News Years Eve ALREADY???

I can't believe that tomorrow is 2009...where has the year gone? So much has happened in this year, we have been through so much but have also learned so much about each other and ourselves. I am proud to say that even though I didn't come out of 2008 with a baby, I came out as a new and improved person. My faith is so much stronger, and our marriage gets stronger by the day. I can't say if 2009 will be the year we have a baby, I sure hope so...but I do know that we will continue to grow stronger. We don't ever know God's plan, he took me down some roads this year that I didn't expect to be on, however we just have to have faith in him and let him drive. It's like that song "Jesus take the wheel". He is the only one who knows whats ahead and the only one who is in control!!!

I hope you all have a VERY Happy and Blessed New Years! Be careful if you go out!!

2nd go around is always easier...

Well I went in this morning for my 2nd IUI, and overall I think it went so much better. I am not sure if it was due to me knowing what to expect or the fact another Dr. did the procedure (my Dr. is off on Tuesdays and in surgery's on Wednesday, so it's been a different Dr. in his office who has done my procedure) I have to admit, the Dr. I had today is so much better than the last. He was more like my own Dr. and I just felt more comfortable and felt like it went alot easier and smoother. The procedure did hurt, but not as bad as last time. He did inform me that I have a tilted uterus...he told me not to be concerned, and it's alot like being left handed (not everyone has it but it's not THAT uncommon) I asked if this could be a reason why it's hard to concieve, he said yes and no...no b/c there are women out there who get pregnant off the 1st natural cycle who have tilted uterus, but then there are others who have a hard time...so it really just depends on the person, and what other problems the patient has.

I go back on the 9th for progesterone blood work, I won't know my results until the following Monday though. I feel alot more at peace about this cycle than last! I know God has been with me every step of the way through this journey, but I just feel he has his arms extra tight around me this time.

Amazed....

I just checked my email and I had 7 emails regarding "new comments" on my blog post. I can't even tell you how much all of your comments have meant to me. I sit here with tears in my eyes because I feel so honored that you all care so much. I never in a million years thought going through something so difficult would be the best thing in my life and bring me to know such wonderful people, God is amazing. I know some of you on personal levels, but others I have only met through here, and I can't begin to express to each and everyone of ya'll how much your prayers, your thoughts and your sweet sweet comments mean so much to me. Everytime I read one I just smile big and I thank God for bringing me to know you all.

For those going through the same or similar situation as I am, keep your heads up...God will bring each one of us through this, we just have to have faith! I thank you all for keeping up with my journey, we will all have our blessings in time!!!! God is amazing!!!

For my "fertile mertiles" thank you all for being there for me, even with as hard as it might be for you, you all have been there for me through thick and thin, and I really appriciate all your prayers and support!!!

Thank you all, I really appriciate you all and love you all so very much!!!!

2nd IUI Tomorrow

I had a follicle scan today (I am CD10). I didn't really have high hopes for this appt b/c well, my Dr. office is closing at noon on Wednesday and won't be open until next Monday, so I really didn't think that it would fall the way it should this cycle. I WAS WRONG...my lining was perfect and I had one huge eggie....I recieved my trigger shot and our IUI is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8:30.

I am really excited about this one, last one I was really nervous, but this one I feel different...I feel more calm...I feel like this one will go smoother...I won't get my hopes up like last time...I just overall feel alot better about this one!!!!

I will be going to work tomorrow after my IUI, however I am going comfortable and will be taking it very easy, but I have alot I have to get done before the end of the month, so I have to be here. WELL...just keep us in your prayers, I would love to be able to start 2009 off as a mommy to be....everything is in God's hands, he is watching over us and guiding us through this.

What do you think God meant...

What do you think God meant when he gave me infertility???

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the STRENGTH within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special reason. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

I know our time is coming, I have FAITH. God has his arms wraped so tight around me and my husband...I feel it! WE WILL BE PARENTS!!!!!!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

from The Pifer Family

I know we are a day early, but tomorrow we will be busy doing our Christmas so I don't think I will be able to get on...so I just wanted to wish you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I know at times we can get tied up with the presents and cooking and all the other good stuff that comes along with this Holiday season, however don't forget the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ! I pray that you and yours have a very blessed day!

No Time To Dwell...

LIFE WILL GO ON....

Well for starters let me say THANKS to you all for being there for Zach and I through the past couple days. Saturday was a very hard day for us…but we survived and now were moving on. There isn’t any time to dwell on the “past” as we are now starting to prepare for our next cycle.

I talked to my Dr. this next cycle will have to be timed just perfectly in order to get the IUI, but we will def. be doing all the fertility meds this go around and hope and pray the IUI will fall right so we can get that too. I go in next Monday (day 10) for my first follicle scan. Since we have been trying to have an IUI my “ovulation time” as fallen different pretty much every cycle, all the other cycles were a bust, either because it fell over the weekend or I just never produced follicles. Well…my Dr. said “IF” my cycle falls like this last cycle, day 12 will be on New Years Eve. Well they are open till noon, so that is good...however, that doesn’t mean I will be ready on day 12…I might not be ready till day 13-14-15 or 16…and well, they are closed those days. So pretty much I have Monday and Tuesday that I need to be ready on and hopefully get the IUI Tuesday or Wednesday…it’s tricky this time, but it can happen if it’s meant to be.

This will be our last cycle before our couple month break off meds. Please continue to keep Zach and I in your prayers during this journey. We wouldn’t be able to get through this so easy if it wasn’t for all your love and strength and support you all give us! God has a PLAN and WE DO know this…this past weekend wasn’t the easiest, but we knew and saw that coming considering so much is invested in these cycles vs. “reg” cycles (if you really want to consider any cycle I have had “regular”.)

I hope you all have a blessed and happy Holiday season…if you travel please be careful and may God be with you! :o)

Not So Good Morning....

Well, our first IUI wasn't successful. I started my cycle this morning. I would love to say that this "strong" women you know and admire is being strong, but that would be a lie. This cycle was one of the hardest ones I have ever been through. When i woke up and discovered my worst nightmare was coming true I sat there on the potty and couldn't move, I didn't cry but I just felt like someone ripped a part of me out...the hardest part of all was telling Zach. I couldnt find the words "I started"...I couldn't get it out...I didn't want to see the hurt on his face...when i told him I could see the sadness in his eyes, they filled up with tears then thats when my tears came. He hugged me and told me he loved me and that we would get through this...I of course just kept asking "Why". Shortly after all that, he got a call that he had to go into work...well I knew when he left that I would break down....I tried going back to sleep so that I didn't have to face reality, however once he left the crying started....I cried until I had no more tears...I screamed until my voice hurt...I feel like I have lost a baby...a baby we never really had....but I feel like I just experienced a "miscarraige without being pregnant". Normally I handle this time really well, normally I see the neg. pregnancy test or look at "Aunt Flo" and say..."OK, maybe next month"...."this wasnt my time"....HOWEVER, this cycle was different....this cycle we invested so much time, energy and emotion into. This cycle this strong women wasn't very strong at all...heck I didn't even know what strong was at the time.

As of now, my head just hurts, my throat hurts and my eyes feel like there swollen from crying so much....my heart feels a little better and I know I will be ok. I don't know why God didn't bless us this time, but i do know he had his reasons. I have faith in him and I know that one day Zach and I will have our blessing from above. Today was one of the hardest days ever and it's no where near over. I wish I could go back to sleep...wake up and this all be a dream. God has his reasonings....everything happens for a reason, I just keep telling myself this...

As far as whats next....not sure yet. My Dr. wanted to do one more IUI before our "med break" however leave it up to me and having days fall on holidays...day 12 falls on New Years Eve, so I am not sure how this will work out. I will call them Monday and see, either we will be starting another round of fertilities Monday or we will be starting our few month "med-break".

Thank you for the prayers, just please keep them up!

MY letter to Santa!!!!

YES YES YES....I wrote Santa a letter...(I found a website, that little kids write Santa a letter, and well...here is my letter to him (you kinda fill in the blanks so thats why it sounds different)....he wrote me back too!!!)

Dear Santa Claus,

My name is Tiffany. I am 24 years old!! I live in the great city of Waco. Of course, that's in Texas, United States, but I'll bet you knew that!! This year I've been so good that I should be the angel on top of the tree!

