have a major sweet tooth, however during the past couple weeks I haven't wanted anything sweet...raw veggies (like carrots/broccoli, celery), steak and mushrooms, french fries and chicken strips, milk and apple juice...those are been alot of my favorites the past week..

Gender:

Dont' know...part of me is thinking boy..but I'm not sure why?

Labor Signs:

None, and it better stay this way for a while!

Belly Button in or out?

In

What I miss:

Nothing, I've waited 6 years for this...I'm so very blessed!

Milestones:

I would just have to say making it another week being pregnant...they have me as high risk since I've never even had a miscarriage so they are not sure how I will carry...so week by week and even day by day I praise God!

About our announcement!

I really wanted to keep a secret until week 12--however for those of you that have done IVF (if your like me) you know about all the bloating that comes alot with the shots...although I am not actually showing alot right now, I do appear that I am.

So hiding this news and staying hibernated for another 4 weeks would have been extremely hard.

So we made the decision to keep it to ourselves until we heard the heartbeat...once we heard that glorious sound we knew it would be ok to tell our family.

My first announcement was to my husband of course...he knew I was going in for blood work that morning...so keeping it a secret all day until he got home wouldn't have been easy; so I called him and we just cried happy tears together...when he got home I have a cute little bib and a card waiting for him! 

We waited till Mothers Day weekend to tell our family. Well since his family is out of state we called them first--we made sure we were on speaker phone and then I texted the below picture to them...all we could hear was 'OH MY GOSH ARE THOSE BABY BOOTS'...followed by many screams! ha :)

We told my grandparents in the middle of the week; my Grandmother was so beyond ecstatic and my sweet Papa cried!

My MaPerk and momma were next....momma screamed and cried happy tears...it was so amazing to see her so happy....my Perk instantly said  'these boots are made for walking' however it took her a minute to realize...she soon let our a loud gasppp.... :)

My dad, brother and step mom were next! As she unwrapped the picture frame and saw the baby boots she started screaming like I've never seen before...from screams to tears it was apparent that we made several people happy this week by our family growing by two feet...

God answers prayers...I always had visions of being able to announce this, and although I never gave up it's still crazy to believe this is really happening...

The Inside Scoop

Well you might be wondering...natural blessing? or Fertility treatments?

We have ourselves an IVF baby and are so blessed that this round worked!

We started birth control back in February. It was the hardest thing not talking about it-or blogging about it! We knew though that this time around we needed this to not only be about 'just us' but we needed to 'focus' more on us! So unfortunately the person who loves to talk and document everything was left keeping very quiet!

This cycle was VERY different from others, and esp. our last IVF cycle! In the beginning of this cycle I did acupuncture. I didn't quite know how much I would like it, but to be honest it's amazing. The relaxation it gave me was beyond great! My medicine was also increased, which helped tremendously.

Last year we went almost 2 weeks over from when they projected me to have the retrieval, my eggs were 'ok' but not great! This cycle I received nothing BUT good news---I went on time and perfect!

The day of the retrieval was a little hard; for some reason this year I've been having horrible vein problems....they have been collapsing and rolling...so it took several times to get my IV in which left me in tears....

However, the news that they retrieved 28 very good looking eggs made up for having sore hands (It's crazy what you will go through to have a little blessing!) This cycle they did ICSI which made a HUGE difference. Last cycle only two blastocyst made it to transfer and they weren't in the best of quality...this time we had 5, 2 to transfer and 3 to freeze...

The day of transfer was an amazing feeling...Zach and I just had good thoghts this whole time. Something was bound to go right...

I took so much time off of work this time, almost 2 weeks for retrieval and transfer...I wanted that extra rest to make sure my baby/babies stuck!!

Last cycle I started testing around day 6-7 days past transfer and tested multiple times a day until my beta, however last cycle the day before my beta the test went negative over night...oh what a horrible day that was!

So this cycle I debated if I wanted to test or not...I woke up on FOUR days past and had the urgency to test....It's so hard not to! I knew I wouldn't see anything that early, but little to my surprise was a line...the same darkness as I saw last year at day 6-7...so you can only imagine how much that thrilled me! I continued to test...it was the only thing that kept me sane...call me crazy but this was my sense of relief every morning and every night!

I don't really like the term 'prego' but I didn't take quite enough for 'pregnant' haha...I took alot though!

May 7th was the BIG DAY...I found out early (around 3-4 weeks) that I was pregnant...and I had to wait until MAY 7th for our ultrasound, that was 3 whole weeks...the hardest wait ever! This ultrasound of course would tell us how many, and also if our baby/babies were on track!

I can't tell you the joy in my heart when I saw that little flicker or heart beat! I can't tell you the thoughts that were going through my head...I thought I would be sad that both didn't make it, but all I could do was rejoice at that perfect little squishy blob on the screen!