Santa Claus, some things I might like for Christmas this year are:
- A BLESSING FROM ABOVE....;
- A LITTLE BUDDLE OF JOY; and,
- A MIRACLE FROM GOD....

By the way Santa, did I mention that I would love to be pregnant and have a heathly pregnancy? I know I know...I am 24 years old, and I am asking for something only God can give me, but I figured...asking you only makes sure I have all my bases covered as well...SO Santa, please can you and God together please make mine and my husbands dreams come true!? Our ultimate Christmas wish is to be parents...have a baby...a miracle and a blessing at Christmas that we would never forget. Thank you!
Love, Tiffany

MY LETTER BACK FROM SANTA:
Dear Tiffany,

Thank you for sending me your email all the way from Waco! HO!! Ho!! ho!! We get wonderful Christmas emails from boys and girls around the world but everyone at the North Pole sure gets excited when we get one from you Tiffany!

Well tickle my whiskers, Tiffany! Are you fibbing to ol' Santa Claus?!? You can't possibly be 24 years old already! Why it seems like only yesterday that I was leaving presents for a certain little girl and here you are now, practically one of Santa's elves! (*grin*)

Sorry the presents the last little while probably haven't been quite as exciting as they were when you were a little girl but, well, you know how these things go (*wink*). Anyway, Santa's glad to see some of the 'older kids' (not to mention anyone in particular!) still take the time to write. I also hear you've been a REALLY REALLY good girl. (Of course, you won't mind if I do a little checking, will you? HO!! Ho!! ho!!).

Let's see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. a blessing from above....; 2. a little buddle of joy and; 3. a miracle from god.... Not sure the elves can make these, but I sure will try to get you this. Of course, there are a lot of good boys and girls in the world and only so many presents so I hope you won't be too upset with me if you don't get everything you asked for this Christmas, but I think you will get something special you won't ever forget.

Yum! Smells like Mrs. Claus just pulled another batch of cookies out of the oven. HO!! Ho!! ho!! I'll bet she needs help eating them! Take care Tiffany and don't forget to come back and visit me here at EmailSanta.com on Christmas Eve!! And remember... only 13 more sleeps until Christmas!!

Forever and Always Your Friend,
Santa

P.S. Why thank you for the wonderful hugs & kisses Tiffany! Here are some extra special hugs and kisses just for you from everyone at the North Pole!

ANOTHER Blog Award!!!

My friend Ashlee "awarded" my blog! There is something special about this award though, that I haven't had a chance to tell her about. When my grandfather passed away I was sitting as his grave side and was pretty much begging God for some sign that my grandfather was still near and could hear me...I was thinking of anything and everything that I could "ask for" so that I knew he was still with me...BUTTERFLIES...YES Butterflies...I said God PLEASE let a butterfly fly by me...that would let me know if my Pepa and God could hear me...I was in tears and as I patiently waited there wasn't a butterfly in sight...I wiped my eyes and got back up to go to the car, would you believe it if I told you once I got in the car that a butterfly circled my car, (I'm serious!!!) I set there and just bawled my eyes out, that little butterfly followed my car the whole way out of the cemetary, BUT once I drove out of the actual cemetary it stayed there...I know that was my Pepa tell me he was there with me still and that was God answering my prayers. SO you see this little blog "award" is MORE than an award to me...it means that during this time in our "journey" God and my grandfather have found a way to let me know everything is OK, I will be OK and I am NOT alone!

Thank you Ashlee!!!!!!!

It's really hard to just pick 5, as I think each one of ya'lls blogs are WONDERFUL...but here are my 5:

1)Ashlee

2)Shelly

3)Melody

4)Ape

5)Sara

1st IUI = Mission Completed!!!

Were to begin??? We’ll start with last night…Zach got home and rang the door bell, I was so cozy on the couch and couldn’t understand why he was ringing the doorbell…I get up and answer it b/c I don’t want my poor husband freezing outside (even though the cold probably was good for his “little guys” haha!!). I opened the door and there he stood with the most beautiful red and white “Christmas looking” flowers…he said these are for you, there for good luck tomorrow. I looked at those flowers and remembered a quote I have said MANY times…”today’s thorn is tomorrows flower”…was this God’s way of telling me it will be ok, was this God telling me that tomorrow will be the day we create “our flower”…I don’t for sure, but I do know those simple little flowers that my husband only thought were “good luck” meant much more to me than he could ever possibly know.

Zach was too cute last night, after he came in with the flowers he unloaded his lunch box and 4 empty bottles of orange juice fell out…(vitamin C is really good for sperm count) So when he found out we were having an IUI today he went to the convenient store and bought some OJ…he already takes vitamin C every morning and night, but he said he wanted all the help he could get…we laughed so hard last night at the way we were talking…if you could have been a fly on the wall in our house. Hear we are talking about the most embarrassing thing for a man, but yet we were having such a “normal” conversation about it…I asked him how long it took him to “do his thing” haha…I had to make sure he was there at 8, and heck if I know how long it takes…then we started talking about how to get his stuff there the BEST way…where it stays “room temp” in this cold weather..He said I will drive with it between my legs on the way there…I know to ya’ll this doesn’t sound funny, but once we stopped talking and heard ourselves we just laughed so hard. I am so glad that God lead us to find humor is such a serious situation :o)

Trying to go to sleep last night was like a kid trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve….I couldn’t sleep for anything…I swear every time I woke up I thought about it, not nervous or scared or stressed thinking, just so excited…Zach wakes up and he goes to get ready for work and gets his work truck and comes home…I was just waking up about this time to get “semi” ready to hopefully go “conceive our child” (I had to look somewhat decent, even if I was just coming home haha). Zach made me breakfast and after his “deed was done” he was putting on his shoes getting ready to walk out the door…I heard him say “come on little guys, ya’ll have to work ya’lls magic” haha…he called me from my Dr. with this worried sound in his voice, his “little guys” fell (the bottle fell in his work truck…not far, but he was concerned they were “shakened up”…I tried to convince him they should be ok…he wished me good luck and off I went…Yes Zach wasn’t able to be there with me, he had to head to work…but it’s ok, I would rather him get home early than stay with me then get home late….

OK, so I get in the room finally, I was told to undress waist down then on to the table in the cold cold room…I sat there before my nurse and Dr. walked in and prayed…I prayed that God give me strength, I prayed for this to be our only IUI and that this will successfully work and I will be pregnant and get the best Christmas present ever….I asked God to wrap his arms around me and about that time the cold cold room didn’t seem cold anymore…I know God was with me during my procedure. So the Dr. comes in and gets me prepped, the catheter going in hurt so bad, it felt like someone was cutting into my cervix…he said that was normal though, and once the catheter got in to where it needed to be the pain wasn’t SO bad, it was more like cramps. The actual procedure took about 15 minutes, then I laid on the table for about 20 minutes to insure that the little guys are nice and settled in there “new home”.

They said everything went well, I had a little spotting which they said is perfectly normal, and they said I would cramp some which again is normal…now we just sit back and wait. I should find out right before Christmas, I pray that God gives us the best Christmas present ever!!!

Thank you for all the prayers!!!!

IUI TOMORROW

YES you heard me right…I will get my very 1st IUI TOMORROW! I can hardly think right or see straight!

I went in today for my “cyst check up/follicle scan” appt. I get in there and she looking at my cyst, it has gone down to about the size of a golf ball now which is wonderful so surgery is completely out of the question which makes me SO excited…well then as she was scanning all my little follicles trying to see if I had one big enough “I” noticed this mass above my cyst…I asked her what that was…she said “Tiffany, I totally didn’t see that…but that’s a MATURE FOLLICLE”. I am NO expert, but I guess looking at these ultrasounds for about 1 ½ years has FINALLY paid off, hahaha…the mature follicle was so close to my cyst it appeared to be apart of my cyst, however it was a follicle measuring 22mm!!!! AMAZING! My lining was 7.8 which with my meds tonight it will be well over 8mm tomorrow.

SO, she goes out and tells the crew who I can hear inside my little room just a hollering…it’s so nice to know there all rooting for me through all this. My nurse comes in, gives me my trigger shot and gives me all the “Directions”. I have to take Ceotec (sp??) tonight to soften my cervix so that the catheter will make it’s way all the way up to where it needs to be. Zach has to be there at 8am to drop off the “little guys” and I have to be there at 9…I am taking the day off just as I don’t want any stress, I want to be so relaxed and calm through everything.

We are so excited, yes this doesn’t mean I will “get” pregnant by this…sometimes it takes 3-4 IUI’s before one actually conceives, however this was our 5th attempt for an IUI…it took 5 cycles to finally be able to get this done…I just feel like everything is finally falling into place! I know God is with us, I asked him today while waiting in the room before my ultrasound to wrap his arms around me and to please let my cyst shrink and me to be able to have the IUI, but most importantly give me strength through all this…he was there with me, it’s because of him that everything worked out this cycle for the IUI…God is amazing; you just have to have faith in him!
SO please keep us in your prayers during tomorrow, please pray that everything works out the way it should!

**P.S. thank you again to all my friends who have called or text/emailed me this morning, you truly know who your true friends are when a situation like this occurs, and I can’t begin to tell you how much Zach and I truly appreciate you all**

Thanks to our Friends

I want to take this time to thank everyone for being there for us through this journey…

Over the weekend I recieved an email from a lady I have never met, she is not in the same situation as me, however she told me I was her inspiration to get through the hard time she is going through; she came across my blog and says she reads it daily...It amazes me the people God has brought us to know, the people who are there for us...ya’ll are angels sent from above to give us strength. We never in a million years thought a journey like this would bring us to so many new and wonderful friendships…some of the people that we thought would be there aren’t, but for everyone that isn’t there we have about 5 more that I never thought would be here for us but IS! I never would have imagine people I didn’t even know would email/message me to let me know “I” am an inspiration or there hero, I still don’t think I am worthy enough to be someone’s hero or an inspiration to them, but I thank you all for saying that or thinking that, whether you mean it or your saying it to make me a stronger person it means a lot and more than words can describe! God has truly blessed us, and for that we are very thankful!

Here is a couple friendship quotes that I really like:

“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it's lost”

“Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.”

“Hold on to family and friends; they are the most important people in your life, and they make the world a better place. They are your roots and the beginnings that you grew from; they are the vine that has grown through time to nourish you, help you on your way, and always remain close by.”

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

“If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday, and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for…and I am so thankful for my family and friends!”

SO THANK YOU, you all know who you are…you will never ever know how much Zach and I appreciate you all, all your prayers, all your phone calls, all your messages or texts. You will forever be apart of our hearts, we will never forget you or everything ya’ll have done for us…we love ya’ll!!!!

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I had surgery to unblock my tube, a year ago today I was told within 3 months I would most likely be pregnant... So another year has passed and we might even have surgery as an option coming up for my cyst (hopefully not though, I don't want it!!!). well, not everything goes “as planed” HOWEVER, it will go as GOD PLANS! WELL, I am proud to say my faith HAS grown stronger over a year, my strength HAS grown stronger, my hope HAS grown, my love for my husband HAS grown stronger, as it does every day....my support from others HAS grown stronger...there has been MANY positive things that have happened within this year to really sit and dwell on the fact that I am not pregnant yet...GOD IS BLESSING ME as I type this...to have the peace in my heart that I have is more than I can ask for from him right now, this is a hard situation to be in for anyone, but I truly feel God's arms around me through this...I know I am not alone...I know I am not in control he is...and todays "thorn" just very well may be tomorrows "flower". GOD has a plan, and well I TRUST HIM! So what if another year has gone by persay? I am a better person than I ever thought I could be because of all this...I am a more loving wife, caring and loyal friend and an awesome mommy to 3 four legged kids (which might I add, when we DO have kidos, they will still be our 1st borns and will not ever turn into what some people refer to as "dogs") :o)

SO what I am getting at is, not everything will happen as YOU planned, but it will happen as GOD PLANS. HE is the one who is in control, he is the one that you have to have faith in and trust…with God all things are possible, and I know as long as I believe and trust he will grant us our blessing one day.

1st appt for our 5th try on IUI

I went in for my 1st IUI appt (this is our 5th attempt to try our 1st IUI). When I got in there and she started the u/s I saw this HUGE mass of “something”…I thought it was a follicle and I was about to jump for joy, however I was wrong…it’s a cyst; and it’s about the size of a tennis ball. My u/s tech immediately said she need to get my Dr. to find out what he wanted to do, so off I go to another room and wait for him. He comes in and tells me it has blood in it, and it’s either a) a small cyst that I bleed into and it stretched out or b) a follicle that I bleed into and it stretched out. He said as of right now they are not thinking surgery b/c they want to watch it for a little while, but if it gets worse or bigger that will be the option. They are thinking it will shrink b/c it is leaking right now so my Dr. really thinks it’s on the verge to maybe busting…of course I asked if that would hurt and they said yes, pretty bad but think of it as a way of it “healing itself”. He said I still have a shot at this IUI, it’s too early to count myself out of it just yet, which made me happy! He said this cycle just has to be a “little more perfect” that it already had to be…((SO that means EVEN EXTRA prayers)) :o) As of right now I am in some pretty bad pain b/c of them poking around on it…knowing I had a cyst and the size of it really made sense to me, b/c if ya’ll remember I was in horrible pain on Thanksgiving day and a little after Thanksgiving but I was afraid to go to the ER, well my Dr. told me NEXT TIME GO! Haha!!

I have faith that we will still be able to get the IUI and things will be ok…for some reason I just feel like this cycle will fall into place like it should, but we shall see…God may have other plans in mind :o)

Thanks for all the calls, texts and emails I have received today checking on me and some checking on Zach, you all have no idea how much it means to us. I never in a million years would have thought that I would have such amazing people on my side through this all!!

A Letter to My Pepa

Pepa,

Wow where have the years gone? I can’t believe today it’s been 4 years since you have went to be with our Lord and Savior, your new home. I sure do miss you, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you! I will never forget all our memories, all the bear hugs, burnt peanut butter toast, rides on the lawnmower, walks up to the cemetery, you tickling my back and the famous “Pepa kisses” (just to list a few, there are so many more). I know you are looking over Zach and I as well as Perk and Mama and everyone else, your our special guardian angel; I know you know about all the “bumps” in our “trying to conceive” journey…and I know you are watching over us…sometimes I sit and talk to you as it calms me down, I’m sure you are right there with me listening to me and assuring me that everything will be ok. I MISS YOU so very much! You will forever and always be in my heart!!

P.S. I got you a poinsettia at our church in memory of you, it will be up at the church until Christmas Eve :o)

Love you always and forever,
Your Tiffie

(MY Perk and Pepa)

Sorry for the blurry pic, I took a pic of a pic thats on my desk.

"I LOVE YOU THHHHHIIIIISSSSSS MUCH"

My Pepa used to write me notes, and he would always put this at the end with "I love you THIIISSSSS Much"

Extra Prayers

It's not Zach's grandpa again, thankfully he is doing wonderful and thanks for those who did pray for him.

It's for me...yes yes, I am ok! However we are gearing up to start another cycle of fertilies. This cycle is so much more important than the past cycles, so I am reaching out for as many extra prayers as we can possibly get. Zach and I only have 2 more cycles left before we will have to take a "med" break (that is just a couple month break that gives my body a quick rest from the fertilities); HOWEVER if for some reason this cycle is like last (not ovulating) this will be our last before a break. SO PLEASE pray, pray if not pregnancy to at least have my body work in the way it's supposed to. Zach and I like to be able to get all the cycles we can in the "cycle" (I know it's probably confusing).

I start my fertilies today (they are bumping me up to 150mg instead of 100mg), and my first appt. is Thursday (CD6)...I won't be ready that day, but since we are going to attempt yet another IUI, we have to start monitoring me early on.

OH how I hope God blesses us with the BEST Christmas present EVER; however as long as my body does what it's supposed to I will be happy!!!!

Thank you for all the prayers you have already prayed...we can't express enough how much it means to us, and I will update everyone after every appt.