CHRISTMAS DAY this little miracle is due! I can't think of a better birthday than to share one with Jesus! Although who knows when I will officially go into labor...but it's exiting to think about it!

This little jelly bean is so loved!



A CHRISTMAS Baby

We are growing two little feet to fit into these boots...

DUE: 12/25/12



Munchkin Land Designs- My Blog

Head over to Jenn's blog at Munchkin Land Designs to check out a post highlighting my blog!! While your there flip through her gallery and check out her amazing talent!!

I can't get the button she sent me on my page through my iPad but here is the link to her sight:

http://blog.munchkinland-designs.com/

She's amazing and I hope y'all enjoy my little interview/ Q&A post she wrote!

Totally Random

In order to be a better blogger I thought of a fun little blog that helps me not be 'so boring'

5 things you may not know about me:

1) I am addicted to shoes, especially wedges--I have more than I can count and find myself looking at them every time were at a store with shoes....

2) I have scoliosis, it's not to severe at the moment-Thank God! But it sure gives me trouble every now and then...

3) DEATHLY afraid of spiders, bees, wasps, snakes, any creepy crawly creature!!!

4) I have to have stability in my life--kudos to those who move alot due to there spouses job--I could def move one or two times but def not several over the years.

5) I'm a reality show junkie- Big Brother, Gulianna and Bill, Bachelor/Bachelorette, Almost any cooking show.... Love these shows!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday to the greatest man I have ever met!

My sweet husband turns '27' TODAY! 

He will never know just how much I am thankful for him and for the many things he does for us!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY! 

I love you to the moon and back!

((P.S. It's also my sweet sister in laws birthday as well ---Happy Birthday Beth! Hope your day is very special and amazing!!)

My boring life...

I am a horrible blogger...enough said!

I sit down to write about our boring life then I think 'no one will want to read about that'...

We got a hammock the other day, that was the highlight of my weekend---but surely no one will want to read about that, haha!

Or I could blog about our upcoming Jimmy Buffet concert that is next week...

I feel like at this point in time our life is a little on the boring side...and I just don't want to bore any of y'all--I find myself staring at the computer forever wanting to write about our weekend, or our week and there really isn't much to write about...

Oh how I'd love to write about something interesting...

Please tell me I am not the only one who feels this way at times...

hopefully soon I can blog about something that will make up for all of my boring post :)

Reflections

It's been about a year since our last (and very first IVF)--you would think I would eventually quit thinking about it--but truth be known I think of it often.

How much pain and discomfort my body went through, yet how wonderful the whole experience felt...how when our  'babies' where placed back in me how exhilarating that felt knowing that 2 little babies that Zach and I created were waiting to attach and grow...

Watching my pregnancy tests get darker and darker day by day knowing 'this is finally it'...seeing the word 'pregnant' without the 'not' and how amazing that day felt!! Seeing how my husband cared for me and my 'belly' at the time, not wanting to hurt anything.

The the awful day when my tests went to negative and my beta came back a 4....

As I type this I look up at our bulletin board in our office to look up at our ultrasound of 'our babies'...friends and family often tell us to throw them away as they only bring us 'down'....but truth is they don't bring us down, they make us happy knowing what we had, even if it was short lived.

One day (and hopefully/prayerfully) soon I will be able to tell you a child is on it's way, whether it's pregnancy natural, IVF, or adoption...God has a plan for us and we plan to follow it!

Sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers...and maybe our last IVF was meant to be a learning lesson for Zach and I...and stepping stone in the right path. We learned alot about ourselves and our relationship and just how strong we are.

Sometimes it's nice just to sit back and reflect on all that God has taken you through--the good, bad and ugly.



Kudos to my man!

My husband--he is such a hard worker, a loving and caring husband, and my very best friend! He works hard for our family and for our dreams! He recently has received a promotion, and I am beyond proud of his hard work and accomplishments!

Zach is the type of guy who will put everyone before him, he has such a powerful care for his customers and his friends...he goes above and beyond the call of duty to help anyone out...

I am beyond thankful and blessed to call this man my husband! 

Congrats honey! You deserve this!

Pete & My Pepa

I received alot of questions about my grandfather and his dog Pete--most wanted to know if he was in The Little Rascals--that answer is no. Although he was friends with the cast, Buckwheat was one of his closest friends...he always told me they would eat pickles together :)

My grandfather, better know to me as 'Pepa' and to others as Ted Lucenay grew up in California--my great grandfather, Harry Lucenay was the owner of Pete (and Pete's dad Pal). Pete first got his break in show business in the 1920s when he took over Pal's, his dads , place in the Buster Brown silent movies. The Buster Brown director, Hal Roach, went on to direct Pete in the Our Gang comedies. Infamous for the ring around his left eye and his funny antics, Pete quickly stole the show.