Thanksgiving Dinner at Our House

Today we woke up early and got everything ready for Thanksgiving dinner at our house. I made sweet potatoes, Zach made the turkey and cauliflower casserole. My Grandmother brought the ham, green bean casserole and pecan pie, my Perk brought deviled eggs and banana pudding...and my mom brought stuffing and some good sweets!!! It was amazing, I think we ate till we couldn't eat anymore. I fell almost 100% better than I did the other day so that really helped as well...after dinner we sat around and "rested our turkey off" for a little while, then Zach got up in the attic and started getting our Christmas decoration down....oh we all had so much fun putting it up...I am a little picky with my tree and making sure every ornament is evenly distributed, so they had a good time laughing at me, haha!!! We put our Christmas tree in a different location than we did last year and I love it so much more...it makes our living room more open and seem so much bigger!!!! I was too pooped to wrap the presents we do have, so I will do that later tomrorow night or somtime this week. Tomorrow after church Zach and I are going to put up our outside decorations, I will post pics when everything is done!!! OH HOW, I just LOVE this time of the year, I LOVE family time and well...just everything about it!!!!!!

Prayers

When we were out shopping today, we recieved a phone call that Zach's grandpa "Poppee" fell and went by ambulance to the hospital this morning. They said he wasn't really responding to them, we later got a call that he was just dehydrated, and is doing better. Please keep him in your prayers that he continues to do well and gets to go home soon!!!

Thanksgiving Day

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

We woke up and spent the morning together, well I should re-word that, Zach spent the morning taking care of me. Wednesday afternoon I started to feel "blah", stuffy/running nose, headache...early Thursday morning it hit me hard....I felt horrible--I was coming down with a really bad head cold!!!! Then around 1ish I started having these horrible pains in my stomach...pains that are not normal, I wasn't dubbled over in pain, but I was hurting pretty bad...we went to my grandfarthers house in Valley Mills around 4ish, I just couldn't get up the energy to "have fun"...with my pains in my stomach and my head cold, I was miserable! I told Zach I thought I needed to go to the ER...after we ate dinner we sat around for about another hour then I decided I would just go home and see how it progressed before we decided if I needed to go to the ER or not. Around 9 it was still there, I got up put my clothes on and said ok lets go....WELL, before Zach could get dressed I changed my mind AGAIN, I said I would just go to sleep, I really didn't want to go to the ER if it was just bad gas pains or something like that, I would be so embarrassed and feel like I was making it more than it was....so I went to bed around 9ish. I wasn't even up for waking up early and going shopping thats how bad I felt.

We woke up around 7ish and my stomach pains were better, still there but def. not as strong; and my head cold was getting better too. We got dressed and headed to the mall to do a little shopping. We did good, we finished up on almost all our family's gifts...I came home, made myself clean and get the house ready for tomorrow, now were just sitting around relaxing!

Tomorrow around noon, my mom-her boyfriend, my grandmother and papa, and my Perk will come over and we will do Thanksgiving with them, then afterwards we will all put up our inside Christmas decorations! So tomorrow I will hopefully feel alot better and actually enjoy my Thanksgiving dinner :o)

Thanksgiving at "The Grave's"

Rosemary and Derek were so kind to invite us to there house this year for "fried" turkey and football....although we are not huge Cowboy fans at all, I couldn't pass up the moment for "MUCH needed friend time". We had a blast, met alot of new people, whom were all really nice and we look forward to many more fun nights with everyone. The turkey was amazing, I've never had a fried turkey before, I can't begin to tell you how awesome it was as well as ALL the yummy sides!!!! mmm...mmm...good!!!! I forgot my camera, but Rosemary took a few pics, so whenever she post them I will add them on here.

Thank you Rosie and Derek for inviting us!! We had alot of fun!!!!

Thankful Thoughts

Everyday I count my blessing and thank God for everything I am thankful for…but during Thanksgiving season it really makes me appreciate everything in life that I am so thankful for and blessed to have. I am thankful for everything I have experienced in this life of mine. I am thankful for all the tears that I have cried for they have taught me to appreciate laughter, and they have given me the ability to see that joy comes shortly after. Through my tears I have come to know and trust in God, how he is always there and comforts you in your sorrows. I am thankful for the storms in life that I have encountered, knowing that the rainbow is at the end. I am thankful for the peace and realization that they are only temporary storms and with time they will end. I am so very thankful for my husband, without him I would be lost. He is my everything, my angle from God!! He picks my head up when it drops...he's my life...Thank you God for blessing me with such an amazing man!!!! I am thankful for our family and for all the memories we share. Our family is our strength and they too know just how to pick our heads up when they fall, they will always be there for us, and we are so thankful to have the relationships we do with them. I am thankful for our friends...there have been many people who have prayed prayers for us within the last 2 years, people who I never thought even cared...it's so nice to know so many people stand behind you and are rooting for you...thank you all!!

Then you have the "little" things...but are they actually little? Not really...actually they are huge, but some people never stop and give thanks for these things...I am thankful for so many things in life…things I never thought to "be thankful for"…such as patience (THANK you God for this!!!), understanding, having faith, high progesterone levels, dr. appts, INSURANCE, My Doctor, my nurse, my whole Dr. office and the sweet ladies who work there, My on-line ttc friends whom I have grown so close to over the years, my boss (she never questions an appt...just supports me and lets me go...you don't find that in most jobs), OUR DOGGIES--OH how I am so thankful for my little 4-legged children…

Zach and I have had a crazy year, but every single thing we have endured has made us even more thankful than the last. God is amazing and everything happens for a reason, and I am THANKFUL that I have accepted things in life and I am THANKFUL that I know to put everything in God’s hands!!! As everyone knows the past couple days weren't the easiest for us, however we are so Thankful that God gave us the patience, understanding, strength to get through it and faith to move forward...God doesn't do things to punish us, and we are thankful we understand that...God does stuff to make us stronger people-->which I am so thankful that I know to trust in him.

Be thankful for everything, I mean EVERYTHING, take this Thanksgiving season as a time to reflect what you are most thankful for but also to acknowledge the "little-big" things that you haven't ever "acknowledged"…and always count your blessings…for without them…life is meaningless!!

Life Goes On

Sometimes certain things in life happen and we don’t understand why…we just have to have faith in God and set all our worries and concerns in his hands! I don’t know reason’s behind certain actions, however I trust in him that his reasons are what’s best for me.

Yesterday we “thought” all of our dreams had been answered. You see my cycle is late, I figured I would be a “cheap” pregnancy test (keep in mind I was told I wouldn’t ovulate, and if I did the chances were slim). Well, I didn’t want to waste money on an expensive pregnancy test for it to just say negative…so my analogy was take the test yesterday morning, see that it’s negative…call my Dr, go in for a beta and then induce my cycle (you have to have a beta before you induce your cycle, and for those who don’t know beta=blood pregnancy test).

OK, so I pee on the stick yesterday morning…set it down, walk away…do some things and then I am staring…”could that be a line”…”no way”…when I held it far away you could see it, when I held it up close you couldn’t…everyone who saw it said it looked to be positive…well I just let it go, I blew it off as – or an “evap” line…went home that afternoon, looked at the test and it was clear as day positive…I wanted to freak out so bad, but to tell you the truth I just knew something wasn’t right about it, I had this gut feeling…well Zach gets home, and I asked him what he saw…his face lit up and he confirmed I wasn’t seeing things…we both agreed not to tell anyone or not to get excited until we took another one tomorrow and a Dr. confirmed it. Well I took another one and it looked the exact same as the nights before…so it really didn’t help confirm anything, I was hoping for darker…Zach held them up for minutes just comparing them…I could see the excitement in his eyes, but I still felt it wasn’t true…something was wrong…I called my Dr. as soon as they opened and they told me to get in ASAP, they were all so excited there…(this is the close I have ever come to a “real” +…) they greeted me at the door, walked me through the back way, and everyone I passed told me they were praying for me and good luck…it made me feel good to know they all cared so much. Well on my way back to work I decided to go to HEB and pick up a “digital” test…heck with the lines, all I want to see are those “WORDS….PREGNANT OR NOT PREGNANT”…so I sneak in work, run to the restroom, and pee on yet another stick…praying for it to pop up pregnant, but just knowing it’s not. AND just like I thought, it popped up NOT pregnant. OK…bummer…but then again, maybe I am not “far enough along” for the digital to pick upà you have to have 50mIU of HCG for the digital but only 25mIU of HCG for the equate test, so I still had a little hope, but still could have bet money I wasn’t pregnant…

WELL, my Dr. called, and confirmed what I have been feeling…my beta was negative. I had absolutely NO HCG in my system at all. I am surprisingly ok over the whole thing, maybe because I expected it…maybe because I truly believe it will be ok and God is watching over us. I don’t know why certain things happen, but I do know life goes on…you can’t dwell on the past, you just have to move forward and pray that God guides you the right way. I really suspected that I would be in tears, but I am very blessed that God had his arms around me when I got that call…it made the world of a difference.

So you might be asking how the other 2 were positive??? They were false positives…it’s very rare that it happens, however it does…and out of the many accurate test, Tiffany some how stumbled across a faulty box…go figure…there isn’t anything you can do, but move forward…

SO note to self:
1) Never buy Equate again
2) Never trust a faint positive
3) Never keep the test, always throw it away 5 minutes after use!

I do want to say THANKS for all my friends who have been there with me through all of this all morning long, without ya’ll I don’t know what I would do! Thanks :o)

Our Bad Restaurant Experience

OK, so I have never had such a bad restaurant experience before and had to share this with ya’ll. After church Sunday, Zach, myself, my mother in law, and my grandparents go to Don Carlos for lunch. We get there and there wasn’t “that” many people there, so we thought we wouldn’t have to wait long at all…I put down my name, and the lady said 15-20 minutes…ok, that works!! We had 5 people, so I knew “most” booths only sit 4, so I could understand why some people with groups of 2-4 were being seated before us…which was completely fine…well after about 40 minutes of waiting patiently I asked when we were going to be seated, the lady told me “next” OK…that works…well then I started thinking we can’t be next there is a group of 6 that still haven’t been seated and they are in front of us??? Well right about that time a person from the group of 6 complains and says, “why did you tell me we were next if were not, you told me we were going to be seated it “that” booth but yet another party that just walked in got seated there”…well shortly after that, they got seated. Well I asked Zach if that booth that the lady told me they were cleaning off for “us” was still there, and he said no, that’s the booth that the party of 6 were complaining about…SO not only did the lady tell me we were next and that was our booth being cleaned off, she told the same thing to the group of 6 right ahead of us. So I went to ask AGAIN when we were going to be seated and talk to her about what just happened, when I looked at the “name list” our name was 15 spaces above 15 MARKED out spaces (meaning that those 15 “parties” came in, after us, but got seated before us)…I asked to talk to the manager, I said look…I am not a big complainer, but this is ridiculous, I pointed and said look where our name is…I said I “might” could understand if these were all small parties, but there has been several parties over 5 that just walked in and were seated, not only that but we were told 15-20 minutes. The manager said I can get you in right now, I said it’s right now or were leaving (Zach was already outside b/c he was ready to leave)…when it was all said and done we were seated an hour after we got there…when we got to our table we were so hungry that scarfed down all our chips and hot sauce…the waitress came and I ordered cheese dip for everyone…the cheese dip came right out, however…now we didn’t have chips and all our drinks were empty and we couldn’t get anyone to come to our table…so here we are staring at this delicious looking cheese dip that we can not eat, and just watching it get colder by the minute, and debating whether to get up and get our own drinks…FINALLY we got our drinks, and chips!!! The food was wonderful, as it always has been when we have been there before, the service was HORRIBLE…I was really disappointed b/c I really liked this place, but now Zach has no desire to ever go back, we were really treated badly there. Our whole meal was free, which it should have been…we left Don Carlos at 2:45…WE GET OUT OF CHURCH AT NOON, we got to Don Carlos around 12:15, so we were there well over 2 hours…ridiculous!! I can’t say we won’t ever go back, b/c if I can convince my husband I would like too b/c I really do like there food, however it will be a long time before we do go back!!!!

TAG

You're it!

Now if you read this & have a blog of your own, you gotta do it too! Go to the picture folder on your computer.Open the 4th folder. Pull up the 4th picture.

Tell us about it...

This was at the Jimmy Buffett concert, this was my 2nd time going. Zach and I had so much fun, his concerts are a blast! Everyone dresses "hawaiian "...I had an amazing time, thank you honey for some wonderful memories!!!!

Blog Award

I got a comment from Lexy that had something "on her blog"...I head over there and notice, I HAVE MYSELF AN AWARD!!!! Thanks sweetie...your amazing!!!!!

So, here are the rules to receiving this award:

1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.

2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.

3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

Instructions:On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them. When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well. To add the award to your post, simply right-click, save image, then "add image" it in your post as a picture so your winners can save it as well. To add it to your sidebar, add the "picture" gidget.Also, don't forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by emailing them or leaving a comment on their blog.



My 5 addictions that keep me going:



1. My husband- YES he is an addictions, and yes he keeps me going...I would be lost without him and there isn't any way I would be able to get through everything I am going through without him, so he is a MUST HAVE ;o)

2. God- AGAIN, YES he is an addictions...he gives me the strength to keep my positive attitude and to keep motivated through all I am dealt! Without him I would also be lost, so he is a MUST HAVE as well!!!

3. The internet- well there are a few "sites" that are must haves, blogspot so I can keep up with all my friends and it's such a wonderful way of keeping a "journal" as well and all my ttc buddies, I don't know what I would do without all of them, I HAVE to be able to check on them and see where they are ;o)

4. Coach- Yes, I am a little obsessed with Coach, I love it!!!! This is my "bad" addiction, haha!!

5. Shoes- OK OK...this is a "bad" addictions too, but I LOVE shoes...I think I could go to Dillards and buy one of everyone, if only my closet was big enough for that...hmmm, something to def. think about when buying a new house, it must have a big enough closet for LOTS of shoes!!!!

I love all the blogs on my friends list, and I go to them religiously to see what is all new, BUT if I can only pick 5 to award, the lucky ladies are...

1)LEXY--Stoopid-Monkies

2)MELODY-- Estes Family of 3

3)APRYLEThe Buechel Family

4)ASHLEE--McCary Memories

5)SHELLY--Princess Kinley

Family Visit

Zach's mother is flying in tomorrow night, she has some personal things she has to take care of down here, and in the mean time she is going to stay with us for a week...Zach and I are so thrilled! We don't have much planned, but we are so happy we get extra time with her...We have gotten to spend quite some time with them this year vs. last...

May/June--we spent a week with them in Williamsburg, VA

Aug--they came here, his mom-sister and neice for 2 weeks, his dad for 1 week

Oct--we went up there for one week

Nov--now his mom is getting to come here for one week

We are so very blessed to have seen them as much as we have this year, we are very thankful for that, although it's still not enough! You never know how much little family moments like this mean to you, until you don't have them anymore. I am very blessed with the inlaws I have, they are all amazing and I love them dearly!!!!

Positive Thinking

In the begining of "our journey" I wasn't always the most positive person. I dwelled on the little things, felt guilty and had piti for myself...I thougt I was being punished....I just didn't understand!

Over the course of 2 1/2 years I have gained a positive attitude, something I am so proud of. Something that I believe is something EVERYONE should have. I know a few people in my situation, and a couple others in different situations but going down a hard "path" in there life...

My advice to you....

It's not always easy to know which path to follow, which decision to make, or what to do. Life is a series of horizons, new hopes, new days and changes that come your way; and we all need some help with these things from time to time.

Remember these things…Have FAITH...DREAM it…DO it!! Be POSITIVE, your attitude will affect the outcome of many things. Ask for help when you need it, seek the wisdom the world holds and hold onto it, PRAY for understanding and patience. You will make progress every single day…just begin, believe and become!!! Give yourself all the credit you're due don't shortchange your qualities, your abilities, or any of the things that are so unique about you. Just b/c something isn't going "right" in your life doesn't make you "different" you are still a child of God, be proud of that...be thankful for the blessings you do have in life...Remember how precious life can be. Imagine and invest the time it takes to reach out for your dreams; it will bring you happiness that no money on earth can buy. Have FAITH that your dreams WILL come true!!! Don't be afraid; I was extremly afraid in the begining....but just remember no mountain is to big to climb if you do it at your own pace and with GOD'S HELP! The BIGGEST piece of advice I can give you, is to find peace in the situation you are in, try to accept it in knowing there isn't anything you can do to change it and set your fears, worries, and sadness in God's hands...let him take control!!!