 Pete died in 1946, when my Pepa was 18. My grandfather joined the Army and after his discharge, settled in the Waco area in the 1950s when he married my grandmother, MaPerk. 

Before my grandfather passed away it was normal for him to be bombarded with requests for pictures and information about his beloved animal. Museums have contacted him, and the Waco-McLennan County Library also wanted information for a display--there is a local channel on TV that they would air my grandfather on with him talking about Pete--Zach never got to meet my Pepa, but shortly after he passed away I could hear his voice in the other room, as I walked in Zach was watching his show...it was so emotional and so surreal to see my grandfather, healthy-happy-and talking about his beloved Pete...it was also really neat that Zach got to see him as well :)

Although my grandpa was used to the attention, Pete was more than a celebrity to him. He was a best friend.

"He was a gentle, playful and warm dog," Pepa said. "He would sleep at the foot of my bed. He was just the regular family dog. I really miss him." ...."He was always recognized,"... "Everybody loved him."

The black ring around Pete's left eye was not the work of a makeup artist. The natural skin coloration was such an oddity that it became certified by Ripley's Believe It or Not.

I remember asking my Pepa several times about Pete, I would curl up in his lap and just listen to the story over and over...

Pic A Day

I have participated in the February picture a day challenge--I however haven't had time to blog them :) So here is my day 1-16

DAY 1: MY VIEW-while getting a pedi

 

DAY 2: WORDS-from my sweet birthday card from my husband :)

 DAY 3: HANDS

 

DAY 4: STRANGER-while waiting for our movie date to begin 

DAY 5: 10AM--cleaning

DAY 6-DINNER: Forgot to take a picture of my dinner, so this was my yummy dessert!

DAY 7: BUTTON--off my jeans

DAY 8: SUN--the little we had that day

Day 9 (was a door--I forgot to take a pic of that one)

DAY10: ME :)

DAY 11: Something I love--My grandpa whom I miss dearly (pictured with his dog Pete from the Little Rascals) 

DAY 12: Picture of my closet-sneak peak because I'm guilty of a very messy closet these days :)

DAY 13: BLUE--rings at work :)

DAY 14: HEART--the necklace I want so bad :)

DAY 15: PHONE--my new phone cover

DAY 16: SOMETHING NEW--my bracelet I received for my birthday :)

I seriously planned on doing this daily or weekly, and as you can see I am on day 16 and just now blogging all of them :) 

Life has been crazy lately, and I promise as soon as I can gasp a quick breath I will update y'all on everything--EVERYTHING IS OK--just alot of little things :)

Gah' I'm Old

Today I am 28

My 10 year highschool reunuin is in June!

10 years I have been out of highschool!

I am only 2 years away from 30!

I went to Clinque the other day and stocked up on all sorts of anti aging products--call me crazy--but I am just preparing. Maybe it's age, maybe it's our infertility journey--but I find new gray hairs and new wrinkles every day...NOT COOL! So I guess hair dye and anti Clinque will be my best friends for a while :)

Gah' I'm old....

Ughhhhh

That best describes how I feel at the moment :(

Since Tuesday I have felt bad, Wednesday I started a little pesty cough...Thursday it got a little worse...Friday it increased and Saturday it was awful.

I had to work Saturday-and throughout the day I just kept feeling weaker and weaker...

On my way home I went to the Treat n Go clinic that I pass on my way home from work--I have never been to an urgent care clinic, but it's not so bad!!

I have been diagnosed with Bronchitis---BUMMER!! She stated my lungs sound a little 'junky' but it's not quite pneumonia! PHEW!!

I came straight home, literally was crawled in bed by 7:30---woke up at 8am, ate me a cinnamon roll and now I am back in bed--sounds fun huh?

I feel awwwfull :(

Life is Fragile...

Zach expierenced a moment that will stay for him with the rest of his life--a moment that can haunt you.

Yesterday Zach found a man (co-worker at a distant branch) in there work truck passed away--

The guy had a massive heart attack in his truck--Zach went up to check on him as most thought he was 'napping before his long trip back to his branch'---Zach said his gut instinct told him something was seriously wrong, when he opened the door he shook the guy and just thought to his self  'please wake up...' Zach checked his pulse, said it was very cold and his face blue, so Zach ran in to call 911...once the ambulance got there they confirmed he had passed.

He handled the situation so great-I am proud of how great he handled it. However when he got with me I could tell how shaken up he was--all he kept telling me was 'I just wish he would have woken up'..

Please keep this gentleman's family in your prayers-such a hard time to go through.

Say a little prayer for Zach as well as he continues to replay the situation in his head-

On a side note, we found out that my sweet friend Lorri's cancer is incurable, right now they are trying to determine the best pain management to make her comfortable-we have no idea 'how bad' things are at this time. Please keep her family in your prayers.

Sometimes it seems like your surrounded by bad things happening...

'Life is fragile, Handle with Prayer'