BE POSITIVE, and everything else will fall into place!!!

Officially Members

WE are officially members of First United Methodist Church as of today. Zach and I have been attending this church for about 5-6 months I would say. My grandparents go there and they invited us and we loved it! The pastor there is amazing, when he saw us walking down to join this morning he threw his arms up in the air and said YEAA...haha...I have talked to him several times regarding my health situation and he has said many prayers for us. This church and the people there are amazing and I am very happy we are actually members to such a wonderful "family"!!!

What a BEAUTIFUL day!

Picnic in the Park

Today we went out to Cameron Park with my mom and our pups to have a picnic and take a few pics in hope some would turn out good enough for our Christmas cards this year.

Our picnic was amazing and it was such a beautiful day to just be outside and walk the dogs around, they loved every bit of it...besides Ginger, she didn't care too much for it, she sat in this little basket on my moms walker the majority of the time...she isn't really big on walking in grass (such a spoiled little girlie girl dog) ;o)

When it came time for the pictures it was "not" as easy as last year...last year Peanut and Ginger were so good and looked at the camera in almost every shot...I don't know if it's because we added a dog to the picture this year or what, but none of them wanted to look at the camera, they were all to distracted by other things. We did get alot of good pics of us though, even if there not all looking...we haven't decided which one we want to use for our Christmas cards though....were still up in the air, I guess yall won't find out until they are sent ;o) it will be a suprise...hee hee!!!

Well I hope you all took advantage of this beautiful day and got outside and enjoyed it, we sure did!!!!

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

Happy "BOO" Day

I hope you all have a HAPPY and SAFE Halloween!!!!!

Another One Bites the Dust

Well I went in this morning (for the 4th day in a row--the lady up front told me I should just move in there, haha!) Well we will not be getting the IUI this cycle, as my follicle is shrinking. My lining on the other hand is doing great, it's measuring .94 (which is awesome considering good is .8) BUT without a mature follicle you can't have the IUI. My follicle was a 16.94 today, they still considered it a 17, but it did shrink some. It is still "somewhat" mature, it is over 12, and anything over 12 CAN release; it's just very unlikely. Since it is shrinking, they don't think it will turn around and grow although anything can happen. SO now we just sit back and wait for my cycle to start so we can start over AGAIN.

I am perfectly ok with everything suprisingly, I kinda set myself up for this in a way knowing that my egg not growing the other day wasn't very good. I refuse to dwell on the things that are not in my control, yes I wanted this so very bad, but I take it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. When God is ready everything will fall into place exactly the way it should. Until then we can only continue to pray for strength, understanding and patience.

BY THE WAY...TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!!!! I hope everyone has a HAPPY and SAFE Halloween!!!!

Do I get to go in tomorrow or not?

YES I DO!!!! YEAAAA!!!!

Which that doesn't mean much, b/c I could very well go in and not be ready....BUT I could go in and be ready and able to have the IUI Friday. I am just so glad they are giving me ONE more day. I HAVE to be ready tomorrow in order to get the IUI this cycle. If my follicles/lining is NOT ready we will have to do it "natural" this cycle, if I am ready we will get the trigger and have the IUI Friday.

I NEED PRAYERS...LOTS OF THEM. The chances of my body being ready is low, BUT very "do-able" SOO please PRAY for a miracle, my follicles HAVE to be at LEAST a 20 and my lining has to be at LEAST an 8...PLEASE PLEASE PRAY. Zach and I really want to be able to get this IUI this time. We feel in our hearts this is what we need, however we do understand anything can happen and we are NOT the ones in control God is. So we do accept what we will be dealt, we just really hope and pray the cards we are dealt has my body ready and IUI Friday!

ALSO, I talked to my Dr. about a procedure called "ovarian drilling" I have read alot about it and have also been told alot about it, well he doesn't recommend it nor will he do it. He says it's an old school procedure and the stastics are just not what they make them out to be. I was kinda bummed b/c everything I have researched has had good stuff about it, HOWEVER they all did say alot of Dr.'s won't do it now a days, I trust him and know he wants whats best for me so--Dr knows best!!

We also talked about the fertility clinic, as some of you know I am fearing the end of the year as if I am not pregnant I was told we would need to go to an actual fertility clinic (which I am scared to do, for many reasons) a couple are, it's very expensive and the nearest one is 2+ hours away, thats alot of gas and alot of missing work. Well I talked to him about my concern and he said not to worry he will not pressure me or send us there until we are 100% ready, so even if that means we do what were doing now for more months or wait or do whatever we need, it's what WE want. Which makes me feel better, he said whenever we are ready for that step just to tell him. He just said come Dec. thats when he would "suggest" going to an actual Fertility Clinic...WHO KNOWS, come Dec. we might be ready, just as of right now we aren't 100% ready... DON'T get me wrong, like I told him I would do anything to be pregnant and have a child, however thats a HUGE step and alot of it concerns us.

WELL...thats about it for the day!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR GOOOOOOOD THINGS TOMORROW. I will update yall whenever I get back from the Dr.!

Love yall and thanks!!!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS

I’m so EXCITED! I received a conformation in my email stating my Christmas return address labels have been shipped to me ((YEEAAA!!!)) …here is a preview!!! Right below “The Pifer’s” it will have our address, I just blanked it out on here due to my blog being public.

So close, but yet so far away...

Well today didn’t go “As planed”. My lining is good, it’s 7.5 which is only .5 away from where it needs to be and I have one more day of my estrogen pills so it should def. be at an 8…HOWEVER my follicle isn’t growing. I KNEW something was up yesterday when it only grew .5mm, but I was trying to think positive and not think that it was a bad thing and only think that it COULD grow…well today it didn’t grow at all from yesterday (that isn’t good!) Your follicles “should” grow from 1-3mm a day, normally ranging from 2-3mm a day. .5 and none is very rare and normally means you will not ovulate. My ultrasound tech went to ask my Dr. what he wanted to do, however he was in surgery so she had to put everything on his desk and he is going to call me back and tell me if I am to come in again tomorrow or just let go of this month.

I HOPE I get to come in again tomorrow, going back in will give me hope vs. thinking it’s just a dud month. Don’t get me wrong when I say dud month I don’t mean I don’t have a chance at all, anything could happen b/c eggs “can” release when they are 12mm…however it’s a dud month as far as IUI or trigger shot. I don’t really know how to think right now, I am kinda at a stand still emotional wise, I am not quite sad nor happy…I am just waiting for the call. I will write another update whenever I here something.

Please keep me in your prayers that whatever needs to happen will happen, God has a plan and I know it, I have faith! If it doesn’t happen it’s not meant to be, I just really hope it is meant to be!!! I will keep yall updated, thanks everyone for being there for us and praying. It means more than you will ever know!

Almost there

Well, I just got back from the Dr. and I am so close, but still not ready! My lining grew from a 4 to a 7 (it’s only 1mm off from where it needs to be) and my follicle grew from a 17 to a 17.5 (it still has 2.5mm to grow) all my other follicles grew about 1mm-.5 mm. I have to go back again tomorrow morning because they don’t want to miss my chance, but they are thinking tomorrow will be the trigger day and Thursday will be the IUI day…keep your fingers crossed and pray it goes that way. Thanks for all the prayers...there working, so please keep them going :o)

Pictures are up....

I have FINALLY been able to post a slideshow of our pics in my PA blog :o)

Enjoy!!! :o)

95% sure I will have IUI this week!!!!!!

I went to the Dr. this morning for a scan. I am on CD9, they normally like me to come in starting as early as CD6, but I was on vacation on that day; so I was a little worried it would be “too late” for there standards. But I called this morning and they advised me that I needed to come in ASAP to get scanned. I went in and I had several follicles, my biggest was 17mm and others ranged from some 14’s, 10’s and lower…my lining was a 4.27. In order to have the IUI your follicle has to be 20+ and your lining has to be 8+. They said they are 95% sure I will get to have the IUI this week (YIPPPEEE!), there ONLY concern is me releasing my egg before my lining is ready. But I still have 3 pills left for my lining, so they are thinking I should be a-ok!

I go back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound, if I am ready tomorrow I will get the trigger shot and have the IUI Wednesday. Please keep us in your prayers that everything works out this cycle.

Were BACK from PA!!!!!

We got back into Waco around 6ish yesterday evening. Our trip was AMAZING minus the traveling part, we actually experienced our first "bad flying experience". We started our trip on Friday afternoon when we headed to DFW to stay in the Hyatt inside the airport; which might I add was the nicest hotel I have ever stayed at. The rooms were amazing!!!!! We woke up bright and early Saturday morning to catch our 7am connecting-flight to Charlotte, NC. We left the hotel around 5:30ish to insure we were IN the actual airport at least an hour ahead of time, we waited FOREVER for our shuttle and by the time we got inside the airport it was 40 minutes before 7am, you have to be there 45 minutes before to insure your baggage will get to your destination...we were 5 minutes late and were told we had to reschedule our flight; lets just say my husband was NOT a happy camper, he was very upset...luckly the lady got us on the next flight which only put us about an hour behind schedule, however we had to fly into a little bitty airport in Washington vs. flying into Charlotte. So we get to DC and get ready to get on our next plane to PA; once we got there they had to shuttle us by bus to our little plane (and I mean LITTLE), Zach and I were sitting in seats 1a and 1c so I told him when we got on the bus we should sit in the front so when we get off we can hurry and get on the plane and sit down before anyone else does....we started up the steps on the plane and we noticed that on one of our seats it said "flight attendant only" the flight attendant "RUDELY" said you will have to go wait back in the bus until everyone gets seated then I will seat you, ok...so NOW everyone has to back off of these steps so we can get down and go stand by the bus....there was ONLY 12 ppl. that were on this flight besides us....when the last person headed up the steps Zach and I headed back up....the lady AGAIN rudely commented that she "told" us to wait on the bus there might be more people that need to board the plane...Zach and I just looked at her like she was nuts...we were the last out there, people had to be transported by bus to the airplane and the bus was still there....where in the world does she think "extra" people might come from???? SOOO, Zach and I went BACK down the steps and just waited....the lady called the bus driver over there and then called us back and told us we could board the plane now....when we got on there were 18 empty seats JUST in FRONT of us, thats not counting all the empty ones BEHIND us...I was very upset that she couldn't just sit us out of the way until she decided where she wanted to put us....ONCE we got to PA Zach's luggage didn't make it, you know the rule about having to be there 45 minutes before other wise your luggage won't make it...well Zach's luggage DID make it to our orginal destination, there was NO reason we had to reschedule our flight in the first place; luckily they delived his suitcase to us at 2am the next morning....I was not satisfied at all with US Airways, and I will never use them again....the planes were spacious but that doesn't even matter compared to all the trouble we went through on the way there and on the way back.

OK, on to the trip....which greatly made up for our crazy flights......

Saturday when we got there his dad and brother picked us up, they took us to Macy's where they were having a huge sale and we got new luggage (OH how I love it might I add!!!!) we gave our older luggage to his sister. Then we headed home and made a fire and sat by fireplace and caught up on everyone and everything...it was nice family time :o)

Sunday we woke up, got all geared up in our Steelers clothes and headed to Pittsburgh to watch the game and eat dinner with his sister and her boyfriend. During halftime, all the girls went shopping.

Monday we woke up and went to his grandpa's land/camp and we rode 4-wheelers all day. I haven't ever rode one so I was a little scared at first, but once you got going it was hard to get off of it, it was so much fun! His mom took me up this big mountain to overlook beautiful trees and the camp, her 4-wheeler died and we had to take one back down so Zach and his dad could go up and get it fixed....once it was fixed Zach took me up there and showed me all the scenery that I missed the first time, oh my was it breath taking....Zach was going around this hilly turn and I followed him and the next thing I knew I was on the ground, BOY am I glad my 4-wheeler didnt fall on me, if it would have I could have gotten hurt pretty bad, but luckly it stayed tilted up....I was laughing the whole time, it happend too fast for me to be scared, Zach on the other hand looked back and saw me on the ground and came running over to me fast, he thought I was really hurt. I so wish I would have gotten a picture of me on the ground, I laughed so hard. Zach didn't think it was so funny, but at the time he was scared. After riding 4-wheelers all day we went back to his grandparents house and ate supper with them, went walking down the railroads :o) then we went spot-lighting for deer through the mountains, we saw about 50ish, WOW!!!! They were so close to us too....after that we went and watched old movies with his grandpa then hit the sack, I never knew how riding a little 4-wheeler could wear you out so much.

Tuesday we woke up went to his other grandpa's house, went to breakfast with him and spent the day with him. We helped him clean up his house a little, he is getting so old and it's hard for him to do much so we helped him out alot, he was so glad he got to spend the day with us. We could tell he was getting tired so we headed out and went back to the camp to ride 4-wheelers again, it was freezing cold this day so we had to buddle up with gloves and extra coats...once we got done with that we headed to his grandparents to eat dinner then back to his parents house so we could go out with his brother...we went to this litle hole in the wall called the UI; we all had a great time, and hardly stopped laughing.

Wednesday we woke up bright and early and got ready to head to Salamanca, NY to go to a casino with his parents, grandma, and his dads aunt. On our way there it started to snow, and WOW was it BEAUTIFUL...everything was covered in snow...his dad pulled over so Zach and I could take some pics and make a snow ball, the snow was so fluffy and soft. We loved it, I sure wish it snowed like that here!!! We stopped by the Zippo factory on the way there as well to get Zach a new pocket knife...finally we made it to his Aunt Vi's for lunch, she made meatloaf which was amazing and yummy home made mac and cheese...after that we headed to the casino...Zach and I made a plane that we wouldn't gamble any of the money we won, just 50.00 a piece that his dad gave us; the first slot machine that Zach used he won 50.00 bucks....the 2nd one he won 50.00 more....so we were already up 100.00, Zach cashed that in and stuck that 100.00 in his pocket and only spent the remainder of his 50, he won a little more but nothing over 20.00, I on the other hand didn't win a thing...I never even got ahead to stop....every machine I played on didn't like me, hahaha.....oh well, we had a blast. OH and I got in trouble, I didn't know you couldn't take pics in a casino...needless to say we found that out REALLY fast haha (look below at the pics, there is only one of Zach and it has a goofy looking smile on his face b/c we were getting yelled at right when I was taking it, haha!!)

Thursday was a SHOPPING day, we went to Butler with his parents and his sister meet us there and we shopped till we dropped...it was so much fun; I got really car sick on the way home though and had to take a nap when we got home. That night we made a fire outside all hung out with each other while sitting around the toasty fire!!!

Friday we went to Brockway to say goodbye to his grandparents and ride the 4-wheeler more and also we shot the gun some too....fun fun!!!! I did even better than last time, Zach's grandpa was really impressed, he didn't think i would do so good...I sure proved him wrong. After that we went home ate dinner and headed to the Clarion football game, which it was freezing and raining so we left early and headed home to spend some family time before we left the next morning.

We had a blast, but we are so glad to be home...."There isn't any place like home"!!! I was very sad that we didn't get to see our other niece and nephew; Delaney and Kolton :o( They were with there father and he wouldn't let them see us, which wasn't very nice, now when I see them again there going to be all grown up. Other than that, everything was so much fun and it was so nice to see family and have a wonderful week with them!!!

What a WONDERFUL day!!

Today has been an amazing day, and to top it off my Dr. called me today to tell me my progesterone level, it is 31.5...WOW WOW WOW!!!! Last cycle is was 29, so it just keeps going up. My Dr. said it being in the 30's "could" mean goooood things (doubt it, seriously, but we'll see!). I am just SOOOOOOOOO extremly happy it is going up, I can't express enough how happy I am to see PROGRESSION!!!!

ON another note, VACATION is nearing and we can't wait!!!! We are all packed and ready to go, tomorrow after work we head out and we are READY! On a "sweet" subject, my husband told me today that he wanted to take me to one of "our" special places (the railroad tacks behind his grandparents house) When I first went to PA to meet all of his family when we were just dating, Zach took me out there and it's beautiful...they are the old time looking railroad tracks and the view is AMAZING, we would go there almost every night when the sun was setting and just hold hands and walk, thinking about getting to go back there and see it all again just gives me butterflies :o) I can't wait!!!!!

I also want to tell everyone who as messaged me today, texted me today and called me to ask about my results, THANK YOU, I am so very lucky to have you all in my life. It's so nice to know that people are keeping up with everything, I was so shocked yesterday with the texts, emails and calls I got wishing me goodluck at the Dr. appts, it makes me extremly happy to know yall care and that yall are praying and thinking of us. You are ALL amazing and Zach and I are truly blessed to have family and friends like yall in our lives!!! Love yall!!!!

YIPPE for VACATION!!!!

I am getting EXTREMLY excited for our upcoming vacation. We are going to see my inlaws and we are so excited. We have an agenda set of all sorts of fun eventures that we will be doing, I will make sure to take lots of pics and post them! ONLY 3 1/2 days left...Zach and I got our suitcases down last night, and started setting aside some things to pack. I just love being able to go up to such a BEAUITFUL state and visiting with family. YIPPPEEEE for Vacation!!!!!! :o)

As for TTC news: don't know nothing yet, I got tomorrow morning for my progesterone blood work. I won't know anything until Thursday.

Haunted House

Well Saturday we went to Waxahachie with alot of friends to go to some really neat haunted houses. I am a BIG chicken, so the majority of the time I had my eyes burried into Zach's back, or Nikki's haha! The place we went to was HUGE, it had 5 different haunted houses you could go into, it had scary ppl. walking around scaring you, or FOLLOWING you, it had wax hands, games, food, and all sorts of things...it's was like a Halloween Fair, haha! One of the haunted houses was a maze, that was one of the first ones we did and you had to FIND your way out of there with all sorts of scary things popping out at you...well we went in with Regan and Chris and we were the 2nd group of "our group" well Regan and Chris went one way and Zach pulled me the other way, I wanted to stay with them, but boy am I glad we didn't...some how we got lucky and we found our way out in about 3 minutes....well we waited about 10 more and here came a couple more ppl in our group....then we waited and we waited and we waited....Nikki, Regan, Chris, and the boys have yet to come out...we waited for about 45 minutes it seemed. We were starting to get worried if they would ever find there way out hahaha...well eventually here they cam, I asked Nikki if she was ok, she told me she DEMANDED that a scary person tell her how to get out hahaha!!!! Well we had an amazing time...we haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I have posted some of the pics below....

Me and my honey

Zach, some scary thing, and Vanessa

Regan, Me, my friend, Billy in the back, Vanessa, and Marquise

Me and my Nikki

Billy, Nikki, Marquise and the BAT!

6 POST in 1 NIGHT

WOWZERS, I think I set a new world record...LOL!!!

I'm sure everyone reading my last few blogs are like "gesh...Tiffany must be depressed tonight" or call me "downer Tiff" LOL...BUT the answer is NO, I am perfectly A-OK (pinky promise, haha!!). I was looking through some women's blogs that are in the same situation as I am, and they had some really good stuff that really hit home to my heart. Some of the things were my feelings that I just added, but the poem and a few other things were amazing things some awesome women wrote. Like I mentioned in my following blog, many women/cou ples go through this...I know there is alot of blogs, but I hope you take the time to read each one...they really have alot of information in them and not to mention they are 100% how I feel.

God has a plan for Zach and I...we have accepted this and we know this. Even though we wouldn't wish this on ANYONE, it is nice to know there are women/couples out there who truly understand how we feel...One day ladies....one day we will have our blessing!!!! I love yall!!!! :o)

To all our FAMILY and FRIENDS, thank you all for being there for me, THANK you all for the SWEET MESSAGES, EMAILS, TEXTS, CALLS...you have no idea how much your prayers and thoughts mean to us...yall are amazing and we truly love yall

Not Alone

I got to thinking, today, about all of the other couples out there that are experiencing what Zach and I are experiencing. How many of them are there?

In the US, alone:
There are approximately 6.1 million women, between the ages of 15-44, with impaired ability to have children.
9.3 million women are using infertility services.
2.1 million couples are infertile.
10.1% of the population that is of reproductive age are infertile.
About 1 in every 6 couples deals with infertility issues.
The good news is:
3 million babies have been born as a result of infertility treatment.
Clomid has a 30%-60% success rate!

(((SO at this moment I ask you to please say a quick prayer, NOT only for us; but for the millions of people going through this. This is a hard situation, and the power of prayer is amazing...God has a plan, and we know it...but extra prayers never hurt))) :o)

Thanks and Love yall

"I WANT"

I want...

To feel a life growing inside me.

To bear a child to carry on my legacy.

To hold that child close to me as I sing a lullaby.

I want...

To hear the soft cries of a baby in my home.

To be the one to silence there tears.

To hold there hands as she takes there first step.

I want...

To not be pitied.

To not dread Mothers' Day.

My arms to not ache when I hold someone else's baby.

I want...

People to not assume that this is a choice.

People to stop asking me "What are you waiting for?"

To not cry when I hear that question, yet again.

Most of all, I really want...

To hear a child call me mommy.

Infertility Dictionary

(OK, so I found this, and since I tend to be really serious when it comes to infertility, I can definitely relate to MORE than a few of these--partly funny, partly sad...but VERY true...all my TTC friends will SO be able to relate to this!!!!) Enjoy!

Sniglets are funny made-up words/definitions for those things in life that just don't seem to have any "official" terminology. The world of infertility provides lots of hilarious inspiration.

General Infertility Sniglets:

Psycho-symptom-atic Syndrome: a psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two-week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.

Yearnation: the overwhelming urge to urinate while recording your morning basal body temperature reading.

Peetience: what you learn to aquire when starting to chart your basal body temperature.*

Bladder Praying: praying that your bladder will fill up so that you can take an HPT - because it's day 29 and you KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE TEST RESULTS ARE GOING TO BE POSITIVE THIS TIME.

Pregsplotion: the sudden abundance of pregnant women in your vicinity within hours of your negative pregnancy test.

Coitus timeruptus: the practice of timing intercourse to correspond with the timing of ovulation.

Coinus interruptus: the impact of infertility treatments on one's pocketbook.

Mucusology - the inexact science of attempting to determine the timing of ovulation.

Freeballing: the step beyond boxers taken by truly devoted husbands to up there chances of HIGH sperm count.

Freeballitis: chaffing and raw skin associated with freeballing.

Briefectomy: furtive removal of all tight-fitting briefs from your husband's underwear drawer.

Transfurryence: treating your pets like human babies.

Clearpit Easy: bottomless pit into which women hurl buckets of money while repeatedly testing for pregnancy way too early or while testing for an LH surge.

Looteal phase: the period of time between cycles when all of the insurance statements/doctor's bills come in from the beginning of the cycle. Also a time to save $$ for the upcoming cycle.

Assincline: the odd-looking practice of elevating a woman's buttocks after intercourse in order to maximize the sperm's ability to swim for the egg.

Gluteus Unrelaximus: side effect of the uncomfortable act of propping up the buttocks after baby-sex.

Multiplous avoidus: the act of reminding the nurses yet again (!) to avoid the "infertility" diagnosis on insurance forms.

Day-one-dering: wondering why oh why you have to deal with "day one", yet again! (thats Aunt Flo for those that don't know)

Preggozone: the magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range; the first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile womans fails a pregnancy test.

Miss Mannerism: the habit, when people ask you nosy questions about when you're going to get pregnant or make rude comments like "want my kids?" of looking a combination of shocked and puzzled and saying something like, "Why ever would you say such a thing?"

Graphic Imagination: tweaking, massaging, reorienting, or redrawing your basal body temperature graph/data in an attempt to see either a temperature rise or the magic triphasic pregnancy pattern.

Inferguilty: how you feel when you're having a bad day and you read someone's post announcing their pregnancy and you are overcome with the urge to scream "why not me".

Clomidfiend: a woman under the influence of Clomid-induced mood swings; someone who wants to blame anything and everything on the drug.

ClomiWITCH: a woman uner the influence of clomid. She can becoime the WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!!!!!

Justwaition: 1. the two weeks between ovualation and a pregnancy test. 2. a period of time just before gestation.

Hormotional: easily rattled emotional state brought on by hormone surges; especially symptomatic of women on fertility drugs.

Hormonally Challenged: the politically correct term for a woman who is having mood swings due to infertility treatement.

Pregnition: the act of starting on fertility treatment.